Why are women so hard on guys who are scared of rejection (lack confidence) yet are often mean to the guys who approach them or don't approach guys?

[Jerry_Jay]

[MrOracle]

It's because you aren't a top 2% guy. That's what they are looking for. Mostly because social media and dating apps allows women to see men literally from around the planet, they have come to believe that men who are tall, handsome, fit, have advanced education, have high status, and are very financially successful are common. After all, she's seen at least 50 such men online and a few have even messaged her - she might even have spent a night or weekend with a guy like that, so that's her level (in her mind).

What she completely lacks is context. Yes, there might be 10 or 20 such men in NYC, and in Miami, and in Los Angeles. There might be 5 in lesser cities like Boston or Atlanta or Dallas or San Francisco. If she's outside of a major city, then chances are that there are between zero and one such men within 100 miles of her.

She also doesn't understand - because most women, even if they understand it intellectually, don't actually accept it as truth - that all or nearly all such men see her as "recreational use only" and, while they might bang her, would never take her seriously for a relationship. Such men can get virtually any woman, so they don't need to settle down and commit to get what they want, and if they do want to settle down, they can afford to be extremely picky and demanding, so they are.

And even if she were to get a commitment, with most of that level of men, it would be with the understanding that he was going to have side chicks.

Most women can't be told any of this because it's what they want to believe, and up until about the age of 35, they can convince themselves that it's true.

And as long as they believe they can still attract Chad, if you aren't Chad, they are usually going to dismiss you immediately. This isn't ALL women, but it's 90 single women in their 20s or early 30s.

You won't change their minds with facts or evidence, because they "believe it's possible" and their feelings are much more important to them than your logic, facts, and evidence will ever be

For women who have grown up in the West, or the Far East (Japan, Korea, etc.) where Feminism is the religion, the number of realistic, grounded women is very, very small. You will have a much better chance with an immigrant who grew up in a much more traditional society, but even that is starting to get infected by Feminism.

If you can find a traditional woman, great, and if you can't, then in my opinion, don't count on a relationship. A relationship with a Feminist will destroy you, so stay single, or be prepared to move to another part of the world (which has plenty of downsides). Better to be single than be with a Feminist in my opinion.

[Jammannn]

So true! I met a typically attractive 5"10 dermatologist and boy did he clean up 99+ matches doesn't both paying for premium had a new person to meet every day, while travelling across the world.

[Hellraiser1984]

Because by nature they seek out the strongest and most wealthy men. A guy who is afraid of rejection ( like me) is seen as unworthy of them. So when encountered by guys like that they immediately are disgusted by them and hate them. You see this a lot with teenage girls. Women in general are parasites. They don't want to work they just want to use their looks and bodies to land a guy who gives them the opportunity to not work and have money to spend. Being afraid of rejection is natural nobody wants to feel unwanted or unattractive. Others like myself have faced rejection from not only women but family, friends and society. They are hurting inside and pretty much nobody cares. If they talk about it as guys they are seen as pussies and unworthy of being male and are often accused of being a homosexual. Men are usually taught to be aggressive and cruel towards other men who aren't sporty in shape and basically cold blooded. They often bully and in some cases kill other males for being different from them. Especially if those other males are unwanted by women. Women put a lot of importance of what their friends think about them. Their friends will make fun of them if they go out with a guy who isn't strong handsome and wealthy. They also live and die by what the so called dating experts tell them. The internet forums are their god and they will do whatever it tells to do. The quizzes and top ten lists and celebrities rule their lives. It's all about popularity and not being made fun of by their friends is why they treat guys who fear rejection like complete crap. Guys like me are basically seen as a red flag and completely unworthy of love attention and respect from anyone. I don't care anymore about "love". Being single I don't have to deal with the fighting and screaming, my money is my own, I can do whatever I want within the confines of the law, I don't have any @$$hole in laws to deal with, I can enjoy my hobbies, I can come home to silence, no screaming wife and kids, I can take a vacation and do whatever I want on it. No kids to take care of. I can lay on my ass on my days off sleeping all day long. Relationships can really suck.

[MikeMcMansion]

“Their friends will make fun of them if they go out with a guy who isn't strong handsome and wealthy.” AND, if you are her friends will be jealous and sabotage the relationship by telling her lies or trying to get her to leave you or straight up bullying her and gossiping.

“They often bully and in some cases kill other males for being different from them.”
Bro, touch grass, that is rare af. That doesn’t happen outside of Nigeria, Afghanistan, Somalia, etc.

[Hellraiser1984]

@MikeMcMansion apparently you didn't grow up in the 90's.

[MikeMcMansion]

Im 38, that means I partly did and partly early 2000s

[MikeMcMansion]

I was bullied because my dad was a cop in a small town and I had no brothers or cousins around my age. I certainly know, and it made me a little too hard. But since the majority of us had Dad’s, we didn’t kick each other when we were down. (Usually). We had some honor and from what I hear now boys are becoming tough again, having fights in school w/o both being immediately expelled like they were like 2005-2024, so they are policing each other and using common sense rules like “don’t hit after they quit, are out, or down.”

[Noredcarpet]

Look, there are mean girls out there, nobody can do them right, they're not worth everyone elses energy, and to get everyone down, they project their own bs on to others and their ego acts superior to others. Bullies often steam from bullies families and this is how they operate in life. Recognize them, block em right back, it is just their stupid bully ego talking.

[Nikki1989]

Women have to operate from a place of safety and efficiency when evaluating men in public or dating contexts, and both the underconfident approach and the direct approach can trigger different defensive mechanisms. Many men do the same thing.

[Jerry_Jay]

Why do unconfident men or men who really like a woman but fears rejection cause women to feel unsafe?

[Fruitpunch1789]

@Jerry_Jay It's because of mirror neurons and HOW you approach that makes all the difference. Ever been super nervous around a girl? Can you guess what happened next? She probably got super nervous too and more than like fled the situation - she doing this out of self preservation.

Additionally, when you are a scared to approach, you WILL come off as awkward and that awkwardness could trigger alarm bells that this guy is not normal (case on point, a girl would rather be hit on with the confidence of James Bond vs Raj in Big Bang Theory).

- I've approached thousands of girls and have gone out with 172 girls as of last week.

[blackeagle007]

@Fruitpunch1789 well I dunno about you going out with 172 girls in a week but all else you said is correct. If I get approached by a girl and is awkward, it’ll make me feel that.

[Jammannn]

Men don't do the same things out of safety and efficiency, are you devoid of critical thought?
Men cast a pretty wide net. Most women are game for a short while.

I've seen a cold approach from women countless times it works 90% of the time. For most guys there 50-70% they could approach every girl at the bar/club wouldn't make a difference.

[RxR0954]

Men like you cry about not having your feelings considered while women fear getting killed for saying no. Also, grow up. Once you put yourself out there, be ready to handle rejection. Men like you like to blame women, while fail to acknowledge that men have been doing much worse than just shit talking. Also coming from someone who also dates women and have been with dozens of women, you’ll be surprised on how often i had to handle brutal rejection. It’s part of life and you can’t expect people to be bubbly all the time

[Jerry_Jay]

I'm not saying it's right for men to harm women, but I'm asking why some women don't seem to understand why some guys would be scared of rejection, I'm talking about the women who don't do it because they are afraid that the guy is harmful, but women who lose respect men just because they know they are scared, lack confidence, or lack self-esteem, especially considering how some men get bashed by society for not living up to the standard of what some people act like a man is supposed to be or whatever.

[RxR0954]

Honestly not being able to understand the why comes down to personal factors instead of the gender. And as cliche as a it sounds, this is a man’s world, women have to work much harder to get recognized, so when a man is falling behind in a world that’s supposed to be made for his gender, he gets looked down. That’s one explanation of why some people don’t seem to understand the other side of it. Also i should note that’s just an old common phrase that didn’t take race and socioeconomic status into its wording

[Subgurl]

Your ideation is fundamentally misguided and oversimplifies the complexities of gender dynamics, suggesting that men bear the sole burden of societal expectations while dismissing the judgments women face. It perpetuates a patriarchal narrative that ignores how socioeconomic factors pressure both genders differently. Your perspective fails to recognize that both men and women struggle with anxiety inflicted by societal norms, and it trivializes the systemic issues that enforce these damaging stereotypes.

[Abbycado]

Stop spamming.

Girls, Why don't women have more compassion and understanding for guys who fear rejection?

[Jerry_Jay]

I originally wanted the question to go to girls behavior, I didn't realize that you could change where you wanted it to go until afterwards, but I couldn't even delete it, that's why I reposted it

[Nikki1989]

Many women do feel compassion for the fear of rejection, but what do you expect us to do about it? I know many men are big children well into their 30s and even way beyond (as this website clearly demostrates) but we can't be expected to hold your hands forever.

At some point, you need to grow up.

[Zionne]

It often comes down to expectations and perceived effort some women may value confidence and initiative, so fear of rejection can be frustrating to them. At the same time, if a guy approaches poorly or inconsistently, it can come off as rude or disingenuous, which explains why both sides feel tension.

[Anonymous]

I'm never mean to a guy who approaches me, I'm very kind and polite.

I don't like to be approached by people I don't know, and if I say no (whether I know you or not), I don't want to hear about it again. If a guy pushes and pushes and pushes, then I have to start to get mean, and then guys say well girls are mean when I approach them.

[SoccerPlayer99]

To see how you will respond to her bullshit. Some of them want you to try a little bit harder. And some are just douchebags. Either way, you can't get around the fact that you must continue to give it the old college try. Continuing to do so will only help you become more rejection resistant and more confident in the future. Good luck to you.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

My dude, you are 44. Everyone understands rejection is unpleasant, but the way you’re phrasing this question does not put you in a positive light seeing as you are shifting the blame to women at your grown-ass age.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

My dude, you are 44. Everyone understands rejection is unpleasant, but the way you’re phrasing this question does not put you in a positive light seeing as you are shifting the blame to women at your grown-ass age.

[Anonymous]

I'm very shy and I never directly faced rejection... why?

Because I lack self-confidence, and I never openly asked a girl out.

The result: Me still being a virgin, never been in a relationship, never had a kiss.

You have a very good point, I wonder the same...

[jshm2]

They aren't. Any more than rich people are mean spirited and greedy.

Your situation and attitudes towards you do not reflect every experience out there.

[Angelo75]

Cuz they're not in our shoes. So it's always easier to behave without caring about the other side when they're unable to fully understand our side.

Regretfully this goes both ways.

[LiamJHayden]

Are these the same women? If so, they are hypocrites. If not and the ones who complain about not being approached are not the same exact women who are rude to those who do approach, you have conflated the disjoint groups.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Women often play hard to get and see men who show signs of shyness or lack of confidence as their inferiors, so women tend to believe that a man should approach them and expect rejection, thus they don't have to approach guys.

[Abbycado]

That’s just your opinion, based on your experiences.

[beenherebefore]

Because women tend to be selfish and only think about themselves.

[Subgurl]

I feel like a lot of men confuse rejection with meanness..

[JesseP1nk]

Because women just dont care. They care only about themselves. Think how many doublestandards there are which its ok women to do, if man does the same thing, then they get so much crap

[Anonymous]

For the same reason guys are so hard on fat and ugly women I'd imagine.

Both genders have their views and expectations of the opposite gender.

[Anonymous]

I've never been rejected... on the other hand, I never asked a girl out because I'm too shy.

[HollyK21]

“Seems” like this is all in your head.

[Abbycado]

He’s also a spammer

[HollyK21]

I feel so unsurprised by that Abby lmao

[Anonymous]

No woman wants to be with an awkward loser.