I'm sure there are a lot of reasons a guy chases a woman but I think the two main are going to be for love and sex.
Well since women don't wait till marriage anymore guys don't have to bend over backwards to try and convince a girl that sex is a great idea. She is just as willing. And the irony of it is that since women get so strongly attached after sex, the guy doesn't have to put work in after the first time. She is going to do all the calling and chasing cause she is so attached.
The other guys that do the chasing are the ones that want love and like Subotai so amazingly put, those are the guys that are unfortuantely seen as creepy. That's why I love how many women are obsessed with Edward in Twilight. If that guy lived in real life, you would put a restraining order on him!
The other thing about the romantic guy who will chase you is that he wants it to be a two way street. He wants just as much as he is giving. And when he spent months to years giving and giving only to be left by the woman, why in the world would he chase another woman? Just to give and give and have her leave?
The man who is my partner, I had to chase him. I had never in my life had to pursue a guy and it hurt the hell out of my pride to romance this guy. But I could tell there was something different about him. He wasn't just some lazy dude who didn't want to put any effort into it. Like I had to call him first everyday. It was weird cause the second I would call him it's like it opened the flood gates to allow him to call me all he wanted that day. But until I called him, he didn't call me. That went on for about 2 months at the beginning. Then he finally called me whenever he wanted. The first time we gave Christmas gifts to each other, because he always seemed so tempered, I gave him something small so he wouldn't feel bad that I gave too much and he gave me 2 handmade items and 2 bought items. I felt awful. And the next couple times we gave gifts to each other, he had toned back and I kicked it up. It took me awhile to get over my pride of having to do that but sure enough he started giving me the most amazing gifts again. At first I thought, "I'll be damned if I'm the one chasing! Men chase me! Not the other way around!" but the more I learned about his past the more I realized why he was so cautious with me and I had to swallow my pride and keep giving. Now, I can't stop the man from giving to me! I could say "I wonder what the temperature in Iceland is today?" and he will have Googled it before I finished saying it. I realize now that he just needed someone to show him that it's safe to chase again cause she isn't going to reject it and she isn't going to sit on her ass and let him do all the work. He spoils me like no other man I have ever been with but I spoil him so much he probably thinks he died and has gone to heaven.
It's fun to be chased but taking turns chasing makes for so much more love.
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I blame women too. Why? Men, as a whole are creatures of habit, they do what they think works. If all the girls in the world decided that long hair was sexy, millions of men would be growing their hair out.
Girls these days for some reason are getting sluttier and more desperate by the year. Enjoying sex does not make you a slut, but having sex indiscriminately before you even know what they guy is about it just foolish and stupid. After the sexual revolution and people started getting more carefree, the value of sex dropped. Coincidentally, studies have shown that young women who are "slutty" and participate in casual sex have the highest rates of depression and report being dissatisfied with their lives. Hmm..interesting.
Anyways, back to what I was saying some women took the whole feminism thing too far. I'm glad that we aren't seen as just props and objects to make a man's life easier, but where did we get the message that we should take a man's role and do everything that he does? Now we have a whole generation of guys who either have little respect for women, or who don't know how to be a man because they don't have to. Guys don't have to chase and pursue women because there will always be women that throw themselves and do the chasing for him. We have forgotten that, hey we are worth working for, we shouldn't just give ourselves so easily in the name of "equality". Because at the end of the day the guy will get what he wants (sex) but the girl will be left looking stupid when he doesn't commit
I've got to wonder how many women are worth chasing. Girls don't act like ladies, but they expect guys to act like gentlemen. WTF?
Most of my friends (or "friends," really) who I went to college with were sluts. I beg your pardon, "liberated women!" They'd give b.j.s to guys they barely knew, so there's no reason for a guy to wait around for sex as a "reward."
Most of my friends were drunk 3-4 nights a week, so where's the challenge in playing quarters?
Most of my friends were extremely cruel and belittling towards the guys they did date. They'd play headgames and behave like spoiled princesses ... and then they couldn't figure out why he broke up with her.
Most of my friends had no hobbies. None. Unless you consider watching The Hills marathons a hobby. And they didn't read anything other than texts unless it was 20 minutes before a test and they were cramming. They were so shallow that they couldn't hold a conversation about any serious topic.
And on top of this, they chose majors with little to no employment potential (art history in the house!), then bitched & moaned that they couldn't find an $80,000 job the minute they graduated. so they start looking for a "rich boy" to make their life easy ... but guys can smell that sh!t a mile off. they're not stupid.
When I look at women my age, I get really disgusted. They don't have a lot to offer men.
And it makes ME look bad!
I've got to agree with Fitzcarraldo: most women aren't worth the trouble. To be crass, they seem to think that their vaginas are lined with gold, and they can do no wrong.
I've had three serious relationships since I graduated from college. I dumped all three of 'em on their selfish, using, scheming manipulating butts.They offered me little kindness, respect or compassion, and they expect me to give them the world.
#1. Dumped her after she told me that I was selfish for wanting to talk about my feelings. This was a girl who dominated essentially every conversation we had with an endless monologue about her feeeeelings. But the 1 time I wanted to talk about something that was important to me, she insulted me and said I was being selfish (for talking the spotlight off her).
#2. I dumped her after she wanted to move in together after only 4 months. She *would not* discuss the issue like an adult, would not read the book I bought about how couples that live together before marriage tend to have *more* fights and higher divorce rates after they marry. No, my girlfriend didn't want to be bothered with the facts. She instead behaved like a spoiled child at a toy store.
#3. I dumped her after she pressured me to change careers. I love my job, and make a good living. But she kept suggesting that I change jobs. After a fight (that she picked for no good reason), the ugly truth came out: she was afraid that *I* would not be able to afford *her* dream house on my current salary. She didn't care about me; I was just a means to her end.
These days, women will put out on the first date, so there's no incentive to guys to chase her for sex. If I want to get laid occasionally, that's no challenge at all.
Most women are remarkably selfish, and don't seem to give a damn about men's feelings, goals or emotional needs.
So why should we chase women? What's our reward? There's a 50% chance of divorce, and 3 to 1 odds that you'll divorce us not because of assault or affairs, but because of your feeeeelings. And then you'll expect to rape us of half we've worked so hard to obtain.
So what's my incentive?
Women have created this mess. They've no one to blame but themselves when men have had enough of your abuse.
The guys who try to chase after women be romantic say sweet things make them homemade gifts are either detested by women or told they are "just friends". They get called creepy or ironically gay or not manly enough too nice or predictable. Men learn early they have to be "exciting and unpredictable" "in charge" "tough" of course this macho badboy thing is so predictable and boring its not even funny but women don't seem to get that. Women respond to stupid behavior and bad attitude from men like men respond to exposed cleavage. their brains temporarily die. That is why men don't chase women unless maybe they are really rich. We learn we have to pretend we don't like her have her chase us and never be easy or act "submissive" to anything she wants and be a "bad boy" otherwise we are totally unsexy friend material and the last thing in the world a guy wants to hear from the girl he loves and tosses and turns in his bed thinking about every night is "lets just be friends" or the even more horrifying "You're like a brother to me" I have been led on played and seen too many guys who are losers compared to me get the girl to want to paly the chase game. For a lot of women getting multiple guys to chase them is just a huge ego trip they are female palyers who don't rack up how many guys they have sex with but how many guys desperately want her whos hearts she crushed up into a pulp and trampled on. That's right guys have feelings too and some women think it funny to p*ss all over them because they can because they are "pretty" on the outside and often that is enough to fool men
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140Opinion
Why we are tired of getting hurt. That's why.
What do you mean? What I mean is prime example: My girlfriend dumped me about a week ago for her ex boyfriend who is abusive. We had been together for a month and a half then the last day/night she goes has sex with him comes back and says, "where done."
So "why" would a guy not approach women? I wonder? Maybe we have reason's. Seeing as how this is the "second" girl out of 2 I've seriously attempted to be with that have pulled this crap. Perhaps yes you women have done it. You've scared us to even be interested for fear of shattering our hearts, that beileive it or not "are" fragile. Just as your's is. We are humans. You know? Just cause we are a guy doesn't mean we can't be hurt enough to where we go, "man why bother anymore." I'm just going to get hurt.
That's the point I'm at.
For example I just sent my Ex a letter after 8 day's of no comms from her and nothing from me. Just saying hey, it's an open door, if you want to be friends you know where I live, and I'm not mad at you. But I'd like to at least be friends.
I gurentee she doesn't answer.
Why, she can have whatever she want's she's the girl.
She can have whatever guy she wants.
She can date whatever she wants, she's attractive, sweet, and a very respectfull lady.
Although, will she care about me? Why should she. I'm just another guy with a co*k between my legs. She could have that from anyone.
IDK there is a lot of anger in this response I guess you could say.
Although it is just.
It is well deserved.
And I'm sorry I didn't mean to be a jerk to you, it's just I'm tired of Women Taking a poop on me and my fellow men, then asking, "why don't you approch us anymore?" Well now you know. Your gender has cheated one to many times, you've lied to us that you won't break our heart's and you have, multipule times infact.
IDK, it's just hard as a guy you just get to the point of this,
Well, every time I try it end's in defeat and sorrow, and hurt so I figure if I let her approach me she has to have "some" interest so my chances of getting hurt are lessened.
That's why.Personally, I don't do it much because girls make it way too hard for me. And then, really I find out how ugly a lot of these girls are underneath when they don't have to have good behavior. There are great women, and there are some great women I'm attracted to, but even they make it difficult (whether it's on purpose or not).
I'm interested, technically, in about 2-3 women. I say technically, because for whatever reasons, it's tough getting things to gel.
Realistically, for whatever reason, I don't have a chance with any of them.
I'd like to con myself into thinking that I have a chance with one of them, but with this particular woman, she never hangs out in my groups, so it's nearly impossible to get to know her. I see her once every three months or so. I've met her only twice.
I try to go for women that I have something in common with and not just the pretty face, and it's not that I'm attracted to every woman that actually talks to me, but I wish it were a little easier.
I have another woman I'm interested in; the "relationship" I thought was new enough for me to not be roughly shoved into the friends zone right away.
I just started trying to flirt with her. I might as well be flirting with a brick wall. I'd get more of a positive response from the wall. It's annoying because we seem to have so much in common. We work in the same areas, we like the same movies. We went to school in the same cities, and have the same college degrees. Yet she doesn't want it to gel. I can tell she's not interested, and I was hoping that in spite of me being a bit ugly, that she'd show interest. She hasn't.
It's frustrating.
It's not every day I can find a woman I have a lot of things in common with, and even with being ugly, I just wish I had been considered as a realistic guy she could consider dating (for one fleeting second). It's drummed into your head that average looking guys with good personalities who show some backbone can get dates; not true for some guys.
I ask women out as friends, and they rarely show up. I ask them on dates, and usually they're quite rude to me. Apparently it's offensive to suggest a cup of coffee, grabbing a burger, etc.
That's why it feels like a hopeless situation, and why I don't just ask a lot of women out on dates. The girls kind of ruined the situation for the good women out there.2/2 why the limited answer space all the time...
next maybe 5-6 girls on the street. therefore I would say it is not so much lazyness but actually supply that at last came down to a reasonable level. (because who said that investing days and weeks and maybe months or years even in a "maybe" was ever justified in the first place?)
the fundamental problem is the following: what we are most limited on is time so its the thing we don't want to waste for something that has very little promise of safe return and no guarantee whatsoever and since you can't really expect guarantees in this area that will diminish the effort that is put in yet more and this is something majorly true for men but also for women.
throw in financial support and independence for and of single mothers and social acceptance levels higher than ever also their selection behaviour changed. and it changed much more when condoms or especially the pill became mainstream.
if you look at the average attention-span of humans it shortened considerably over the last few years, similarily access to selected information and pretty much anything became extremely fast and whenever or whereever you are sex also underwent these shifts to a degree, if not for its own sake then at least to fit into our daily scedule. and with the huge growth-rates of cities and their inhabitants the chances of seeing him her again are slim to none.
now being someone that is aware that he is one of many you have to take chances as they come and few think they can keep to themselves the luxury of playing around while most actually are out there finding the "one other significant".
of course there is also the scientific fact that women play the leading role in mating rituals like in first contact and this might yet be another reason as to why they take yet another more pro-active approach...
whatever the case I sincerely hope you find what you wish for, even if it is something few others would go for in the long run...
other than that I would also not give a sh*t about games, although here is a fun one I like to play: when I respond to something I do it honestly and if the other party was expecting me to read their minds they can kindly go f*** themselves because there is other stuff and other tails I can start chasing any time :)
of course that paradoxically takes control away from women by forcing them to also adapt to changes in their surroundings mating approaches but only if these individuals want all three sides of the coin at the same time: all of the choice, all the time, as well as artificially high standards that aren't backed up by anything that actually adds value to the others life i.e. giving something for what they are getting
dont get me wrong everyone is able and willing to chase something that is really desireable, but I guess it has to enrich your life with more than just a few flaps of meat that admittedly feel good and I guess that goes for all of us: IT IS FUCKING MUTUAL IN ALL ASPECTS!wow ok first of all somebody seems to have a major issue here...
and not just somebody, a lot of guys seem to see this as a hot topic as well.
first of all the topic consists of four parts, why this is how it is on a general level, why on a personal one, and the second, for whom the "earlier" state is better and why and for whom the current state is better and why.
as many considered there is the issue with girls giving it "too easy" but that is actually already an opinion, saying it neutrally would mean: "it is an issue of supply and demand" however it is a special case of such namely as you already somehow state: it is the special case where a group has a monopoly on something and "decides" its price that way it can be kept artificially high because if none of the providing side go below the "agreed" price then the buying side will simply have to pay since there is no other supply. then another thing happens: some women realize (just sooner than others but eventually all of them) that they want sex relationships etc. in short the whole package as well so they can't keep sitting on it forever and wait for men to sucker up and pay the full price.
so what happens is some start to give it away a little easier than others because they say hey, if I undercut prices a tiny bit, I have all the choice even if my goods aren't the best out there but if I'm the only one selling everyone will come to me, and that will start other girls thinking and therefore doing the same thus creating a wave that later on turns into competition not for single men but even before that simply for choice and therefore chance of getting one of the "good" ones.
the problem with this monopoly and its artificially high price is that its not like OPEC where very very few supply a huge number of buyers but actually a scenario where buyers and sellers are roughly the same amount and everyone is competing with everyone.
now think as social dogma as a means to control the market, its like strict regulations or free trade zones, if the dogma says you have to go out at least twice in order to get some booty (ARRR!) then of course that raises the price and obviously women as a whole will get more out of it, whatever that may be. remove the regulation and supply and demand will even each other out given enough time to erode old standards that still persist somehow also removing a bar that people all over the place could take their "dates-before-sex" counter and haves and have-not's from without having to constantly adapt to the group in fear of loosing out by beeing to restrictive.
this is actually another place for misconception, namely that men are out ONLY for sex because it is their genetical imperative to spread their seed as far as they can and for women to catch and bind a or multiple men and make them work for her and her possible offspring as long as possible, I actually think that it is wrong to assume that even most men do it only for that because that would mean that any guy looking for a relationship flat out is a evolutionary faliure which in my eyes seems very unlikely given the amount of men looking just for that.This is kind of like that "where did all the real men go" type of question... The answer to both your question and that one is "they never existed".
In other words, men never did chase women like they do in the movies or in soap-operas. If you don't believe me, ask your grandma.
"""Do you think its because we make it too easy for ya'll? there's no real challenge? Maybe girls throw themselves at most guys too much?""
Actually its the opposite. Girls make it way too hard and play way too many games based on a mythical reality that doesn't exist outside soap operas.
The myth about men who like to chase and hunt and want a challenge is just that, a myth. We want to cuddle up to someone we like just as much as you do. And by "we"... I mean us sane guys.
The only guys who like to chase and conquer women is playas, womanizers and jerks. If you want a playa, then fine, make things hard and present yourself as a prize to be won over.
If you want a good guy, than make it a mutual effort of you getting together.
Also, more and more men want to "not be jerks" and we're bombarded with stories of women complaining about over-persisting men, stalkers and jerks who won't take a no for an answer.
So we (as a gender), just went and said... Ok... If you want it that way, you'll get it that way. If you say no (but you really mean yes and want me to ask you a second time)... then I'm SORRY, your loss. Next time don't play games.Women are primarily to blame for this one. In the social sphere, it’s women who have changed the rules in the last 40 years, not men. Men have retreated from the positions we once held for the sake of equality, and this is largely a good thing. Nevertheless, it is women who have failed to adapt to the new reality, not men.
It’s laughable that women think they’ve “made it too easy” on guys. This is true only if ‘easy’ means having to wade through a morass of mind games and emotional hang-ups to try to form a meaningful relationship. Yes, women will have casual sex more readily now than in the past, but young women are generally so emotionally stunted that you’d think they were war veterans suffering from PTSD. They’ll f*ck you tomorrow, but they’ll never be honest or vulnerable with you in a million years. Instead, they prefer to seek personal validation by playing games with various guys. The men who are emotionally lost themselves—the bad boys—thus become the pinnacle of attraction to young women. After all, the bad boy will never demand honestly from her when he’s being disingenuous himself.
In all of this, the normal, non-dramatic dude is left to wonder what the hell is going on. You chase a girl and you’re suddenly too needy. You don’t chase a girl and suddenly you’re a lazy loser who lacks the balls to pursue women. In the end, the normal dude just gets tired of the games and cashes out. It’s easier and cheaper (emotionally and monetarily) to avoid women and spend your time doing something you enjoy. Men are truly tired of the inequality in relationships, of having to incessantly prove things to women. We love women, but as we mature we realize that there isn’t a woman in this world for whom it’s worth compromising one’s dignity and self-esteem.Hey, I don't usually write an answer to questions with these many answers, but I like your question! So I'll write something here.
I feel the same as you, that it's the girls now who are chasing the guys, I agree with your reasoning on this. I'm feeling that guys are no longer as decisive when it comes to relationships, and pretty much leave it to the girls to make things happen.
I don't think it's because girls make it too easy, if anything it's the guard/shield girls put on that repel men. But that's normal, and that guard is necessary. You do it unconsciously (or consciously), but that's the way it's always been. The men of old had the same issue, but they pressed on. I don't think girls have ever been easy on guys, until very recently, I don't think it's in a female's nature to throw themselves at guys easily.
If you can see the difference between what men are doing in today's age compared to a couple of decades ago, you will see that men are no longer what they used to be. The nature hasn't changed, as it remains the same with women; the nurture did. Men today are much more "feminine" in their nature. Being the passive one in the relationship, not going after girls, etc. Guys having manicure, too nervous to even walk up to the opposite sex, etc. There are A LOT more guys you'd label "shy" now than you would find in, let's say, the 80's.
Guys are not chivalrous anymore; I mean, I don't think women ever expected men to do it; they may have in the past because it was norm for real gentlemen to do chivalrous things. Then the social change, I call the feminization of men, began to happen, and men stopped doing it, then the females just don't expect the guys to do that type of things.
I do feel what kids are taught in school and hollywood, among other factors, contribute a lot to the feminization of American men. Can you name one example of how a guy isThere are plenty of highly educated women out there that realize that when dealing with a proper man:
Chasing a man isn't throwing themselves but realizing that women F up too and need to take responsibility to fix it with the man. AND THAT IS OK!
That not saying "I'm leaving" but instead taking an honest stand as an adult to say "I need to know that you care and don't want to lose me" isn't making it too easy.
That a woman's body isn't a "prize" to be bought or won. Instead sex is a mutual showing of your love and passion for each other.
Why would a man want someone that says hurtfull things they don't mean to get attention? That considers their body to be of more importance than his?
That considers their feelings more important than his?
I expect my life long partner to be just that, a partner, not someone I have to invest into like the stock market. She wants me; I want her. A private trade.
Women are still chasing equality and I agree they should have it in relationships just as much as in the social/economic realm.
Equality of the chasing, giving, dumping, responsibility, love, satisfaction, and pain."During a seminar I did with black men and women, the men decided to express to the women some things that they had never had a chance to say. So the men started expressing their pain and disappointment. They started expressing how they feel about not being accepted for who they are, for not having their struggle recognized, for having the women respond to them in very self-centered ways where the women were only talking about what they needed, what they wanted. 'You want, want, want, want all the time. Can't you see that I'm working with very limited resources? I'm doing the best I can...' And as they were in the midst of talking about that, the women _lit_ into them. I mean they _fired_ at them! the women started screaming and yelling at them, 'How dare they be so insensitive and uncaring! And all the kinds of foul statements that can be made. And the men shut down. They shut down. They couldn't say another word."
Audrey Chapman, author and therapist, quoted in Jack Kammer's "Good Will Towards Men"Girls are the most difficult beings on the planet for boys to analyze as against boys.
Your body language is really very hard to decipher. Even Dr. Albert Einstein's theory of relativity is not this hard.
Even if a girl stares at you longer than usual, it doesn't necessarily mean that she is interested in you. She is probably admiring your physique, you hairstyle, your clothes, & so on.
Simultaneously it may mean that she is interested in you. (A huge turn-off for me).
Likewise, when a girl looks away, it doesn't necessarily mean that she is not interested in you. Probably your presence makes her nervous enough to look elsewhere. Simultaneously it may mean that she does not like you ! (What a crap !)
Even if she compliments or praises you, it may not mean that she is interested in you. She is just being a good friend with you that's all. Simultaneously, it may also mean that she likes you. (Another turn - off! gah !)
As you can see, all the possibilities are equally likely. So, why should a guy waste his time thinking unnecessarily about the girl ?
I am 25 and I have never went chasing a girl due to the above said reasons.
why would guys waste time chasing and being chivalrous to girls when they get no reward? We have no patience anymore, and if you're making us chase you for ages we can now find girls that won't take as long to come around. Not that these are always the best girls, but we live in a day where we can get a cute girl quickly and easily, so to us it really doenst make logical sense to chase women.
The only guys that do that are ones who don't have many options for whatever reason
guys who do that kind of stuff hardly ever get the girl over a guy who doesn't chase , but can entertain.
the guys who all the women are attracted to don't need to chase because they usually have plenty of options.
Lets be real, there are plenty of guys chasing women, but you're thinking only of guys who you are attracted to. You're not counting the fat guy that hangs around your friends sometimes who keeps trying his luck, or the guy who you met in the club who keeps sending you texts.
Guys who are attractive and have options don't chase because its handed to them already. And these are the guys you want to chase you.
dont discount all the guys who have :
tried to talk to you
tried to ask you out
tried to call you
tried to get your number/email
Theres a lot of chasers out there.
I would even go as far to say that most guys on this site are chasers, but guys can't be arsed
to chase someone when he he can get someone else just as good without the extra hassle
theres almost no difference between the girl that went out with us first time we asked and the one who went out with us 7 months after we askedSUCH a good question, I'm flattered that you took the time to notice this!
Reciprocity is key for me, if I feel like I have to keep chasing her and I get nothing in return. In other words, she takes and doesn't give back, I don't really feel the need to keep chasing her when I could put my interest elsewhere. Do you know what I mean?
Let me put it this way, now that women have become more independent they have the freedom to leave a guy whenever she wants to - for whatever reason that might be. I am not upset about this fact, I think it's great that women don't feel dependent on men. More power to you.
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I understand most women enter relationships with a lot of insecurities and it's overlooked a lot. Reciprocity is key, and we don't really have a reason to keep giving with nothing in return.
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This depends. If you smother us, we run. If you give us too much of a chase, we leave. You've go the right idea though. Guys do need a chase to keep coming back. My golden rule is: "Don't go hunting, go fishing." Give a little, then let him come back for more. Don't make him keep chasing, it bores him and makes him think you don't appreciate him
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This all depends on the guys experience with women. If he has trust issues, chances are, he's waiting for someone to break that for him. If he is used to being catered, he doesn't want a chase, he can find another girl that will throw herself at him. If he knows how to keep the girl coming back, he doesn't feel the need to persue her. Seek out mature men, it sounds like you're on the right path. I'm glad you recognize this, rather than deny it
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Naw, it's not ALL your fault! It's a matter of finding a balance between the two extremes. Throwing yourself at him and giving nothing in return for his good efforts.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask
Best
BrianWell a lot has happened with gender relations in the last 50 years. Woman have gained a lot of independence but there are some by products to this event. We no longer interact with females as our mates but as our equals. This eliminates the whole process of "the chase". It is a two way street now where men and women have to both put in an effort, where the old days a woman put on a pretty dress and hoped Mr. Right would come along. It's really interesting because woman are our competitors these days as well. They are competing for the same jobs and jockeying for power in our social groups. The risk of chasing woman has increased because the social consequences have as well. Me hitting on a secretary in the 50's was called flirting, me hitting on a secretary now is called sexual harassment. Than you throw in dealing with extreme feminists and it just gets ugly. Essentially the modern world has become a pylon of social standing (comparing Facebook friends). People don't chase but more or less gravitate towards complimentary mates. Two men and women of equal social status and equal values are going to recognize each other and almost mutually agree to escalate the relationship. It just takes the cream off the pudding when a man who is a janitor asks out a woman who's an investment banker.
No I don't, it's just too painful. Equality of sexes, yeah right, you like sitting on your ass and shoot down one after another to get your ego boosts. Evrytime it's like trying to disarm a nuclear bomb, everytiome a different bomb, so many steps involved, so much panic, and more often than not, after a lot of work it explodes. Then I have to start it all over again, it's painful, annoying and I'm just giving up. It's like dealing with spoiled brats, unpredictable and just ready to cry for any thing.
I want ice cream
There you go, here's the icecream.
But it's too cold, too pink, I wanted the other flavour, or the one from the other shop because there's better etc., and also you're too boring predicatble don't give me a challenge are a needy wussy etc
Next time
I want ice cream
nope
You're a self-centered egotistic insensitive bastard who doesn't care about me
No matter what I do, chances are I'm gonna be considered wrong, I'll be rejected and will stay alone anyway. So if I have to stay alone, why bother having the pain of rejection too? I lose whichever way
The pleasure of wanting to stay with you is largely overshadowed by the fact that you're lazy, spoiled and a pain in the assThe Ludwig Boltzman Institude in Vienna, Austria did a huge study of dating, marriage and relationships. This study went on for years, with thousands of people of different races, nationalities and religions. Here's what the study found:
You know the thermostat on your wall that controls the house's temperature? The study found that women are the thermostat of a relationship. An institute spokesman said, "you can predict male behaviour by female behaviour, but not the other way round." (Quoted in the 14 Jan 2001 issue of New Scientist magazine.)
This means that women have a hell of a lot of power to make or break a relationship. It might sound like that's a question of "blame", but the subject is far more complex. In summary, the study discovered that men are generally _very_ easy to please. We're rather like puppies: we want to play, we want a belly rub, we want a treat occasionally; and we really, really, really want your praise and kindness and will act a little stupid to make you laugh. We respond a lot better to positive reinforcement (praise and rewards) than to negative reinforcement (yelling, complaints and nagging). If women treat men like puppies, they'll respond like puppies: with complete loyalty, dedication and hard work until we die. But if women treat men with counterproductive negative complaints, disrespect and headgames, men will act like naughty dogs and pee all over everything, bark all night and hump anything that moves.
So if men aren't chasing women, it's mostly because women have altered their thermostat so they're too hot or too cold for comfort. And if men aren't chasing women, it's because they're expecting to housetrain us not with positive rewards, but will negative feedback.Well first off, I'm a rather passive male, and no this doesn't make less of a man, I just am not the sort of over confident uber alpha male you usually encounter. I very much like to make it very clear to a woman I might be interested in that she always has a choice if she wants to see me. I will force no woman into submission for anything, it's just not how I'm wired. If a woman is to be with me it's because she wants to be, and even if we have been together for an extended period of time and she chooses to leave me, while it would definitely hurt me I would let her exercise her choice and let her go. I must admit with my being passive I like to be pursued, but not because I'm lazy, but because I like knowing she is interested, it removes all doubt. Once I know she is interested I most definitely participate in the pursuit, I respond so she knows I'm interested too, but I'm all about subtlety and patience. You might work next to me for 3 years and never even know I'm there and then all of a sudden you realize there is more to me than meets the eye.
girls have too much power plain and simple. not being sexest, just talking real terrain dynamics here. on any given night out a girl in a club has probably got twice as much social power as the next dude. why? numbers, guys are expected to make the first move, women have what the guy is chasin! so . why should a guy give his power away. whatever women say the minute its clear a guy likes you without you having earnt it what does that say. he's after you withought knowing you, without knowing if its mutual, and he has less value than that next dude who ain't interested. plus it puts a lot of pressure on the relationship, ie he expects and you will consexualise every little remark he makes. point being f*** it. why play that game. too many guys get prick teased in bars by girls who collect nuts like jewelery. its bullsh*t. sooo women will have to learn to chat up guys! which ain't as easy as it sounds. you may have a whole knew appreciation for the other side when you run out of words in a cold approach!
the greatest weapon against getting played is girls who are genuinely nice. not stupid but genuine and nice. also happy either way but interested in what your saying, what your story is. don't play games be genuine. it has hidden power.Well, this thread may be deceased at this point and the conversation definitely got confused but given what I read I felt I should weigh in especially with all the "guys are cowards" sort of comments.
There were two interpretations of what you asked: why don't guys approach girls anymore (which I've seen some other girls on here asking about) and why don't guys try to convince a girl to stay in a relationship when she says she's leaving (which I think is what you really meant once you clarified things).
What no one's talked about is the label "creepy" and how girls say guys are but shouldn't be it. I asked a question on this site a little while ago: Girls is it OK to approach you in a bookstore, etc. if we are strangers to each other or is it just "creepy"? I asked the question because everything and I mean stuff on TV, online, newspapers and personal conversations with girls had me convinced that girls label that sort of behavior as antiquated, chauvinist stuff that they hate and won't put up with anymore.
The same thing applies to trying to convince a girl who says she's leaving to stay. Girls are constantly claiming that that makes you a caveman or a _STALKER_. I wish I was kidding but I'm not. I have listened to female friends describe TV shows where the guy knows the girl is the only one for him and pursues her as clear cut cases of _stalking_ and NOT romance.
When you originally said you blamed girls, I immediately agreed but not for being "too easy" and willing to have sex but for labeling this sort of behavior as psycho.
Guys don't chase girls much anymore because girls don't want it and won't tolerate it.Well, this may be way different than a lot of other answers but...NO, its not easier...its harder than EVER! girls seem really hard to impress these days. And boys are not given the same respect we were back in the day. Girls mock us and think we stupid morons who think with our penis. We're taught that all our desires are bad. Not to mention, girls in general are more successful than guys in general. Girls go to school more, and boys just don't think we can impress you anymore. At least that's what I've seen. I mean, I'm not picky...I think 90% of girls are what I'd call "attractive"...there is very few girls I would say are "ugly" (and I hate myself for thinking that about some). But yea...you girls are just hard to impress. And we feel inadequate and npot up to par anymore. We know that you could easily do without us or just get some other " better" guy if we don't meet your expectations. It's not women's fault though. Women are just more successful and don't wana be with people who aren't on their level. If men can start doing better in school mayeb it'll balance out, but not likely. It isn't like back in the day when being a boyfriend, husband father, was a big deal and where women felt a strong connectio to men. Nowadays the man is a disposable underachiever.
Well here's the way I automatically think about it. If a woman communicates her disinterest and walks away, my upbringing (which I guess you could call "progressive") tells me pretty clearly that to ignore what she says and pursue her further would be the same thing as trying to cancel out her hard-won authority to make her own choices. It tells me that it would disrespect her by effectively declaring, "Choose all you want, babe, but I'm the man and you're going to do what I say." And by implication that sure seems like it's disrespecting all women, and basically makes me feel like sexist scum. I don't like being scum, and I don't like the idea of minimizing the legitimate gains that women have made over the past several decades.
The guys who chase look to me to be the ones who have decided that disrespecting her, and being turned into scum, are worth the price. And I can actually see their point -- women who play the game and expect to be chased around don't seem to take any positive action of their own, so only the guys who play the game have much of a chance. Doesn't any woman who encourages the chase and encourages chasers, reinforce all of that? Am I the only one who sees that as a contradiction?
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