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Why Nice Guys Aren't--A Guide to the Games They Play

"Nice guys" are players too. That's right. I said it. Want me to elaborate? I knew you would...

In case you haven't looked around, there are a hell of a lot of self-professed "nice guys" whining and complaining about their unsuccessful history with girls. Maybe they're blaming it on the fact that all girls go for "bad boys." Maybe they're blaming it on their looks, or their lack of money. Whatever their justification is, you've heard it all a million times before from more guys than you can shake a stick at. Surely, if there truly were this many "nice guys" running around for girls to pick from, you'd be hearing a lot less girls complaining about their jerk boyfriends. Doesn't make sense at all, does it? The reason, as you've probably figured out, is that these "nice guys" aren't what they seem.

See, they play a game too. They resort to dirty, sneaky, dishonest, underhanded tricks to try to get the girl just like the players your mother warned you about. The difference is that the way they go about it usually ends up blowing up in their faces, which is why they turn into the whiners they are. They do it because they can't get up the guts to be direct about getting the girl they want.

The purpose of this article is to warn all of the girls out there about this sneaky, underhanded technique that these so-called "nice guys" use. It's called the "On Deck" position, and they do it because they're insecure, shy, and for whatever other reason just can't get up the balls to actually be up front with a girl. Here's how it works:

It all starts when Mr. Nice Guy (who we will call MNG from here on out) meets a girl he likes. But because he is who he is, he can't be straight up with her about it. It was probably for the best though because, guess what. She's already taken! But she doesn't seem happy. She never has anything good to say about her boyfriend. In fact, everything she says makes him out to be the Antichrist. In fact, we'll refer to him as AC from here on out. To MNG, however, this is actually a good thing because it says to him that she's easy pickings, since, in theory, all he needs to do to eventually win her over is just be patient. He figures that by playing the "best friend" card for a while and doing things such as being there for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to her, and well, doing things any decent human being would do, he's putting himself in a prime position to replace AC when he inevitably leaves the picture. Then he becomes the hero of the story and everyone lives happily ever after, right? WRONG!

First of all, playing the "On Deck" game just doesn't work because the theory behind it assumes a lot of things. It assumes that the relationship she's in is about to end. It assumes that everything she says is true and that AC is in fact the jerk she claims him to be, paying no mind to the fact that there's two sides to every story. It assumes you're not stuck in the "friend zone." The bottom line is that there are just too many variables at work here to consider that never pan out in reality.

Secondly, MNG is being dishonest. He's using a dirty, sneaky trick to try and capitalize on her weakness for his own benefit. He's pretending to be something he's not (her friend) in an attempt to use her weakness to end up as more. But in his mind he justifies it by his supposedly noble intentions. He sees it as rescuing her from a threatening situation. What he's blind to is that by taking advantage of her in this rough time for her, he's becoming something even worse. He thinks that the end justifies the means when it doesn't.

In the end, though, the flawed theory behind it means that it will always backfire on him. Usually, he ends up so deep in the "friend zone" that there's no hope of ever returning. And he finally realizes it when she utters one specific line to him: "I wish my boyfriend was more like you." I'm willing to bet every single guy who's guilty of trying this underhanded technique has had the girl use this line on him. It's the kiss of death. If read it wrong, it can give false hope that MNG is making progress in his goal. But this isn't what it really means. What it really means is that MNG is now stuck, forever and always, in the friend zone, and rightfully so. He's pretended to be her friend so long that now he has to accept that he must be one for real. In a way, it's his punishment for trying this form of dishonest trickery to win a girl over. He must become that which he has been pretending to be all along, and constantly be reminded of his failure. Either that or he can just bail, but he never does. Because then he wouldn't be able to delude himself anymore about what he really is. He wouldn't be able to go on living the lie about being a "nice guy."

This is the reason of all the whining "nice guys" you hear. At some point they've all tried this trickery, and it's failed them. And it made them jaded, all because they couldn't man up and be direct. This is why they whine to you about how girls don't want "nice guys" when the truth of the matter is they wouldn't know a nice guy from a stop sign.

Ladies, pay closer attention to your male "friends," especially the ones you confide in about your relationship troubles. They just might be MNG playing his game all over again. And guys, you need to learn that you'll never get anywhere when you're just on deck, waiting for the guy at the plate to end his turn. You need to step up to the plate yourselves, and for god's sake, stop targeting girls you think are "easy pickings" like the girl used in this scenario. It's what lands you in these situations in the first place.

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Why Nice Guys Aren't--A Guide to the Games They Play
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