Why do people usually initially assume that quiet people are self-absorbed and disinterested in others and their work responsibilities?

[Bethany22]

I tend to come up with lots of legitimate excuses for not talking too much at work, such as not wanting to waste someone's time when they're busy, or not wanting to ask questions on work procedures because I don't want to look dumb. But people on the outside looking in normally just assume that I'm quiet because I don't care about anyone else but myself, and that I'm not interested in improving in my work. Why don't people ever come up with more positive assumptions? What should I do to make sure I don't seem self-absorbed?

[Angelo75]

I work in IT. But the very technical part of it.
Usually when people ask me questions, I don't see it as a waste of time. I see it as an investment. Because if I spend 15 minutes explaining to that person "how" to do something, that means that I spend 15 minutes of my life making sure that "someone else" can do that task so that I don't have to do it.
And if that task is a lengthy one like "sorting papers alphabetically", it will mean that I spent 15 minutes to explain to someone something that will take maybe 2 hours to finish.
With a bit of luck, that person will eventually do it completely on his/her own, meaning I would have saved myself multiple "2 hours" in the future.

These slogans will help you a lot:
- You are WORTH the time of anyone, so just ask questions
- The only dumb question is the question that isn't asked
- You ask so that you can do it correctly on your own eventually
- Nobody is born knowing all

A tip... no matter how much you try, there will always be 50% of people who are not gonna like you and 50% that loves you.
Hell, even if you worry a lot about what others might think of you, will cause 50% of people to say "oh. @Bethany22 is very considerate person" and the other 50% will say "oh @Bethany22 is afraid of everybody and doesn't have selfrespect".

Stop worrying about others.

/hug

[FunkyMonkee]

Well, I'll tell ya what, I've always been the quiet Beatle, mostly because most people always said that anything I said was stupid. Nobody ever wanted to listen to me until it was too late! We'd come upon a problem and I'd put forth my suggestion (s) on how to surpass it and 9 times out of 10, my solution was ridiculed by all and deemed too stupid to work but, 8 out of those 9 times, my solution was the correct one!! But, no matter how many times I showed myself to be right in those situations, I was still the Gilligan of the group in everyone else's eyes!! Not someone that anyone could trust, not someone that anyone could count on for the right answer! Nothing more than the big goof-up!! So, most of the time, I stayed quiet! You don't wanna hear my answers/suggestions, I won't bother giving them!! Consequently, I WAS the quiet Beatle!! Any time someone did an interview with my band, I just sat there and listened and almost never said a word! I just got so used, in my personal life, to being quiet all the time, I just never bothered to speak up in other aspects of my life!!

I suppose that people tend to pigeon-hole you when they first meet you and keep you in that hole for the rest of the time they know you, no matter how much smarter you actually are.

[Mansearching]

people don't understand that you (in general) could be concentrating on your task at hand. You don't have rbf. You're just trying to get work done not have a gossip session.

[RolandCuthbert]

I think that may be something you find is an issue for women rather than men. Men who are quiet are seen mostly as being shy or lacking self-confidence.

[melanieeeB]

Work on your a self esteem and why you feel like you would waste someone elses time and etc... and then go and stop doing that. It's okay to ask, like if they would have no time, they would tell you.

[Shy_Steve]

Yeh, I get the same.

Sometimes they might even call me rude.

[Anonymous]

Because it's typically true. People's favorite subject is generally themselves.

[Anonymous]

you probably just have a terrible RBF. if you didn't they probably wouldn't think this about you

[Bethany22]

what does RBF mean?

[Opinion Owner]

resting bitch face. google it. people assume shy people with one of those are uptight usually

[Bethany22]

oh right, haha!

[LemiaOfThunder]

Honestly dont know