Should men still be expected to pay for the first date?

Question

I am a traditionalist, so I think men should pay for the first date. That said, I understand that times have changed, so what do you think?

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

I think out of all these years and the dates I've gone on or even just random going out with the girls I have always paid every bill because it's my idea I think there was one time that a girl I mean she was downright verbal forceful LOL that she was going to pay the bill I paid the tip I said fine but if I go out with a girl if I ask her out I'm going to pay I don't care what social media says I don't care what society says I don't give a fuck I care for the girl I'm going to pay I think these guys that don't have a job and go out with a girl and can't pay they shouldn't go out with a girl until they have money to deal with it because that's how it all started

So my rules if I ask her out I'm going to pay if she insists on paying something she can pay the tip if she wants to pay half fine I'm not going to argue over nothing anymore if that's what she wants to do she can do it

If a girl ask me out I'm still going to pay I don't care if she wants me to pay half fine if she wants to pay the whole thing fine I don't care anymore my money will be the first one on the table let everybody else argue about it if there is anybody else

Lliam · Accepted Answer

Yes, men should expect to pay but it's classy if she offers and is gracious when I insist of picking up the tab.

I don't understand the weirdness of modern attitudes. What is the problem with a man paying? Is he a cheep skate? Is he afraid that the woman he asked out wants to take advantage of him for a free meal? Is she afraid that she will be obligated to reciprocate with sex if he pays? Does she want to demonstrate her modern feminist ideals?

In any of those cases, they shouldn't have dated in the first place because they are both creepy.

What happened to men acting like gentlemen and women acting like ladies?

When I asked women out, I expected to pay. I appreciated the time and trouble they took to look their best for me. I also figured that the date was for my enjoyment even though I wanted her to enjoy it, too. It was like a fun outing for me, so I obviously expected to pay. And since I was attracted enough to her to ask her out in the first place, I was happy that she accepted and hoped that we would hit it off and go on subsequent dates.
I didn't want to make things weird over money of all things.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It says a lot about the guy when he does. And I like tradition. It's the foundation of society. If he can't, I don't mind paying the whole thing myself. I won't even make it awkward for him. If I like him, there are many great things coming to him that no amount of money can pay for. If I don't, well, first of all he asked me, we've had a pleasant dinner, I remember him as kind and polite, and he's practiced for the next girl, which is invaluable for him. And sometimes even on those pleasant dinner outings that are going nowhere, he's left with a very satisfying release and a smile on his face.

ShellyB · Accepted Answer

I can’t really answer the poll because two of the answers are ones I would pick. I think whoever asks the other person out should pay, which means if the girl asks the guy out, she should pay so that is one of my poll answers. However I think most of the guy the guy asks the girl out and therefore most of the time the guy should pay. JMO!

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Men are 100% still expected to pay for the first date, and often the first few dates.
Despite what they say, women almost never go out on a second date with a man who didn’t pay for the first. Something like 85% of women claim that they are equal opportunity date splitters, but over 90% of men say that they have never had a second date when they didn’t pay for the first date in full. So if he wants a second date, he MUST pay. Otherwise, splitting the check is a good way to send the message that he doesn’t care to see her again. But he should fully expect to be dragged far and wide on social media.
Literally nothing about being a man in any western country has meaningfully changed in the last century. Women got their liberation. Men didn’t, and we never will. When men stop being self sacrificing, civilizations topple.

Finchie40 · Answer

I usually pay for the first date especially if I am asking her on a date , it’s the respectful thing to do , if a girl asks me on a date she should be respectful and pay for the date as well , and not expect me to pay. even though I will usually pay anyways lol if the date was good , there was only one time I didn’t offer to pay when a girl asked me on a date , because she turned out to be the biggest weirdo bitch I ever met , which made me think did you ask me out to treat me like shit? It still blows my mind til this day lol

HawkPerception · Answer

Here's the way I see it. If the girl works, and does not want to be a stay at home partner that does the cooking and cleaning, then she can pay her own bill. Because why should her time be more valuable than mine? Is she not also interested in going out with me? She has equal pay, so why should I alone have to pay? That logic was made for a time when women were stay at home partners.

That being said, if a girl WANTS to be a traditionalist, and likes the idea of being the homekeeper (doing all the cleaning and cooking... I can still do stuff like the garbage and the lawn and shoveling, or anything that requires more heavy lifting), I'm happy to pay the bill. Now and every date after that as well as rent and anything else.

It's simple. I believe in equality either way. A relationship is supposed to be teamwork, not a free ride.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

In my generation, the many pays for every day, the men don't complain, the women act like ladies, and everyone knows what to expect. Somewhere along the line, some genius thought they had a better idea. . . and you can see how that turned out.

AviatorTom · Answer

I am also a traditionalist. The man should offer to pay for the first date, but if the woman wants to split it or pay for her share, that's fine with me.

loveslongnails · Answer

It doesn't matter to me who asks. If I accept an invite from a woman, I'm going to pay for the date. All these whiny little boy bitches who think they're getting "taken" for a $10 coffee date, or a lunch, should just say no. If you think that's her motive, why would you go in the first place?

So if you accept, be a man and just take care of the bill without even bringing it up. I always take care of it before she even knows it paid, even if you don't think you want a second date.

DragonDan444 · Answer

You aren’t entitled for anyone to do anything for you but nobody’s entitled to you either. You’re entitled to your own standards if you want a man who pays for your dates you have every right to refuse to go out with that man again. However, if someone holds bitterness towards the opposite sex then I think most of the time it’s a THEM problem.

When you go on a date it’s about finding who’s compatible you may be looking for different things it doesn’t mean either of you are wrong. But legally speaking if he pays his half and you don’t you legally are stealing.

I think it’s best to focus on getting to know a person rather than trying to get free things from them. But you know what you want if it’s not working it doesn’t mean either person needs to hold bitterness in. You just simply move on.

choco-latte · Answer

Not “expected”, but it’s nice for most women if he offers to pay when you ask him if you should split the bill.

At the end of the day the woman spends money on clothes, and making herself look good for the date too. I know I did back in the day. Sure men usually do this as well but they usually don’t spend as much on it as women do. So I think it’s only fair, and then the woman can pay the bill for both her and her date once in a while too.

But yeah, there’s nothing wrong with maintaining traditional roles in dating in my opinion. Some men get offended by this but then say they want a traditional woman, so make it make sense.

Ez-Bri-Z_v2 · Answer

Im not a traditionalist, I hate gender roles ideas and I don't like unwanted expectations if he pays. I am splitting the check 100 times out of 100. I feel more comfortable that way and if he insists on paying there is a good chance there won't be a second date as he doesn't respect my wishes.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

I think normally, men should pay for dinner or lunch dates. That being said, a lot of the time the woman wants to pay. A lady who I dated about a year ago usually grabbed the tab before I could get to it. Each time she would tell me that I could pay the next time. But the next time, she would pay again. She was the type to express almost no emotion, so maybe this was her way of saying that she enjoyed the date?

Taranis_Thunor · Answer

Wow all these boomers and fake traditionalists just want to uphold a custom which isn't even old to further exploit men's labour.

I do think men should pay, but only for women who want to be traditional house wives with a healthy & patriarchal family unit. If she's more invested in career then growing her family then both should pay.

If the woman has ever had an OnlyFans account or is a steamer, then woman should always pay because women in those careers find it easier to make money then men do. That's probably most women these days 😂

InknKink · Answer

People continually tell me times have changed. You can't do this. You can't do that. This is now the normal. This is expected. Etc.

Honestly... in my daily life, I see none of it.

Women are still women and men are still men. The internet does not reflect real life and certainly not female/male dating dynamics.

People can debate the theory but when the check is due, men who are successful with women front the bill. There is never even a question of whose paying.

Anonymous · Answer

How about men don't pay for a date at all anymore and have them come over to his house and chill with a coffee and Netflix movie instead.

She sees you have money to support and what your standards living is like and he can see if she is wanting to use him for a free dinner or drink.

That's already happening right now. The women will go to the guy who they are actually interested in house and not ask for a dime.

And the corny dudes take them out on dates and being told to just be friends.

When I stay home I never regret it, but when I use to go out because of FOMO there was so many times I regretted. I stopped doing that in my early 20s and it was probably the best choice I ever made. Now I am the one with the options.

laurieluvsit · Answer

When I invite someone, I expect to pay.

When I am invited, I expect them to pay.

If a Guy invited me out and then looked at me when the check came like I am supposed to pay for my own, and/or his, I promise would be classified in his diary as THE DATE FROM HELL!

HighValue · Answer

Both should contribute. One pays for the food and the other pays for the activity so nobody feels used or obligated. Most women that expect the man to pay are abusers, or more accurately pr0$t1tut3s because they are looking for financial gain from it. They have no intention of having a relationship that is a partnership and building a life together, they are just looking to extract resources from a man.

Ill_made_Knight · Answer

I generally assume I'll pay. It has happened before that a lady I'd known for a little while and I decided it would be fun to go to a broadway style musical here locally. She said up front that she was going to pay for her ticket, non-negotiable, and that's fine... I still picked up the tab for dinner.

RavVid · Answer

If I might meet a girl at a local cafe and we seem to be hitting it off, I'd ask her to meet me on a following day. Low key, softly softly

It is not going to be expensive so I will pay. Broadly I want to see if she has reciprocal interest in me. I'd leave the big set piece date for later on when it is clarified.

If a girl I haven't met face to face yet and have invited to a cafe near me I would pay for it. She has come to me after all.

So most of the time I pay

slatyb · Answer

I don't know about should. I always did. I didn't care about the money, but I hate accounting in relationships. Nor did I expect anything in exchange. I would be happy to pay for dinner just for the conversation. If there xzdnrbgoni'h to be a second date, I certainly didn't want to kiss.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

I have some traditionalist views as well.

Therefore I believe that a ''first date'' must not be something 'spectacular' (which is reserved to much later stages of ''dating''). So any first expenses can't be too much, really.

''Dating'' basically is an ''American'' idea, culturally. It is no surprise that consumerist and commercialized concepts are embedded.

So much for ''traditional'' values - times indeed have changed.

Anonymous · Answer

It depends on what each person is looking for in a relationship. If a man wants a wife, SAHM, cooks cleans then yes he needs to provide which means taking care of of first date expensive. But if she’s Ms Independent who expects equality, to be able to work, then she should put in her part. Unless he has no problem paying regardless of her status. This needs to be discussed in the beginning. Myself, I’ve always paid. But like you said things have changed.

llorando · Answer

No, this is a very antiqued idea that dates back to when men made up a majority of the workforce so it was only natural that men paid for dates. Nowadays with men and women both equally part of the workforce, the only logical expectation is to split the bill.

whosnumber_1 · Answer

It's kinda like, if I ask someone out it's my treat and I'm going to want to pay. Especially if I'm choosing the location and setting the bar.

If a woman was to ask me out and wanting to pay that's fine by me - but typically I would want to pay and treat my lady.

Spencer10 · Answer

Depends on who asks who out for the date in my opinion. If a woman asked me out I would offer to pay but its up to her.

Anonymous · Answer

"EXPECTED"? No. But it is a time honored tradition. I think it's only prudent that a woman be PREPARED to pay for herself. And the guy should be prepared for that to potentially be the first and last date with her.

OfDeath · Answer

It’s a left over social custom from a time when women generally didn’t work. Times have now changed. It’s perfectly reasonable to split a bill now.

Still-alive · Answer

Whoever asks who out should pay. The other person should at least offer to pay their share. That should be the precedent here. It shouldn’t be based on gender

UniquelyBasic · Answer

In most cases men will just pay for the first date. I mean it's just money and it ultimately not that serious. Like if you as the woman wants to pay or offers don't get upset if he accepts lol. Like it's such a silly thing people are worried about

Anonymous · Answer

Why should men be required to pay for the first date? Is it because they are having the "privilege" of a woman's company? When a guy is paying for the "privilege" of a woman's company, should he expect something in return? Oh wait, is that a misogynistic attitude? Why can't a woman pay the bill for her having the "privilege" of my company on the first date?

exitseven · Answer

I think the person that extends the invitation should pay.

Anonymous · Answer

The man should always pay, doesn’t matter if itms the first day 10th date or they’ve been married for 40 years.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Whoever does the asking out should pay or at least offer to pay.

lilBigPotato · Answer

There's no "should". Either someone wants to do the extra effort and pay, or not and then you split.

BCRanger10 · Answer

I'm of the belief that whoever asks pays... but then again, I also believe that the man should ask anyway.

Anonymous · Answer

Normally the guy should pay, but if I ask him out (I never have) I’d be fine with paying the first time

Paris13 · Answer

Unless you both talk about it after the bill comes in splitting it, YES!!!

aceleon · Answer

nope, everyone should be a respect worthy adult and PAY FOR THEMSELVES.

molonski2 · Answer

Well I always would bcoz I would be the one doing the asking , so I would consider that part of it..

mat566 · Answer

Whoever has asked the other person out on a date should pay

Chelsea86 · Answer

I’ve paid for first date I asked him out. I don’t have a problem asking him out.

canamlusciouslad73 · Answer

Ninety percent of the time, yes because a lad wants to make a good first impression on his lass.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Expected, no. Though I don't think its a big deal with men pay for dates.

Anonymous · Answer

Tell me WHY, in 2026, men should be expected to pay for the first date. Please be specific. And don't use female entitlement as a reason. It won't fly.

Smileygirl2000 · Answer

Then date men who pay for the first date. Problem solved.

TheStaleMarshmellow · Answer

Just prove you're not freeloading. Be capable and Guys would pay anyway

Anonymous · Answer

Who ever asks first to go out on the date should pay.

jahaims · Answer

Nope, that makes you a hooker if I have to pay for your time /attention

blackeagle007 · Answer

Interesting question. I’ll be neutral, no one pays!

msc545 · Answer

Stop lying and admit that you expect men to pay for every date, and the rest of your crap.

paytime · Answer

Sure. If he doesn't pay then it will tell her he's broke or she might think he's making her pay for it

HellOnHeels0 · Answer

I was raised to for the asker to pay.

bowenw · Answer

Whoever did the inviting should pay.

jshm2 · Answer

Depends on who asks out.

Factual_person · Answer

In what meaning "traditionalist"? So you are a stay at home wife only?

Paige2006 · Answer

Yes they should

Alex-Snow · Answer

For the first date I think the guy should pay.

RareBreedOfMan · Answer

Yes, men should pay for the first date.

dudeinohio · Answer

I also believe men should pay for first date.

Anonymous · Answer

Better not date at all! 😒  It's not worth it anyway!

wkhan_87 · Answer

Yes men should pay for first date

FrodoSkywalker007 · Answer

Equality without consequences 🤔

Should men still be expected to pay for the first date?

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