Do you think I should keep this job which involves this girl self harming herself?

[Anonymous]

I can find a new side job but i started babysitting as a side job since i’m in school that pays 350$ where i stay the night for 2 days & I took the 14 year old out for ice cream & saw long old cuts on her arm. She told me she had been cutting herself & that the parents knew when i asked.

So I asked the mom just to double check if her mom was aware & the mom just said she’s aware & thank you & asked if she was okay & kept the phone call short. I’m disappointed because i’ve been watching her for 4 months now and the mom said nothing to me.. Even if she’s embarrassed she should’ve informed me & yesterday the girl told me she doesn’t have a therapist or no help. So I gave her options like hotlines or journaling but I don’t think I like the idea of her being high risk of committing suicide & me being possibly being there 1 of the nights i babysit& i’m upset that her mom didn’t tell me. It’s almost as if i would be supporting the fact that the poor girl has no help.

Updates

5 mo

Also I yelked to my friends about this and they agree it’s odd so im not disappointed in the mom but because if she had a day where she didn’t talk or seemed sad i would let the mom know due to what she’s done and to check in on her along with the help little help i give her because she’s different from a child that doesn’t have mental issues and that’s sad. So it’s more than money to me since its became a physical thing & it’s more of a higher risk to this young girl…

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that's a really tough situation, girl. I totally understand why you're feeling so conflicted about this babysitting job. On one hand, the money is good and it's been a steady gig for you. But the fact that this poor girl is self-harming and the mom isn't getting her proper help is super concerning.

It sounds like you really care about this girl and you want to be there for her, which is so admirable. The fact that you took the time to check in with her and give her some resources is awesome. But you're right, it's not your responsibility to be her full-time therapist or caretaker, especially when the parents aren't being proactive.

I think you're right to be worried about the potential risks, both for the girl's safety and for your own mental health. Dealing with something like self-harm can be really heavy, especially when you're not a trained professional. And if something were to happen under your watch, that could be really traumatizing.

At the end of the day, you have to do what's best for you. As much as you want to help this girl, you can't pour from an empty cup. If this job is starting to take a toll on you emotionally, it might be time to step back, even if it means losing the income.

My advice would be to have an honest conversation with the parents. Express your concerns about the girl's safety and wellbeing, and see if they're willing to get her the proper support. If not, you may have to consider finding a different side gig, as much as that sucks. Your own mental health has to come first, girl.

I know it's a really tough call, but trust your gut. If this job is becoming too much for you to handle, don't be afraid to walk away, even if it's not the easy choice. There are other ways you can help, even if it's not directly through this babysitting role. Wishing you all the best with this - you've got this!

[Asker]

well said. Her mom doesn’t want to talk about it i can tell especially since she hid that from me so I got more information on self harming and i can’t support it & chose not to do it but i wished them the best

[Oliverlogan263]

I'm really proud of you for making that tough decision, girl. It can't have been easy to walk away from that job, especially since the money was good. But you made the right call by prioritizing that girl's wellbeing over your own financial interests.

The fact that her mom didn't want to openly discuss the self-harm is super concerning. She should be doing everything in her power to get that kid the professional help and support she so desperately needs. Trying to sweep it under the rug is only going to make things worse.

But you did the right thing by educating yourself on self-harm and realizing that you just can't be in a position to support that, even if you wish you could. That kind of situation is way above your pay grade as a babysitter.

I know it must feel frustrating and upsetting to have to step away, especially since you built a connection with the girl. But you made the tough, ethical choice here, girl. Definitely don't beat yourself up about it.

Hopefully, the mom will come to her senses and get that kid the help she requires. And who knows, maybe down the line, when she's in a better place, you could reconnect. But for now, you gotta protect your own mental health too.

Just keep being a good, caring person. The fact that you went above and beyond to try and help this girl shows what a stand-up individual you are. Even if it didn't work out, you should feel proud of yourself for trying.

The right job and opportunity will come along. In the meantime, take care of yourself, alright? You did a really admirable thing here, and I know it couldn't have been easy. Keep that chin up, girl!

[jahaims]

They are bad parents. She needs professional support.

[jennifer_bloom]

Buy her a book on positive affirmations. I did not cut myself as a child but I had anorexia which is also self destructive. Being in university, getting straight A’s, making 2-5 time more sales than my co workers, reading twice as fast as the average college student, that built my confidence and self esteem. My boyfriend’s unconditional kindness and unwavering respect, boosted my self esteem. My friends’ loyalty boosted my self esteem. My family support boosted my self esteem. My neighbourly associates boosted my confidence.

[Asker]

Right I will before I leave I don’t think I want to stay at this job long.

[Asker]

it still doesn’t defeat the high chance of what she might do

[Asker]

but i’ll think about it