Okay so story time, PLEASE GIVE ME ANY KIND OF REAL ADVICE-On how to judge someone and know their intentions?

[Anonymous]

I started talking to this guy who trauma-dumped on day one and said “I love you” by day three. He began buying me things every day—food, clothes, even flower plants—despite not having a job and living off an allowance. I told him not to spend on me, but he lied and said it was his own money.

I made it clear from the start that I wasn’t into anything sexual. He said he’d wait years and didn’t mind. We met at his house (he insisted due to family issues), and the first time he only asked for a kiss. Later I remembered he kissed me while I was asleep—my hand, forehead, and boob. When I confronted him, he denied it and made me apologize.

We started sexting but I told him I’d only go as far as 2nd base. The second time I stayed over, I asked him not to touch me while I was sleeping—yet I woke up to him trying to kiss me. When I asked what he was doing, he said, “You’ll forget this by morning.” I broke up with him immediately.

After the breakup, he kept sending me gifts, then called me “selfish and disgusting.”

How do you actually know someone’s real intentions? I don’t want to go through more of this. What if I trust someone and they turn out to be abusive or manipulative? How can I protect myself better? Please give real advice—I feel like I can’t judge anyone right.

[HollyK21]

First of all — yuck, I’m sorry you went through that. Second, you don’t have to be a pro at dating to recognize that a red flag is a red flag. Trauma dumping and saying I love you by day 3, didn’t any alarms sound off in your head? Then he kept ignoring your boundaries time and time again until he said that creepy shit to make you cut him off, but the first time should’ve been enough.


His intentions don’t matter when he’s blatantly doing things that are red flags, weird or make you uncomfortable. You’ve got to practice walking away when you do feel your discernment going off.

[Asker]

Thank you- I did tried to walk away multiple times- And he kept ordering stuff and acting all sobby and Suici dal -i was concerned he might do smthg

[HollyK21]

Respectfully — walking away isn’t something you try, you just do. Easier said than done I know, but with how soon into your connection he was showing red flags, like saying he loved you day 3, you should’ve walked away. You’re done with him now, and I hope you’re proud of yourself for that. But next time you’re dealing with a guy, you should be sure to walk away as soon as you see the red flags. No excuses or rationalizations, no feeding in to his guilt trips and begging. Be done.

Of course you should be cautionary and ask the right questions as soon as you can, like what he’s looking for from a woman right now. If you get some version of “I just wanna see where things go” “I’m not sure what I want right now” “I just got out of something so I just wanna go with the flow”, any version of those things should be a deal
Breaker because those indecisive men will waste your time.

Let’s say a guy gives another answer, like he IS looking for a relationship or wanting something serious; from there on it’s just about judging his character. Is he consistent with his effort for more than a month? Is he jumping into conversations about sex or being very touchy in person? Is he trying too hard? These are all things go watch out for.

[ohsheeT]

Don't judge. Look at it for what it is. You have rules he broke them

Then he lied to you and now it's your fault your the liar. According to him. He only has one thing on his mind. .. and if he breaks rule or his respect for you to get what he wants it's ok by him because he can buy his way out of it... he's not going to stop doing what he's doing until he get what he wants.

One he gets that. That's when he will feel asvif he owns you. And will become a bully and control freak

I would run if I was you. Abd when he does something bad you can't reward him by spending the night he not all there and is creating mixed Signals

[DannyUk2017]

Damn, that almsot sounded like rape, wth? I mean that is a narcissist 1000%, to jump like that, and when you sleeping? I think you just got yourself "stuck" with a stalker, just block him everywhere straight away, as it sounds like he would Do Anything in Desperation! 🤦‍♂️

[Nikki1989]

Do their words match their actions over time?

[Grond21]

There were some big red flags in the beginning that you missed. In order to be able to judge if someone has bad intentions, you have to be able to recognize what form those take in their behavior.
How familiar are you with the behaviors of manipulators, narcissists, and emotional abusers?

[Fanfare690]

Don't go to their house if you dont want sex. he's pushing your boundaries he doesn't respect you