Why did he slow down his texts and become more formal?

I met a guy through an online dating service. For about 3 weeks, we had some basic chit chat. He was very consistent in contacting me very day, several times a day, always sending a good morning and good night text. Around week 4, we started to text a lot and found we had a ton of stuff in common. We really started to connect and he started to use a lot of terms of endearment (good morning beautiful instead of just good morning, etc). He was adamant that he likes to take things slow, talking a lot with a woman before meeting her. I was very careful about letting him take the lead, with the texting, the terms of endearment. He asked to meet me and we did in week 5. We talked on the phone first then met. Yowza, did the sparks fly. The first date was awesome and we were both smitten. The kissing was amazing. After that we made a second date for week 6. Between the first and second dates he was texting like crazy, talking about the future, all of the things we would do (just casual fun outings, not marriage or anything). He literally counted the days and hours until our second date. I was always responsive to his texts and I let him know I too was excited and looking forward to spending time together.

The morning of the second date, he contacted me to tell me he had a meeting at his child's school and asked that we meet an hour later than originally planned. We were planning on going on a walk at a certain place so I drove close to that area to run errands while I waited. I didn't hear from him so an hour after our new meeting time, I texted telling him I hooed he was OK. 30 min later, I went closer to his area and let him know I was waiting there since we were running short on time.

When we finally got together, he seemed pretty lukewarm. I chalked it up to a bad meeting and went with the flow. Throughout the date he was doing things I felt were to purposely turn me off. Belching out loud, for one. Towards the end of the date, he got more affectionate and held my hand and kissed me. He vaguely referenced getting together agin but no formal plans were made.

After that his texting went way down. When he would text, I texted back fairly soon and it would take hours for him to get back to me, gone were the terms of endearment, any talk of a future date. After two days of this I asked him if I did something that bothered him on date 2. He said no, he figured I was busy with work which I wasn't at all. I apologized for driving to his area, saying maybe he felt I was pushy. I told him I felt things were changing and it confused me. He responded with "relax".

After that the texting dwindled further. I let him take the lead as usual, but it was almost nil. Finally I sent him a couple of texts saying I hoped he had a good day, etc. No response.

Finally, at the end of week 6, I sent him a text saying it seemed like he wasn't interested and I was moving on. I wished him the best etc.

Did I mess up?

Maybe I shouldn't have cut him loose this way, but I felt I gave him an opportunity to talk about what was happening and he didn't. If a mans not interested, it does no good to hound him in my opinion.
Also, I blocked him. So he might of responded but I'll never know. I'm recently divorced and have had some not so good experiences dating recently so I might have been a little trigger happy. I feel guilty but I hated feeling like he was stringing me along. I've heard all about how men are rubber bands but my understanding is this is further down the road in the relationship and not in the beginning stages.
Sorry that was so long.

I was really trying not to be pushy. The only possible thing was driving up to him might have been seen as pushy. But he had set the date and we agreed on a beach walk. And he lives near the beach, I don't. I didn't go to his house either. Other than that I almost always waited for him to text me first every day. Never mentioned a date. He was the one "driving the bus" on this thing.


Most Helpful Girl

  • This has happened to me before. A lot of times you just have to take everything a guy says with a grain of salt even if he's blowing up your phone in the begining. The most important thing is to appear cool and collected and that you don't care that much. Especially not more that they do. They hateeee that, that's where the relax comment came in, aka don't be needy on me or don't get weird on me. What the experts would say is if he was running late while you were supposed to meet, your supposed to go out and do something else, and when they ask you what happened you say well I didn't hear back from you so I made other plans. It's all a big game that we shouldn't have to play, but we must not go out of our way for a man. I have trouble with this, and I'm still trying to perfect it. smh... Never let them think you are waiting for them. If you sense that the plans are not going to happen because he goes cold, don't make things convenient for him or he won't Appreciate it type of thing! sighhh... Well I know you were a little gun shy about wishing him well, but I'm sure you wanted to make sure you ended it before he could ever try to blow things off. Truth is if you dissappear completely he may send a text out of the blue, and if your still interested you could play it cool then. Or you may be over it and like someone new by that time... I know it sucks but it's just the way it is nowadays.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I once met a woman online and long story short, we got a great chemistry and I was even considering to visit her in holidays but she started to be to pushy and that was a red alert for me. so I ended blocking her. Sometimes a regret it but was the best for us,


What Girls Said 2

  • He lost interest. It's okay, gotta let it go.

  • Wow.Good yet long story.

    Girl I feel we are living parallel universe lol.

    All I say is let it go. It's possible he's not as interest as you thought. And its OK move on

    Dont second guess your self, if you felt he was stringing you a long he probably was.

    So, I'm sorry..but it's not worth the heartache if he's no longer trying.

    You protect your heart, as he's protecting his for whatever reason. Good luck.

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