Going nowhere in life and struggling to find my path?

Anonymous

Hi guys

i am a 23 year old female. I grew up in a tropical farm in an island, in a very unconventional family. I am very free spirited and struggle to be the perfect « citizen » that school tries to mold us as. I’ve always wanted to be happy in a simple way.

The problem is that after years of diving into different fields and losing my dad to cancer (sophrology courses, DJ course, maritime courses) I haven’t found a deeper passion that made me want to actually work in those fields. I have been battling a weird type of depression at times that made me want to stay in my comfort zone and stay home.

My two passions in life are singing/ composing and Yoga. Both are jobs that pay very little money, and my mother has really been annoyed that I would pursue these and not actually work as a vendor or waitress… She countlessly tried to influence my decisions, thus making me waste my time and dive into realms that I hate (selling clothes, and all these superficial things). I like my work to be ethical, and for me to wake up each day with a mission and a meaning in my life… Yoga gives me this feeling, as well as music.

I’ve been thinking of opening a small business, but once again, I have no foundations… I don’t know a thing about being an entrepreneur. My mom says I can’t do it, because I need to do all the nasty jobs before opening my own business, in order to learn. I agree with it in a way, but hate having a boss and getting destroyed to satisfy their own ego.

I am a sensitive person and living with this brain fog as to where i am going with my life, is truly the worst. I worked as a vendor, and lasted one day, as my boss was bullying me non stop. I would go home crying every time I tried a new job that my mom initiated.

what could I do to feel better and clear out some options? Also, why can’t I seem to be able to just man up (like most people) and do the work and get over it?

i feel sooo lost in my life that I sometimes have suicidal thoughts…

Going nowhere in life and struggling to find my path?
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