Disclaimer: Obviously all of this is my own opinion. Feel free to disagree.
Welcome, Ladies, Gentlemen and everyone in-between! This is the first time I'll be talking about what I consider to be the greatest videogames of all time, and also explaining the reasoning behind my choices.
Without further ado, let's begin with this week's chosen one:
No More Heroes
Appearing for the first time in December 2007 in Japan for the Wii, this game was developed by Grasshopper Manufacture and published by Ubisoft in North America, Marvelous Entertainment in its home country and Rising Star Games in Europe.
It's also a complete pile of nonsense. And it somehow works.
You play as Travis Touchdown (get used to the ridiculous names, almost everyone has one) a no-life otaku obssessed with toilets and moe anime. In fact, his house has more merchandise related to this than you could find in a transatlantic designed to haul that shit from Japan to somewhere else.
One day, while Travis was busy poisoning his liver with alcohol after spending all his money in a lightsaber (we'll get there later, don't worry), he met Sylvia Chrystel, who offered to pay him for killing some dude called Helter Skelter, yes that's his real name. It turns out this Helter Skelter person was the 11th ranked assassin, and now Travis holds that position. How do you become the 11th most dangerous assassin in the world if a dipshit with yellow-tint aviators can kill you, I have no idea.
After that, Travis decides that since he has no other thing to do, he's going to find and kill all the other assassins, to become the number 1.
And no, the game isn't called this way because of some important moral about human nature and heroism, it's called that because the main character lives in a motel with that name. And it's also a rock album from the 70's, by a British punk band named "The Stranglers".
Why is it ranked 10th?
Mostly because it's so badass.
I mean, remember that lightsaber bit? Well, that's the weapon you use throughout the game. And you can cut people in half with it. And those people then explode into gushes of blood.
I mean, isn't that what games are all about? Making people explode?
Did I mention Travis used to be a wrestler, so he can pick people up and slam them into the ground like giant sacks of potatoes? And that there's a ninja? And a guy who summons dragons out of his sword? And a dude shooting laser beams from his junk?
You thought I was kidding with that one, didn't you?
And let's not forget the shopping cart lady with a nuke in her purse...
(Sorry for the Spanish subtitles)
Also, the Schpeltiger:
Technically speaking, it's a scooter. A scooter with exhaust pipes that shoot MOTHERFUCKING HELLFIRE.
And you know where all of this happens? In a Californian city aptly named Santa Destroy.
Why not replace the bear with a picture of the Schpeltiger?
With all of that being said, the game is ranked 10th and not lower for several reasons.
First and foremost, it's so repetitive. It's more repetitive than brushing your teeth. Than peeling potatoes. Than...okay, I'll stop now. I mean, you literally have to pay for bossfights. Who came up with that? That's like a precursor of the DLC frenzy some companies put people through. And the part time jobs are so annoying. Besides, the actual levels generally go like this:
-Repeatedly tap the same button to slash enemies.
-Finish enemies.
-Move on.
-Repeat.
And almost every bossfight goes like this:
-Repeatedly slash the boss.
-Dodge special attack.
-Repeat.
Also, an issue a majority of Japanese games has (and games in general) is that it's extremely objectifying of women. I mean, literally all of the women in the game are pretty much there for sex appeal and little else. Even a 76 year old lady couldn't escape this completely. Except the girl from the video rental store, that one isn't even shown.
Angry MRAs come at me bruh.
With all of that said, I do have to concede that it has a pretty badass music:
Anyways, this has been all for this week, I hope to see you again next week, where we will be looking at one of the best selling sagas of all times.
Cheers, and have a nice day!
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