Why does boyfriend want to slow down all of a sudden?

[Fiqah]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 5 months now. Ever since our third month, i've texted love you at the end of good night texts but he didn't . I was fine with it because I knew I loved quickly. He started texting back 'love you' in his good night texts, about a month after I did, so i thought we were moving forward with our relationship.

One night, he got very drunk while I was sober. He said 'i love you' in person to me and I replied back. The next day, he never mentioned it and i didn't really bring it up. He did continue to text me 'love you' during good night so i thought everything was okay.

We used to not text everyday, having a habit of only texting every two days. I know that sounds weird but me and him are not texting people and we've known that since we met. However, he started to text me more often and all this so it was good.

One day I did post a photo of us on Facebook , saying that he is an amazing person and that i love him. One night, I did say 'i love you' to him sober and he heard it. Although he replied 'see ya'. On that same night, he texted me 'love you' when we said good night. For about a week, he became quite sparse. A couple of days ago, we spoke and he said that he felt as though we were getting too serious and that we should slow down.

I did ask if he wanted to break up. But he didn't want to, saying he still likes me and wants to be with me. I am his first girlfriend. What does everyone think? And what does he mean by slowing down?

[MaskedSanity]

You're his first girlfriend.

Sounds like he's a bit scared with how quickly things are going. It's not uncommon for a guy to be hesitant in his first relationship and be confused by his feelings. I think it's ridiculous how people here are saying he doesn't want a serious relationship. This is more like "OH SHIT OH SHIT THIS IS MY FIRST GIRL, THINGS ARE GOING SO FAST, I'M NOT PREPARED, OH SHIT OH FUCK HOW DO I COPE FFFFUUUUUUU-".

When you first get behind a wheel, do you instantly ram full throttle? Of course not! You ease into it until you get the hang of things, then you can slowly progress. Relationships can be the same: of you rush it, you might crash and burn.

It's true that often times young relationships roughly last 5-6 months, but as you said - he DOESN'T want to break up, so it would appear he's just trying to understand his own feelings. A constant exchange of "I love you"s can feel pressuring and lay out certain expectations.

I think you should just let him give him some space to figure himself out.

[Fiqah]

He did say that he wanted me to like him less. I don't know why he would say that.

[MaskedSanity]

He is most likely scared by the fact that you confessed your love to him so soon and it seems he was sort of pressured into reciprocating.
Don't make him feel like he has to repeat the phrase over and over, because it appears he wasn't ready to say it at the time. He probably feels like you want too much from him and he "has you in control", but that's OK! You can't expect a person to love you exactly the same way you love them, because they are not you and different people love differently.

I think you should give him some time to catch up with his emotions, maybe even hold off saying "I love you" for a bit.

[Fiqah]

That is likely. I have never said 'i love you' in person and before that, he seemed fine saying 'love you' through text. I won't pressure him. I just feel a bit weird because I feel like we are back to square one of the relationship, at the beginning where he didn't text me as much or contact me as much, and i just feel insecure and like this is the start to a breakup. Like I said, I did offer to break up but he said he does like me.

[MaskedSanity]

Yeah, methinks he's just intimidated by how fast things were going.

I knew I loved my boyfriend after 2 months of dating, but I bit my tongue until he blurted the phrase out by accident 5 months later, haha.
He said he was nervous about me saying it first and feeling like a douche, because he wasn't ready to say it at the time.

I think it's much easier to say things through text, than it is face to face. Sending "love you" texts was pretty easy, but saying it face to face was still kind of awkward even after a month.

[Fiqah]

It was weird because he said it drunk and then continuously texted me that through text. Like, fair enough I understand he may have felt pressured to do that. But now, I don't hear from him as much through text, because he wants me to like him less. Why would a guy even do that?

[CurvyLover]

I guess he don't like you to get too far with you boths relationship. Might be he wants some space. Or he is sad about about something. May be you should go and ask whats wrong with him and if your relationship is not annoying him. May be he need more personal time and space.. just go on and ask directly whats the matter in a good day like after giving him a small gift which would remind him how important he is to u.

[CelticJonny]

Sometimes, the best type of love is the type which doesn't need to be constantly and publicly stated. I mean no disrespect, but you seem like a very high maintenance girl - some guys find it hard to keep up with that - maybe he's on?

[Fiqah]

I wouldn't say i am high maintenance. I am just a very.. open person. Like my heart is on my sleeve. It is obvious that I do like him more than he likes me. I just dont know why he wants to slow down all of a sudden.. I never forced him to. I said those things because I meant it.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

I personally would take it as a sign he's cooling his interest a bit. To me, you're right where relationships usually are after five months.

[Fiqah]

What do you mean by cooling his interest?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Well he feels (likely) that you are more invested in the relationship than he is - so he's trying to pull back the intensity. Maybe not as into you as you are into him.

[Fiqah]

He did say he wanted me to like him less and get back to the same page as him. What do you think I should do?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

give him his space. But understand he's "just not that into you". Do with that information as you wish.

[Fiqah]

I did offer to break up but he didn't want to, saying that he likes me and wants to be with me. Should I just withdraw?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

That's up to you. I personally never make someone a priority who considers me an option.

[Thatguy321]

Jesus its an i love you.. Not a wedding proposal haha maybe he means he just doesn't feel that way yet

[Fiqah]

He told me to like him less and that he feels as though we are moving too fast. We enjoy each other's company and currently we are both going through uni and stress is a big factor. He did say he didn't want a breakup. He just feels that we should relax and progress slowly.

[Thatguy321]

Agree, give it time to form that connection and im sure eventually you'll get all the i love you's you desire haha

[Fiqah]

Should I just step back from the relationship and withdraw? Or what?

[Thatguy321]

Thats up to you, do you want to stick around and see how it goes and see if he does develop those feelings over time? Or move on and find someone who already likes you and really wants a relationship

[Fiqah]

The thing is, I know for a fact that he does want a girlfriend and he does want a relationship. Im just confused as to how it came from drunken i love yous and texting i love you to... lets slow down.

[Thatguy321]

I dont think i love you's when your drunk are always full heartedly meant, id assume he thinks your moving fast because you guys jumped from relationship to i love yous, thts what i think personally about 3-4 months though you should know if you love eachother i think

[Fiqah]

We are both twenty years old...

[Thatguy321]

What does that have to do with the situation? Love doesn't have an age requirement haha

[DodgersGM]

To me this sounds like a guy that doesn't know if he really wants to be in a serious relationship.

[Fiqah]

He said that he wanted me to like him less and get back to being on the same page.

[DodgersGM]

Ohhh. Yeah then he's just not as into you at this point as you are into him. It's probably making him feel a bit guilty and uncomfortable. My guess is that he probably started saying "I love you" before he was really ready too, too.

Don't take any of this too hard. These are just my guesses based on the info you gave us. :)

[Fiqah]

What do you think I should do? Do you think that maybe backing off from the relationship is a good thing? I did offer to break up but he didn't want to.

[DodgersGM]

If it were me, I would probably start pulling away. The vibe I'm getting is that he's not really that into you. That might hurt to hear, but in a way it's good information to have because you deserve someone that's all about you, ya know?

[mario1321]

It means that he said it too see how it felt and it probably felt good at the time but now it seems like its a little scary dont worry i think that its not you but him figuring out his own feelings