Am I overthinking this, or is this a lot for year 1 of a relationship?

[Anonymous]

She wants a high level of time and commitment early, but without shared financial or domestic responsibility. She’s been clear she doesn’t want to cook or clean, expects me to cover all ongoing living and lifestyle costs, and wants a proposal after around one year with an artist-made ring.

When I add everything up conservatively, Year 1 alone looks like roughly $30–50k, before marriage or any shared assets. It’s also assumed this arrangement would continue until she reaches her earning potential, which is roughly 7–10 years away.

My question is:
Is this a normal expectation, or does this point more toward a sponsorship-style relationship rather than a mutual partnership?

I don’t mind being generous I actually like providing but I’m struggling with whether I’d be valued primarily for who I am or for what I fund. I also wonder whether a dynamic built on this level of asymmetry early on would remain healthy or attractive once that balance inevitably changes in the future.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

• "she doesn’t want to cook or clean"
• "expects me to cover all costs"
• "wants an artist-made ring"

To me you're dating a list of claims, not a person, it's just sick.

I don't know where you live or what your surroundings are, there has to be something that explains why you are pondering, in a scenario that seems totally obnoxious to me at the second I read about it.

[Asker]

I understand why it reads that way when reduced to bullet points. I’m listing expectations because that’s what I’m trying to sanity-check, not because that’s all there is to her as a person.

She’s had partners before who were willing to operate this way, which is partly why I’m questioning whether this is a normal dynamic or just one I keep ending up in.

I’m not asking whether I should accept it I’m asking whether others see this structure as broadly reasonable or clearly a mismatch, because I’ve noticed a similar pattern more than once and want to understand my part in it.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

... I don't know, it really doesn't talk to me, there is no way anyone I'm dating could balance out these bullet points. I can only say I'm looking at a transactional relationship, which I find obnoxious.

[Staximus]

A couple should share the cooking, cleaning, and bills. One person shouldn't be doing it all. Sounds like you found yourself a bum moocher who wants to use you for money. Don't pay for any of her shit until she marries you.

[palewhale]

As Iron Maiden say, Run to the hills, run for your life

[Abbycado]

Yeah, this isn’t happening. Nice try though.

[Abbycado]

No way someone expects 50k support and you’ve not been together for even a year. If it is true, dump her.

[Asker]

That’s fine but if you’re open to it, I’m more interested in why you think it wouldn’t happen than in a shutdown response.

[Nikki1989]

Good story.

Sorry, I am not buying it.

[Asker]

Whats up with women dismissing other womens behaviour?

[MzAsh]

What is she contributing to the relationship?

[slatyb]

Run away! Run away!