Anyone got any driving tips, or how to calm yourself tips so you're not cursing at yourself all the time?

[19magic]

I'm really having a hard time with the learning, especially when it comes to junctions, pulling out and finding the gap in traffic and joining the traffic rather than slowing it down.

I keep getting really emotionally frustrated with myself and calling myself out on it and then hating that I've done it. And for some stupid reason that keeps coming out as the odd tear, the poor instructor must think I'm having a psychotic break or something. I literally find myself taking stock of myself in my lesson every 5-10 to take a deep breath and relax and to try and calm myself down.

I think part of it is I've probably already spent about £1,600+ on manual lessons and have had about 64 hours so far. I know the roads and rules but every time in a car I just blank and get frustrated at myself. Anyone got any tips

[Anonymous]

Maybe take a short break from driving. Just so you don't continue to feel overwhelmed, but more importantly since you are blanking. Maybe taking a short break from driving, it may give you some time to work on your frustration and feel less stressed.

Remember you are not alone. I still remember doing well under the speed limit when the instructor had me driving on the motorways in peak hour. It was scary. Oh I also crashed the car into the pole while learning.

When it comes to gaps, check your side mirror and than your blind spot. If no car is in your blind spot, pull out and gradually pick up speed until you reach the speed limit you are legally allowed to drive. If you find yourself getting frustrated take deep breathes and tell yourself repeatedly you're got this

[19magic]

What I put up there is a total amount of time and money over the last 7 years this is my fourth try. I did about 6 hours at 19, then I did about 10 at 22 (covid), then at 24 took an intensive week long driving course 36 hours then just recently started up again at 26 just done my eighth hour.

[Kelly6]

@19magic drive slow and don’t only think that your driving skills matter.

think as others drive worst

[Kelly6]

Thanks for Mho

[NathanDavis]

if possible... and I am not kidding, try to get driving lessons and instructions from someone that has done racing, and has much more experience driving under stress and pressure

looking at the comments, I do think your instructors are not actually teaching you properly but just sitting next to you... I think you need a different approach entirely, or much more better instructors

[love_conquers_lust]

Drive in an empty parking lot for hours until you feel comfortable. Test the limits of your vehicle.

This is how I taught my sister to drive on icy roads. I said “We’re going to go make some donuts. You need to learn what losing control of your vehicle feels like.”

[NotInterestedSorry]

If she is with an instructor you don't always have a say where you can drive. I never had any say. My Instructor even had me driving on busy motorways and around the city in peak hour traffic

[love_conquers_lust]

@NotInterestedSorry Get own vehicle or talk to someone who has one. Drive to heart’s content.

The key here is practice in a low risk setting.

[NotInterestedSorry]

No point getting a car if you have no one who can teach you to drive. Even if you knew someone who could drive, it doesn't mean they would be okay teaching you.

My nephew's father did not want to teach his son how to drive. He even got pissed when the mother of his child told him to teach his son. He gave one lesson and he caused nothing but stress and headaches for my nephew. My dad never wanted to teach me. He actually never wanted to teach any of us how to drive. My brother helped until I crashed the car and that was the last time he ever taught me.

[love_conquers_lust]

@NotInterestedSorry So is there a problem with my approach? Is it bad that I taught my sister both how to drive a stick and how to handle hazardous roads? Why should I care about the impatience of other men when it comes to teaching others?

[19magic]

I am tempted to get one, even if I'm just doing clutch control in and around my own parking spot. I haven't asked so I might be able to convince my dad to come with me

[love_conquers_lust]

@NotInterestedSorry "Why should I care about the impatience of other men when it comes to teaching others?"

That came off as heartless. My point was seek out a friend who does have that patience. If not, then yeah, walk or ride a bike.

I assumed I never had a say with my instructor, but I also never asked. They should be willing to address the OP’s very question, else they aren’t much of an instructor.

[love_conquers_lust]

@19magic If you can. I think it helps alleviate some of that fear if controlling the vehicle is second nature to help work through those situations you described. Practice.

[NotInterestedSorry]

You completely don't get what I said. You can't be fucking taught to drive if you have no one to help you. You say you don't care about impatients of other men. Well how the fuck does anyone drive if the guy is impatient and refuses to teach you.

Are you dumb?

[love_conquers_lust]

@NotInterestedSorry Caring about how what I said might make you feel was not an invitation for you direct your frustrations with guys in your life at me.

It’s not reasonable to expect me to go around policing every guy in your life.

Don’t be pissed at me, or my sister, for doing the right thing teaching her.

I don’t agree with how you were treated if that’s what you were fishing for.

[19magic]

@NotInterestedSorry I get what you're saying but there's no need to lash out. I have the most amazing dad ever but my mother was an abusive piece of shit, something I'm starting to realise now is my dad has fought most of my battles for me. Which could be a reason why I'm struggling with my emotions while driving. Or it could be a biproduct of me being a perfectionist and hating myself for making mistakes while doing something really expensive.

But my original point is people have different experiences, I knew my dad wouldn't teach me. But the reason was he didn't want me leaning in his car - a big fairly new, 7 seater. It was @徐翊扬love comment which made me think he's never said anything about me getting myself a car and having a few lessons, or simply spending time in it.

But also unless you paid a bunch of lessons in advance you can change instructors, that's allowed my last one pretty much shouted at me when I made mistakes. Which didn't help me as I already berate myself as it was. The one I with now doesn't even comment on it, admittedly what he does is worse at times he sighs, he hopes I can do it and then is disappointed when I don't. And you are the one paying so if you say you want to do something they should do it as after all you are the one paying.

[GreenLanternI0I]

A LOT of patience, a lot of self control and a lot of self restraining from cursing or getting angry. Force yourself to do those 3 things for couple months and you will become a better person in general. The key word here is FORCE yourself to learn and acquire those skills.

[exitseven]

I get it. I drive to work every day. It is only 15 miles but I have to go through multiple intersections and stop lights. I get frustrated at the stupid drivers i encounter on a daily basis.
I have my cell phone loaded with music and just listen to tunes as I drive to work.

[warsevf]

Problem with driving is that there is not much a person can teach you.

Getting emotional is natural and you are being hard on yourself, as long as your car doesn't get scratched you are fine.

Drive a lot in parking lots all by yourself with help of friends. YouTube tips make wonders actually especially with parallel parking.

Also screw what others think of you, not only in driving but in everything else. That helped me

[DryGermanGuy]

Do you have a drive simulator game with a steering wheel and pedals? I would use this before every practice lesson just to get "into the mood".

[aceleon]

just stop caring about it 1st mistake every rookie makes is being too hypervigilient and nervous.

[SixFootSexy]

You don't sound like you're emotionally stable enough to be driving tbh. Does this behavior transfer to other parts of your life?

[19magic]

Nope I'm halfway through decorating my home, have a permanent job as well as a mother. Got a great family behind me, it's just I don't think I've ever wanted anything more than to drive, the amount of times I've been late to work or to be somewhere because of a bus. The amount of times I could do a ten minute drive but instead have to both wait for the bus and then on a bus making the journey take 40 mins instead of ten. Or having to walk 20-30 mins in hailstones instead of simply driving it. Nearly every single day, I wish I was able to drive, so I can be spontaneous and simply have freedom.

[QuietRunner]

classical music

thinking everyone is driving wrong and I'm the only correct driver

[boobliker]

don't have loud music in the car it distracting.

[jimmy2]

I hear you