6 Terrible Reasons to Have Children

[ginny_weasley]

Yes these are all real reasons people choose to have children. The world is filled with idiots and they keep spawning children for these reasons. Smart people and people who are child-free by choice are quickly being outnumbered. A myTake about good reasons to have children will follow this.

Because you're lonely.

It's a sad truth that not every marriage is a match made in heaven. If you're not getting attention from your partner, bringing a baby into the picture will make things worse. It shouldn't take a midnight feeding when you'd rather be sleeping, for you to realize that having a baby when you're lonely is a terrible idea. You should be emotionally stable and mature when you have children. Plus you're giving the child a large emotional burden. The burden of supplying love is shifted to a small child. It's not the babies job to love the parent, it's the other way around. Now the child has to be an emotional first aid for the parent. If you feel lonely and think a baby will help, what you need is a therapist. This entire situation is a recipe for disaster.

Because your parents want grandkids. Or someone in your family wants a cousin, a niece, a nephew, a sibling, etc.

I sincerely hope your parents didn't have you for the single reason that you can spawn them grandchildren. The work to be a good parent is much more demanding than to be inspired by someone in your family wanting a cousin, or a niece, or a nephew, or grandchildren.

Because you love babies.

Babies don't stay babies forever. Babies turn into whiny children. Whiny children turn into the stereotypical moody teenagers. Moody teenagers turn into college students who suddenly realize they need their parents. People rarely adopt teenagers so unless you like teenagers, reconsider.

Because you want someone to love you.

This goes hand in hand with, "because you're lonely." But it need a further explanation of its own. Children are assholes. I've heard plenty of children tell their parents that they hate them over a stupid reason. It's especially terrible when that child doesn't realize the sacrifices their parents make for them. The parents who say that every moment of being a parent is magical, is a liar.

To fit in. Or because society expects you to.

I sincerely hope you have or had children because you want them and you decided that of your own accord, not because all your friends are knocked up and you feel left out or because society says so. Your life is completely unscripted. People say that in order to be happy you have to go to college, meet someone nice, get married, work a 9 to 5 job, get a house with a red door and white picket fence, and then have kids. (Yes people do believe this is the way people should live their lives. If people didn't believe that's the way to live your life, I wouldn't get the ridiculous comments from people who think every woman on the planet should have kids) That doesn't have to be your life. The only reason that should be your life is if you choose that life, not because society said so.

Give your life purpose.

I've heard plenty of parents say that they're so glad that they had children because now their life has meaning. While it's true that babies give your life a focus, it's still a terrible reason to have kids. You are the only one who decides that your life has meaning or not. This could easily become much worse when you realize your child isn't filling the hole in your soul that you want it to. This could turn into forcing your child into a box instead of letting them be themselves. A child's job isn't supposed to make your life look great or get you more likes on Instagram. Also, it's not just parents who have meaning in their lives. For example, there are doctors, nurses, scientists, teachers, college professors, CEOs, business professionals, and many other people who get focus and purpose from their careers.

[Phoenix98]

I can see the point you are trying to make though I don't really agree with it, or necessarily disagree with it.

But at the same time people choose not to have children for just as if not even more selfish reasons.

I mean I want children for some of those reasons you mentioned and quite a few that are not listed that doesn't make it terrible reasons for me just for you. Except I fully know and expect it to be a roller coaster full or utterly horrible parts and experiences and stress but also love, joy and great experiences. But I want all of that the good and the bad parts, and I don't at all expect it to be easy. Also your wrong about a quite a few things you talked about.

Besides kids aren't for people like you kids are for people who are prepared to give an actual effort. It isn't for whiners or people who think children are difficult.

and you talk about children not being able to fill a void well how is anything in life going to fill a void any better like a car a job or a friend a partner or money yet people expect it to fill the void in them but in the end won't. Going by your logic everything in life isn't going to fill a void you feel, except a child and having a family can do exactly that and has for billions of people.

Each of those reasons is perfectly valid reason to have a child in my opinion. As long as you prepare yourself before hand and go into knowing that it is not going to be all sunshine and rainbows and that it will be hard and difficult.

Because you're lonely.

So how is that any different from getting a pet, boyfriend/girlfriend or just a friend for that exact reason? going by your logic wanting those things because your lonely is bad to.

Because your parents want grand kids. Or someone in your family wants a cousin, a niece, a nephew, a sibling, etc.

Perfectly within their right to want that, how is that any different from you wanting things for your friends or family? And any parent in their right mind would want grandchildren to spoil and have fun with in their old age. And being a grandchild I know how important being on is, I help take care of my grandma when no one will I spend time with her, make her laugh and keep her company because she's lonely since my grandfather died going by your logic is it wrong for her to want me to spend time with her or for me to spend time with her because she's lonely? And I help her with her chores, and errands and yard work because she isn't physically able to and

[Phoenix98]

she doesn't have anyone to help her.

Because you love babies.

How is that any different from getting a pet because you love dogs, cats or animals in general? A lot of people I might add treat their pets like actual children and babies.

Because you want someone to love you.

Again how is that any different from getting a pet? A dog for example who's love and loyalty have no bounds. Or how is it different from wanting a boyfriend or girlfriend so you have someone to love or to love you?


To fit in. Or because society expects you to.

How is that any different from the hundrends if not thousands of things soceity expects us to conform to or do or accept that we don't want to? Like political groups, ridiculous laws/rules or organzations or opposing views we don't agree with for example.

[Phoenix98]

Give your life purpose.

How is that any different from a job, career, degree or life path or life choice? Many if not all people spend their days searching for something to give their life meaning, like a job so why can't someone want to dedicate their life to raising and loving their child? A child for all you know could be the next Einstien or create the cure for cancer or make world peace, etc, etc , etc.

Your reasons are in general invalid reasons they are fine for your own personal view but don't talk to us like they are invalid reasons in general to not have children when everyone does those exact same things in regards to life choices, jobs, pets and a whole other mess of things.

[ginny_weasley]

Some of the reasons have a bit of double meaning. Personally I think there's a difference between wanting kids because you're lonely and possibly depressed compared to wanting kids because even though you're happy with your life, you still feel sad because something is missing.
There's a big, big difference between getting a car to fill a void in your soul and getting a living breathing human to fill the void in your soul.
Kids aren't for me? Glad someone agrees. I never denied that.
I sincerely hope people don't date another living, breathing human being just because they feel lonely. When they don't lonely anymore, will they dump them
Or your parents can support your decision. Having children should be your decision no one else's. It can be a contributing factor but definitely not a sole reason.
Except dogs stay dogs and they won't talk back to me.
Again, I hope someone is mentally stable before they decide to care for a living mammal.
You really don't have to over think this.

[ginny_weasley]

I'm just saying people are having kids for the wrong reasons. Too many people are having kids because they want more likes on Facebook or to make their lives look great. Do you know how many parents have posted a picture of their children holding a sign that says "if I get this many likes, my mom will get a something" Like a puppy or a new bike. In other serious cases, the mom will stop smoking if they get a certain amount of likes. I once saw a picture of a baby sonogram and the (teen) mom (shocker there) said she'll keep the baby if she gets a certain amount of likes. People like her shouldn't be breeding. That's all I'm saying.

[Phoenix98]

Like I said I don't agree with what you said because most of the points you made most people in life make regarding other objects or creatures. So it's hypocritical to make that call while doing the exact same thing just with something else other then a baby.

But at the same time you do make some good points in other places like with the facebook thing and having a baby just to see how many likes she can get. You are correct there, but at the same time the percentage of people that actually do that for those reasons are really low.

[ginny_weasley]

The Facebook thing was my main point. I would really hope people would be mentally sane before they get a dog or any pet. Especially before they get a child. Many pet adoption centers have interviews, forms, and a long adoption process you have to go through before you adopt, so I'm not too worried about that. Kids don't come with an instruction make. They should get a plant instead. Or just something not living and breathing to fill the void in their soul.

[Phoenix98]

You'd be surprised lol but luckily the number of people that would do that is like 1% of the population which is still like a million people but in the grand scheme of things is a small number.

[ThisDudeHere]

Well said.

[Phoenix98]

@ThisDudeHere Thank you.

[RainbowFanGirl]

I agree.

Tbh I'm not sure I want children either. I much rather have a puppy or two.

media.giphy.com/media/Xzs2WRqpBHOi4/giphy.gif

[shawnski]

Puppies make the best kids. I don't have kids I have dogs. As far as I'm concerned they are better than kids. The worst thing they have never done is chew some underwear hat and shirt. And them getting sprayed by a skunk sucked but just imagine that happening to a kid!! Holy fuck

[JudgmentDay]

The one thing people keep forgetting is that unexpected tragic shit can happen to people over the course of their lifetime. It's a false sense of security. Just because you have kids, what guarantees are there that things are going to be fine for them throughout their entire lifetime, where they would still be around when you are old and dying, so that ONLY they bury you and not the other way around, where you would have to BURY them? Tell me, what guarantees are there? If any at all?

Alright, but for those that really want children, then have them, no one can tell you otherwise if you are somebody that really wants them.

This is the kind of world and reality where people can and will suffer. A reality and world in which all those that are brought into existence to it WILL suffer from pain, because once someone is brought into existence here, they are exposed to all possible forms of harm that come with this reality and existence, and all they really can do is try all various forms of coping mechanisms and escapism (the "good" things) to help them cope and pass the time, but then ultimately and inevitably they will die.

IT JUST DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL! AND YET, WITHOUT SUFFERING AND PAIN THERE WOULD BE NO MEANING AND PURPOSE TO OUR EXISTENCE AT ALL!

The worst part of it all? People are ultimately brought into existence without their consent, and it can't be done either way anyway. If some of us had completely known beforehand and had been given the warning labels about the catches of coming here to experience life and compare the good things and bad things that automatically come with life (guaranteed harm, pain, and a death), I'm sure some of us would have completely passed on it and said, no thanks, I rather had never participated or come here, come into existence at all in the very first place had I known beforehand. Left it as it was, in an undisturbed, calm, and neutral state.

[JudgmentDay]

@Library? @Unit1?

[Unit1]

I also responded here while you were typing all this. You know my stance on this and you're right with that again.
You can check my response tho.

[Library]

I totally agree. I did mention something similar to this in myTakes and we have agreed on the same things in the past. Most people are delusional because they can't realize these things.

[JudgmentDay]

@Library That's because they have been lucky throughout their entire life so far and had overlooked the most horrible things that happen around them and haven't experienced any of the worst possible and horrible things happen to themselves yet. But of course nobody wants to think about it that way because they feel pessimistic thinking and feeling is not right for them, and they rather not because it would make them greatly uncomfortable about it.

They don't question these kind of things, and they aren't willing to or able to question and have doubts about these things.

But hey it's reality, and reality is harsh and comes with unexpected bad things like tragedies. People suffer and die all the time, and the more people brought into existence would mean that the more people will suffer and then also eventually die. But we do it anyway as a species because most people would rather keep their family or family heritage going than simply allow it all to just end.

[JudgmentDay]

@ginny_weasley

Since I can't message you, I think the best way for this is to just go through with the procedure of getting your tubes tied as soon as possible without any other second thoughts. Once you get your tubes tied then that's it, end of discussion. Doesn't matter anymore what others say, because if you can't have kids at all anymore then it won't matter how much others judge you or pressure you, because it's all set and done. They can all fuck off if they continue to judge you negatively or if they fuck with you. Besides you can then write a whole new mytake and share your experience of undergoing the procedure of getting your tubes tied, what it's like, what the costs were, etc.

But, keep one thing in mind though, you would reach menopause faster if you get your tubes tied, but if you have a partner that you are committed to is willing to get a vasectomy then that might save you the hassle of having an operation.

[ginny_weasley]

Thank you for your support. I've been called hurtful things on this post alone. I know none of it is true. I'm still going to get my tubes tied or get a hysterectomy as soon as possible.

[JudgmentDay]

@ginny_weasley

if you read my response here, you understand my views onto why I feel that it isn't the best to bring someone into this kind of a world and reality in the first place, moreso because no one can give their would-be parents the consent to come here in the first place, and sometimes, or even many times, many people become depressed severely and unhappy with the difficulties that they have to face and endure throughout their lifetime, and sometimes people really do give up and is no longer willing to endure through this kind of a world and reality and that's why suicides happen.

And believe me, nothing is more painful than losing one's own child or offspring, especially when things are tragic such as when they kill themselves, and there are many reasons for this. Sometimes it could be from constant bullying, other times it could be other reasons and causes such as severe disappointment (s) they encounter in their lifetime, or even from abusing alcohol and drugs.

[Unit1]

I may add, that the suicide rates are higher in males than in females!

For every 3. th to 4. th male, that commits suicide, a female commits suicide. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide#Sex

I don't know how that is relevant to this topic but I thought it was interesting to share. Maybe if you get a son instead of a daughter, your son would be 3 or 4 times more likely to commit suicide.

[KibbityKabbit]

Your post reminds me so much of my old self. I was dead set on having kids, because that's what every young lady does in my hometown. Many girls already had babies before we even graduated high school. I always thought looking at their billions of children's photos on social media: "I want that happiness. That looks great." Then I learned how mentally & emotionally draining children are, when my brother knocked up his girlfriend. They're now married & my niece is a wonderful human being. So they made the best out of an unplanned happening. But it was fucking hard. I saw the stress and resentment between them for years before they got to a solid & good place. So yeah, that caused me to reflect on myself. I am apparently too selfish for kids. I like having "me-time" a lot of the time. I like having non-stop sex with my boyfriend & being completely uninterrupted. I like that I can spend money on just me or anyone else I feel like spoiling. Sometimes you have to think about the hard stuff that parents deal with & ask yourself, "Can I do that?" I just can't. I was sad about that for awhile, but I'm becoming content with it. Some people just aren't fit to be parents & THAT'S OK!!!

[ginny_weasley]

Thank you! I think babies are so fragile. That's why I always politely tell people no thanks if they me to hold their baby. As an introvert, I love having time to myself. I also love the freedom. If I want, I can go treat myself to lunch or go home and go home and cook. No need to get a babysitter. I love having the extra money and time with boyfriend.

[KibbityKabbit]

I panicked whenever I held my niece. She's 5 now & I still worry I may hurt her somehow.

[ginny_weasley]

I do the same whenever I hold a baby. Every time I am left alone with a baby, I feel I should watch it constantly and never leave it alone to make sure it's still breathing.

[jakebrake7]

The fundamental law of of all biology states that the purpose of life is survival and reproduction. So in terms of biology, the purpose of sex is reproduction. Now, since we human beings have exploited sex just for its pleasure without having to deal with raising a child by inventing contraceptives. Natural selection, sexual selection etc. favors the survival of the fittest individuals, whose genetic makeup enable them to be fit, healthy and disease free (somehow looks play into all of these). It's a little different when it comes to human beings. Resources like money etc. along with looks, intelligence, power and good personality traits dictate the selective pressures. People with even one of these characteristics have a high shot of reproduction by being more desirable. Now, people who are poor, ugly, stupid, have a bad personality, are disabled or have some disease are the least desirable and have the lowest chance of finding a mate (who is desirable) to make a better offspring. Luckily the chance of someone having all the aforementioned characteristics is very little and such people try to increase their reproductive success by changing some of the things that they can for example money, personality, achievements etc. According to evolution only people who smart, good looking rich, have a good personality should increase in number and their opposites should decrease right? The problem is that evolution is very complicated and not as straight forward as you might think. But if you think about it you will see a stabilizing effect of evolution. You will see that most people are average in terms of all the thing I mentioned above and people below them or above them are in few numbers. Now, If the smart people stop procreating and dumb people don't, guess what will happen? Dumb people will increase in numbers. So if you think that you are a smart, good looking, achiever, then go procreate to save humanity.

[ginny_weasley]

I don't want kids. Deal with it. We are already vastly overpopulated anyways.

[jakebrake7]

Well, It's your decision but the laws of nature will not change.

[ginny_weasley]

No they won't, but my sole purpose in life isn't to procreate.

[jakebrake7]

No ones sole purpose in life should be to procreate.

[ginny_weasley]

That's not what society thinks. The comments I've gotten from people who judge my decision, are ridiculous.

[jakebrake7]

You know, I used to feel exactly like you when I was a little younger but now I think differently.

[JudgmentDay]

Saving humanity is technically impossible, only postponing and delaying the inevitable. I believe that the only way we can actually be saved is through advancements in technology that will lead to possibilities of transhumanism so our species is no longer solely dependent upon biological reproduction, it's slow, it's inefficient, comes with way too many problems and difficulties. And just because you have children, what guarantees are there that things are going to turn out fine and well? Something unexpectedly tragic can happen in the course of their lifetime, they can die before you do and then what comes next should that ever happen?

If we have the capacity for great intelligence we should continue to research and develop artificial intelligence and keep pushing and striving to reach that point called singularity and if all goes according we can finally have the possibility to upgrade, evolve, transcend, or ascend into something even greater and better than what we

[JudgmentDay]

are limited to.

[chrisbigman]

Because you're lonely - I mostly agree with this one. Yes, you could easily (maybe not the case for everyone) fulfill your loneliness by just dating someone or making friends with people. Just because you're lonely doesn't mean you should resort into having children. However, not everyone can make friends so easily.
Because your parents want grandkids. Or someone in your family wants a cousin, a niece, a nephew, a sibling, etc - I somewhat agree. You should not do something just because someone wants you to do it. This includes having children. However, it would make the family somewhat more colder if there is less of them.
Because you love babies - I somewhat disagree. Just because they can start out crappy, doesn't mean they will remain that way. That's why as a parent, it's your job to make sure they don't turn into a crappy adult. If they aren't behaving, then parent them. If you don't know how, then ask someone else (especially one that raised kids into great adults) or look it up.
Because you want someone to love you - I agree. There's other people that can and usually do love you. You don't necessarily need to have children to get love that usually already exists.
To fit in. Or because society expects you to - I agree with this. "Keeping Up with the Jones' " is completely overrated and has been for a long time. Don't be afraid to do your own thing and don't be ashamed of it, either. As long as you are happy and you're doing the best you can to give yourself a better life, then that's all that matters.
Give your life purpose - I somewhat agree. Sometimes people need a deeper purpose in their life, and a career/job doesn't do it. This is really on an individual basis.
What are some great reasons to have children, just for the sake of it? It would be a bad idea to not include a post with great reasons.

[ginny_weasley]

I agree with all of your explanations. Some of the reasons have a bit of a double meaning. To me, having a child because you're lonely and depressed is very different than having a child because even though you're happy with your life, you still feel sad because something is missing. I am making a my take about good reasons to have kids right now. Waiting for the excitement from this my take to die down.

[ginny_weasley]

Here it is, good reasons to have kids. Like I promised.
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a32561-five-great-reasons-to-have-kids

[Nomad2]

people chose to have children for various reasons, and although there is a lot of judgement, people still do go through witj this. Having kinds and a family has always been my childhood dream. Dreams dont always come in a perfect package with opportunity to have all you want, and then there is a choice to be made. For me family doesn't exist without kids, but the you wouldn't have either with just anyone. You would look for a special one, otherwise it doesn't make much sense. A special one could easily stop being that special and then things change, but you really should follow you dreams. When you are of a certain age and things dont work out with someone who were meant to bespecial, it doesn't mean you should stop following your other dreams. If you are healthy mentally stable, mature, strong and want to have a child, and want to have it because you feel it is important and you can do a good job, go for it. Exactly right, intellegent people chose for various reasons not to have children, which is very sad and wrong. I think by not having children they are being selfish and irresponsible towards our community because their offsprings would haveva higher chance of making progress and improving things in this world, and they would leaveva great legacy not to say would have to win in a natural selection process, apart. from missing out on a joy of having pure love in their lives and growing as people. If they are only intellegent, and have no other qualities required for parenthood, then I agree that not having children. is a clever idea.

[Rawrzz]

Agreed. In my view, these are some of the primary, selfish reasons people have children.

Reminds me of the hilarious movie Idiocracy. I'm too tired and lethargic to find the specific reference on youtube, but it goes through the same idea. Intelligent people understand the risks and necessities of raising a child, whereas stupid people don't think about it at all and fuck like bunnies on ecstasy.

Great movie. The whole idea revolves around the future generations getting more and more stupid because of this: ending up with a future full of retarded humans.

Children are also most often simply a consequence of sex: not actively planned.

And, in my antinatalist view, one can never have a child for the child, as there is no real benefit to existing over never having existed. It is always self-serving to have children. These are 6 of the worse reasons, but I question whether or not there is ever a legitimate reason to have children. To me, it is a deeply immoral act, regardless of ones mental or financial capacity--as well as the reasoning for doing so.

In the words of David Benetar, having children is like playing Russian Roulette, with the gun---of course---not pointed at your own head, but at the head (s) of your future offspring. Some know their child will be among the unfortunate, but no one knows whether their child will be one of the lucky few.

To be the best parent, to me, is to protect and sacrifice for your children. And the ultimate form of this is denying oneself the primordial satisfaction of having children: to sacrifice that powerful desire for the protection of ones child.

We cry for the dead. We cry for the suffering. But we never cry for those who have never existed.

[Berethor]

"To be the best parent" is not to be an parent? it's not making any sense. Most "childfree" people know that they would be an very bad parents, if they would have children.

[Rawrzz]

@Berethor It makes perfect sense. I dare say there is nothing else that makes more sense. People have children because it fulfills *themselves*. There is no or very little thought of the child, in this. Whatever thoughts of the child's health are a result of what the parent wants *for themselves*, 99% of the time. So I ask you. How could one be the best kind of parent if the decision to have kids was steeped in self-obsession and self-satisfaction? Will not the way they approach raising the child follow suit? Mired in self-obsession and self-satisfaction? Thinking about the child's best interests, however, is what makes the best kind of parent.

I disagree that most people don't have kids because they think they'll be bad parents. I'm sure many people use that reasoning, but it's just a rationalization to most. I think the main reason people do not have children is because they do not have sufficient access to an acceptable mate--or, any at all.

[Berethor]

@Rawrzz usually not wanting to have an children comes form more selfish reasons then wanting to have an children, not matter how "childfree" people try to justify it.

[Rawrzz]

@Berethor Your protestations without rational backing irritate me. *How* are people who choose childlessness over children being selfish?

Everything people do is motivated by self-centeredness. Literally everything. Simply because something is selfish, doesn't mean it's bad. For instance, there are people who give to the poor, not to help the poor, but to make themselves feel like good people. Is this bad? Well, poor people have something to eat, because of them; so, I say no.

Having children, however, is a type of selfishness that actively damages people. There's a difference in being selfish for yourself and being selfish while endangering peoples' lives. There's a difference between being selfish and being mired in self-obsession.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

I agree with you on these reasons, but I find it extremely ironic for someone who complains a lot about how people on here patronize you about not having kids to write their fair share of mytakes, questions and constantly voice their opinion about why they don't want kids... it just seems so counterintuitive. It's like you're asking for it... just sayin

[ginny_weasley]

I fully know people will attack my personal decision until I am dead and my body is rotting six feet under the ground. That won't phase me. It just bugs me because its my personal decision. It doesn't affect them in the slightest. I mean seriously how is being told that I am an emotion-less monster because I prefer animals to kids going to convince me to have kids?

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

I agree with you, but you kinda put the shit out there. It's basically you setting yourself up to be heckled at. That's all I'm saying. I get saying it a few times, but about 1/3 of the questions and takes I come across from you are about how you don't want kids. For me, it's just like, you constantly get mad about how people call you out, yet you're the 1, more than the minimal amount telling everyone with a giant sign on your head saying "Look at me! I don't want kids". Or to say, if I were you, I'd rant about it 1 time or a few, complain about it and then not making takes and questions that I know will be met with more ridicule about how I don't want kids... sorry for the redundancy, but whatever 💁‍♂️

[lumos]

Like she's "asking for it"? Or she just, you know, writes that kind of stuff to maybe give other people some perspective? To possibly change some minds? To make people reflect on *why* they feel the need to put those who don't want kids down?

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

@lumos no, asking for it... when a person is serially complaining g about how people don't respect her choice about having kids while continually voicing to the public about how much you don't want children, yeah, at some point, op is kinda asking for it. Conventional wisdom would tell you that if you want people to not heckle you over a personal choice, it would seem fairly wise to not tell the world about said personal choice...

[ginny_weasley]

@lumos thank you. That was thoughtful of you.

[ginny_weasley]

Again, it won't phase me. I could spend all day talking about why I dont want kids. I'm nkt going to stop because people are jackasses. There are jackasses all over the planet. Nothing they say will change my decision. All of these my takes are getting promoted and featured, I will profit off of this. If they don't like it, I don't care. It was their decision to read it.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

Lol! Fair enough. I like that logic... It's more just confusing to me cause I've seen questions you asked about how you didn't like people patronizing you and wondering why everyone keeps asking you and a take on what not to say to someone who doesn't want kids. It just seems like you're constantly irritated about people asking you shit or telling you "blah blah blah". I would source it, but you're private view and I'm lazy as shit 😑. So, to me, I'd just think it would make more sense to not talk about this stuff. But hey, it's your choice

[lumos]

@Other_Tommy_Wiseau that's awfully ignorant of you to say honestly. Change doesn't happen from staying quiet and pretending like you fit the norm when you really don't. Change happens by speaking up, offering a different perspective, and repeatedly making sure your voice is heard. Would you also tell a gay person to just shut the fuck up and pretend there isn't an issue with people having really derogatory and generalized views of gay people? Pride parades exist to raise awareness and to be open about who you are. I don't see why ginny here should shut up about her choice to not have kids if that's what she feels like writing about. She has expressed multiple times that she's aware of people disagreeing with her choice, but she keeps writing because I'm assuming she just wants to offer her perspective. And that's why I think it's really shitty of you to say that she's "asking for it". I could also say you're asking to get punched in the face with this post but that doesn't make it true

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

@lumos so I figured you might say this. To which I say, that this isn't about the stigma. It's about her personal choice. Her personal choice about not having kids. 1 that she brings up. Not some bigger picture, although it could be. But from her other questions and at least 1 other mytake I've come across, it's pretty much solely about her not wanting kids and about people telling her this and that about not wanting kids

If I like eating dog shit and people tell me it's wrong, I'm not going to tell the world or keep trying to convince everyone why eating dog shit is awesome to me. I'll just keep it to myself and keep eating dog shit

Plus, I've already said I agree with her points and respect her decision. I just think it's weird to constantly being herself subject to criticism under her own free will. If she didn't make questions and ranting takes, literally no one would know or care if she wanted kids or not and she wouldn't have to deal with people patronizing her

TBC

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

@lumos especially to an audience like gag, who aren't exactly the sharpest knives I never the drawer. She's better off ranting to a brick wall in most cases

[lumos]

"I'll just keep it to myself and keep eating dog shit" and that's you. Not everyone is like you. Ranting to a brick wall won't help much though, at least here there are a few people she could have some interesting discussions with.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

@lumos so, you know what's a great technique to being happy? It's eliminating shit that doesn't make you happy. Ranting about something doesn't help. And I don't feel like going into the psychology of it, but if you want some nerd to explain it better, here
consumer.healthday.com/.../...-angrier-674640.html
granted this site is like a cancer so I can't say I've done it completely (but that's another story)

And for the amount of helpful opinions, there's a 90% of users who are borderline cancer. Shit, the majority think that women shouldn't hold jobs, muslims should be banned, gay people are the devil and black people should, at the very least, be sent back to the 1960s... you have to sift through a lot of shit before you get to actual useful advice. And even then, most of it is just confirmation bias at that point 😑

[Scrambledagain]

@ tommy. Yeah Lumos is right, that's the same reason why I put up my prostitute debates. Only difference is, I get shot down for mine more than the no child thing.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

@Scrambledagain?

[Scrambledagain]

Yeah sorry man but I just have to throw it out there when the time comes. 😎🎸

Lumos said "To possibly change some minds? To make people reflect on *why* they feel the need to put those who don't want kids down?"

That's really nicely worded and that's why some people put up shit. But I have been pinned to the cross by both these women with my prostitution debates. Yet they defend the "no kid" debate here.

All I'm gonna say is people, all people, justify their positions in whatever way they possibly can. And this thread is a wonderful example of that.

[amarahorrorstory]

I noticed this too. I'm all for her not having kids but it seems like she's saying there is a problem with wanting them. Less of why she doesn't want them. I respect everyone's choices. But I've always wanted kids, I don't hate children. I want that connection and to love and care for someone. I even want teenagers, even considered adopting some so I really just can't relate. I'm such a people person. But I know some people just aren't like that, I can't relate but I can wrap my head it. I know people jump down the throats of people who don't want children so I see what she means. I have no problem with that but I don't care for people who just constantly bash children and how terrible they are, as if they just never were a child who had to be taken care of and how they want 400 dogs instead. I've seen those people too and I'm not a fan of either. Whether someone wants kids or not is their business but I don't think either group should really put their nose in it.

[ginny_weasley]

@amarahorrorstory I'm not going to trash someone for wanting kids. I've said that multiple times. Too many people are having them for the wrong reasons. Children are very intuitive and notice more things than adults will ever give them credit for. The next generation is suffering because of people having kids for the wrong reasons. You have legit reasons for wanting kids. Too many other people want them because they want more likes on their Instagram, Facebook, or whatever. In other words, they think children are an accessory.

[amarahorrorstory]

I agree, that's wrong and it's something you see these days

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

@amarahorrorstory I think you missed the point I was making... I don't think I'm nearly as articulate as I thought I was 😑

[amarahorrorstory]

No, I got it, I was just speaking as myself

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

@amarahorrorstory aight 👍

[mits777]

I want to have children because I want to give my children the opportunity to live and enjoy live like I was given. Also, I want to contribute to this world with smart and educated children who will further improve the world and not destroy it. Unless someone is ready to make effort to further raise and educate the children, better they don't have children. The world is already full with stupid, poor, uneducated people

[mits777]

Also I love children especially I wish god gives me a boy. He can be my friend, work out with me, play soccer, get the dog out with me, study have nice conversations and much more. It is a great pleasure to give others the opportunities that you didn't had in your life

[ginny_weasley]

Thanks for respecting my decision. Based on your reasons, I think you will be a great parent.

[mits777]

You are welcome.

[CHARismatic110]

First time I've disagreed with you. I respect people's decisions either way. I've always wanted children, and for some of the reasons you've listed. That's not ever going to change. I feel like you don't want people to badmourh you for your decision, but you're doing the same.

[ginny_weasley]

My main point is that children can't fill the cold void in people's souls. Too many people say that every moment with children is magical and complete bliss when it's almost the total opposite. But it is the big moments that are few in numbers like watching graduate college, get a career they love, get married, etc. that make all the many, many stressful tiny moments worth it. Children are stressful and people shouldn't have them because they think a baby will make everything better. It usually takes a midnight feeding when they would rather be sleeping, for them to realize that.

[ginny_weasley]

Plus I am sure you have good reasons for wanting kids. I will write a my take about that. It's a matter of wording.

[CHARismatic110]

I haven't birthed any of my own, but I've been a sitter and now nanny since I was 18. I've gone through the midnight feedings, first shots, teething episodes (probably one of the top 5 most unmagical moments ever), diaper changes, carriers, first steps, first days of school etc with many kids so I know about the ups and downs. But I also can't wait to experience it with my own. And I do feel like having a child will fill a part of me, but that's because being childless is why it's empty. It may seem selfish, but I would love my child (ren).

[ginny_weasley]

It's not selfish. I get called selfish when I don't want kids, so there's no pleasing some people. I think you will be a great parent, which we need more of in the world. I wouldn't say the first reason applies to you. I think there's a difference between someone wanting kids because they're lonely and someone wanting kids because even though they're happy but they feel something is missing. I feel the second applies to you.

[CHARismatic110]

Well thank you. And like I said, I respect your decision. A lot of women still go through with having children that they never wanted and end up resenting the child or worse, harming him/her.

[TMWLOP]

I kinda disagree with the fourth one, because you love babies to be exact, i think if your passionate and you have a good partner, then youd could be a fantastic parent, but to say that because they grow up and become independent is a deternt is a little over the top, i think watching a child grow from that little unknown thats been growing in your womb to becoming an independent adult is probably one of the biggest joys in life and also one of the sadest

[ginny_weasley]

Yeah I can see how that works from your perspective. It's all a matter of wording. At least to me. Like saying that you want kids because something is missing is a good reason, because you're lonely is a terrible reason. However those reasons seem to be used interchangeably.

[TMWLOP]

I see what your saying, i think its more of a "response" or more like an excuse that people like to use to justify the action.

[Pinkbeauty]

I don't want kids and I don't like kids because they run around screaming yelling and they to much and real loudly and babies cry to much one time when I was around a baby that was a girl she just tried to come to see me and I tried to get away from her and I stayed in my room in a hotel and I closed the door and I walked around passing in my room and when I went to Michaels in the store I was looking at adult coloring books and right next to a kid was cry and screaming at the top of his lungs real loudly and the parents let him do that and they let him run around screaming and crying real loudly

[Berethor]

Not all children are acting like that, you can try and rise your children in different way.

[Pinkbeauty]

@Berethor that's true but I don't want kids there's enough people on this planet

[peachblossomluck]

Those kids have bad parents. I give the parents dirty looks. Those kinds of people should not have kids.

[Pinkbeauty]

@peachblossomluck yeah I agree

[Unit1]

Very good take!

Having children is yet another coping mechanism for people to fill that dark hole in their souls, the dark emptiness, the cold void - their what they would call the purpose of life.
It's a big projection to humans originated from the church in ancient times. The church then was with the government "allied", meaning the government had a partnership with the church, in which the church encouraged humans to reproduce so the government can benefit from the taxes and split the taxes. It's not that hard to figure it out.

Nowadays we are too overpopulated and merely survival and basic physiological human needs have become very hard to maintain.

I have yet to find a woman, who is child free by choice and does not want marriage. Just where are they?

[JudgmentDay]

You forgot one other thing, it's not just keeping the tax payers coming, but continuously adding pawns on the chessboard, because people at the bottom are much needed as potentially expendable assets, potential "Cannon Fodder" that can be continuously used and exploit. Such as fighting in imperialist wars for those that run the system.

After all why do you think there is conscription or military drafts in various countries? They will need people for this more than anything else, and the more people they have the more they are able to take advantage of to fight and die on the frontlines for whatever the people in charge or the ruling classes' cause (s) maybe. That and to give them protection. If there is not enough people born in a nation it would not only create a demographic problem or economic problem but a security problem as well. And I'm sure that's probably what's going on right now with Japan's current demographic crisis.

As long as there are people, there will always be war.

[Unit1]

@JudgmentDay Yeah. We are their tools and warriors. They keep the females so they can spawn more soon to be soldiers and send us men, who once fertilized females into the war, our grave there.

Now, if we were not so overpopulated, we would have more resources, fewer mouths to feed, lesser unemployed people and many other things would be fixed but humans won't stop reproducing like rabbits for nothing. Survival is becoming impossible.

[Library]

The people who have those reasons usually have no idea what they are getting themselves in to.

[ginny_weasley]

I noticed that. Too many people think that every moment with children is magical.

[Library]

Ha, they are so delusional.

[Unit1]

People are more than deluded. They are unable to think for themselves and form original opinions and give in to social pressures to have children.

Fortunately we, the handful few ones, are not.

[Hopefuldreamer8]

I agree with all of those. I think another good one to add to the list is for someone to take care of you when you get old. I've heard plenty of people use this one. I find that incredibly selfish. You're having a child just so someone can take care of you when you get old?

[ginny_weasley]

That's a great reason. Especially since I've heard plenty of senior citizens getting their retirement money stolen by their own children. Personally, I admire relationships between a caregiver who is in their 20's and a senior citizens who is in their 80's, more than a parent and child relationship. I think it's bridging the generational gap.

[SmokemJay]

THANK YOU!!!
Someone told me "Oh you'll get there one day, you don't want to die alone do you?" I hate when people project their insecurities onto others...
As if that made any sense at all. I didn't have a childhood because growing up I was taking care of my siblings. (My mother sucked and still does)

That shit is hard work looking after kids everyday...

[ginny_weasley]

I'm sorry your mom made you feel that way. My parents want to work full-time so they make me watch my younger brother. I hate to admit it, but the worst part of my day is when he comes home from school. I have turned down so many things because of him.

[SmokemJay]

Don't be she's regretting it now.
And damn that does suck did you at least get to enjoy your Halloween?
Do you get to hangout with friends often? They're not abusive towards the two of you?

[ginny_weasley]

They're not abusive at all. They constantly thank me for watching him. I don't have a social life because I barely leave the house. I have to stay home and watch so much Netflix that I can spend all day recommending tv shows. Halloween was okay. We went to a family friends party. I do have a plan of how to get out and start my life. It is slightly insane though.

[SmokemJay]

Oh god lol. Id love to hear this plan... Its mot anything over the top crazy is it?

[ginny_weasley]

Okay here goes. I am about to be accepted in the assistant nursing program it only takes two months to get certified and start working. Since my brother is disabled, I will tell my parents to hire and pay for a caregiver instead of my college. But it goes further than that. I want my parents to stop paying for everything they give me. My phone, my car, my gas, etc. I will hopefully 80 hours a week, save up money and move out. It sounds like a sound plan but some people think I'm insane for dreaming up this plan and I am in over my head. I haven't told my parents. I really want to but it's like when I open my mouth to tell them, words fail to come out.

[SmokemJay]

Look I love that work ethic and plan, but dial it down some. Reality hits harder than anything we can ever think of. I work in construction and working 58 hours a week played me, mainly because my grandmother works nights (drop her off by 11:00) and then I was up by 4:00 (car accident soon followed) should've asked my uncle for help but I thought because I was young I could do it all. He lives upstairs and volunteered to take her, stupid me.

Im not knocking the plan it seems flawless to me, but you would have to work your ass off and you might not make as much as you would want in the beginning. And you would have to watch your spending. If you love food like me you might look at the bank statements wondering what happened.

[ginny_weasley]

Yes I'm still working out all the kinks. Right now I'm complaining about having to stay home. About four years from now, I will be complaining about my roommate.

[thetundrawolf]

On your last point, I believe that is the root of postpartum depression.

Because you have so many hopes and almost none of them come true.

You want the fulfillment of a successful in life, full grown man, who grows from your womb, and you want it weeks after birth. Not gonna happen..

[neoagent1]

LOVE this take. I don't have any kids and I don't have a strong desire to either. Kids are expensive!!! I will never forget something a comedian, Christopher Titus said. Kids cost total about $300,000 to raise till their 18. You know what you can do with $300,000 that's a lot more fun? Buy a Ferrari, go out, have fun drivin that thing all over.

[YaBoy]

Wow u are selfish...

[Berethor]

@YaBoy just like most people who don't want to invest in their children.

[popsickle]

But those actually all seem like legitimate factors to consider among others. I don't see how declaring stupid reasons to have kids is any different from family/friends pressuring people to have kids. And I'm saying this as someone single, late 20s, without kids, and facing the pressure sometimes. Bottom line, it's a very personal thing and the biggest factors I think people should recognize is ability/desire to care for a child and perhaps strong genetic likelihood of illness in family.

[ginny_weasley]

I know. There are legitimate reasons to have kids. Too many people are having them for the wrong reasons. Children are very intuitive and notice more than adults will ever give them credit for. The next generation is suffering because too many people are having kids for the wrong reasons.

[popsickle]

Hmm, I'm not sure if I've ever noticed this. What suffering are you talking about? Do you mean bad parenting?

[ginny_weasley]

Just bad parenting in general. Today, parents won't teach their children basic life skills, because they assume that public education will do it. When public schools would rather emphasize on math and science rather than basic life skills. Then young adults get thrown out into the world not knowing how hard the real world is.

[peachblossomluck]

True!

[peachblossomluck]

I respect your awareness and decisiveness ☆☆☆☆☆ I grew up being made to think I was there to "fix" my mother. She was not emotionally a grown up. She parentized me. I'm surprised I even have enough to emotionally give myself. I have to avoid my parents, very dysfunctional.

[Nelipot365]

I'm so glad someone else thought to bring this up. I have never understood why people insist on breeding more little humans given the state of the world right now.
Do people not see that making more children is only going to add to the strain on the planets resources, cause more traffic jams, more houses to be built and more of nature to be destroyed to build them? Can nobody see that we are vermin to the world and don't fit in to any part of the ecosystem except to consume?

[Berethor]

It's an result of breeding too much, there should be an balance in it, like in most things, but it's not an western people fault, for the most part, in the west there is too few children, those who breeding too much are usually from the third world.