How would you define a "Classy" guy/gal?

[Anonymous]

I went to my favorite spot on a date the other night and a bunch of my friends saw us. The next morning I met one of them during our usual brunch and he asked how my date went. I shrugged. He volunteers that he didn't think that this guy was "a good fit" for me -- that we didn't look right together. He says "a girl like you should be with someone who's classy like you." I gave him a wry look. To me classy is an illusion; the guys I used to think of as classy just wanted to date the hot little numbers just like any other guy. My friend chuckled and walked away when I told him this, so I'm left wondering what "classy" really means.

So I a few questions now:

(1) What would you say are the qualities or traits of a "classy" guy/girl?

(2) Would you say that classy people are easy to meet?

(3) Where would you meet such a person if you're not independently wealthy?

Updates

+1 y

Hmm... link

Updates

+1 y

WOW, lots of great answers to choose from. Hmm. Eenie, meenie, miney, moe for BA?

Updates

+1 y

Went out with a guy who's "from a good family" and "rolling in it," but was completely disgusted by his utter lack of class. I ended up paying for dinner just so I could get out of there ASAP.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Classy is more than money, and it's more than actions / behaviors alone. People can have money that aren't classy, as well as people can be the "don't have a penny to their name" type and can have class. IMO it's the "whole package."

1). A classy person is difficult to define. A person just knows when they see / encounter the person (this can and is obstructed if you're attracted to the person sexually). If I had to say, a classy person is kind yet honest, caring yet truthful, humble yet proud (without being the arrogant type). A person can't buy class and yet they can be trained. Class, like anything else is a skill. With skill, as with anything else that can be learned, takes time. It's not developed in a day, but daily development. They know what needs to be done / said without having the question asked. They are compassionate and not just "surfacing" (a term I made up for "small talk" as well as getting to know how people really are and more than just the "how are you?" when you're passing by a person you know). It's the ability to act as the occasion calls, and not to be "overdone" / being "chameleon like". It's saying the right thing at the right moment while being honest and wanting to genuinely wanting to give a comment to help the other person (while not in the "I told you so" frame of mind). Saying the right thing / advice is only given when it's asked for, because it can be (and most likely is going to be) "brutally honest" with the information at hand. In this PC world, one has to be careful for stuff like "defamation of character" (legal term) and the like so classy people will have to keep their opinions to themselves at times. This is why classy people will rarely be "honest to a fault" if the opinion / advice could be seen as "why are you pointing that out, I like it like this" to people they just met.

2). In a nutshell, no, these people aren't easy to meet because as "knowmeyourself", classy people are few and far between. Take a look at families of the 1950's, even though the dad was the "bread winner", he still had time to teach and pass down values. They voice their opinion while dancing the fine line between being overbearing and seeming meak. It's in their actions, the little things they tend to do naturally without being asked, because it's in their nature / heart (not asking anything in return, but the opportunity to help their fellow human.

3. In my experience, classy people don't tend to boast or say things like "hey, I'm classy, look at me." This is and of itself is self defeating of a classy person. It is possible to meet a classy person, it's not so much that you go looking for them (the truly classy and not the "people that are nice for the sake of being nice"), more often than not, you just meet them anywhere.

I wasn't able to get the link you provided since I don't have Facebook. I also ran out of characters

[Asker]

You have to have a FB account to see anything on FB? I never knew that. Hmm. It's a page called "The Classy Guy" and it's full of funny expressions.

Thanks for answering. It makes sense. Classy people are not flashy people. Funny, on the way home from work I saw the most beautiful blue Benz. I was sweltering in my teeny hatchback, staring at the Benz at the red light, thinking about how dreamy it would be to drive such a classy car. Suddenly the driver, diamonds and gold on several fingers -->

[Asker]

--> and all over her arms and ears starts honking and cursing up a storm. I remember thinking, "Wow, I guess that even though she wants for nothing she can't muster up enough class to get though the evening traffic. What would she lose by showing a little class?" Even when I'm dead broke and struggling to keep things going I at least try to keep up with basic decorum in public. That's what I was always taught being classy was, though it was also associated with professions, etc...

[AlwaysBelieving]

Honking to let the other know the light is green is one thing ( link honking and cursing up a storm is quite another IMO.

[Asker]

I wasn't on iPause, lol. (Yes, I often have to tap the horn a little to get the driver in front of me to look up, lol.) This lady was just being nasty. It's alright. I ignored her after a while and just went about my business. It just struck me as funny that someone with her obvious status should be so nasty, so uncouth, etc. Why to people build themselves up with stuff if they're just going to be dank and wretched on the inside?

[BoobMan]

I don't think classy is all about money. Plenty of super rich people have absolutely no class. Think everyone on Jersey Shore, or reality TV generally for that matter. Being classy is about holding yourself to a very high behavioral standard and raising the standard of everyone around you. I think it's also about being worldly, curious, well read and well traveled (or at least wanting to be), and cosmopolitan. There's also a stylistic element, which isn't the most important part but tends to go with it.

When your friend says you're classy and should be with someone similar, it's more a statement about sharing values in common than anything else.

[Asker]

I'm not sure if it was specifically values (which also turn out to be on a different level than mine) or the way the fellow comported himself (not quite disrespectfully, but...well more cavalier than was required in the context). I'm pretty easy going when it comes to getting to know people -- I take them as they are -- but where finding the right guy to be with... I'm not sure how to figure the combo out. It's not that he wasn't a nice, attentive guy, but we're nearly from different planets.

[knowmeyourself]

There are two classifications of classy people, in my opinion. The ones who LOOK classy and the ones who are truly classy in their manners.

I have met plenty of guys who "look" classy or "seem" classy but they are definitely not. They appear to be chivalrous and always think before they say anything and know how to treat a woman right (at the beginning for sure). Usually these people seem to think a lot before they speak up. They aren't spontaneous as they don't believe in being one. They manage to put a smile on their faces all the time. All in all, it's fake class.

People who are truly classy are naturally chivalrous, know how to treat others, are polite even when they don't like you, are humble, are knowledgeable and well cultured, are well traveled, are well dressed, etc...They are helpful, kind and you always feel comfortable around them. They make you feel good about yourself. They ALWAYS treat you with respect.

Classy people are rarity these days. True classy people, that is. You could meet them everywhere though. He/she doesn't have to be wealthy to be considered classy (in my opinion). They just know how to talk, act, smile and whatnot. You could find them in the library, at college, at work, etc...but it's a rarity to find such people.

People nowadays are too focused on themselves. They don't care about others. People with good manners have become endangered species. It's a sad thing...

As for your friend. He couldn't know if your date was truly classy or not. Maybe he just noticed something regarding the guy's clothes, general behavior or something...You may want to ask him what was it about the guy which made him seem unclassy. :)

Note: I've come across guys who weren't chic at all, but were very classy in their behavior. So, it isn't all about how the person is dressed.

[islands7]

(1) Classy is the sister to etiquette, simply put - making everyone surrounding them at ease & feeling good about themselves with every act & word ... without being a sycophant

but most will take & snapshot and judge the exterior, looking for tailored clothes that fit the mood/activity - for them, these clothes make the person ... too bad.

(2) Inwardly classy is easy to meet, they like people, respect them, embrace them. The suits may worry too much about their image, so dress your best if chasing these.

(3) The inwardly classy are among us in hospitals, schools, churches, socials, dances, etc. They may be difficult to spot until you get to know them. The tailored ones tend to hang out in image promoting places that can advance them socially, economically, even via ego stroking. Look for exclusive & private clubs. Exclusive could mean because of expense, race, gender, talent, rank, cast, IQ, etc. Private could be country club, dining/bar club, etc. They have learned that image is a shortcut to the front of the line.

If you enjoy any of these attributes, i.e. smarter than, better at sports than, etc. then you will run into classy if vigilant, patient & forgiving. How many times have we searched far & wide for something, only to find it in our own backyard?

[Asker]

I'll have to look in your back yard because it's not in mine, lol. I'm not a fan of the slick city guy -- like you said, they're all about the image -- but the overly casual antisocial homebody isn't for me either... I want to go out and dress up on occasion and the fellows I meet are either all fussy suit/tie office types or t-shirt and flip flops (jeans is too dressy for them) types who remind me of my ex. Not going back to that, but not sure where I fit in. Somewhere in between...

[islands7]

Once you get a keeper, then we'll assign some homework to fix those little problems like dressing up/down/sideways ... something like "if a man answers" movie (Sandra Dee)

[sixstring]

-Someone that's only mean to people who deserve it, doesn't talk about someone behind their back

-Someone that dresses well without being a snob

-Someone with good taste in movies and music (although that's subjective)

No, I wouldn't

You can meet them anywhere, there just aren't that many classy people

[Asker]

Lol. Thanks. After my friend's remark I felt as though there was a boatload of them somewhere and that my ship had sailed...in the opposite direction, lol.

[AlwaysBelieving]

See below. Must come from "new money" (Hollywood, stocks, etc).

[Asker]

Yeah, pretty new from his description -- his parents worked hard to earn their living, but he "chooses not to live off them" (which is bs because his watch alone could cover about three of my car payments + insurance). He was SO gaudy and rude, but thought that anything he did was okay and everyone around him was low class. (Eyw.)

[Temporary46]

Does your friend have the hots for you?

[Asker]

Hahaha. I don't think so. I'm about 12 years older than he is and he's recently separated from his wife. We just talk a lot.