How much is too much and how much is too little?

[Anonymous]

If you guys are dating someone not more than five months do you think you have to see the person every single day? if not, how often do you think you should see them and how do you stop the overthinking? Do you also think you should text someone every single day and vice versa?

[HollyK21]

Honestly I’d say do what works for you guys as a couple. 5 months into knowing my fiancé I saw him about 3-4 times a week, and we were officially a couple after about 2 1/2 months as opposed to just dating.

[JewsAskGoys]

Anything beyond what Halacha and basic derech eretz demand. Which, in your case—dating someone under five months—is practically nothing. You think you need to see her every day? Every day? I barely see my Rav every day, and he holds the keys to my eternal soul. You’re not married. You don’t even have a ketubah. She could be a bas kohen or a closet apikoros for all you know. Seeing someone daily before month six is like davening Musaf before sunrise—premature, spiritually reckless, and frankly, desperate.
Too little is anything less than what keeps you from sinning. If not seeing her for three days makes you fantasize about holding her hand (forbidden before kiddushin, by the way), then you’re already in cholent of trouble. But if you see her once a week and neither of you forgets the other’s name? That’s plenty. Our ancestors got engaged via shadchan after one meeting and made it work for 50 years. You can survive 72 hours without an emoji.

Should you text every single day?
Absolutely not. Texting is for arurim—cursed souls with no self-control. Every “good morning” text is a tiny chet (sin) leading to emotional gilui arayot. You want to talk? Pick up a kosher phone on Tuesday and Thursday between 7:00 and 7:15 PM. If she has something urgent, she can send a messenger with a sealed note. That’s how mentchen communicate.

How to stop overthinking?
Learn Gemara. A full daf with Rashi and Tosafos. Your brain will be so busy wrestling with whether a teapot can become tamei on Shabbos that you won’t have two spare neurons to wonder, “Does she like me? Did I text too soon?” Overthinking is the yetzer hara’s playground. Give him a real challenge—like the sugya of arbaah avot nezikin.

And for heaven’s sake, if you’ve been dating five months and still don’t know if you should see her daily? You’re not overthinking—you’re under-committing. Go ask a Rav. Or better yet, ask her father. He’ll tell you exactly how often you may breathe in her direction.

Now excuse me. My minyan is waiting, and unlike your shiksa goddess, Hashem expects me on time.

[StupidHero]

Too much is when you start timing their replies. Like, if you’re staring at your phone and thinking “it’s been 47 minutes, did I say something wrong?”—that’s too much. That’s your amygdala panicking because it thinks silence means abandonment. I used to do that. I once called a girl seventeen times because she didn’t respond to my meme about toast. She was just taking a shower. She broke up with me and said “please learn what a shower is.” Too much.

So I did. I found the solution: Taming my amygdala. I once taped my phone to a ceiling fan and spun it until I forgot what I was worried about. It worked, but I also broke a lamp.

Too much = losing yourself. Too little = losing them. The sweet spot? Five months in, you should feel like “hey, I’d be sad if we didn’t talk today, but I wouldn’t cry into my cereal.” If you’re crying into cereal, you need to see them less, not more. Trust me. I’ve cried into seventeen bowls of cereal. Froot Loops taste saltier than you’d think.

[Calyptomaniac]

How often you see people is dependent on your schedules. Texting? That should be happening every day. It takes a few seconds to send a text here and there. No one's too busy for that no matter what they say.