My Confession: I'm jealous of a coworker

My Confession: I'm jealous of a coworker

2 years ago, I was relocated to work in the team of 14 people, where there was only one girl and rest were guys. I knew this girl joined this team only few months before I did, she was in another team before that. I always thought she's beautiful. Hands down, the prettiest female worker in the company. I never talked to her before but I knew she was only 25 and already had so much skills, she used to give lectures on the university. I was so happy that I joined that team because of her and also because I wouldn't be the only female.
She was so quite all the time, she only worked and did never talk to anyone in the team, until I joined. Guys were just being guys tho, they tried hanging out with her but she didn't seem interested. We quickly bonded and then she told me that she feels as if it's inappropriate to hangout with them and go to after work drinking with them because she has a boyfriend. But that she does really like them all a lot. I could tell she actually wanted to hangout with us, so I kind of convinced her that's okay to go out all together sometimes when I'm also there too, then it wouldn't be inappropriate. And so we did.
Over the few years we all became close friends and she is not the shy type anymore. I got to know her better, she really is a good, smart, kind, funny person. She's also beautiful and has handsome & rich boyfriend who loves her to death.
But over the past few months, I've noticed that is becoming a little too close to the guys, especially this one other coworker. Half of them are single and I know most of them have a crush on her. I'm sure she knows it too, because it seems like she is using that to get advantages. She is now freely going out alone with them, even alone with that coworker sometimes. Few days ago her and I disagreed something about work and most votes went to her, even tho I think I was right (and later it turned out I really was right).
She gets all the attention and she is now being cocky about it. She also doesn't really talk to me that much anymore, she is always clinging to that one coworker who is desperately in love with her (we all know that) hoping that she will dump her boyfriend, which will never happen.
Recently she told me that she's planning on applying to a lead position, she wants to be our boss. Technically, she's not doing anything wrong, I know that. She is a hard worker and she very ambitious, she cares a lot about her career, and I know she would be a great boss. She is going after what she wants and she's gonna get it.
Recently I started being very jealous of her. Mostly because I am average looking, single and not that ambitious. I have life outside of work which I love, but when at work I feel so small because of her. She does everything so perfectly. We also have an entertainment zone at the office we play all sorts of games, and she beats everyone every single time. She made cake for us all one time and the cake was freaking delicious (my baking skills can't even compare).
I just hate it, honestly. I don't want to envy her but it's stronger then me. I had a very difficult life and I still barely manage though some daily obstacles I have to deal with, I barely survived some things in life (like, you wouldn't believe though what kind of shit I had to go through to my whole life, even losing my foot in the process one time - yeah, I'm amputee). And there she is, all perfect, given honey spoon and gentle hand through life. She didn't go through any real hardships besides studying hard. Her family was good with money and they are happily married couple (I've met them they're great). She said that she had a great childhood and that in general her life has always been good. It's just not fair. How can that even be? She is also super fit and she doesn't work out at all. She eats like pig! I guess she was also blessed with good metabolism.
I know I need to get over this jealousy. It's not that I want to be her, it's just that when I see her and me and other people who are unfairly struggling in life, it makes me hate the world. And it makes me not want to be her friend anymore. I can't talk to her about many things because she doesn't understand, because she never had it hard. She only talks about basic stuff, small talk, funny jokes, scientific stuff, politics, our work, blah blah. There is actually no deepness in her.
But I know it's not her fault. She was just lucky. And even though I'm jealous and feel resentment towards her, I still like her in the same time. And I hate that!

Any thoughts? :)

My Confession: I'm jealous of a coworker
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Dali-chan
    Girl you’re in your 30’s and I knew in my late teens that life is unfair. Some peoples were blessed in all areas of life and others weren’t but that’s how life is.
    You’re not truly jealous of this girl but of her luck, which is quite normal.
    Yeah she’s pretty and smart and use that at her advantage but any girl in this earth would probably do the same if given the same opportunity, focus on yourself, work out, go meet other peoples, read and fulfill your life to forget about your past instead of focusing on this girl.

    If you keep focusing on her then you’re not different from these silly teen girls who envy kylie Jenner for being the youngest «self made» billionaire.
    Is this still revelant?
  • madamina
    Dissatisfaction with your own life means you are ungrateful for what you do have. You are quite blessed by the sound of it. I don't think this is the type of person you want in your life. If I was a betting woman I would wait to see what falls apart, I wouldn't be surprised if you found out her father was an alcoholic.

    Focus on yourself. You do you. Her behaviour and life is not consequential to your own. If you are unhappy - up skill, find somewhere else to work, focus on the life you enjoy outside of work... and get over it.

    The amount of energy this has taken out of you already is not good.

    All the best 🙌🏼
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guys

  • MidaBushka
    That's the perfect example for life
    Two different lifes
    Two different persons
    Two different ways to live

    At first you're great in expressing what you feel and in choosing your words
    Second you are a very beautiful person you should be pleased how beautiful you are
    Third try to change your look to your life and search for the beautiful things in it
    Fourth before going to work every single day look at mirror and pretend that you love her and in work support her be close to her
    Learn how to be like her instead of being her
    I suggest a movie to you
    Yes man for Jim Carry
    Pls watch it
    It really changed my life
    Is this still revelant?
  • 12oad
    Hey, first of all i wanna say that you are very strong woman since you've been through hard times, I say "Wow".. ; I also am surprised how fucking ignorant are some ladies that can kind of relate to your coworker's image by saying that you are toxic envious bla bla bla, just wow x2 - " A healthy man laughs at a sick man until shit happens to him". Enough said.

    If i were among those male coworkers and i had to pick one, I would have picked YOU even if you hadn't told me all this, because you must be very emotion rich. You most probably are wife material, and thus you will find a good man in your life.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Andrejoao
    Such long messy details
    Like you come to physiatrist lol

    Anyway you need to work on yourself try to improve yourself and everyone have different environment so don't feel insecure about it. The thing which matter that where are you now and how much you have achieved and how much you can after working on yourself
  • glapwe
    Jealously is a normal human reaction but to me this sounds like the jealousy is consuming you.
    I would highly recommended talking to a professional about this. It really helps getting things off your chest and will help you feel validated and successful in your own life.
  • AwesomeCookie
    Wow. Women can become ugly and evil when envious of other women. We become our own worst enemy. Maybe some self reflection and self care is due. Stop focusing on her and work on making the best version on yourself.
  • Ray_Lala
    Being jealous is just human nature... Whenever I feel like it I just talk with the person how I am jealous of them and what do think I am lacking and how I can be like themselve... Almost all of them take it positively and I get constructive criticisms.
  • Burtonfan
    I believe you get equal good and bad in life. Maybe her tough times are ahead of her and yours mostly behind. This scares me a bit because I believe I've had it very good so far and my tough time is coming too. Makes me stop and appreciate what I have now.
  • 95129
    It’s understandable why you would be jealous, you have created such an obstacle in your own mind. Focus on things you can do and that make you feel good. Being jealous of a coworker will do the opposite!

    by the way I dated an amputee, not an obstacle at all. She was super sexy and her stump was cute and I loved playing with it lol. She also looked badass with her prosthetic on. So yeah, amputees are hot!
  • xMichael1989
    First of all what you are feeling is normal, and the fact that you can realize that what you are feeling isn't her fault tells me how healthy and good person you are, the only advise i can give to you is that you focus on what you can do, how can you learn new things so you can feel better about yourself, and cheer up :)
  • Vick2727
    First of all jealously is for children. Two why are you jealous. You should be happy that you helped someone stepped up, and be a better person. You need to find something you are good at. She is your friend. Not your rival. Why the heck do you want to stop being her friend? Over silly petty things. Instead of being jealous get tips from her. Learn how to bake better. Change the way you are. She’s pretty so she gets free handouts. Eventually those guys are going to get bored of her. You can be more if you just stop waisting your time hating on someone, and just be yourself.
  • Isabel102
    Girl just try and cheer up and don't let her get to you, you sound like an amazing strong women and I'm sure you are. ❤
  • zagor
    Envy does not look good on you. You should be glad you work with someone you (apparently) get along well with. And besides, if this was a guy you are talking about, would you feel the same way? Are none of the male co-workers happy and successful? You seem to even be angry that she is a nice person so you can't even have the satisfaction of disliking her.

    Remember, many of the people we envy do not have anything like the ideal life we imagine they do. Quit dwelling on her, and focus on what is right in your life - you apparently have a decent job and get along well with your colleagues.
  • SamirahD22
    You're way too old to be envying people. Let's grow up
  • Blondegypsy23
    Ask her out
  • fukn007
    Can I help with yr jealousy revenge
  • Anonymous
    It's normal to feel thus way you're not doing anything wrong to her, you're not being mean to her right? And you're still reasonable and admitting that she is a good person, someone else in your shoes would have tried everything to sabotage her happiness and that would be the true evil.

    However you need to stop thinking about all of this it's not healthy for you nor makes you any happier, move on. After all we all gonna end up in the dirt six feet under. So nothing deserves your misery. You only live once you gotta live it to the fullest regardless of anything else.
  • Anonymous
    An essay about how you are a toxic narcissist. Why do women insist on continuing to stir up drama with other women? Grow up.