Has anyone heard a great joke today?

[Bricealan]

An IRISH man walked out of a bar!

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+1 y

Any Irish men in the audience?

[Agape93]

Speaking of bars...


Two Germans walk out of a bar, shit faced drunk, and walk home. Whilst on the way, one decides to take a piss so he goes to a tree, drops his pants and does so. But as he does so, a woman walks by and sees him, and shouts "so gross!" To which the German says "Danke!"

[PrettyPriya]

I have not today but I know a good jokester! @Agape93 🙂

[PrettyPriya]

Also @chrismaster69 has loads of hilarious jokes.

[ChrisMaster69]

@PrettyPriya done it

[PrettyPriya]

@ChrisMaster69 Omg that last one. 😂😂😂

[ChrisMaster69]

I asked the girlfriend if she was in the mood,

"Which particular fucking mood are you referring to?" she snapped at me.

I guess that was no then.

[ChrisMaster69]

My new girlfriend thinks I'm the perfect man. Cos I always leave the toilet seat down and I never wee on it.

She's gonna be furious when she finds out I piss in the sink

[ChrisMaster69]

The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

I said, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.”

He said, “Why? Is she a stunner?” I said, “No, she’s an optician.”

[ChrisMaster69]

Went to a club with the wife there was a guy on the dance floor going mental twerking, breakdancing, spinning, moonwalking, back flips, the lot.

My wife turned to me and said, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

I said, "By the looks of it he’s still fucking celebrating!”

[ChrisMaster69]

A GaG Blue Anon was staying in a hotel last night.

He phoned down to reception.

“Hi, this is room 26 Can I have a wake up call , please?”

She said “Yes, You’re in your mid 30s,
Single , live with your mother in her basement and
have achieved nothing in life !"

[ChrisMaster69]

I was fishing on holiday in florida when I ran out of bait, I saw a small snake nearby trying to swallow a frog.

knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the frog in his mouth.

I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.

So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.

His eyes rolled back, he went limp.

I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.

It was that snake, with two more frogs

[ChrisMaster69]

“I love you loads, honey pie.”
My wife said earlier.

“And I love you tonnes.” I replied.

“What, no nickname for me?”
She asked, disappointed.

Sometimes I swear the fat cow’s
going deaf.

[ChrisMaster69]

A farm horse gets stuck in a muddy hole in a field he shouts to the chickens to get the farmer to pull him out.
The farmer is away so one of the chickens drives the farmers ferrari over ropes up the horse and pulls him to saftey..
A few days later, a chicken falls in the mud hole. The chicken yells to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse says "Grab for my dick and pull yourself up", the chicken does and pulls himself out to safety.
And the moral of the story is

If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a ferrari to pick up chicks!

[ChrisMaster69]

Husband and wife fall on hard times , he says that they have no choice, to get out of debt she must go on the game as a prostitute.

He takes her to the red light district, and says "look I will be near by if there's any trouble, if you need advice text"

So she walks up and down, soon a car pulls over and a young man asks "how much love " she replies I dont know and texts her husband, he texts back "£100 for sex £70 for a blow job kinky stuff extra" The punter says "I've only got £30"

She relays this info to her husband, who texts back.."tell the cheap cunt he can have a wank for £30".. he agrees and she gets in the car.

He unzips his fly and flops out the biggest cock she's ever seen.. she says "hang on" and texts her husband "can you lend this bloke £70?"

[ChrisMaster69]

Two Chimps in a bath, one says,
"Ooh ooh, aah aah, eeh eeh, ooh ooh."

The other one says, "Well put some fucking cold in then you daft cunt."

[ChrisMaster69]

I was sexually abused by my mother.
Everyday when I was a baby she would force her tits into my mouth and make me suck them.

Even crying out for help, just seemed to encourage her to do it all the more, even dad ignored the abuse the bastard.

[ChrisMaster69]

How do you tell the difference between a dwarf and a midget?

Dwarves do pantomime

Midgets do porn.

Short blokes do GaG.

[ChrisMaster69]

A Pink Anon takes a bloke back to her flat after a night out..

After closing the door she triple locks it and grins and says " thats so you can't get away until you've sent me to heaven"

They have a few more drinks and they get it on.
She leads him to the bedroom, he looks around and on the walls all around are scary looking knives and shelves filled with liquid and what appears to be enormous human penis's.

He gulps and says "what's in the jars?"

She replies "those my dear are the cocks of the men that failed to satisfy me".

He said "fuck what was the problem"
She said "isn't it obvious too small"

He says thinking on his feet "one small
thing, I can only ever get an erection in the dark"

She says "fine as long as you have a huge one" and she turns out the lights.

He says he needs to pee first and leaves the room frantically looking for a cock substitute he ends up finding a huge cucumber in the fridge.." too small" he curses, then he sees a fucking massive marrow, grabs it and goes back into the bedroom.

Half an hour later she's on all fours, and he's thrusting the marrow deep in her with both hands and she's moaning and squealing"oh god yes yes yes"

And he's thinking "cracked it"

Then she purrs "wow I do love a good fingering before we start!"

[PrettyPriya]

@WhatTheHeckkkk For when you have a moment. Worth going through. 🤣

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Great jokes🤣🤣🤣