Can True love exist without physical attraction?

Question

I want to know does love have a portion of lust mixed into it? or is it possible to be completely happy in a relationship without kissing and love making yet still be in deep love with them?
I know a friend who has been dating his girlfriend for over a year now and he didn't truly find her as attractive to begin with but he still loves her and wants to be with her only yet they dont kiss or have sex. It got me thinking about a lot of things.
So is it possible? Could you do it? 
Best answer goes out to the best insightful person.

EyeSeaYew · Accepted Answer

Interesting question. The answer to it is not black or white. But I'm leaning towards yes.

Personality sometimes has a lot to do with how you view a person. I know some people who, when I first met them, I thought they were very pretty or handsome. Once I got to know them and see how much their personality sucks, their looks faded in a way and I don't think they're all that physically attractive anymore. Their unattractive personality outshines their attractive outer appearance. On the other hand, I know people who I didn't think were all that attractive at first. I still don't think they're physically attractive. But their personalities take the focus off of their looks and shines.

In general, it's usually easier for women to fall into true love without physical attraction than it is for men. There's nothing wrong with that. It's usually just better in the long run for a man to be with a woman he also finds physically attractive along with her attractive personality. Whereas I know quite a few women who are very happy with men they will readily admit they do not think are all that good-looking.

So basically, the answer to your question is yes in the sense that one can develop feelings for an outwardly unattractive person if the person has a great personality that, in a sense, makes you blind to or forget the fact that you do not find them all that physically attractive.

To be honest, I know a guy who I do not find physically attractive AT ALL. I doubt the day will ever come that I find that guy attractive unless he gets a whole new face and body. But here comes the big HOWEVER xD I've had some very interesting conversations with him, and my discussions with him have been more serious/deeper than what I've had with any other guy. Despite the intense lack of physical attraction, I cannot lie and say I'd never consider a relationship with him. His intelligence, conversational skills, and logic have the ability to make up for it.

eHeart95 · Accepted Answer

In the words of one woman who understood true love, "Everybody always talks about how beautiful I am. I’ve got a mind, Westley. Talk about that.” Yes, that's the Princess Bride. If you haven't read it, you should. Wonderful movie but that's beside the point.

The point is, that much like Westley and Buttercup (who obviously had the truest of true love), there cannot be true love if there is no physical attraction. Lust is compelling and mind blowing and important in any relationship. Obviously, you can have lust without love but love without lust can only be beautiful instead of stunning. Love is when you see two people and you think "How lovely", but true love is when the only thing you can think is "Wow."

You can grow to find someone attractive, just as you can grow to love someone. And in that case, there can be true love. As Amy Pond (another wise woman with true love in her life) once said, " You meet them and you think, 'Not bad, they're okay,' and when you get to know them... their face just, sort of, becomes them, like their personality's written all over it, and they just — they turn into something so beautiful."

True love requires that both be found- complete love and physical attraction. But physical attraction can come from total love- it does not need to exist before the love. Perhaps the most classic literary example of true love comes from Mr. Darcy & Elizabeth, and (while he arguably lied at this moment in time) he said "She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me."

In short, no. There must be physical attractive to make it true; but it can still be a wonderful and beautiful love without it.

SharonStark · Accepted Answer

Yes it can happen. But it would be something closer to admiration. You know, you think that person is so amazing and incredible and they become your god. Example, like when people say they love George Martin. It doesn't mean they want to make passionate love with him lol.
I love A LOT my best girl friend and she loves me too but it doesn't mean we're lesbians or would kiss each other.
The same kind of love and admiration can happen between people of different sexes. But it would be weird if someone starts dating their "god" if there's no physical attraction... Their "god" probably would have lust, or they relationship wouldn't be more than just a friendship.
I think the stronger kind of love is when you love someone as if they're your god and there's physical attraction too. Doesn't mean that love without physical attalravtion doesn't exist though.

BCRanger10 · Accepted Answer

I don't think so. Physical attraction is not the same as lust.

Physical attraction is what draws you to the other person at the beginning. What matters is what becomes of that attraction over the course of time. If it draws you deeper into that person, their life, and their traits, values, and habits that make them who they are, then that's the beginning of true love.

If you continue to be attracted to that person, but you choose to see nothing more than their sexual value, then it's lust. This is possible even after they're a couple.

Sexual-physical attraction is really what makes a romantic relationship different than other bonds like family and friends. It will come and go throughout the course of the relationship. It might not even sprout until long after the guy and girl have met and it won't just show up suddenly. It can develop over the course of time. I knew a guy once who'd been friends with his wife for ten years before they started dating and got married.

Now, if we take highest form of love as defined by the Ancient Greeks, "agape", then yes, it can. "Agape" is an unconditional self-giving, the highest form of love. It may be the highest, but it can be practiced in small ways, like helping a friend clean their house, a parent helping their child with homework, cooking a meal for someone, etc. Paraphrasing Mother Teresa, it means doing small things with great love.

So to answer your question, in the context of a romantic relationship, I don't see how it could. Like I already said, the physical attraction is what makes the romantic bond different.

I'd written an article about this exact thing, but it didn't get featured before GAG switched to this new format. I plan to repost it once GAG restores the article feature (assuming they haven't already).

Theguyoverthere · Accepted Answer

I'm kinda 50/50 on it. For one our desires physically seem to be instilled into us at an early age. I notice fetishes are a huge thing now for example. It seems like everyone has some sort of sexual fetish whether it be feet, overweight women, etc.

But as people get older I notice, especially among elderly couples, that it doesn't seem to matter at all and that a lot of couples I notice, simply want companionship. They look for someone they simply get along with and go from there without looking for the physical features and so on.

Plus couples of any age tend to enter relationships for different reasons. But I think it's also important to note if the person knows how to obtain that "true love" from a relationship. Like many bitter guys complain about women flocking to men with money but many can also point out how "money can't buy happiness." At the same time men seem to chase "physically attractive women" yet may not be compatible yet these men will rationalize their chase by insisting they are compatible when they are not.

Mesonfielde · Answer

This is an extremely tough question to answer, because I personally would not want to date someone on the long term who I don't really find attractive (or rather, someone whom I find unattractive), but I AM dating an asexual girl, who obviously doesn't find me *unattractive*, but I'm guessing you can tell that she's not in it for the physical thing. So as someone who does experience sexual attraction, I'd say I wouldn't want to not have it, but her existence kinda proves it's not impossible to live without it.

However, I should clearly add that the reason this kinda works, is because you can pull a somewhat fine line between the concepts of "friendship", "display of affection", and "sexuality". Although there are overlaps if that's the way your concepts work (I'd consider sexuality a specific physical intimate display of affection), you can clearly tell that you just can't be as affectionate with a friend than someone with whom you're mutually in a relationship with. Now whether you actually do have sex is up to the two of you.

I would have broken off the relationship if there was no hugging/kissing/hand-holding/touching of any kind involved, because although I do experience lust, the emotional reciprocation and such simpler physical ways of displaying affection are what are really important to me - the feeling that you are loved by someone you love.

Although this answer came off as kinda rambly, I hope it helps.

harakiri · Answer

There was this show on ABC called "Dating in the Dark"... guys and girls chose each other largely on their personalities and seemed to get along just fine- but when the lights were turned on, a lot were so surprised by who they had been dating, how different these people were from their established physical preferences. Personally, I think it depends on the person, how important mental compatibility is versus physical compatibility, how much they care what other people will think about them, etc. If there was no one around to judge us, I think then yes, more people would be into loving another person without physical attraction. Your friend and his girlfriend sound like asexuals to me, no sex drive, so physical attraction may not be as important to them...Possibly.

mayfieldga · Answer

I believe you can have a greatly looking guy, but if his mind is not in sufficiently sync with the girl's values, there will be nothing long-term.  However, now I think the problem, most girls and guys have today is that life has become so complex, unstable, and now, such a growing gulf in areas of information age skills and attitudes from stereotyping of genders in the gender war and its lack of trust, many guys and girls have simplified their communication with the opposite to only the very short areas of sex, parcels of acceptance, and even as tools to accomplish some other goal.  So in another world that offers more common arrays of communication, shared values, goals, etc. such areas of attraction would easily become less valuable, but in this world with such short-term goals so in vogue, it appears the only thing seen these days.

Analemma · Answer

To me physical intimacy is part of a fully rounded adult relationship, so I voted no... But to me physical attraction isn't just 100% visual, it's that chemistry/feeling you get when you see them and are physically around them, their voice, mannerisms, etc.. My brain kind of melds impressions together, so a guy who just looks good but is a jerk "looks" unappealing to me.
Guys have claimed to be in love with me even though they had almost no physical attraction to me at all. Some of them I think really "thought" they did, because they loved me like a mother and really wanted me to be one for them. I really find it hard to believe any guy would want to stay in a serious relationship with a girl he found too repulsive to touch unless he wanted to use her financially/emotionally because he had some kind of issue (s) or just wasn't grown up enough to take care of himself. I would kill myself before knowingly getting into another relationship like this again.

MissConfused93 · Answer

I am fully, truly, 100% head over heels in love. My S/O isn't attractive. Feelings came before I was physically attracted to him, then lust followed. It's certainly possible. Love is blind. Based on looks alone he isn't attractive but his personality is. That's the most important factor.
Looks fade, eventually we all age and grow ugly. Personality is all that's left. I think it's all that matters in the end.
That and health. As long as you don't find them to be utterly revolting, there's hope.

In your friend's case, a year but not even kissing sounds fishy. Sounds like friendship love, not romantic love.

Anonymous · Answer

Do you love your family? Yep. Ergo real love exists without sex (at least I hope it does in that case, lol).

Romantic love can survive without attraction, but I'm not sure it can sprout that way. I've tried. Believe me I've tried. Couldn't get it to grow, no matter how much I wanted to fall for her. The not being physically attracted to her part developed a resentment component when I realized that staying with her meant never being able to be with someone that turned me on, despite there being millions of em out there.

I know. I'm a shallow asshole. I wish I wasn't. I do suspect however, that I'm not alone.

mrtryst · Answer

True love depicted in the movies is an illusion that the man has to generate for the woman. It's surprisingly effortless.

a lot of people use the word love loosely, to the point that I would argue, modernly, it has no meaning. Too often love is used as an excuse because someone is afraid of being alone, the change, or they have low self esteem and consider their partner extremely important in their self evaluation.

I myself am a huge romantic, so I am unhappy to have these opinions, but they are the opinions yielded by research.

InquisitiveMale · Answer

True love?

Searching for the definitive is a waste of time. True love. That implies false love; multiple kinds of love.

Please categorize your idea of "true" love and it's definitive characteristic traits and then we shall see if their relationship fits your criteria.

That's what we do.

We create ideas in our heads and then do everything in our power to make it a reality. And when things turn out to be of their own making, a class of it's own, we reject them.

Why? because the entity doesn't match the concept.

When you're exploring something as unique as human emotions, you simply can't do it.

Be square! be square! shit... round.

Anonymous · Answer

I loved my ex very much. True love, that is. I never kissed him nor I did have sex with him. I didn't find him attractive either. It's the mind, personality that turns on not the body. It's nice to be with someone who looks good and all, but that's not enough. I was going to marry him by the way, but then his true colors showed, but that's another story. We'd been together for YEARS without getting physical. It's due to religious reasons and because I'm not going to engage in any sexual activity before marriage. He was crazy about me still and thought I was the best thing that has ever happened to him. Weirdly enough, he was turned on the whole time we went out together.

So, yeah, I loved him truly even though I didn't find him attractive. Weird to you, I know, but it happens. When you love someone with your all, everything else becomes irrelevant. :)

I'm a living example. Haha. :)

Anonymous · Answer

I find my boyfriend incredibly attractive. He is the most attractive guy I have ever met and I am in love with him. Whenever we're alone I am always touching him and initiating make out sessions. I love kissing him and being close to him all the time. I feel like I'm always turned on and wanting sex when I'm with him. I just feel so attracted to him and his body and I want it all the time but I feel that I shouldn't be this way. Is this normal? Am I being pervy over him? Even when we're out I'm very flirtatious with him and making physical contact and kissing. I can't get enough of him! :S

Jordahn · Answer

Me personally, if I'm not attracted at the beginning at all, that's the way it stays. I wouldn't say it isn't possible. It's likely that someone think "well they're kinda cute" and attraction builds. I think falling for someone you have no physical attraction might not be impossible, but pretty darn unlikely.

goodvibes · Answer

I do believe so. There was this couple who got into a huge plane crash and both survived. The husband had some burn marks on his body but his was was severely disfigured practically head to toe. She was an extremely beautiful woman beforehand. They are still together and recently had I believe their third child. I think it most certainly exists when love is on a higher plane

Ildskf · Answer

Yeah...I think it can...I'll use myself as an example...I'm not really physically attracted to my BF but I love him so much...he's the only one I've loved and I don't want anyone else.

He's said he's physically attracted to me, though...I'm not sure if it's true but that's what he says...and he loves me...so he says

justbanANNAz · Answer

hmmm…. i think it is possible, but many people, including myself, probably wouldn't b able to do so. needless to say that this doesn't mean physical attraction is the determining factor in choosing a partner. i would say it is the… catalyst… which aids in the escalation of emotion in a relationship.

SüßeJäger · Answer

Of course it can. Some people don't care if they are attracted to their s.o. or not. Im sure this is the exception, not the rule. I would have a hard time even becoming interested in someone if Im not physically attracted to them. Others however, may not have the same ideas as me. Maybe they have been friends for a long time and they fall in love. Think about older people, I will bet many of them are not attracted to their s.o. anymore but they still love them.

MaskedSanity · Answer

That's a question for the asexuals.

Some people feel no lust, but are still in relationships, because they desire that special companionship that's beyond friendship.

So yes, I think it does exist without rubbing nasties. It's not for me, but it exists for others.

TedStar · Answer

No. You can't have true love without some sort of physical attraction. How do you not kiss or have sex in an adult relationship. How does your boys girl feel about this?

I also don't like this notion that a lack of physical attraction = platonic/familial love. There is a lot more to romantic attraction and love that distinguishes it from the love we have for family or friends

agent79 · Answer

This is certainly love, but love comes in many forms.  What you've described is a deep emotional bond, not a romantic relationship.  Physical attraction, physical contact, and (at some point) sex are not the only ingredients in a romantic relationship...but they are important ones.  If nothing else they distinguish it from friendship.  There's nothing wrong with the type of relationship your friend and girlfriend have, but let's not label it more than what it is.

melissa2 · Answer

I guess it's possible if someone is doing it but for me, no.  I connect affection with touch, not just sexual but sexual too. Not because I put too much value on sex or anything, (I'm a virgin) but just cause it seems to be hardwired into our brains to associate love with physical attraction.

Catlet · Answer

Attraction is a major part of love- it's science. You can be in love with someone you're not attracted to, but it's going to be a lot harder than being in a relationship with someone better looking. Obviously people can love each other without being attracted to one another.. But true love is a different story. How can it be true if you don't even like the way they look?

Can True love exist without physical attraction?

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