That's a great question. This happened to me about a year out of college. But first a bit of context. I grew up in the 70's and 80's and with fairly conservative views. My mom and dad were old fashioned. So I grew up viewing the way my father treated my mother and other women with respect and care. He would open doors for her, compliment her and served her. He did the same for neighbors, family and friends, both male and female. But he always had a special treatment of all women. I saw that. I learned that. I live that.
With that being said (or written), I had a habit of asking girls out on dates and without pre-arrangements or discussions, I always planned to cover all the costs of a date. My budgets were small. I planned simple dinner dates and location visits that promoted lots of talking between us. But I always initiated first dates. That is until...
One day a woman I became good friends with asked me on a first date. "Uhhhhhh?", I thought to myself. I didn't really know how to process the request. My hormones quickly responded with, "hell, yeah!" While my heart and mind continued buffering "uhhhhhh?
Then I immediately thought of my father and how we would respond to such a request. "Shit! I don't know how he would respond to this," I pondered. "Dad! Help?" I internalized.
I then decided to respectfully and humbly... say yes. But I followed with a condition. And with a puzzled look she replied, "what condition?" And with a big smile, I said, I'll go out with you only if you let me cover the cost." And with the wit of a determined woman, she too respectfully and humbly responded with, "oh! Then I guess we won't be going on a date then." And with her cunning look and smile that said, checkmate, I gleefully replied, "pick my up tonight at 7."
We're happily married 12 years later.
If a woman asks me out on the first date I will automatically say yes, regardless of if she is usually my type or not. To me a woman that can do so is very brave and confident and that alone deserves a reward. Also, perhaps she might really be a good match and I would have missed out because she would not have been approached by me normally.
This is sweet. Well said. But why wouldn’t approach her?
The reason I might miss approaching her would be that she normally would not register on my radar but her guts and confidence would put her there.
OP it’s ok to ask the guy what I’m going to write below is my observation..
Usually when a girl asks a guy I have noticed the relationship doesn’t work. Somehow when a guy ask a girl chances are high for the relationship to work because the guy knew since the beginning he likes her… while when a girl asks first she kinda pushes him to say -yes.. it happens.
So it depends from the situation. Is the guy you like around you often? If yes and you give him sigs and he doesn’t reciprocate then it’s either because he isn’t interested or he is shy.
If you notice he is shy than you go ahead and initiate something maybe message him? And see from there.
It all depends from the situation you are in and the guy
The problem with it is that many guys on gag prefere traditional submissive passive feminine women in my experience but also want women to make the first step and pay the date etc which does not make sense to me. So you can't have all of them. I am shy but i am not passive, submissive, traditional etc. So i have no problem with asking guys on a date since i am modern. But a passive submissive girl can't do that because she is passive, submissive etc. Traditionally men approach women and so it does not make sense to expect from traditional women to do that.
I actually completely agree with you if you want traditional women then you will have to get them the traditional way. That's also the problem today because everyone is everywhere when it comes to adhering to "roles" Everyone wants to be treated traditionally but when it's their turn to be traditional they want to stay modern and that dynamic usually doesn't work.
I don't think women should ask out on a date (it would be nice if they did tho) but if feel like they should at least show interest without the dropping hints and signals but by being straightforward. after that a man is responsible for initiating the date. Especially today that so many women have expressed that they hate being approach and now we are seeing a bunch of men not making the first move because they don't want to be seen as a creep or become ammo for their next "men ain't shit" post on social media
I see both sides. And honestly I’m still waiting for a guy ask me. But I think later on if we’ve been dating for a while I would treat I don’t have a problem with that
All girls are different and not all guys want submissive girls. I'm very dominant but I'm also a switch. The issue is simply, women don't need to make that step. Because society has taught men to always chase women. And women are usually overwhelmed with requests that some of them become annoyed with men.
@ananias55 well as a woman we fight not desperate or clingy or too emotional. As a woman showing emotion it’s crazy so we have to hold our feelings in. And go to somebody else that wants us if you’re always available and you do you too much you can be desperate or clingy.
@ananias55 A woman doesn't have to turn me down more than once. Sometimes I feel like "excuse me for asking" after so much rejection.
Opinion
120Opinion
u I have never had that experience but I would be very flattered if that happened to me.
I wouldn't mind at all. It's actually kind of cool.
When I was in high school, I had a handful of girls ask me out. I didn't always accept, but I did a couple of times. None of those dates included doing anything fancy or spending any money. We were young and didn't have any, so they didn't take me to dinner or anything. It was more like to hang out or go to a park or something. They were hoping to be my girlfriend. And I did wind up getting into steady relationships a couple of times. It's how I got my first girlfriend in my first year of high school when I was 16 .
I don't recall any woman ever asking me on a date to a restaurant, even later in life.
I have one story, though. My first date with my future wife was at a restaurant. We had arranged the meeting though a pre-internet dating service. We really clicked.
Two days later she called me. I was surprised to hear from her. She said a friend had offered her two tickets to see the Rolling Stones and Red Hot Chili Peppers and wondered if I would be interested in going. She new I was a rocker. I knew she wasn't and realized that the offer was enticement to see her again. I didn't need enticing, but of course I wanted to see that concert.
We went and had a great time. I also thought it was sweet that, on the way inside from the parking lot, she slipped her little hand trustingly into mine.
Anyway, I had great admiration for her initiative and courage. She bravely put herself out there and risked rejection.
It's a little bit confusing to me. I prefer if a girl is interested in me that she flirts a lot and passes me her phone number (or these days). This way I can call her and arrange a date.
I'm pretty old school about courtship so I prefer to arrange the date and pick her up and decide where we go and pay for it. I'm the host and she's my guest, so to speak. So it feels a little bit strange to me if she's my host and I'm the guest and I wouldn't quite know what to do and if it's more her job to take care of me or still my job to take care of her.
I wouldn't necessarily turn her down though if I was single. I'd just be a little confused and outside my usual comfort zone.
* (or these days maybe her messenger address or whatnot)
For how much I'd spend, I'd still want to pay for the date if she lets me so I'm hoping she doesn't pick a 7-course French restaurant for the very first date (not that I can't afford it every now and then, but I'm hoping we get to know each other a bit more first and make sure we click before I start investing hundreds of dollars on a single date).
Yeah, I feel like men really don't mind if a woman asks them out, I think the only people that judge women that do that are other women.
When I think about "making the first move" I don't think of them asking out but just simply showing interest is what really matters. Especially because we are in a time where you can't even approach a woman without being labeled a creep. So if a girl would simply show interest then the guy should be the one that makes the date happen, the problem nowadays is that so men are going out on dates with women when the women have zero intention of dating them.
Normal, or should I pass out, jump up run away yelling she's not normal she's crazy, or maybe I should become rigid as if Medusa her self turned me to stone, or just say it would be my pleasure and honor to go out with you yes or should I sky write it, or even better write her name on the moon with lasers so reach night all will see and know a woman ask a guy out on a date, how dare she why thighs could bring an end to women's lib, or open the door to normalcy, I don't remember seeing it anywhere written down that a female must never ask a guy out on a date, and I looked all over even across time
Of course everyone has different beliefs especially on stuff like this. I’m fine with a woman asking for the first date as long as she’s able to accept it if I turn her down just the same as a man should be able to accept rejection
@humpbackjack
Great point, another threads worth on that? Rejection... women have no idea.
@spartan55 We know rejection. Same reason why we don’t act upon our thoughts and actions either. To be desperate or clingy or too emotional. As a woman showing emotion it’s crazy so we have to hold our feelings in. And go to somebody else that wants us
@justneedtoknow
Are you really going to say that women face rejection on a similar scale to men when it comes to relationships? That's a joke, right?
@spartan55 i’m saying that we get rejected too. You act like we’re out there with every guy. No I told her my reasons why we don’t do it. It’s not that we can’t it’s just We are taught not to
@justneedtoknow
I don't understand how your two middle sentences relate to the response to my question?
My point is, I understand gender roles, and how we, as men and women, are taught those roles by society, etc. But the overwhelming evidence is that guys like it, or the least aren't negative towards.
I believe both sides experience enough rejection to understand and I do believe men get rejected more than women but I wouldn’t say men or women should be bitter towards the entire opposite sex. I mean for reals how many times have you been rejected? When I was around 15 I was trying to get with this older chick she was like 18 or 19 and we kinda ran in the same circle and I can’t even remember how many times she shot me down but I didn’t quit and when I ran into her when I was 18 it was on my persistent’s paid off. Really though if you get rejected you pick yourself up and move on not every person you’re into is gonna be feeling you the same as you’re not going to feel every person that digging you just don’t beat yourself up over it and get back in the game
It is extremely refreshing to have a girl have the courage to ask. I'm also more inclined to be be interested in a girl that asks me out rather than me asking them out. It shows they can think for themselves and go against societal norms as well as put themselves out there. Now that being said, although it does increase the chance I'll ve interested in them, it doesn't guarantee my interest either. If I don't find them physically attractive, then it still doesn't matter that they asked me out.
I would feel fine. It's about damn time that women share part of the responsibility for relationships. See, the reason this is happeneing is because women are realizing that men are starting to be more selective of their women. Men that would normally be tripping head over heels for them are no longer paying attention to them. This is forcing women to do things that men normally would do. This is what happens when you let crazy people take over the feminist movement.
Go for ice cream.
Go to a bookstore and see what he's interested in.
Suggest going to the movies but he picks the movie.
Tell him you want to wash your car and would he help you.
Lol ok washing the car lol
That's a question with a lot of variables. If she was fat and ugly I would think "yeah sounds about par". If she was attractive I'd look around to see who she's talking to then once I figured out it was me I'd say yes. And spend the rest of the time between then and the date to try to figure out her angle. I mean is she part of some cult that is going to drug and abduct me? Did she lose a bet? Is she trying to get back at her boyfriend. I mean why would she ask me out. It doesn't add up there has to be some angle she's working.
I'm sorry but that's just rude. Why does it have to be about looks? "Fat" or "ugly" doesn't matter. It's personality that counts!
@Gothrocker Yeah... but if someone is super fat and super ugly... it's likely that there is something awry with their personality. Yes, there are always the outliers - you'll see the odd super radiant fat chick, or the person who was born with a physical deformity that is just amazing and inspiring regardless... but most people who are fat and ugly are that way because of their personality traits. Traits like low self worth and low energy, which correlate with sedentary lifestyle and poor eating habits. Those personality traits may be inherited, so I'm not saying it's all their fault. Nonetheless, personality can't just be divorced from physiology so easily.
@NicoletteXO well said! Gothrocker I'm sorry if you're fat and ugly but I wasn't talking about you. Try not to take posts so personal.
If a woman approaches you out of the blue you know nothing of her personality yet. Hence why you're judging her for the moment on her looks. Let's not pretend like women wouldn't do the same thing M'kay
Thanks and I totally agree with you. I definitely will do a snap judgement of the people I am engaging with for the first time (male or female), initially based on their looks and demeanour. In most cases this is useful. I will judge an overly made-up person (even if they are physically fit) just as much as a person who is unkempt or obese. In both instances, something is being revealed about their state of mind, which tells me they are not ok with themselves. And if that's the case, I don't tend to feel they are going to be people with whom I am going to have a mutually enlivening relationship. I think that is perfectly reasonable.
Am I open to revising my initial judgement based on what unfolds afterwards? OF COURSE. I have met physically unattractive people who were actually geniuses. And then I can appreciate and admire them from a different angle. But I have learnt that in most cases, an overweight person is not overweight because they have a 'thyroid issue' yet work out every day, and they are not overweight because they are obsessively focussed on developing brilliant new theorems - they're overweight because they have life issues and are neglecting themselves for no particularly greater purpose.
as a shy male i feel that if a woman did ask me first i would be happy and i would like it and i guess all she would have to do it come talk to me and maybe give me a compliment and to just be nice about and i think for the first couple of dates i guess i would maybe we both pay for the date.
Actually it's only happened to me once. It must've done something for me cause I've been married to her for 33 years. I was to shy and timid to ask her and I didn't wanna ruin our friendship. Apparently she liked me. We had known each other a few years as we were in the same friends group. My advice to either male or female, if you see someone you like, go for it. Unless their already taken. Chances not taken are opportunities missed.
It is much preferred. Guys don't trash girls when asked out. And even though it's only a very select few women who trash men for approaching them the way they do it will leave those memories scarred in my the rest of my life. Calling a crowd of girls around to point, laugh, mock me? Yeah that was fucking savage...
The bible never said women can't but the thing is if a woman asks a guy on a date, the guy's thoughts would run wild with questions like "is she in love with me?" "Does she want to bed me?".
It is will mad fun and she would hold all the keys especially if she paid for the date. She can wreck a weak man's mind if she date him and never call him again but the blow back could be black.
Most guys would like this. But a lot of girls are too shy or too passive to make the first move.
Find out what the guy likes
I would be honored to have that effort put onto me. Very flattering but ofc not necessarily as personal yet as I'd feel at the time. After all, we don't really know eachother yet.
Stoked for the most part. I'm sure you ladies are all to familiar with being asked out by someone you are not interested in. Every women who has asked me out I haven't been interested in and seeing her face as I reject her is never pleasant. So yes guys like being asked out just like women but asking is no guarantee that you will get a yes. Its not desperate and getting a no wasn't because you seemed desperate but because we simply were not interested in her that way.
I like it. It shows confidence and that she wants me. Usually when it comes to that question to meet at a restaurant or something I'm the one who has to ask every single detailed question planning it. It would be nice if the girl stepped in and said "We should go on a date this weekend". I'd love that and would work with her to plan the date.
I woul-- bruh I would have to be a fucking IDIOT to let her go after that. We would probably get married no joke.
You underestimate how much of a breath of fresh air it is for a guy to get a break from approaching girls over and over only to have a 50/50 chance of succeeding.
I would be totally fine with that.
Though, if I wasn't interested in her, I would just hang out with her to be polite, and I would let her know gently that I just wanted to be friends.
Yes it could be nice, if it helps you don´t need to call it a date. You could handle it like a date but not call it that way in asking him out.
My girlfriend asked me on a first date.
caught me off guard as really was not expecting it and dug myself a bit of a whole lol.
For our first date it was sort of a picnic and overnight watch sunset n sunrise thing
I would feel like I'm about to tap that ass with minimal effort on my part.
Thank you for being honest
I find so fascinating that so many women erroneously believe that showing interest towards a guy is being 'desperate'.
Maybe that is how woman are lead to believe?
That may be but a lot of women are taught that men. Seek women chase women are hunters and if you’re always available and you do you too much you can be desperate or clingy.
Have you ever heard of the way you start a relationship sets the tone for the entire relationship.
@justneedtoknow
Sure, but it just as easily could have no impact at all. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by 'set the tone' though. A relationship is so much than the dynamic of how you got together.
Flattered. Happy, if I were attracted. If not I would decline as politely as possible.
I've asked a guy out before went well
Cool
I asked a guy to a party once. We ended up dating.
What's DnD?
@Tstrbrainer dungeons and dragons
Okay. For a moment I wondered if it was Do Not Disturb 😅
I like dungeons and dragons
Me too!!! But some of the guys I’ve dated weren’t into it.
I would be flattered and if i am single i would definitly go on a date with her and make her feel special
I wish this was more common. I have bad social anxiety and low self-esteem. Id she approached me it would be easier for me I think. As I can barley even write an email to colleagues ar work. And j canr use the Skype IM as it's unprofessional Comms to be and makes me very uncomfortable
I'd love it, as I found it hard to ask anyone out myself... we live in a equal world, or should so it should not be a big deal who asks someone out, man or woman.
I would honestly be happy. It takes a lot of confidence for a woman to do this and a confident woman is a catch in my book
It depends... if she says i like you we should go out some time. Thats cool I im flattered by her interest and ill set something up. But if she says hey do you wanna meet at (insert restaurant) at 3 o’clock for a date. I dont like it. It makes me feel submissive and i dont want her taking control of the relationship.
I would love it!
Guys are not used to that and to know a girl broke the stereotype and made the first move... Just wow!
I've never been asked, but I'd never think "desperate" (I don't know where you women get that from?). To me it show CONFIDENCE, which like you like it in guys, is also attractive to us! Or at least to me it is lol.
It’s not the worst thing in the world. I mean your still the man and should act like a gentleman, It doesn’t matter who was interested first
Personally I’d be good with it. If she was decently attractive and wasn't too dominant or masculine id almost certainly accept.
I would be really honored, the fact that she is brave enough to find me interested I definitely accept it
I've had it happen a few times. Sometimes I feel so busy in my life that I like it when someone pulls me away for a date and sex.
How would I feel?🤢
Oh no wait, that's just I would feel in general if one asked me out.
If a woman asked me out on a first date I would delighted, honored & take her up on her offer.
That is fine by me. The fact is few women initiate a date.
Been asked before an it surprised me. As long as she doesn't smoke though and I'm reasonably attracted to her.
I am not one to digress on which gender should be the first to ask the other out on a date because a date is a date, and the attraction is still there either way.
The last girl who asked me out she went back to her kids baby daddy after I rejected her then she had more kids soon after
It sounds like a good thing. You didn’t want her so
It was bad timing and my grandparents were strict on who I seen at the time. Since they passed away now the family don’t care anymore on who I see now as long I go slow.
Flattered. Been there multiple times. It's an awesome feeling.
@Justneedtokno thank you for like!
@t-8900 thank you for like!
I don’t see y they would have a problem with it tbh
It's actually quite attractive! At least it certainly is to me.
i think it's stupid to see that as "desparate". if you want it, go and get it. nothing wrong with that.
I would play it cool and soon as she walks away, I would jump in the air as though I won a game winning shot in basketball.
If it was to ever happen to me, I'd like it. However it would never happen and the one time in my life something like it happened it turned out to be a cruel joke on me.
If she was someone I wanted to go out with, I'd be thrilled!!
Like this question has been asked a trillion times already.
MHO’s for this guy.
Why is it so fucking hard for girls to simply ask a guy to meet for a cup of coffee?
Did you not read where I said seeming desperate and clingy?
@Justneedtokno. And I repeat, why is it so fucking hard for girls to ask a guy for a cup of coffee.
So you don’t care about our emotions at all because that’s what I’m talking about.
@Justneedtokno. Men feel the same fear. We don't want to get shot down or ridiculed any more than you do. In fact women are far more brutal in their rejection than men ever are.
We know rejection. Same reason why we don’t act upon our thoughts and actions either. To be desperate or clingy or too emotional. As a woman showing emotion it’s crazy so we have to hold our feelings in. And go to somebody else that wants us. If you’re too available then a guy will lose interest. I just thought that me and Chase
@Justneedtokno I would feel wary if a woman asked me on a date first because my Spidey-sense tells me it's a trap.
Oh no what if she just likes you and want your company
If that's the case, then I will date as long as there are shared hobbies, values, & musical tastes.
I would encourage it a lot of guys are actually shy.
It’s all good. But most women will try it once or twice and then wuss out forever. Guys reassuring them probably isn’t going to put a dent in that.
If women ask me for a date from front I will be in haven because I have no incargement in asking any girl for a date or for some good time out for understanding each other and to know each other well.
as long as she didn’t seem pushy or clingy, i like when a woman is upfront about what she wants 🤷♂️
Wouldn’t that be pushy and clean gi if she’s the one making the decisions or texting you first or everything
who said she’s making all the decisions? i can still say no if she starts getting over bearing
Very true this is why we don’t ask
Amazed! I will make sure to reciprocate if I also have the same feelings for her.
Fine. if you like something, you vocalized that and ask them out no big deal
Surprised but delighted. I would only decline if she is a smoker.
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