Friend mistook group hangout invite for a date and is telling people—how do I handle this?

[Anonymous]

To put it simply, me and my two friends were planning on hanging out together. The two of them are in a relationship and I didn't want to third wheel and wanted to bring one more friend. I wanted to bring a friend that I knew was close with all of us so it won't be award, and decided to asked a guy friend of mine who I knew was close with the other people going. I thought it would be fun since what we were doing was something he seemed to enjoy, and he took the invitation the wrong way. He thought I was asking him out on a date, and I was not. After he sent me a paragraph on how he wasn't into me, I texted him saying, "Trust me, it's not like that. I thought it would be fun for all of us to hang out as a group since I know your close with them. I only look at you as a friend." I assumed he would answer back with a "oh, my bad" or "Oh sorry" but he never texted me back. I just brushed it off and went on with my day. The next day it was overly awkward. Any conversation I made with mutual friends, he didn't even look in my direction. I didn't think it was all that serious, but it seemed to him it was. Recently, a friend of mine overheard two people in our friend group talking about how I asked him out and he rejected me. I'm honestly confused on how they would even know since I thought the miscommunication was just between us. My friend also made it sound like they were saying how the lack of romantic feelings wasn't mutual, and it was one sided with just him not having any feelings. This pissed me off because one, that wasn't true at all and two, because if that was the case I feel very disrespected. It seemed like he was trying to use the situation to make himself feel and look good in front of our friend group. I don't know if I want to say something or ignore it. I'm also still not confident if that was actually what they were saying word for word. Does anyone have any advice? I've never been in a situation like this before.

[HollyK21]

“Yes. You crossed the line of self respect. A woman dies not respect a man that does not respect himself first. Where you went wrong was when you asked her to text and she responded that she is aware of your previous romantic interest you should've responded back, "really, you're still on that"? "That was two whole weeks ago". This difuses the whole thing. It tells her 1. That hey she ain't all that and there are other women out there. But 2. It also take the pressure off her. Both messages you wanted to send in this situation. Personally, when she rejected you i would have drop her flat right there. But there's nothing wrong with you putting in more time so long as you accept the POSSIBILITY that there will NEVER be anything between you two. ”



I copy and pasted this anonymous male response to another question on this site I answered today. Don’t read too deeply into the context, because I know this situation is not yours. I just want you to look at the details, because this is how some men think. Not all, but the ones who share this sort of “protect my ego” mindset. Notice how this man encourages the other to gaslight that woman, make her feel wrong and like she’s nothing special, despite knowing that he himself messed up. This is toxic masculinity.


To which I’d say, pay it no mind, it deserves zero energy. Anyone who gives a shit would ask you about it specifically, and if they aren’t asking then they aren’t people whose opinions you should care about anyway. His behavior is pitiful, but worth brushing off because now you know what sort of “friend” he is, which is not one worth having.


Hopefully the couple you went out with sees that bullshit and have your back with calling it out whenever and if ever it comes up while they’re around. I hope they are friends that will correct that nonsense and eventually it will spread, and make him look foolish. If they don’t do that, I’d be looking sideways at them too.

[whocares1972]

You should of been clear on your invitation, and you ASSUMED the wrong. Now, he has to make himself "look" good. You messed up. Don't mix friendships, it just ends bad. I suggest you mentally remove yourself from the unnecessary drama at work and in your private life too. Maybe re-evaluate your inner peace without the necessity of " friends". Good luck ♥️✌️😎

[StupidHero]

Honestly, this is amateur hour. You want to know how to handle a misunderstanding? Try what I did last Tuesday. I thought a building was on fire because I saw a toaster smoking, so I decided to evacuate the entire office complex by pulling the industrial fire alarm—with my face. I smashed right into it and tripped a sprinkler system that flooded the lobby. Sure, the fire department showed up with lights and sirens and I got kicked out of the building for life, but guess what? No one was having a meeting anymore. Problem solved.

If this friend is telling people it's a date, you just need to create a distraction so loud and confusing that nobody remembers who invited who. Walk into the next group hangout wearing a full scuba diving suit and insist that you have to stay underwater to avoid catching a rare case of dry-land gravity fever. When they ask why you aren't on a date, just start reciting the ingredients of a shampoo bottle backwards at the top of your lungs. They will be so baffled that they will forget all about the date rumor and probably just start pitying you instead. That is how you control the narrative. Stupidity isn't a mistake, it is a tactical deployment.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Reading this, I don't miss youth and its delightful taste for turning anything at all into an awkward mess lol

It's complicated because, the way you describe it, you're facing someone either idiotic or playing some kind of role to get I don't know what in return. What makes it even more complicated is he's part of your friends group... No, I wouldn't know what to do except explaining the situation to the friends I trust to?

[WhitneySnow]

He’s thrilled that he thinks you asked him out and he said no. Makes him feel superior. You need to correct him politely but firmly in the group chat.

[MrChinaski]

Punctuation: Making the world a better place for 2300 years.

[Anonymous]

Tell him what you told us.

[Iron_Man]

Tell them all the truth