Guys, For a First Date, do you ask her if she wants to go out with you or ask her about a specific date?

[AviatorTom]

When you approach a girl for the first time to ask her out, do you ask her "Do you want to go out with me?" Or do you ask her about a specific date (Movie, Dinner, Something else)?

Please vote in the poll

I ask her if she wants to go out with me

I ask her if she wants to go on a specific date with me

Something else - please tell

Updates

1 mo

There's a similar question for girls at...

Girls, When a Guy FIRST asks you out, should he ask if you want to go out with him or you or should he ask about a specific date, which do you prefer? ↗

Updates

1 mo

Overwhelmingly, guys like to ask her for a specific date, which is good because that's what the girls voted for, by a 60-40 margin. Is this one of those rare times where girls and guys agree on something?

[OlderAndWiser]

When I was dating, the first date was always a dinner date. It is a good setting for conversation, it lasts less than two hours, it gives me an opportunity to see whether she is refined or blows her nose at the dinner table, etc. And I always went to a restaurant that had a separate but adjoining lounge, or one across the street from a lounge; if the date was going well, I would suggest an after-dinner drink and extend our time together. So. . .

I always asked her if she wanted to join me for dinner at Seasons 52, or Maggiano's, or Santioni's, or Ocean One.

[AviatorTom]

@OlderAndWiser Maggiano's was almost always my first date, including my current wife.

[OlderAndWiser]

Very nice, not TOO upscale, always a good meal.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO!

[MrOracle]

I learned decades ago that a specific time and activity got far better results than just open-ended date requests. But you should have a couple of backup activities as alternatives, just in case.

[Dargil]

Asking her if she wants to go out with you or if she wants to go out on a specific date with you immediately places you in an immediate subordinate position and her in a position of passing judgement. You have labeled yourself already. Tell her what you want, but make it unintimidating.

"I'd like to buy you a coffee at Starbuck's and get to know you better." She can say I'd like that or she can decline, not under any pressure to explain why. Even if she is only slightly interested, she can accept your offer. That's a start. Then you can have more time to sell yourself to her over coffee in a secure setting.

Some women believe a coffee date is beneath them. They will want you to impress them more. If she declines you for that reason (she will likely hint at that) she disqualifies herself and you spend no money or emotional investment. You didn't want her anyway.

[Easyover]

Women like specifics. And when you are specific about a date, you show that you have paid attention to her preferences. For instance, your girl likes bowling, and so you ask her to join you for a bowling outing. She has a lot more incentive to say yes if she already likes bowling. But if you aren't paying attention and she says she hates italian food and you ask her out to an italian restaurant, then you can count on a turn-down. Women love to talk. So be a good listener, and pick up on the clues she gives you. Believe me, she'll give you plenty if she's interested in you.

[Zack-Bann]

Always specific


The general question will leave her with more questions than answers


If she says yes: is she agreeing to lunch? Or to lay on your bed watching a movie?


There’s a difference in what she’ll be willing to do especially early on


So by being specific you get the added advantage of coming off as assertive and capable of making a decision which women love
And you put her mind at ease concerning what she’s agreeing to

[nolabels]

I haven't dated in many years, but that's likely soon to change.

As a young man, I was much more likely to specify the date than to generally ask someone out.

My thoughts on what I will be doing in the near future will probably lean more to simply inquiring as to whether the woman is interested in a date with me, leaving an entire world of topics for conversation and considerations for a date to then be open to the both of us.

My momma didn't raise no dummies.

[Spencer10]

Well seems logical you find out if she even wants to go out with you first before deciding the when and where... seems a touch risky to start planning a bate when you have no clue she even likes you.

[BonzoInBitburg]

I always asked if they were free for coffee and gave them 2 dates as options. If they weren't free either of those nights I moved on.

[DJB72]

Specific date. Somewhere public but quiet enough to hear her.

[shortster]

I ask her if she is interested in dating. Then I ask about her availability. Then I ask if she likes a certain type of cuisine. Finally I propose a place and time that conforms with her answers.

[exitseven]

I just ask her if she is interested in going out sometime. Then I worry about specifics.

[MJVillarama]

Always go with a specific plan, shows confidence and intention.

[DrPepper12]

Just ask for something simple and non-committal. Coffee always works.

[mysteriousNicholas]

Coffee publicly

That's B I voted ☕ ☕

[Anonymous]

I don't ask her cause I'm too shy, I wait for her to ask me.

[Anonymous]

I don't really ask women out. Last time was at least 8 years ago.

[msc545]

Both