How to Survive a Slasher film

Waffles731

How to Survive a Slasher film

So, there's a killer on the loose and you are a young adult and this slasher targets young adults.

So you want to survive.

Well here are a few tips.

1. Do not be an asshole

How to Survive a Slasher film
The asshole character in a slasher film will die, and unlike others some who will get their heads lopped off or a simple surprise heart stab, their will be painful and creative. The only character whose death will rival theirs in brutality will be the slut.

2. Do no be promiscious

How to Survive a Slasher film

There is no nice way to say this, but in a slasher film, the slut will die, they will die bloody and it will often be the most horrific kill of the film, its like slasher films are in a universe where what fire and brimstone preachers say is true, that having premarital sex will make you die horribly and condemn you to hell.

3. Try not to be Blond

How to Survive a Slasher film

If you have blond hair, I don't care, dye it, cut it off, hell scalp yourself and end up in the hospital to have scalp surgery (hell if you go to another state or country to get scalp surgery you will probably be out of range of the slasher) but this often goes in hand and hand with number 2.

4. If you are black, just leave the state or region

How to Survive a Slasher film

Its like slashers are white supremacists or something, they often kill the black guy first. So unless you are played by LL. Cool J like in Deep Blue sea, or depending on your interpretation of The Thing's Ending, played by Keith David, you should leave, and the fact is that the only time I remember this being attempted was in Scream 2 by Gale's Cameraman and guess what he lived. So to sum up, most slashers must belong to the Klan or something.

5. Don't drink or do drugs

How to Survive a Slasher film

Don't drink or do drugs, don't smoke as well. Not only will the killer target you but you need to have your senses intact.

6. If you are gay, don't make any indication of it for the entire time the killer is active

How to Survive a Slasher film

Gay Characters tend to die in slasher films. (Do slasher villains spend all their off time devotedly listening to Pat Robertson or something?)

7. Do not assume that the slasher is dead after they lie on the ground after you hit them

How to Survive a Slasher film

Did you just shove a knife into the slasher and he fell to the ground and appears dead?

Good, stab them a billion more times in the face till their brains are all over the walls.

Did you just shoot the slasher? Good go over there and perform the goddamn Mozambique Drill on their body till you don't have anymore bullets to reload with.

Did you just hit the guy with a shovel? Good, bring the pointy end down on the bad guys neck and don't stop till you've completely severed the head.

These guys have a nasty habit of getting back up. You want to make sure they stay dead.

So now you have some basic guidelines of how to survive a slasher film.

#slasherfilmsarefun

How to Survive a Slasher film
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Most Helpful Guy

  • JudgmentDay
    You forgot one more, become a fucking bad ass like this guy:

    vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/.../latest

    vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/.../latest

    ok ok he might not be in a slasher movie, but I got the idea since Freddy and Jason are slashers, and if there was a Ash vs. Freddy vs. Jason, Ash should come out victorious since he's absolutely too fucking badass and hilarious LOL

    "2. Do no be promiscious" I remember something about this about virgins being survivors or survivor material as one of the guys had claimed in Scream, but then he gets PWN'd in the sequel, for being a little too overconfident. Good reason to be a virgin, those that are virgins should give themselves a pat on the back LOL Am I right @Unit1?

    "7. Do not assume that the slasher is dead after they lie on the ground after you hit them"

    If the slashers are supernatural or undead beings, then it won't matter, they simply will NEVER stay dead permanently.

    Some can only be contained or defeated in special conditions, like Freddy Krueger for example, as he can only being dragged into the real world if you hold onto him in the dream world, which would then render him vulnerable to harm in the real physical world. As Freddy's virtually invulnerable on his turf in the dream world. And Jason Voorhees can be either contained by trapping him in his original location of death; wrapping a chain around his neck with it attached to a big rock to anchor him there, or freeze him like in Jason X, or under VERY SPECIAL, he can be defeated and send to hell ONLY by a blood relative.

    That's unless if it was Ash Williams or Chuck Norris lol j/k
    Is this still revelant?
    • Unit1

      I don't know JudgmentDay. Really. Virgins die also.

    • Waffles731

      If I recall correctly Tommy Jarvis isn't related to Jason and he did kill him once, then brought him back and then put him down again

    • @Waffles731 that is indeed correct, Tommy did successfully beat and kill Jason at the end of Friday the 13th part 4, and he isn't a "Voorhees". Jason stayed dead until they decide to come up with a way of resurrecting Jason back from the dead with lightning in part 6, Jason Lives. Then eventually they retconned the whole thing in "Jason Goes To Hell The Final Friday" with the whole only a blood relative has the power to send him to hell concept, and the part about it being "final" would imply Jason should be done for and would stay dead forever this time.

      But then we got the Freddy Krueger cameo at the end of that movie, and years later it was revealed that Freddy has the power to resurrect Jason from the dead also, and it was simply just by reminding Jason of his immortality and invulnerability for being undead.

      Jason X was vague though; he seemed virtually invincible after those "nanomachines" resurrected him as Uber Jason, but we only see his mask sink to the bottom of the lake.

Most Helpful Girl

  • TheLuckyPizzaDog
    So actually: Bring a black guy, bring a blonde, bring a token Asian guy, bring drugs and alcohol for them just don't do it yourself, and just run faster than they can get up after you trip them.

    And always double tap. Unless its jeepers creepers because then you're just boned no matter what.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

1414
  • Whatthefluff
    Exactly. Especially don't go to a party
  • MrOracle
    Or, you could do it my way:

    14544-presscdn-0-64.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/.../glock-21-gen-4-pistol1.jpg

    a double-tap to the head. The closing credits would start before the opening credits were finished...
    • Waffles731

      Its a slasher film your avatar is quagmire, the horniest dude, in this genre there is no way that your first shot won't jam

    • MrOracle

      That's a Glock in the picture. I'll take my chances.

    • Waffles731

      A glock is reliable, however what is more reliable is the death of the horny one in a slasher film

  • Elarra
    I'm too sarcastic and I'd die. I know me too well to know that I won't be able to keep my mouth shut lol. I'd be that black person that's always the first to die hahahaha
    • Waffles731

      Just leave the region, worked in scream

  • NatashaJ
    I already did the buzzfeed quiz of this apparently I be the "loser" who everyone thinks is the killer but I'm not. But I ain't dying :p
    • Waffles731

      I got, you survived, of course I've seen enough of these to be really genre savvy

    • NatashaJ

      Lol congratz Waffles you made it as a white person who not a white female to the end.

    • Waffles731

      That's not unheard of, Tommy Jarvis survived all three of the Friday the thirteenth films he was in, he managed to kill kill jason in one of them, killed the Jason copycat in his second, and after Jason came back to life due to him fucking up when he wanted to burn his corpse, then managed to trap him at the bottom of crystal lake, he put down Jason twice, and killed a copycat, he lived, and is a white dude

    • Show All
  • Phoenix98
    Here's your answer.

    https://youtu.be/DfdkMGlSoaw
    • Phoenix98

      Also always shoot or stab the killer in the face after you hit them, you know just to make sure.

    • Waffles731

      mozambique the fucker

    • Phoenix98

      Exactly.

  • Blonde401
    Well I'd be dying first.

    Serial killer: any last words?

    Me: thanks.
    • Waffles731

      Yeah, the only way you live is if you just say, fuck this shit I'm ouy

    • Blonde401

      Blessing in disguise really

  • TripleAce
    hahah so true lol... all of them
    I love group of friends type of horror... like those typical ones
    Camp Crystal lake - slasher
    Love the scream ones haha
    House of wax was fun
    lol
    Actually probably going to watch house of wax again

    U turn was fun lol
  • Gonetowardthewind
    Or maybe you know, don't go in the creepy house or campground that some guy with an eye patch and crackly laugh told you not to go to.
  • TokyoGhoulLover
    *takes notes* ...*Just puts 'Move out of state'* ('-' )
  • LittleSally
    According to all these I'd survive 100% of the time! xD
  • Silver158
    Don't, under any circumstance, ever say "I'll be right back". Because, you won't be.
    • Waffles731

      Except for the guy in scream 1

    • Silver158

      Yeah but that had an interesting exception

  • PrincessPie
    I watch horrors a lot as they're my favourite genre you couldn't be more correct lol.
  • Zorax
    Then I would survive, at least according to stereotypes listed above.
  • lovelyhoneybones
    Or you can avoid the whole thing by being like, BYE BITCH! I'm not dealing with this today.
  • Peachman
    and if someone says im at your house dont go back to your house
  • DizzyDesii
    Damn, is it ever good to be black lol
    • Waffles731

      if your name is LL cool J and there are supersharks on the loose

  • 1truekhaleesi
    Hmm. I might survive.
  • TacosRAwesome
    Guess I'll probably survive.
  • catelyntje
    Hahahha I agree
  • WhereAmI
    Find some sacrificial lambs to toss under the bus.
  • SlightlyCrazy
    Lol we wrote English papers on this
  • jesusnicolas97
    Wow that's some nice advice
  • Sabretooth
    completely ignore the script.
  • Anonymous
    Damn. Now the SJW's are going to ban horror movies!
    • Waffles731

      Horror movies are immune to this, becayse idiot critics think they are always trahd

    • Waffles731

      Trash

    • Waffles731

      Because A lot of film critics are snobs who can't appreciate the simple things, ebert could though

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    good
  • Anonymous
    Oh joy, I'm not blond, gay, black, a slut, or a douche. Also, I'm not old enough to drink and am never gonna do drugs! And also, I'll probably crush the slasher's skull after he collapses, cuz that's just the type of person I am :)
  • Anonymous
    Do not live in a gun free zone. Shoot in the head How to Survive a Slasher filmHow to Survive a Slasher film
    • Waffles731

      What the fuck is up with the gifs

    • Anonymous

      Girl from wrong turn and girl from the hitcher. You don't approve?

    • Waffles731

      becausse I've seen you post them other places.
      also, the only good hitcher is the original

    • Show All
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