Is it better to be picky when it comes to dating or more open minded? What's your experience?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think this comes down to how much you TRULY want a relationship. I hear a lot of women say they want a relationship. But what they really mean is they'll entertain a relationship if it's on HER terms. And that's not a relationship. A relationship by definition is give and take.

It's not surprising that a lot of women marry young and stay married for life. And that a lot of 30 something wo. en have still not achieved it. It's because those first women REALLY wanted to be married. And they were going to do what was necessary to make that happen. They also chose well. Because these women had respect for themselves.

I have 4 sisters. They're all married. More importantly they've all stayed married. They're all strong women. But they're not in competition with thier men. They all understand to keep a man you have to respect him as a man.

I think a lot of women today have no respect for men. Yet they still want to be loved by one. That's not going to work. To make matters worse. Most of these women have absolutely no idea what to look for in a man, what makes a good man.

So I think you're asking the wrong question. I think what a person should be asking does this person's values line up with mine. You're not shopping for a car here. And if you approach it that way, it's probable a good reason why you fail.

EzraIsShy76028 · Accepted Answer

Eh... generally a mix of both is usually the best.

The person you're dating could potentially end up being your life partner you spend the entire rest of your life with, perhaps even have children with them, etc. And if you just end up settling for a person you don't truly love it can make the rest of your life extremely boring and unfulfilling. So that could be an argument for being picky.

On the other hand, if you want a person who is unrealistically perfect, the next Jesus Christ, a real life Superman/Superwoman, who shares all the exact same values you do with zero deviations, someone who is practically a clone of you except perfect, etc... you'll likely be single for the rest of your life as your expectations just aren't realistic. So that could be an argument for being open-minded.

So in the end, don't look for this person who is 100% perfect who might not even exist on this planet, but at the same time don't settle for the first person who says yes just for the fear of being alone.

If I had to just pick one or the other with no nuance though, I'd say it's better to be picky because it's better to be single forever then settle for the wrong person out of desperation. Nothing worse than settling with the wrong person.

Simslover92 · Accepted Answer

It's really a mixture of both. You don't want to be too picky like have a certain height as your preference because you might be missing out on the love of your life who might be way shorter or taller but you don't want to be too open-minded where their views and values hardly match your own.

There needs to be a balance. Be sensible and wise of your choice, but don't be so rigid and unbending that you miss out on a good one.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Not "picky" like a moron who goes to a steak restaurant and asks for the vegan gluten free dish and then whines that it's bad... But selective in the sense of not letting everyone into your life with an "oh well, it is what it is" loser sort of attitude. Know who you are and go for someone who is OK with who you are; know who they are and be sure you're OK with who they are.

Summeroflove · Answer

There is two different extremes there is one extreme of having absolutely unreasonable standards and the other of just being with any snake in the grass that will allow you.

I think that if people take things slow and get to know someone for them. Before getting too carried away in a fantasy that they can figure out after a while if that’s someone they want to be with. Without also just shutting everyone out.

People do need some level of standards and boundaries. Know what you need and want but also keep a open mind to the fact sometimes we don’t really know what we want until we find it. But also not wanting someone whose narcissistic, lazy, immature, does drugs, has a criminal record, etc.

HawkPerception · Answer

I think the majority of people eventually just settle. Divorce rates nowadays are a good reflection of that. Either go big or go home. Go for incredible compatibility or don't date them. That's my advice.

ohsheeT · Answer

I'm going with just be yourself be happy have fun You don't have to have a blueprint

AviatorTom · Answer

Better to be open-minded. There are more choices that way. You can be more picky if you start to get serious.

Anonymous · Answer

Women and girls will always be picky, and that will never change. I know, I have pursued and dated girls, talked to them online, even on sites like these, the majority of my family are women, I have only older sisters and no brothers, and the majority of my cousins are females. I know how y'all think. To every female reading this y'all will never be open minded, you will judge men and guys very harshly even if he is 5'8, 155 pounds, athletic build, handsome, good job, good with money, doesn't do anything stupid like drugs or partying or sleeping around or theft or supports Israel's genocide in Palestine. Females will always be picky until 2 things happen.

1) God stops their life and tells the angel of death to take her soul or 2) God sets the day of judgement on earth where every soul shall taste the afterlife of heaven or hell. End of the day, here's the spoiler: Guy's should take every single interaction with a female with a grain of salt that's buried beneath so far deep in the earth's core because female's are ignorant and picky and I would say 99.9% of the time they will always be picky and never choose you, so fella's focus on yourself because you won't get a second date from her so no need to post GAG questions on here entitled "does she still like me", just move on. There I just kept it 100 for the guys and men.

Miristheiss · Answer

Open minded.

People waste time with tingles and feelings and chemistry and such.

People focus too much on superficial things like having the perfect body type or make a lavish salary.

People don't date intentionally. They want to play around and have fun, focus on superficial things, hold out for super picky expectations, rely too much on fleeting feelings.

It usually boils down to 2 things:

1. Are you attracted to them? Is their face/body combo something you like.

2. Get straight into core values, beliefs, life goals (such as handling money, having kids, religion, views on sex, expectations for the future)

Stevepro68 · Answer

Wow I would have said picky 6 years ago. But since I met the most amazing person ever. I have to check myself and realize that if ten years ago you had described her to me, for a blind date setup. I would have said pass. That would have been a catastrophic mistake. Sometimes you gotta just walk through those double doors and see what's on the other side. No matter what you think is back there

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Recollecting my  trajectory , I went from a wild open-mindedness to being picky, as each relationship, over time, tends to refine my tastes and wishes. So, if I projected my life onto others,  which isn't that wise , then it looks like what's better depends on where you are in your life.

alice55 · Answer

When I was picky guys responded to me in 30 min when I wasn't and talked to everyone guys respond to me under the 1 or even in 20 seconds so I definitely prefer not being picky personally.

Now the only guys I bother getting interested in and those that are into me first.

NicholasRedone · Answer

It's better to be very picky and fussy 🙂 so that way it's first time and no second time - aka if you're a germ freak like me, folks, adult virgins should stick to fellow adult virgins - and be each other's first and only or first and keepers 😋👌🏻🎉🥳👀😅😈 the horror of STDs/Herpes/HIV etc

DrPepper12 · Answer

It's not the waitress asking how you like your steak cooked, it's an interpersonal relationship and as much as variety is to spice of life stability is the source of contentment. Be picky when it comes to who you let in your life. You could always send the steak back...

Lokiion · Answer

It's a mixture like be picky for the non-negotiable, like the way he treats you, but be open-minded to superficial things like looks, obviously if he's ugly, don't date him, but if he's just not you're type but still somewhat attractive that should be fine as long as he treats you right. Don't block your blessings because you're overly picky.

Pohjolan · Answer

Let's say we are using selective criteria that 50% of the desired gender meets.

1 criteria -> 50% left.

2 criterias -> 25% left.

3 criterias -> 12.5% left.

Add one 20% criteria and we are at 2.5%.

Or say three 20% criterias instead of 50% and we are at 0.8%.

You have to be picky where it really matters but be open minded otherwise.

Unless if you are a one in a million 10.

Then you can be picky.

dragoblack · Answer

A bit of both. It's good to be open to different types of people, but also have red flags for one's own safety and peace. Never put up with pettiness, manipulation, and emotional, physical, & mental abuse. Never Feed those behaviors, otherwise it will make your life hell.

lorenzomichael · Answer

You need to pick what’s good for you. Being open-minded means a whole bunch of different shit to other people what does it mean to you? They might have tendencies that you might not have or ever want to have one of them think fuck it all up. I don’t know about being picky, but you need to pick the right one thats best for you.

Babebytheshore85 · Answer

Depends picky about what? If you're picky about looks yet you are a 4 then you have no business being picky. unfortunately most women are like this. Theyre very below average in looks yet want a brad pit. Not gonna happen

BCRanger10 · Answer

Picky with morals, values, and general intentions and life goals (as in do you want marriage and children), somewhere in between with appearance, and more open in terms of hobbies, careers, and the like.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I tend to be more picky now as I have been hurt before and don't see a huge need for a partner since I doubt I will ever find the love of my life at this point.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Be picky when young.  after 30 … don’t want kids - don’t care wnat kids… can’t be picky. But harder to be picky.  women - can’t fight with nature and reality.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Well you certainly don't want to go for someone who isn't compatible or who's values differ significantly from your own. Other than that, you don't want to be too picky.

Jove79 · Answer

Women are more likely to be picky.. height, bank account, looks, size…all matter to women and much much more

Guys.. they like anyone who’s friendly, loyal and not super overweight..

That said.. I’ve never been picky

kraegon · Answer

A healthy balance of both is probably best. Knowing what you need in a partner is important, but it's also important to know that nobody is perfect

LiamJHayden · Answer

It depends upon the context. I'm open-minded about things like race and type of work. I'm not open-minded if she's Nazi or communist or otherwise totalitarian or racist.

Shiprex · Answer

Open minded because then you can be less judgmental and build a more clear picture of the kind of person who will fit best with you

bddddd · Answer

We don't really 'date' in Australia. You meet someone you like, go out and see if it works. The system seems to work just fine.

MySunflowerSophia · Answer

PIcky or the rest of your life, you're going to spend with a bum and nobody likes bums.

anon1903 · Answer

Depends on how badly you want to date somebody. In my experience, it's always good to like someone first and date later

BadApple69 · Answer

It’s always better to be open minded…. Picky will cause you to miss possibly some good opportunity.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

You should be a bit more selective and careful, but not picky unless it comes to core values.. People are often picky about the wrong things..

ProbablyClueless · Answer

It's better to be picky about your non-negotiables. You just have to be sure that your non-negotiables are realistic.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Picky. Open minded people let their brains fall out.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Open minded. You meet a lot more interesting people that way.

BloodyMary6 · Answer

I think I'm somewhere between being picky about what you expect and what you don’t expect.

Phoenix98 · Answer

I just simply have standards and I stick to them I'm neither open minded or picky.

exitseven · Answer

I tried to be open to different people. Most of the time it was a horror show.

Anonymous · Answer

the pickier you are, the harder it is to get married. You will realize that most people are married because they simply aren't that picky

swettannie · Answer

you can be surprised by trying new experiences

shortster · Answer

Open when selecting people to go out on a date with; and progressively more selective as you progress in a relationship with someone.

MinaV · Answer

I'm very happy with my dating choices 😀 which include my boyfriend and his like But if I need a friend I may be open minded

Anonymous · Answer

What do you mean by “open minded”? Different personalities yes. Different races, trans etc is a no.

chocolatetwopointo · Answer

picky, women die from picking the wrong ones, ain't gonna be me

Anonymous · Answer

I'm picky, and I'm still single, always have been :(

Aol2Acela · Answer

Most women prefer a Chad white guy or a tall Black dude with a BBC

RedDawn_ · Answer

I think you should be more selective, you dont want to endup with the wrong person

lightbulb27 · Answer

picky in values, open minded though beyond.

DonaldDarko · Answer

Definitely picky it's serious business.

12karen · Answer

70% picky 30% open minded...

Anonymous · Answer

You seem like a female

PaleDale · Answer

Picky.

Pterodon · Answer

Open minded

Aldan1609 · Answer

Picky

Is it better to be picky when it comes to dating or more open minded? What's your experience?

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