Professional ballet ruined my mental health.

[Anonymous]

Authors note: this does by no means describe everyone's experience with professional dance, this is just how it ended up for me. I know that for most people this probably isn't the most eye catching myTake, but I just felt like putting how I feel in writing, so here goes.

Like a lot of girls (and some boys) I started dancing ballet, when I was 3. When I was 7 my dance teacher suggested that I auditioned for the national ballet (country withheld). I did, and I was accepted into the school. In the beginning I was thrilled, I was one of the lucky 30 out of 400 children from ages 6-14 that had been admitted and I felt special. What I didn't see coming was the total lack of benevolence, from the ballet teacher's sides.

At 7, I was told multiple times that I wasn't good enough, I was yelled at and I was put in front of the entire class just to show what I was doing wrong in a step, while being compared to someone doing it right. like a huge cliché I developed an eating disorder at age 9, which has continued until present day. At 12 I started cutting. I didn't know that that was what I was doing, until one of my school teachers noticed, and I, of course, lied through my teeth about it.

It's been 6 years since I put on a ballet suit for the last time. I don't remember most of the awful stuff that was yelled or said to me ages 7 through 16, it's always became such a blur after classes, but I will never forget the feeling. I still catch myself telling myself I look disgusting, and thinking every part of my body is not good enough. It's always the "not good enough". When someone raises their voice at me, even slightly, I shut down. I can't say anything, I just freeze. Being constantly judged with such a negative tone for so many years has caused my social anxiety. Being around large groups of people terrifies me, even people that I've known for years. I've become such a huge control freak, when something doesn't happen like I planned it, I shut down.

And it's not just me. I see it in my brother, I see it in my sister, I see it in my best friend.

"Why didn't you just quit?". Ballet was my first love. Dance was what I did when I was upset, when I was happy, when I was stressed. It was my life. It was almost like being in an abusive relationship. I would show up every day to class because I loved it, but every day I would come home and cry, sometimes not even knowing why.

[whirled_up_girl]

Thank you for posting your story! I was in ballet, jazz, and tap for a while as a child and teen. I didn't start as early as you did and I never did make it to the level of pointe which I now regard as a good thing. I loved to dance and I still respect the art form but I have mixed feelings about it because of the damage I've seen it do on the human body. Also, you mention mental health issues as well. I worry about my cousin who's contemplating a career in ballet. As a teen I had briefly considered a career in dance and then I attended a career day at school where a professional dancer came in and talked about all the pitfalls. Then I read books about famous dancers and some of the physical and emotional pain they suffered. I also had dance teachers that encouraged me to just keep it as a hobby or for excercise and not do it as a career because they had been professionals at one time and some of them had very serious injuries from the heavy training.

Like you said there may be some people who had a better experience with it but there will be some dancers in training in their late teems and early twenties possibly contemplating a career in it and they might rethink that if they read stories like yours or others.

[England4eva]

I’ve heard of this before. Your not the first unfortunately. The problem is that it can take years for a movement to come about, and make effective change. Still doesn’t mean it’s right what you went through.

Be proud of yourself that you had the sense to quit when you did. Lots of people still enduring this level of negativity, on the back of their passion. Work on yourself and heal with healthy foods and education. Documentaries are super informative for me, they really help me navigate through life. Maybe they could help you too.

[exitseven]

I coached soccer for many years and I looked at it as a way for kids to have fun, get some exercise and learn a little bit about sportsmanship. Some of the other coaches thought it was a life or death thing. They would scream at the kids and a lot of the parents would scream at their kids. A couple of times I had to kick parents off the field and once a guy was saying mean things to my goalie. I looked over and the kid was crying I went running over because I thought he was hurt. It turns out this jerk was standing behind the net yelling at the kid. I told him he had to leave and if he ever came back I would call the cops on him. I think that athletics should be fun and not some life and death endeavor.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[EffaMan]

Thank you for posting