Back in October, I went away to school and we were doing long distance. At this point, we had only been dating for 3 months. We got into a fight one night and I went out with my college friends. I got very very drunk and kissed another guy. It was only for a few seconds and I pushed him away and told him no and to stop because I had a boyfriend. I don't know the guy, I don't even know his name or remember his face.
Anyways, I thought to myself, we had only been dating for 3 months, it's not that serious, the kiss didn't mean anything so it doesn't matter. Well...fast forward 7 months and all of a sudden it started mattering that I kept it from him. I was having nightmares and felt guiltier the closer we got. I finally decided to tell him the other day. He was so pissed off. He was so upset and angry the whole night. The next day he was still mad but we talked it out and now everything is fine.
I feel like I should have never said anything though because it didn't matter and now I feel like it does matter. I brought up something from so long ago and although it doesn't seem to be affecting him very much, it affects me that he knows. Maybe it's because I gave myself up and I feel "caught" and feel ashamed. I'm not really sure.
Sorry to rant but I need some help making sense of this so I can feel better. Thanks for any input!
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Not to sound like the moral police or anything, but shouldn't you have regret kissing the guy more so than regretting being truthful to your boyfriend?
First off, being in a fight doesn't give you immunity to go out and do things that would otherwise hurt or jeopardize your relationship. There will always be a difference of opinion, misunderstandings, disagreements and misinterpretations that can provoke an argument.
The key is how you handle these situations. It's best to work these situations out where as to get some sort of understanding, agreement and compromise. When you storm out and get drunk, not only does it NOT resolve the issue you have. In fact quite often it either further complicates things or creates new problems, such as the one you're having now.
You stated you were very very drunk, but you still have responsibilities, not just within the relationship, but to yourself. It is a very unfortunate reality that getting so drunk where it affects your judgment or physical capabilities not only predisposes you to make irrational decisions like allowing the kiss to happen in the first place. It also puts your safety, health and possibly your life in jeopardy.
I can't agree with your logic 100% simply because one, you allowed a stranger to kiss you and even though you pulled away, still you knew you had a boyfriend before it took place. Secondly, you felt that it was just a kiss didn't mean anything. I can't help but ask what if it had been him kissing another girl? Would you still feel it lacked meaning? The kiss itself may not have meant anything in regard to your feelings toward the guy but the fact that it happened obviously had more of an impact than you think. Additionally, you regret being honest and telling him what happened, but you never stated in your narrative that you regret the actual kiss.
The facts are what's done is done and nothing can erase the past. I do admire the fact that you were honest about the situation and I'm certain he was hurt by it and you both have talked things over and worked things out, but it may take some time for him to heal from this and to regain trust in you that he previously had but lost because of what happened. You're going to have to give him that time, even though it may be a bit unpleasant. Also, by the same token, if he truly forgives you, he cannot keep throwing that incident in your face every time you have an argument. You both can recover from this but it's going to take time, reaffirmed commitment and a rebuilding of trust to make it happen.
I absolutely regret kissing the other guy. which is why I felt so guilty and felt the need to tell my boyfriend to get it off my chest. but now that I said something I felt like there was no point. My boyfriend is amazing, he's totally understanding and forgiving. like I said, this is my first real relationship and I've learned that you don't do things like this when you fight. you're still committed I think it actually made us stronger. I just feel like crap about him knowing.
Well what's done is done. You can't change the past, only can learn from it. He has forgiven you, perhaps its best you come to terms and forgive yourself as well. Try to put the incident behind you, but keep the lesson with you. Move forward and try not to let those past demons haunt you.