Did I cross a line by pursuing her again after she rejected me?

Question

Two weeks ago, I met a girl in one of my classes. I was too shy to ask her out directly at the time, so I sent her a romantic proposal through a mutual friend. She kindly declined, saying she just ended a relationship and, although she thinks I’m a great guy, she isn't ready for anything new.

I respected her space and didn't contact or see her for two weeks. Yesterday, I ran into her in class. I asked her about an assignment, and she answered with a genuine, warm smile. We ended up taking a walk together after class. I sang a song to her in her native language; she was surprised and seemed to really enjoy it, asking me how I knew that song. We spent the day together, walked around the city, and had coffee. By the end of the day, she gave me her number and sent me a song link on WhatsApp.

This morning, I sent her a "good morning" text and told her I liked the song she sent, which she seemed happy about. However, when I asked if we could text this evening, she reminded me that she is aware of my previous romantic interest and reiterated that she is not looking for a romantic relationship.

I’m struggling to understand the situation. Did I make a mistake by continuing to pursue this after she told me she wasn't ready? Did I cross a line or act inappropriately by spending the day with her and then messaging her again?

HollyK21 · Answer

The timeline is a bit confusing. You say that you met 2 weeks ago, then say you didn’t contact or see her for 2 weeks; so I’m wondering has it been 2 weeks or a month? I guess in either case, it sounds like you made moves on her within too short a time frame, which understandably could be off-putting.

When she initially rejected you, that was her way of setting a boundary, which you aren’t being very receptive of. You aren’t singing to her, hanging out, or asking to text her in the evening with the hopes of just being friends. In your heart of hearts you really like her and trying to pursue her in a way that feels safe and low pressure. Say what you want, but your true incentive is clear and she was just acknowledging that. If I were you, I wouldn’t try anything like that again if she were to still be friendly with you. I also wouldn’t hang out if I still had feelings or hopes of dating this woman, because she’s now expressed disinterest in this twice and it would be disrespectful on your part to try again.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. You crossed the line of self respect. A woman dies not respect a man that does not respect himself first. Where you went wrong was when you asked her to text and she responded that she is aware of your previous romantic interest you should've responded back, "really, you're still on that"? "That was two whole weeks ago". This difuses the whole thing. It tells her 1. That hey she ain't all that and there are other women out there. But 2. It also take the pressure off her. Both messages you wanted to send in this situation. Personally, when she rejected you i would have drop her flat right there. But there's nothing wrong with you putting in more time so long as you accept the POSSIBILITY that there will NEVER be anything between you two.

Mariogirl09 · Answer

No absolutely do not ask this girl out again. She rejected you twice. When someone says their not looking for a relationship it usually means with you. Im so sorry :/

Alex-Snow · Answer

I think she needs more time, but do not give up!

In_Trance · Answer

Fuck yeah. What the fuck are you thinking

Did I cross a line by pursuing her again after she rejected me?

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