Is it too soon or too late to have sex on fourth date?

[Anonymous]

We cuddle and talked after sex.

He told me he thought I didn't like him after I rejected his kiss on 2nd date. He was going to look for someone who really likes him instead.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused as to why you'd ask this. From my understanding, you went on 2 dates, he went for a kiss and you rejected him. He said nothing at the time, but still went on more dates with you. On date 4, you had sex, and he admitted to you afterward that after date 2 he thought you didn't like him. At that point, it's over, and it doesn't really matter. It seems like you're asking "for future reference" which to me says you're already looking to a future not including him. That seems like a death sentence for any kind of relationship with this guy.

Not only that, his opinion of more or less seeking a kiss on second date and being rejected as some sort of sign you don't like him so he's going to move on to someone who will (no matter how small the action might be, even a kiss) give more action early on. That also spells death sentence for any relationship. I don't see you moving on much past just casual dating and sex. Is that what you want? It seems like you want something more because you're asking if it's too soon or too late, but at the same time you're looking to a future to know when to have sex with the next guy you date.

To me, sex has its own timeline. It's different for every situation and partner. For example, my last girlfriend I dated for 4 months, but we never had sex because things didn't feel just right to me. However, after that relationship ended, I was somewhat hanging out with a friend that I had known for about 5 months and one thing led to another and we had sex on what I suppose would be considered our first "date" - but that was become things felt right. There was more of a connection with her. We've been talking, hanging out, and doing things since then, which was 4 months ago. So in my case, I was actually in a relationship with someone for 4 months and had no sex, however there is a friend which I had known for a while but never dated, nor been in a relationship with, and things just felt right and things happened on what would be the first date.

Don't live by any kind of "rule" - just live by what is right for you, not right by some silly "standard" in the dating world, nor by what is right for someone else. Only you dictate what is right for you. If you truly are looking for a relationship with the right guy, they'll respect what is right for you and will wait if that's what you want to do.

[Asker]

He wasn't blackmailing me to move onto someone else. He said that after we had sex, saying he didn't think I like him.

Would you elaborate about the friend thing? I think it seems similar to what uou said? He said he has friends he known for long time but they don't date. They just hang out. Does it mean friends with benefit?

[Opinion Owner]

He has friends he's known for a long time that he hangs out with, or he has friends he's known for a long time that hang out with each other? It could mean friends with benefits, but that's hard to say and it's something you have to decide if he's trustworthy about. The friend I slept with after one date wasn't cheating. We were both single, and neither of us would ever cheat on significant others. We met each other while we were in relationships and were just friends until we were both single.

[Asker]

I see.. Sounds like he s jst friends, cos when we cuddle he said its been awhile since I'm with someone

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

The number of dates is not what you should use to judge when to have sex with a guy. It's more a matter of when you feel right about it. When you think is a good time. Not a matter of time, or number of dates or any one thing. It's all up to you. Nobody should tell you when to do it, and nobody should push you. I think you should make up your own mind on that. Though personally, I think that if you're just having sex with him to prove you like him, I think you might be doing this for the wrong reasons. Still, you don't gotta listen to me. It's up to you. It's all up to you. That's what I'm trying to say. Good luck.

[Asker]

He said that to me after sex, not before.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

My mistake. I missed that part. Well, anyway, if it felt like the right time for both of you, then no it's not too soon. Really, every relationship is different. Four dates may be a little early, but it's not that bad. It could be a lot worse.

[Anonymous]

Too soon. And he is waving a red flag right in front of your face! He told you he was gonna look for someone else since you didn't kiss him on the 2nd date?! Dude is prob already scoping out someone else to get in bed just like he did to you!

[Asker]

He told me that after sex, not before

[BravoHawk]

How could he say that after sex lol? You already kissed him... AU how long do you wait? The shortest you have waited?

[Opinion Owner]

If it's a guy I'm wanting to seek a relationship with I wait til we have stated we are exclusive and committed, which usually takes at least 2 months or longer. A trust has to be established. If he's someone I just wanna bang and nothing else, then there's no need to wait or anything.

[linds34]

The fourth date is fine if that's when you both wanted to have sex. If it didn't work out, that isn't the reason. I don't see why you would wait for a certain number date if you wanted sex before.

[islands7]

I am reading you had sex on 4th date and now want to know if timing was right.

Yes, I think for your age it's about right, a compromise between no-kiss slow you & feeling physical rejection fast him.

Now what?

Time will tell the real answer ...

seems that to keep him, you need to physically tell him you like him - even if only kisses & strong hugs.

If he moves on, then he was just looking for easy sex - but I'm not reading this - thus far.

[Asker]

He was very affectionate afterward we had long chat and cuddles and woke up finding ourselves still cuddling.

The next day we did it again and he gave me really long cuddle again. then he drop me off saying bye for now.

[cavmanier]

I don't think there is a rule for this, but I'd probably give it at least a month or two of getting to know the person if it was something more than just sex.

[Asker]

I know him for a month