Handsome guys dating below average girls: explanations?

[Anonymous]

I have noticed it a lot. While the common rule is fo people to date along their same attractiveness range. I often see very handsome men with girls that are barely average in the looks department.

I know I may sound superficial since looks aren't the main factor in dating someone. Probably those girls have great personalities, are very loving, selfless and such.But well sometimes this isn't even the case. And I'm pretty sure there are cute girls, without them being a knocking 10 or 8 who also have great personal qualities.

So this puzzles me a lot. Women are constantly told that men are "visual" creatures, that we should always try to look our best and take care of our body and face. Yet those men defy this. What impresses me most is that most of the time those girls don't even seem to put in any effort regarding their outward appearance. (mind you, I'm not even talking about make up to enhance their features but some of them don't even groom that well...)

So I don't understand it. I've thought that maybe such men aren't aware of how good they look. but then again that doesn't explain it fully. Like I said they don't date slightly above average women, who on a good day look very cute.

And I'm not really convinced that it is a personality thing.

So do you have any idea why it might be so?

Updates

+1 y

to answer quite a few comments:


Obviously what shocked me the most isn't the fact that I don't consider them pretty. It's mostly the fact the fact that they are girls who don't try to look "put together". That's what I meant by below average. I beiev any girl can look quite good if she at least grooms.

Then I would really believe the whoel personality theory if other guys didn't mind going for girls that are not considered ttractive by most. When they do it is usually just for sex.

Updates

+1 y

Also men seem to be socially expected to catch a girl that is at least as attractive as them. Not because attractiveness si that important but mainly because it show how good of a hunter they are (and whether you agree with this it's pretty much the truth). It's an ego boost to their manliness. It sends the message that they have strong manly qualities the girl was attracted to and that they didn't just settle for a girl they could easily have.

[PonyCar]

It doesn't just 'sound' superficial, it is.

Guys are visual creatures. It's 100% true. That's the hook, but if you're incompatible otherwise, the relationship NEVER lasts. With one exception (arm candy), guys want someone they like in more than just the looks department. Physical appearance is important, but it's not even close to 100% of the package. If she's super-hot (9-10 range) but she's needy, clingy, high-maintenance and entitled, most guys aren't going to want her for anything more than a quick fling (or arm candy to boost their ego).

Mistake: You're assuming that the attractiveness scale you're using is the same one everyone uses. You don't think she's pretty, so how could anyone else? She's a 5 to you, so she must be a 5 to him. You manicure because it's important to you & she doesn't, so her grooming habits are sub-par. (Guys typically don't notice/care manicures, BTW) Do you see what I'm saying?

[Asker]

Well that's what we women tell ourselves. Sure looks aren't that important. Mind you it's not like I put all of my energy into them. Education and having great personal qualities such as compassion and being understadnign are way more important.

However most men seem to agree that looks play a huge part in their attraction to a girl. She does not need to be striking beauty goddess. But they do love a girl that makes effort to look feminine and pretty , grooms herself and dress well

[PonyCar]

Actually, you'll find this surprising, but this explanation doesn't come from me. It's from my guy friends. Looks are definitely important, but they aren't what keep couples together. Looks play the biggest part in INITIAL attraction. After that, all bets are off. You could be the prettiest, most feminine, well-groomed woman in the room, but if you're a "total b*tch" then no guy is going to be with you long-term.

[Asker]

This question isn't about me. I'm a rather average girl with a decent personality and to be honest with yo uI don't care that much for looks but I DO care al ot for chemistry. This being said this question wasn't a judgement of what those guys do. If they're happy this way it's good for them.

I asked this because very often when a girl is single and has no guy asking her, the main reason given is "she's ugly" "she doesn't take care of herself" "she needs to dress more feminine". of course all

[Asker]

of this knowing the girl has a great personality. Yet there are examples of such girls who do manage to get a boyfriend and not one of her own "perceived" attarctiveness range.

This is why I asked so that I could be given explanations as it seems that things are more complex than attractive = get boyfriend, unattracctive = stays single.

[Asker]

( and of course I'm saying all of this assuming such girls, attractive or not, have good personalities. I don't believe that attractiveness plays a part in making you bitchy or not. It's mostly social conditioning and your experience through relationships since childhood that do so. Some truly beautiful women find themselves ugly and have developped amazing personal qualities, the same way some less attractive women have become bitter about their experience and can be quite mean...?

[PonyCar]

Oh yeah- I know it wasn't about you. It was just an example.

I do beg to differ regarding the relationship between attractiveness and "b*tchiness" though. It's true from what I've observed. More attractive women can (but not necessarily do) get away with being mean/horrible/inconsiderate because they're attractive (& can be useful as arm candy). Less attractive women don't have that advantage, so they'd never be able to get away with treating someone poorly.

[desidoll]

There are many possibilities for this matter.First,maybe he finds her personality is attractive and he gets along with her very well.

Secondly he might have insecurity issue where he feels self conscious dating the girl with the same league as him.Since he is attractive and get hit on a lot,he has an idea how much do the beautiful girls get,maybe even more than him.He probably dislike that idea.Dating a below average girl can make him feel more confident of himself.

Thirdly,he probably has assumption that beautiful girls have high maintenance,bitchy and complicated.Dating below average girl is much more easier to him.

I personally think mostly its the combination of the second and third factor but if you asked,they will say it is because of the first factor...No one would exactly admit that though.However, I know some handsome guys who date below average girls because he is attracted to her personality.

[Asker]

Yes you have a very good point here. It probably is in most cases a mix of the three reasons you stated.

I

[confugirl]

I've met men like that and they're always really insecure and submissive. Some of them are simply still with their high school love, who just decided she won't work on herself anymore.

Really, some people aren't aware of how good looking they are. Even though that may seem like a female thing, lots of men have it too

[Asker]

I am seriously considerign this to be the real reason. After all ,you only go after what you think yo ucan get.

[stubbsy]

The thing is, women get comfortable with their men, so they don't have to make as much as an effort with their appearance, and guys don't mind this, because he sees the quality she has, he don't need a constant reminder of how good she can look, so the reason girls look below average is because they have their man, they have no need to attract anymore, and the guy has no need to hunt as you put it, he knows what he has and is happy to keep that happy, women that always make such efforts are never happy with what they have and are always looking for better than they have, so in my view, if your happy, then looking a little below par is fine, maintain self respect, but why dress out to attract attention, its no longer needed, for either sexes, be happy, stay happy and treasure what you have, don't worry about what others think you look like, because inside your the prettiest thing to himx

[Anonymous]

They worship us. It's nice turning the tables and being the one on the pedestal.

[Opinion Owner]

You last update is humerus. It seems you have men figured out. We're lesser animals that run on instincts and genetics. We're biological impulses and nothing more. I guess that makes you nothing more then a baby factory.

[Asker]

I figured some of those guys appreciated this more than anything too. Soem of them and it's quite man to say, know they have the upper hand I nthe relationship and the girl will always take them back (that's when the guy is handsome and confident and the girl has image issue)

[Asker]

didn't saw you previous comment.

humerus? I don't think I have men figured out , hence my question.

[Opinion Owner]

I meet very few people who don't have their issues with self image and I've never dated one.

[Phoenix1991]

Well you can say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Most of the time that is true.

If you want to use people in ranges from one to 10 in terms of attractiveness, say someone who is 8 dating a 5, All kinds of reasons can happen, from being friends for a long time and just find each other attractive eventually, etc etc.

People don't always have to date someone on their "level", That's what Most people expect but its not always the case, As long as you do find them attractive and other things such as chemistry and personality play a big factor as well.

Some people don't have their heads up their asses and don't think they are better than other people, so they don't see any lanes in the attractive scale, they just go with who they find attractive then date them.

[Konnour]

I hope this will not become a massive trend because I don't want girls becoming lazy when it comes to their appearance 'coz it surely is very important to me

Also some people are insecure with unstable perception of self-worth

How can you accurately rate your own attractiveness while being straight? You might have an idea but you can't know for sure

There's another thing. Some people are told to that money and status are "looks" for men, meaning that looks are essentially important only for women and that the thickness of a wallet is a male counterpart of this core-trait

[Michaelmwm19]

Looks are not my top priority, its her morals and personality, and how she makes me feel. Ill date anyone, that I'm compatible with and attracted to, even if someone considers her unattractive, I really couldent care less, its what I think, and feel ,that matters to me, in the opposite gender.

[AamuYami]

Maybe you're just too jealous.

I honestly hare those "average-below average-above average"stuff. There are guys who go crazy for beautiful bitches, there are guys who have the thing for average cuties. There are guys who have fabulous girlfriends but finally end up with nerdy wifes. The same applies to girls. Some of the girls who I consider among the most beautiful people I've ever seen date guys I'd never even look at.

It's just because relationships are not about finding The Best One, looks-wise or personality-wise. It's about someone who is best for YOU, although everyone else can be damn shocked.

[Asker]

Who said nerdy girls were ugly?

[AamuYami]

I most certainly didn't say that :D

[Anonymous]

I've seen pretty or even hot/sexy girls dating average, below average, or even ugly looking guys and I was surprised too. I think that in dating-wise the couples consider their partner's look as secondary factor where one heart matches the other comes first. So in this case it seems like there is something about that girl that attracted him other than the way she look that even if the whole world thinks that the girl is ugly he could think that she is the most beautiful thing in his life.

[Alonso14]

This is retarded.

If all the handsome men are dating the below average girls who are the beautiful girls dating? The below average men? F***ing doubt it.

[Koldhearted]

The prettier a female is the more likely she'll be a bitch.

[Asker]

Really? Do yo ufeel right assuming someone must have a specific character based on her "looks". Don't you find it a bit discrimating?

Well I am sorry you had to experience such things. Some girls don't realize they're pretty or don't value it because they know a person's value lies elsewhere.

[Asker]

*discriminating