Education & Career
1 mo

After wasting 10 years of my life, this is how I'm bouncing back.

After wasting 10 years of my life, this is how Im bouncing back.

Hello all.

This is not a vent or a call for help. I'm just sharing my journey of failures, trauma and learnings from 2014 to 2024. I hope this might help some who are in similar situation.

Let's rewind time to 2015. I was 16, living in a toxic household and was always ridiculed by my parents. At school I had 0 friends. I never had a girlfriend. I had no skills, achievements and was someone who everyone deemed a failure. Naturally, I was a depressed guy.

However one day a sudden feeling of hopefullness took over me. I felt that why should I be so affected about what my toxic family or people in my school say? I will graduate from school in 2 years and if I work hard enough, I can leave all this behind. I can have a beautiful and succesful life after school. I began to dream about making new and amazing friends, being really good at something. Travelling the world, moving to a country far away from my own and starting a new life there. Meeting a beautiful woman and falling in love...you get the idea.

So I worked my ass off in my final 2 years of high school. Got a really good gpa that no one expected I would get. Finally! Now I can leave this dark past behind. What can possibly go wrong now?

Welp fast forward to today. I'm 26, still living with my toxic parents. No job, I get abused daily by my family, no girlfriend.... the only thing that has changed is now I have made some good friends so at least I'm not lonely. Yay?

Anyways, where did I go wrong? How tf did I not achieve 99% of what I had intended to achieve. How did everything go to shit? Well...I can write an entire thesis on my failures but to keep it short; turns out at 18, I was not at all ready for the world. Due to years of abuse and loniliness, I had no idea how to talk to people. I dropped out of the first uni I got selected to due to social anxiety and panic attacks. I applied once again and somehow graduated with a crappy gpa. My college life was hell both socially and academically. I didn't find work as I had no interest in that career I got my degree in. I eventually ended up as a hikikomori(recluse) with only my parents as my contact. And ofcourse my parents were all too kind to call me retarded child everyday. Thanks mum and dad. <3

So this was the end? Did I give up. I mean I did feel like ending it all at one point. But the beautiful thing about life is that once you hit rock bottom....that's where the magic happens. You have nothing to lose, nowhere lower you can plummet to. Now you are the most free. Now you can become anyone. The only way you can go now is up.

So this is how in the last 1.5 years, I got myself out of hikikomori, found a career that I'm currently training in and also made friends for the first time in 26 years of my life.

Firstly I began to look for a direction in life. I did some deep introspection on what I want to become. NOT what my parents or "society" wants me to become but what "I" want to become. Once I found my calling I began to work my ass off in finding any and all resources to be good in this field. The good thing about internet is that all the knowledge of the world is available in a click of a mouse. There are PLENTY of careers out there where you do not need a degree to get a job. Thankfully my career of choice was one such career. However I still made contacts with people irl who are in this same field. I've found mentors both online and offline. This is where I overcame my social anxiety. I began to meet people, joined a weekend hobby class and soon began to make friends. I've never hung out with people throughout my teenage and early 20s and so it feels great to now be a part of a group.

Despite all this achievements, I've only just started on this journey to live the dream that my 16 year old self wanted to live. Yes, I'm wayy behind schedule but better late than never. If things go as planned, I'll probably get a job soon and may be able to finally move out.

Escaping hikikomori and bouncing back from all these failures for sure was hard but it feels so good now that I've managed to do it. I will never give up on my dreams! I've endured a lot and all these suffering has made me strong.

I just wanted to post this somewhere as I am not too comfortable telling my irl friends so much about myself. I'm still a bit secretive about my past to people for obvious reasons. Anyways, if you've made it this far, here are some good productivity tips that have helped me.

1. Regardless what your career goal is; it's really helpful to devote some time to exercising and staying fit. Have a good diet as well.

2. Early bird get's the worm. I can't stress this enough but as a night owl myself, I feel the days where I wake up early are so so much productive. So do try wake up at a time when you can see the sunrise.

3. Therapy is important if you're someone who has suffered a lot. Even though I made it seem it's all me, I have nothing but respect for my therapist. She has been a major help for getting me out of depression.

So all in all, don't let your failure hold you back. I've had failures for 10 years and I am still far from giving up. :)

After wasting 10 years of my life, this is how I'm bouncing back.
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