How can anyone be grateful about getting hit (disguised as ''discipline'') as a kid?

[Vesuvius87]

My baby boy just turned 9 months today and I'm still reading my parenting books. I'm on chapter 8 on the book The Gentle Parent by L. R Knost. That section will explain how toddlers function, the tantrums and time-ins. The other book I'll be reading is called Without Spanking or Spoiling by Elizabeth Crary.

Obviously whatever done in the longer route takes more effort, patience and time. I'm still having a hard time understanding the ''I got yelled and whopped a lot with the belt, strap or paddle and am very grateful, thank you mom and dad'' mentality. How can you be grateful for literally getting assaulted? Then there are others claiming they couldn't sit well for a couple hours or days and still being grateful for that.

I can't understand that at all. I got the belt or smacked on the hand by my father few times from ages 4-8 and even though it was seldom, I DON'T appreciate any hits. I still remembered how it was scary; it's fresh in my mind. I'm grateful for other things in life but NOT for getting hit. I'm not grateful for getting yelled and threatened either. For me, once is good enough to dislike something. Are many humans masochists by nature or at least display certain traits? Or is it Stockholm Syndrome? I'm trying to understand them but can't. I fail to find logic to that.

Updates

3 mo

That was part of the reason my social skills got delayed/stunt for a while and I got bullied at school from 4th to 7th grade, nonstoppable.

[Razp_Sorbet]

I too find it wild that people continue to defend it despite the hundreds if not thousands of scientific studies showing the negative effects of being spanked as punishment.

[Vesuvius87]

They are so embedded in their beliefs about spanking making them a decent person and that it taught them respect and values. How so? The purpose of spanking isn't to teach you manners nor respect; it's to make you stop what you're doing and get immediate compliance out of fear, to obey without questioning. How can that be confused for respect? The child is literally in survival mode, only avoid doing things in fear, not out of respect nor actually knowing why it's wrong nor how to make better choices.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Yep it doesn't teach anything but fear. Creates anxious kids, sneaky teens and abusive partners

[Vesuvius87]

Exactly. It's idiotic how they expect you to be docile, calm and emotionally stable when they've been doing the opposite by hitting you or screaming at you and having the child as a witness to all the horrible arguments between mom and dad. With that type of raising, they shouldn't get surprised if the child then starts talking back later on or also hits other kids.

[MisterWack]

A conversation about what they did wrong and having them explain why they did it, along with a simple punishment like time out corner is more beneficial than parental policy of punish severely, ask questions later. Disgusting.

[Vesuvius87]

Exactly. Frankly I don't see corporal punishment on kids as discipline. I see it as assault against smaller people or teens (esp if it's the father towards a girl) weaker than you, taking advantage on that fact that they can't fight you back physically. As a result I don't have unconditional love nor respect for my father, only for my mother. At least she respected me enough to never hit me.

[MisterWack]

@Vesuvius87 Thank you for MHO and your perspective on the matter.

[Joe917]

I got hit as a child, and I'm a fucking mess as a man.

[Joe917]

I'm genuinely terrified of messing up around other people out of fear of them unleashing on me like my mother, and father did, so I'm kind of a hermit, and stay inside.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm sorry to hear that. At least your reaction towards getting spanked is more realistic. How can anyone be happy and proud they got hit? How can anyone praise receiving physical pain from their parents? It's a negative experience.
That's the same as drinking someone very bitter, you initially hating it and even puking but then years later saying it the taste was great. Doesn't make sense.

[Nikki1989]

Violence is never acceptable. It is just weak parenting.

[Vesuvius87]

Precisely. I really hate how my ethnicity (I'm a Latina woman) is stereotyped as the crazy Latino parents that fly off the handle and slap you for any trivial things or the mother chasing after the kid with a sandal. Yet, they earned that stereotype by acting like savages that can't parent with patience. I don't want to put my son through fear.

[NathanDavis]

they just don't know about better...

[NathanDavis]

or different...

[Vesuvius87]

Nowadays that scientific research has proven how ineffective physical punishment is and there are books about raising kids, as well as helpful non-punitive methods online... it's unexcusable that some people younger than me would still think spanking is the only way to raise kids.

[Vesuvius87]

I was affected by spanking and it was partially responsible for my delay in social skills. I think my reaction is more realistic than those people glorifying it and saying it made them a decent person with manners.

[NathanDavis]

the good thing though... only us, should decide how we raise our own

[Vesuvius87]

Exactly. I'm looking forward to shifting the stereotype of the crazy Latina mother to a calm one that educates with love and patience. I don't think it's about ethnicity anymore but about savage people that didn't know how to raise kids.