Western media and entertainment has done men in romance dirty

[Anonymous]

Female representation is discussed a lot, as many female characters in movies often end up being very one dimensional, recently I have started to think that it's pretty much similar for male characters too, particularly in romances directed more at young girls.

Representation matters because it really influences our views of people, what you read and watch will determine your so called experience, which is surely why people are giving social media bubbles so much thought. This is such a big deal to me because since I was 14 I've been at an all girls boarding school, my ideas about romance and men are just stolen from what I've seen.

I was brought up with one parent English and one Chinese, because of trouble in younger years to do with my ethnicity, I hated that I was part Chinese and was not interested at all in the culture. I could speak the language but I had no interest.

Since I was 13, I've enjoyed typical teen girl things like Twilight, Divergent... I watched after, I watched To all the boys I've loved before, clueless, mean girls, wild child, endless love. After telling my mum I had no idea why Robert Pattinson hated Twilight, she basically bullied me into watching a Chinese TV show that's directed at a similar audience but the characters are 1000x more convincing and compelling, especially the male lead.

Love and Destiny is a Xianxia romance, it's really a Chinese genre that doesn't really exist anywhere else. Almost all the main characters are gods and immortals.

The highly respected Go of War, Jiu Chen, having sacrificed himself to defeat his mortal enemy, the demon king, is awakened from his grave after having been dead for 50,000 years by a young immortal Ling Xi. Jiu Chen soon realises that despite her seeming innocent and powerless, she has the power to not only revive him, but the demon king who Jiu Chen gave his life to kill. The story is a constant struggle for Jiu Chen who struggles between his duty to protect the world from evil and his love for Ling Xi. as he attempts and fails to go through with killing her multiple times.

First off Ling Xi is a really interesting heroine. She's extremely lazy, before Jiu Chen makes Ling Xi work, she's often seen lying on the floor, sleeping during the day, eating a lot and getting into trouble. Her powers are quite weak, she's the lowest status of immortal, her martial arts are not great, she's not that smart and not got a particularly strong moral compass.

Ling Xi's father often describes her as beautiful and useless, so Ling Xi really lacks a lot of the qualities I'd expect of a heroine. Her stand out quality is her strength of will. Multiple times she fights characters in situations where she will undoubtedly lose, often on behalf of the God of War Jiu Chen who she's smitten with. After meeting Jiu Chen she does become a lot more serious though. In the end, she actually becomes a lot more powerful and responsible, for a brief period of time near the end of the series, she serves as princess of the Shan Ling tribe to help them in their conflict.

Jiu Chen is a stoic and resolute male lead. When the TV series first aired, many were complaining that Chang Chen, the actor was too old and not good looking enough to play male lead Jiu Chen.

I even agreed, when I first started watching, I was like what is this 44 year old man doing in a teen romance series? But I was won over by Chang Chen's brilliant and subtle performance. It's very hard to like him at first, he's stony and cold, and planning to kill innocent Ling Xi. He's also very very boring, he thinks eating is greedy, and sleeping is lazy, (hence he thinks Ling Xi is greedy and lazy as she loves eating and sleeping) all he does all day is meditate to build his power. As time passes you get to see how dedicated he is to his job as god of war, having been trained for it since birth. Jiu Chen never really does what you want or expect him to do, his conflict is evident in his multiple failed attempts to kill Ling Xi, in a very emotional scene where he leaves her to freeze to death but can't go through with it. However he never falls into the 'tough sensible guy falls in love and then starts being completely not himself' trope as despite his heartbreak, he ultimately kills Ling Xi twice for the greater good. He's often frighteningly calm, controlled and very determined, with a very bold and ambitious plan he attempts to reincarnate Ling Xi twice.

Jiu Chen is also very awkward at the start of their relationship, because of the huge age gap and because that's just his character, he's not a soft person. In fact, I think all the way until the last 10 episodes, he doesn't initiate anything with Ling Xi, she is more playful and initiates things like kissing and sex. He's clearly uncomfortable with her obvious feelings for him, there's a lot of times at the start where she's holding onto his clothes and he just rips it out of her hands, when she starts kissing him he also tells her not to be foolish.

Even though their relationship is very complex and Ling Xi often struggles to overlook Jiu Chen's many attempts to kill her in some ways it's very nice and simple. Their wedding, which should have been a huge event, as the god of war getting married consisted of him giving her all the wedding gifts and Ling Xi throwing herself at him as usual and then getting super drunk which was very funny.

I guess in the end an important moral of the story is that you can't change people. Jiu Chen has always done whatever is in the best interests of the world, and he never changes for Ling Xi. Even though upset by him killing her twice, Ling Xi doesn't expect him to change either, I think in a way she loves him for it. The series ends with a final battle against Jiu Chen's mortal enemy the demon king, as a condition of marrying Ling Xi, she made him swear not to abandon her for the sake of peace, so he lies and doesn't tell her he's going to fight the demon, as he will almost certainly die. When Ling Xi realises where he's gone, she accepts that she'll never come first in his longing for peace, as it is his destiny as god of war to continually destroy the demon lord. She ultimately gives him her blessing and helps him to sacrifice himself to the demon lord and he promises to fight his hardest to return to her.

Obviously I did like the defiant character of Ling Xi, but Jiu Chen steals the show. It was a huge slow burn, getting to know him, and he's surely an imperfect like a real person, he gave his heart for Ling Xi but still would never put her before his job. In the end you respects Jiu Chen for integrity and authenticity.

It's hard to explain why this story has effected me so much, is it weird that I feel like I've learnt so much from watching a tv show? Even 44 year old Chang Chen playing God of War Jiu Chen I initially thought was average looking now looks extremely handsome to me. I feel like when the couple has issues in novels and films, they're always either external, leaving the characters themselves faultless (Edward can't control his vampire urges by nature) or its some sort of toxic bad boy relationship where he's essentially not a good person (bully romances with smirking male protagonists)... whose only redeeming features are being attractive. Even though it's a fantasy genre and it's about gods and demons and powers and being reincarnated after death, the romance side of things is so bittersweet and honest, it is very real. I am now totally ruined for any other romance books and movies, now they all look so stale and cliche, I can't help but notice how the male protagonist is always exactly what you want/expect him to be... which becomes boring and unrealistic.

Another things that's interesting about these Xianxia fantasy dramas is the sort of femininity and masculinity ideas. Almost all the characters are gods, and they all have equal capacity to become very powerful. All the characters, men and women also wear long sweeping silk dresses and have very long hair. So you can't really differentiate with those superficial feminine qualities so the contrasts between the two are a lot more profound.

So yeah if you got this far, and you're a bit sick of cheesy, cringey romances that seem like endless copies of each other, try Love and Destiny. It's on youtube with English subtitles if you've got the patience to watch in a foreign language. For the first couple of episodes, you will surely be infuriated by the cold Jiu Chen and oblivious Ling Xi, but stick it out.

[ShadowofRegret]

Good take!

Truth to be told, I could never get into a lot of romance stories these days because most of them follow the same copied and pasted clichés, especially since I prefer a completely different relationship dynamic to what is common (a story where the woman is the knight in shining armor for a change...)

But putting that aside, I think variety is sorely needed in the romance genre as it almost always follows the same idealistic, "handsome man who doesn't have a personality or life outside of being her prince charming", so a story where it is not so bland and unoriginal is quite refreshing!

[myTake Owner]

I mean, I would still say the male lead is knight in shining armour, after all he is the god of war and he fights many battles. But this is overtaken by the fact that the female lead has made huge sacrifices for him.
I guess the part I found most interesting is that typically in film and books a man sort of betraying the world to save one girl's life is quite romantic. But in the story the male lead doing the opposite for the sake of his job as god of war and sacrificing her is ultimately quite romantic. And in the end he does manage to find a way for her to live again.

[ShadowofRegret]

Yeah, that was just me ranting a bit, but after that part, I was referring to the whole thing about how a lot of male characters seem to not really have much of a personality outside of being the love interest, while the character you spoke of seems to have his own issues to sort through, in other words, he actually has a personality outside of being the love interest.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, I know what you mean, in a lot of romances, it's almost like the guy becomes singularly focused on this one person, and completely changes his entire character, which is actually ridiculous, boring and actually not attractive. That's why I actually find this character more attractive that those, he's very much a standalone character. Seeing as Ling Xi the female lead becomes his maid for a short time the whole start of the story is centred around his house and his work, so you can very much see him as a real person which I really like. Later on, even at the points where he's totally nuts for her... he still has a lot of other shit to do... like she isn't his whole life, just a really nice part of it.

[esotericstory]

Nice mytake I read all of it. I'm in general not happy with western media. When I watch films from non-western places they are so creative. The west likes money a lot so they play it safe. If they found something that makes a lot of money they want to milk it as much as possible.

When it comes to Bollywood films for example, its totally not like that. They aren't afraid of creativity. In the west movie makers think that viewers are stupid and dont care about in depth story telling. Its just an excuse to make weak plots and weak characters for media.

[esotericstory]

thanks for the mho.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

This was a very interesting read. Thank you for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Romanticism asserts that men are supposed to give and sacrifice everything they have, and even who they are, in the hopes that a woman will love us. At the same time, western culture says that women are equal to men in every single way, that men are bumbling idiots, and that women should never do anything to please a man.

Well, I think men are starting to see it clearly now. If you are my equal, and you will never do anything to keep me happy, then make your own sacrifices because there's no love to be had

[Aakash_Hangargi]

👍Damn I appreciate the effort you put in writing this

[myTake Owner]

Haha thanks. English literature student here, I'd die for a chance to analyse the characters in this <3

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Yup even I do that but I am lazy I always analyse in my mind though, but y Anonymous?

[myTake Owner]

I didn't actually mean to make it anonymous, but now I don't know how to change it back... in any case my username is @sagevalentineee

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Long press on your my take everything gets copied post it under your name