How do you deal with students trying to hit on you?

Question

I work as a researcher+teaching assistant at a technical university. Most of my students are men in their 20s and at least 60% are my age or older. I've tried my best to appear mature but they do not understand it. They keep asking me to solve doubts after class and try hitting on me. I get tons of mails from them asking me useless stuff and suggesting that we should meet somewhere outside the campus to 'discuss' studies. I have told the authorities but they're not ready to make exceptions for me. What are some things I can do to stop it?

DishLady · Accepted Answer

I had that issue and just acted like it wasn’t registering with me… ultimately the guy would get bored and move on. One guy was very persistent; I tried explaining I’m not available, and when he still persisted he did have to be reported. The following year I had a wedding band on so that sort of activity diminished a bit. (Now, years later as a seasoned professional, single again, there’s still elements of that.)

I’m sure they think it’s flattering, but I know it can be overwhelming, especially if it’s unwanted attention.

Try politely ignoring the attention.
ABC (always be closing). Legit have somewhere to be directly after class (and no need to share details with anyone pursuing you).
Have a trusted colleague meet you at the classroom/office door.
If more direct/forceful “no” is needed, use it.
If NO doesn’t work, report immediately.

Bitter_Sweet94 · Accepted Answer

I shut it down gently but clearly.

I keep things professional, give no mixed signals, and redirect the conversation back to boundaries.

It’s part of the job to protect both sides their feelings and my integrity.

Telekinetic-Potato · Accepted Answer

In hindsight maybe that's why my math teacher teacher used to talk about her boyfriend constantly. Like literally non stop.

Personally I'd just pretend like Im not picking up on the cue but in a very thinly veiled way.

"Can we talk about the problem at the Cafe by the north wing?"

"Shshshshsh I'm never over there, I'm so busy, maybe on Wednesday you can meet me in (the least sexual, most impossible place to flirt and have your time wasted possible spot you can think of) ill see if."

I don't know being busy should be a good excuse, when I was in community college those professors were busy af. Kinda hard to believe you wouldn't have access to the same excuse right?

Hardon-Collider · Accepted Answer

"Try to look mature" doesn't sound smart. Only if by "mature" you mean you look old and infertile. Or you look married, that works too. Wear a fake fucking wedding ring.

Like it's an instant turn off for many people. And takes no effort nor sacrifices. Unless of course, you are attention-whoring simultaneously. Then that's the worst sacrifice you could make.

You know that's something everyone hates, for a good reason. Married attention whores. People will rightfully treat you like shit. ㅤ

Advisor Smith · Accepted Answer

Maintaining professionalism is key. Establish clear boundaries by reiterating that all academic discussions should occur during designated office hours or via official channels. Politely but firmly decline any invitations that fall outside the professional realm. Document all interactions and, if necessary, remind students of the university's code of conduct. Communicate any instances of persistent behavior to your supervisor again, emphasizing its impact on your work. Implementing these steps can reinforce your commitment to professionalism while addressing unwanted advances.

BobbieBoy666 · Answer

To deal with a student trying to hit on you, remain calm and assertive, clearly state that the behavior is inappropriate, and establish professional boundaries by treating the student like any other. If the behavior continues, document all incidents and report it to a supervisor or administration, as professional policies and procedures should be followed to ensure safety and professional conduct.

Dealing with students hitting on you requires maintaining professional boundaries, clear communication, and adherence to school policies [1]. The appropriate response is to firmly, yet respectfully, decline the advances and reinforce the teacher-student relationship [1].
Here is a step-by-step approach:

1. Maintain Professional Boundaries
Keep Interactions Professional: Ensure all communication, both in and out of the classroom, remains strictly professional. Avoid personal discussions that could be misinterpreted as encouraging intimacy or friendship outside of a mentor capacity [1].
Avoid One-on-One Situations: Be mindful of being alone with a student. If a private conversation is necessary, try to ensure a door is open or a colleague is nearby [1].

2. Communicate Clearly and Immediately
Address the Behavior Immediately: Do not ignore the behavior, as this may send mixed messages. Address the issue as soon as it crosses the line.
Be Direct and Unambiguous: Use clear, non-negotiable language. For example: "I am your teacher, and this is an inappropriate conversation. That is not a boundary that can be crossed.
Do Not Flirt Back or Joke: Avoid engaging in any behavior that might be seen as playful or encouraging, even if you are uncomfortable.

3. Document and Report
Know Your School's Policy: Familiarize yourself with your school, district, or university's specific policies regarding professional conduct and reporting student misconduct. This information can usually be found in your employment contract or faculty handbook.
Document the Incident: Keep a private, factual record of what happened, including dates, times, specific actions or words used, and any witnesses present.
Report to Administration: Inform a supervisor, principal, or HR representative. This step is critical for your own protection and to ensure the situation is handled officially by the institution.

4. Prioritize Your Safety
Trust Your Instincts: If a student's behavior makes you feel unsafe or threatened, remove yourself from the situation and seek immediate help from administration or security.
Ensure Support: Follow up with your administration to confirm the incident has been addressed according to school protocol and that you are protected from future occurrences or retaliation.

Summeroflove · Answer

Well it’s normal for adults to be attracted to other adults. It is NOT normal to violate someone’s boundaries and make someone feel uncomfortable. How are they hitting on you?

Sometimes you have to be direct. Keep reporting it and be direct as well as firm that it needs to stop. Some say ignore it for some people it works others are super desperate and can’t take no for a answer.

Trust me. I’ve never understood this behavior. If someone asks you once and they aren’t overly sexual. Okay…. But if you say no or don’t respond. That should be a clear indicator.

TheInvincible · Answer

You’re not doing anything wrong. Some students just don’t respect boundaries. When I was in college, I was 22–24 and my TAs were around my age too. Most of my classmates were 4 years younger than me, but even then nobody behaved like this — everyone kept it professional.

What makes this harder is your university not backing you up. If the authorities don’t take action, it puts all the pressure on you, which isn’t fair. You can still set your own limits keep communication strictly academic, only reply during official hours, and redirect anything personal through proper channels. And keep records of every uncomfortable message. If the uni won’t act now, documented proof might force them to later. You shouldn’t have to handle this alone.

Wraith_Cemetery · Answer

I'm a university history professor in my 30s. Half the students are 18 - 24 first and second year female students so I've gotten hit on quite a bit. I try not to have too many closed door meetings because that's usually where they try the flirting.

Can't really stop it but shutting them down harshly usually works for me. Eventually the word spreads around and you get less of it.

Finchie40 · Answer

I guess you really can’t , all you can do is just give them the cold shoulder to whoever tries to , and if they don’t get the hint you aren’t interested , tell your boss you want to file for workplace harassment , your company has to help you , if they don’t you can sue the F out of them

AviatorTom · Answer

Take few minutes at the start of a class and announce to all that you expect everyone in this class to conduct themselves, always, in a professional manner. Let the students know that they are here to learn and you are here to teach. Any deviation from that will be reported to the dean.

Staximus · Answer

The teacher you assist should be your first line of defense and should be professional enough to discourage unprofessionalism in class. The teacher should say any unprofessional conduct towards themselves or their assistant will result in immediate removal from the class

Steak_D_Bone · Answer

We know what you'll do eventually. Stop flexing.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

A guy I knew in university was hitting on a woman professor while having a girlfriend at home. I wanted to jump into a hole from second-hand embarrassment. 😖

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I used to like a guy I talked to in class, and to scare me off, he wore his wedding ring every time I walked into the room. It wasn't fake: He was engaged and got married a few months after I met him.

foxsquirrell · Answer

Sounds like you are a very attractive girl! I don't know what you can do about that if it is bothering you. What do you mean when you say that the authorities are not ready to make exceptions for you? What exceptions?

exitseven · Answer

I teach computer science and the vast majority of my students are male.

kaucky1 · Answer

If they try n make you do something pending on attire mood nice or mean rude taze them some good shock treatment

blackeagle007 · Answer

Your superiors should make a general announcement to all the students that T. A’s role is to assist the teacher. That’s it

chickychickyparmparm · Answer

You're telling the authorities? What crime do you think they committed? Hoy shit.

Massageman · Answer

I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

888theGreat · Answer

You hit back and punt some nuts 60 yards

Anonymous · Answer

It never happened to me.

Gagforlifetime · Answer

Your report it

Raydergman26 · Answer

I avoided them

In_Trance · Answer

Say no

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