Why do many men avoid dating single mothers or being someone’s plan B?

[Anonymous]

This is a story that came across my feed. Please note, this is not something that happened to me or anyone i know. For all i know, it could be a fake story.

The story goes this guy was super into this girl all the way from high school. He was rejected by her. At some point this girl had a kid with some random dude, and then said random dude left her. After that this woman starts aggressively pursuing the guy she rejected. He turned her down. His reason was "I would rather stay single and die alone than raise someone else's child". I can't fault him for that.

I think if i were in this persons situation my reason would be different. It would be that i dont want to raise someone else's kid as part of it. But the main reason would be, I will never, ever be with someone who saw me as their plan B. Like she only wanted to give me the time of day because Chad dumped her with a kid. Screw that, i am worth more than that.

Again this didn't happen to me, i do not know if its real, It could be fake, but the question is genuine.

Something similar did happen to me when i was 17, and my reasons were the same. the circumstances were vastly different. I, when i was 17, fell in love with this girl. We dated, She dumped me for some other guy. I disappeared for 5 years. I reconnected with this girl later, she's a single mom with 3 kids, The reason she left this man is because he beat her and the kids he had with her, All valid reasons. She tells me she's single and wants to try again. I turned her down, as i was not single at the time. But i would have turned her down if i were single. Reason being, why would i want to be with someone who broke it off with me, had kids with someone who treated her poorly, only to want me back after she left him. Why would i want to be with someone who always saw me as her second choice. And why should i be responsible for paying for her poor choices with another man.

Updates

4 h

The "Beta Game" vs. "Alpha Game": Online commentators often use this narrative to argue that men should reject being the "provider" for a child they didn't father, especially if the woman previously rejected them when she was childless.

The Consolation Prize Syndrome: It addresses the emotional sting of realizing someone only notices your value after their preferred lifestyle choices fall apart.

Updates

4 h

Peace Over Partnership: It reflects a growing modern sentiment among some men who genuinely prefer staying single and enjoying financial independence over taking on the complex emotional and financial baggage of step-parenting.

[Anonymous]

There's more than ONE reason. I really wish, rather than getting salty about it women would just listen to what men say about it. Because men typically have GOOD REASON to reject a single mom. The story you told gave good specific reasons. I personally wouldn't have a problem raising another man child. Because a father is a man who lives up to the responsibility of being a father, not necessarily the biological connection. But this does bring up a good point. Because the other man IS the biological father he will ALWAYS have certain ties to the child. Likewise the mother can choose to go back to him at anymoment because she has sentimental ties to him. The new father always has to worry about that, ALWAYS! Why would a guy want to put himself in that precarious situation if he doesn't have to. Likewise, this woman CHOSE the biological father as you so eloquently put it FIRST. It gives the potential new father a taste of her POOR decision making. As a woman one of her MAIN jobs is choose a good mate who will be a good father and provider for her offspring. She FAILED that test MISERABLY. And rather than OWN that fact like and adult many of these women will try to blame anwhere else, "he lied to me, he tricked me, blah, blah, blah".🤦‍♂️

Women need to understand once you FAIL this test the onus is on HER to prove she's a worthwhile risk for him. Because all of the data suggests otherwise. And this is where so many women fail the second test. Rather than understanding she screwed up, owning it, and moving forward with what she SHOULD do. She doubles down on her failure and thinks the new potential fathers job is to prove himself to her.🤦‍♂️ hun, that ship has sailed the minute you had a child with another man. Dating and mate selection is hard for BOTH genders. Yes, it is still a man's to prove he's a worthwhile man. But as i said, all the data thus says she is NOT a worthwhile woman. Could the data be wrong? It could (it typically isn't though). So the onus is on HER now to prove she's a good woman. If she doesn't want to do that, refuses. Well, she just confirms the suspicious then.👍💯

[Asker]

Agreed

[DonaldDarko]

I'm that way too especially if it's gross ghetto behavior like had a child by some random thug she met in a bar. No doubt some simp will let her use him for a while till she throws him away. The whole thing is usually just insainly ghetto behavior. You wonder how the hell these people even exist.