In the year 2000, I met my first ever Trans person (well, at least that I was aware of). It was my best friends, boyfriend's, best friend. There was no pre-warning, no we're going to meet this person, nothing. My best friend and her boyfriend pulled up one day to my house, and she, whom I'll call Dana, was going to apparently drive us all to go for brunch. Dana and my best friend came to the door and my dad answered, silently confused, and called for me to come. Before I left, unaware of the reason for his confusion and side looks behind the door, he asked me..."um, who's your friend out there?" I had no clue what he was talking about because of course I was only expecting my best friend and her boyfriend whom my dad had already met, but as soon as I opened the door, our faces matched.
I could not contain my shock. I was a tall for a girl myself, but not Dana tall. Dana was 6'3, had on a huge long wig, some glittery make-up, and was in a dress. She did not really look like a woman or a girl, nor did she look like a man. I shot my friend a questioning look, but she caught it, and then ignored it as if everything was 'normal.' I got into the car trying not to stare at Dana for all of 5 seconds, but I forgot myself, and went well past the rude stage by full on back seat stalking her. Occasionally she would catch me staring at her and stare back, but soon enough I would be looking at her again trying to 'figure her out.' Obviously in the car, there was no room to really ask questions, so I'd hoped to drag my best friend to the bathroom at the restaurant and corner her for answers to all my brewing questions.
When we got to the restaurant, I imagine this was how celebrities felt in some way. Dana walked in first, flanked by the three of us, and just like my dad before me and myself in the car, all heads and eyes turned in our direction. I mean, at 6'3 Dana was kind of hard to miss and with the big hair, she was probably approaching 6'5. Just like me in car, no one was trying not to look. People would stare and then huddle in whispers. Some even pointed or let their jaws drop.
Dana, however, seemingly came down the row of seated patrons almost as if she were parting the red sea of onlookers in her wake. She kept her head held high, I assume pretending not to see the reactions or perhaps very used to them, and moved our group to the counter where the staring really continued. I could hear behind me a few of the more audible comments, which I'm sure she heard too, but she ignored them.
Dana turned out to be loud, bubbly, funny, and filled with drama. She could take a room and turn it into her own. Aside from the loads of drama part, we got a long pretty well and I could see why my best friend, who is truly a friend to all, would just introduce us that way instead of explaining or feeling the need to explain anything. As it turns out Dana had known my friend's boyfriend, Michael, since they were middle schoolers, before Daniel had become Dana.
When Michael found out about Daniel's wanting to change, he struggled with it hard. Michael told me privately that he wanted his friend, Daniel to be there, not Dana. He told me how initially he'd refused to go out anywhere with Dana, but would only go out to hang out with Daniel and of course how this had hurt his best friend who was already struggling and as he would find out later, wanting to commit suicide because no one would accept the woman he wanted to become.
Over the months I learned from Dana how hard it had been for Daniel to tell his very strict Catholic parents, especially his mother, about his wanting to transform into the person he always knew he was meant to be. His mother had dreams of him becoming a father and raising many children and bringing honor to the family which was huge in his culture; she felt he was dishonoring that and their family by being this 'thing,' that she viewed as unnatural and against God.
When he'd told his Mom, they didn't really speak for 2 years, or at least he'd continuously tried to get her to talk, but she'd had no part in him. It took Daniel almost three years to stop being half Daniel and half Dana, and just become Dana full time, and even then, it was hard because he struggled with not really looking like a typical woman, in his words. He just didn't really have the shape and had begun to take hormones which were driving him crazy, but he really wanted it.
About 3 months after meeting her, I told Dana my honest feelings about her when she'd asked me offhandedly one day. She wanted to know, and so I told her with a lot of no offensing, and you're a great person, but, but, butting, that I didn't personally understand why she would think that something her mother and father made, Daniel, was somehow wrong and not right. I was not a religious person by any means, but it was genetics, and love, and the bringing of a perfect child into the world. I was quoting ancient people, and doing a lot of sign language, and shrugging, and asking a ton of questions which Dana tried to answer.
At the end of it all, Dana just looked at me when the spewing of all of this at her had finally ended. I gather she'd heard most of it all before in many other speeches and conversations lobbed at her. She told me, you know what, we can be friends at the end of the day because despite all of that, and all your questions, and feelings about me, you still treat me as just a normal person. You don't run away when I approach, you don't call me names, you don't ignore my phone calls, you come celebrate with me when there is something to celebrate, and despite everything going on in your head sometimes about me, you're trying and that's far more than a lot of people would ever do.
It's years later now, and the world is slowly changing for the better in the LGBT community and I am happy for them. Dana and I are still very much friends. l still feel that what two parents create is a perfect human being, but at the end of the day, Dana is who she is, and I would never want to or try to stop her from living in her truth and her happiness because I wouldn't want anyone to stop me from living my own. A lot of people think you have to absolutely agree with and understand everything about everyone in order to agree but that's just not the case. Even with my own best friend whom I've known for nearly 20 years now, there are things about her that we will fight over and that we've never agreed to an understanding about, but we still continue to be the best of friends because we respect that we can disagree, that we are allowed to be different, that we can have different minds of things, as long as at the end of the day, we still treat each other as friends and are willing to listen.
I know it's hard for a lot of people to get along with people whom they consider vastly different from themselves, but at the core of things, we all want the same things...love, friendship, family, education, work, etc. Give someone a chance and try to get to know them as a person and not just as a stereotype or someone you've only heard rumors about them being some kind of way. Open your mind to the possibilities and as such, I believe you can live a fuller life not being so afraid or hateful of other people. You may disagree on some things, and you may not 100% get everything about their race, culture, religion, sexuality, but you can still agree to be friends and to help in some way, make this world a better place.
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