Are Women Better At Identifying Red Flags In Partners Than Men?

Question

hear me out ok? I have heard several times men being confused when mistreated by their girlfriends. They're like, isn't that normal? I thought it was normal so I'm not complaining. My female friends on the other hand have more self-awareness. They're like, he's such a jerk for yelling at me or raising a hand or doing property damage etc etc.  One reason I can think of is men's anger is more normalised. Women since a young age are taught not to test it, to provoke him, which is why we're so good at calling out those behaviour. One more thing, a lot of my friends haven't walked out on those jerks. We're talking about identifying red flags, not leaving, although if your partner is really problematic, it's easier said than done. Anyways

alli-112 · Accepted Answer

To some degree? Like, women usually have more awareness just because they're brought up knowing that men might seriously hurt them, while men really aren't. It's also the case that the idea that men can be victims of women in any capacity is a fairly recent and not universally accepted development in modern western culture, so it's not really addressed and evaluated the same way. Moreover, so much of that conversation is less about men's experiences and issues and more a reaction to feminism (lots of projection, resentment, etc), so there's not always a lot of healthy support for men dealing with those sorts of issues.

Even more, I think guys don't always receive the same emotional education that women do just in terms of like processing their own emotions and learning how to understand the difference between rational and irrational reactions, so many either react really strongly to most things or suppress everything for fear of being wrong or otherwise invalidated even if they were right. Or something along those lines, I'm not really sure.

But also like, I think there's a lot of personal variation and it's more a product of emotional intelligence and self-awareness than gender.

EmmaMary · Accepted Answer

@anon1903  I've always said that we (women) are so well blessed in having an extremely strong intuition... I'm totally convinced that we can spot Red Flags or Danger etc. far quicker... Sorry guys.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Not really. Men are taught to suck it up, no matter how horrible women are. If we’re chosen, we’re fortunate. That’s a nearly universal belief in western culture.
Women are given much more freedom to complain, nag and b*tch about even the pettiest things.
There’s this enormous misunderstanding at the heart of this issue. A man and woman get together. From day one, she’s nitpicking every little thing about him. His willingness and ability to conform to her expectations is actually a major factor in her selection process. He’s just happy to be selected. Long term, she continues to pester him about old habits and new that frustrate her. He notices things, but he says very little, if anything at all. We’re taught to “compromise”, and that we must do and be everything a woman demands in order to keep her happy. “Happy wife, happy life!”
This is part of what creates the myth that men are always wrong and women are always right. Relationships in which men are not given the same freedom to express their problems and concerns, particularly if the woman is any part of them. The rare man who does is invariably met with one of two common deflections. Either she cries, making him default to protector and rescind his own feelings, regardless of how valid they may be. Or she flips it on him, claiming it’s his own fault. Literally years of him refusing to complain actually convinces women that there is nothing to complain about!
We see your red flags. Ours simply isn’t a society in which men are permitted to express our concerns without negative consequences. Men having meaningful boundaries is a very new thing in the modern era. The result is women and the media saying things like “men are withdrawing from women”. It’s only half the truth. Men are withdrawing because most women are as toxic as they think most men are. But toxic women are celebrated as “bold”, “independent”, “empowered”. So there’s no societal compulsion for women to change for the better. I guarantee that 99% of men who claim that they have checked out would check back in for one good woman. While our refusal to accept lousy women is seen as some horrific cultural shift toward certain doom. Ell oh ell!
When women start listening to and honoring men’s concerns, they’ll hear about our red flags. Until then, we’ll keep it to ourselves like we’ve always been taught.

HawkPerception · Answer

I think both men and women see the red flags. Men just happen to have fewer options in the dating market, so they're more desperate and willing to let the red flags slide in an attempt to make it work (which it usually doesn't).

AviatorTom · Answer

Maybe, but there's more to the story. Women are generally unforgiving when they see, or think they see, a red flag. Men generally put up with red flags... because there are many green flags to make up for the red ones.

MisterWack · Answer

Red flags come in all shapes, sizes, and sometimes when we are laser focused in love we lose all track of those questionable, toxic, and negative traits.

I don’t believe women or men are more capable or not capable in navigating relationships, I believe everyone is capable of falling for such pitfalls without guidance, self awareness, support from family / friends to steer you clear of danger, also a good education in health class growing up in school.

There is a common misconception that an abuser will just be toxic right out the gate, when in reality they slowly morph it into isolation through “I don’t really like Catherine she is too full of herself”, “That Tony is a bad influence”, slowly taking you away from friends, family, support systems till you are alone with them so they can force you into doing what you aren’t comfortable with…. Putting them in a position of manipulation and control over their victims.
That is just one red flag that slowly boils into a bigger issue that consumes the victim. If you miss the identification / warning signs, you are in for a rude awakening. This also happens to men. Men are less likely to seek help after being sexually abused / assaulted by a woman since they are taller, stereotypically stronger sex, and are “dominant” which is toxic AF. No matter who the victim is, you deserve the help you need.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

No, both genders are bad at it, in order to read red flags, one must learn to read someone in a logical point of view which is harder for some than others, but if we were to put one on a pedestal it would be men because women are known to make more emotional decisions, but I think that's far too generalized to have any deep truth to it and the truth is both suck at it lol

Because red flags are only easiest to detect in the beginning, which is hard to find red flags unless they are obvious because you have to get to know the person, the more you invest in the person the higher the chances of attachments are and once that happens red flags only get harder to detect because they are either bypassed or they are unnoticed because of the emotional attachment to the person, which can only be seen if you put emotions aside and think logically.

Red flags are only easy to see from the third perspective because there's no emotions involved and for the most part women know what red flags are harmful in women and men know what red flags are harmful in men, then of course there's generalized red flags that are the same for both.

SotiCoto · Answer

No. Men are just conditioned and expected to endure / ignore such things.
In society's eyes a man has failed if he lets himself be hurt by a woman, so he'll simply ignore it as much as he can.
Women don't have any such conditioning, and feel absolutely no shame in whining and complaining about every little hardship. Plus I've noticed they tend to automatically believe they have it harder because they gauge suffering by complaints without account for the fact that men will just stealth-tank most of it.

Grond21 · Answer

I think there are particular red flags that women are much better at identifying than men. But I would say that the reverse is probably also true, although I haven't done a comparison between the two of them.

I think you're also right that women are more likely to stay if there are red flags. Actually now that I think about it, I would amend that and say that women are more likely to stay if they detect red flags in the beginning, and men are more likely to stay if they detect red flags later on.

MysticDevice · Answer

Honestly I don't think so. Cause I seen close girl friends walk obliviously through minefields to be with a douchebag just to watch her heart get broken. And I just sit on the sideline thinking "why. Just why."

But I see other guys do the ol "somethin ain't right" and dodge a bullet. But on the flip side of that guys will be painfully oblivious to obvious signs she's into him. I know cause it's me. I'm that. guy.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

I heard you out.

Seeing, that your profile states to be of a culture that isn't my own...

I think that in general women are better trained to analyze emotional facts.

Trouble is: a regular/common/''normal'' woman will seek a man-partner - and so ''you'' cannot fully ignore the males' psychology... which means: a need for compromising.

I suggest to adopt a traffic idea here: do not consider red or green ''flags'' only - but also the yellow ones?

OneViewpoint · Answer

I think women have an easier time identifying some of the major flaws guys commonly have... controlling, insecure, abusive, addicted, lazy, no standards for themselves. A lot of guys can't help just being right out in the open about their worst personality traits.

Biotches on the other hand be sneaky. Women are generally pretty good at hiding who they really are. They are non-confrontational and indirect communicators. You'll never catch them unapologetically showing off their worst personality traits. Backstabbing is totally fair and lying is an acceptable way to interact with other people.

Unless of course you're dealing with the current generation of Instagram "Influencer" princesses or an Only Fans queen. But a guy would have to be blind to not see what they are.

FreyaRed · Answer

Better, no. More willing to find some, yes. On the other hand, I have the feel while observing my friends, the more red flags the better.
My bestie had a boyfriend over 6 years long. It started as teen love but her boyfriend turned in cheater, liar, scammer, who even beat her once so hefty that her eye was swollen and got infected, there was a risk she will lose this eye. This guy was a parade of red flags, but she still revels in the past in memories as he begged for forgiveness and played a good boy 2 weeks long. I'm pretty sure when he would write her a message she would forget the world around and run to meet him

contentious · Answer

Nope 80% of divorce papers are filed by women. This means women pick men they are not happy with significantly more often than the other way around and get all the way to the point of marrying people they feel they are incompatible with. Women are horrible at seeing red flags. They couldn’t see red flags if their life depended on it. If they could, they would always pick guys that are compatible with them, and it would be the men filing the divorce papers like how in the world didn’t I spot that before I married her. In general women have horrible intuition. They overreact and misinterpret so many actions by genuine men and fall for the bait and phony behavior of fake lying men that play them time and time again.

Anonymous · Answer

F*** no! I can see where you're making your mistake though. As a woman I'm sure you already know that deception is coded into your DNA. Of course you're going to spot a woman lying quicker than a man. Because you've honed your craft in this area. Also because you have no skin in the game.

But if you wonder if women are better at spotting red flags? Not really. I mean you can talk about women's intuition all you want. But if women have it? They ignore it 99 times out of a 100. And as proof one only need look at the trainwreck of women on this site. Sorry but saying "we're talking about identifying red flags not leaving" is just a cop out. It's like saying, "I know I have cancer, I know it's going to turn terminal if I don't get it treated, but I'm not going to". 😆

alice55 · Answer

Not at all I think men are aware they should not be treated this way they know it's toxic but stay becuase of low self esteem and thinking they would not be able to find another girlfriend or that it would take them weeks women on the others hands think a lot of bad behavior are normal and then years after get shocked when they get slapped...

Kaneki05 · Answer

Nah its just more will overlook things though I can say the same for women who do too. So I don't see much difference in ethier.

I think mostly everyone is good at picking up on when they're been mistreated in general just like you pointed they don't leave. Which I think goes for both equally.

NathanDavis · Answer

I think that in general, women are way more selective than men are.. therefore aware or even keen to first identify problematic patterns because the risk is usually higher for women...

meanwhile, men... are bit more driven to get to that they want and even skip steps... lol

Jersey2 · Answer

No. Women are just handed more potential partners than they know what to do with so they just discard vast numbers of them for many reasons, and many of those reasons are frivolous and silly along with arbitrary.

Women suck at picking a partner as many of the guys that they threw away would have been good choices. Now half of marriages end in divorce and WOMEN initiate 70% of those divorces. They suck at identifying the right guy even with all of their choices they had available.

petitedollbabee · Answer

It’s hit or miss, many women are awful at identifying red flags. Otherwise majority of domestic violence relationships wouldn’t exist.

TwoToTooTutu2 · Answer

It depends on the culture you grow up in. But men here are not taught standards. We are not taught that a woman needs to treat us in a certain way, so not is really expected. This allows women to act in toxic ways while men tolerate it.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Definitely not. Women are just more ready to pull the plug when they see something that's the slightest bit sketchy.

A lot of men are just desperate and absurdly willing to let horrible behavior slide.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Our intuition skills are far sharper than those of a man.

BriGinny · Answer

I’d say no. Men will see red flags quick because they use them to there advantage in most cases.

beenherebefore · Answer

I think they are better at tolerating them with hopes of their partner changing.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes but a lot of women are choosing those guys knowing whereas men have no idea until they are getting divorced.

WonderingManII · Answer

I don't know, it depends on the people involved.

Cormac995 · Answer

No in my experience they absolutely suck at seeing red flags.

RHK36 · Answer

If women were so good with intuition then there wouldn't be so many single moms or divorces started by women since they would have avoided getting married in the first place.

RingOfFire · Answer

It's hard to say because I think women are better at denial. They may detect the red flags, but they are more likely to make believe they don't exist. And denial ain't just a river in Egypt! 🤣

Ariesman81 · Answer

If women are so good at identifying red flags then why can't women ignore them? I already know the answer. I just want to hear you say it.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

OF COURSE NOT!! That's why so many of them chase after flaming assholes!!

Anonymous · Answer

Women would be better off if they stopped looking for phony "red flags" and just focuses on who the person is.

Filthy_Immigrant · Answer

fuck no! think about it, if women had this ability do you think they be making the same mistake of falling for bad boys? let alone falling for the same motherfuckers over and over again?

Lokiion · Answer

Its all experience to be honest and in my experience it’s pretty even not that anything crazy has personally happened to me

Anonymous · Answer

No. I know I have been surprised a few times. I have learned to fully trust my dogs opinions.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Probably. A lot of guys fall into an orgasmic stupor and ignore everything.

Notherndude84 · Answer

I think women usually are. There are probably a whole host of evolutionary reasons for it.

jst4fun · Answer

I’ve got horrible red flag awareness.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I think I agree with you

slatyb · Answer

Evidently not. It seems to be about equal.

AndrésC64 · Answer

No, that's absurd.

foxsquirrell · Answer

Yes, women are better at these things.

Sam1133 · Answer

Yes women's are better at identifying red flags...

Szellem · Answer

That really depends on the individual not the sex.

katiesmuff · Answer

No I don't think so!

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think so.

wkhan_87 · Answer

I think yes.

TallAnon · Answer

Lol no

Tom567456 · Answer

Yeah

Are Women Better At Identifying Red Flags In Partners Than Men?

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