Why I Decided to Go Childfree

[smahala1991]

The childfree movement is a growing trend. A trend over the past few months I have decided to start following. Does this mean I hate kids? No, That is far from the truth. I love kids,in fact I love my nephew and help with him. But, here's the thing. After the recent events of a split up and future custody battle I have decided to go childfree. But here are two other reasons I have decided to embrace the lifestyle

1. Being from a Southern Town there is a lot of pressure to have kids

In my religious, small, Southern Town I grew up in Tennessee the ultimate goal is to have kids and a family, a dog, a house, a car etc... Most of my friends are 25 and already have 2 kids, married, a good job etc... There is a lot of pressure to keep up with the Joneses. I don't want to follow a mold set by a small town, I want to live my own life.

2.Kids consume a lot of time and money

Lets face it, you raise a kid for 18 years. But,when they turn 18 they are pretty much accountable for their own actions. Until then they will take a lot of money for school, field trips,clothes,food,medicine, camp,Scouts, etc.. That is a lot of dough. In fact the US National average amount to raise a child is $233,610 according to CNN.com. Also the parents are also consumed with having to do school functions,bake sales,PTA,Scouts, Soccer,Football etc.. So they never get a break to themselves.

3. Recent events

My sister just had a baby back in November. But now the ex boyfriend and her split up over irreconcilabile differences. such as the dad can't keep a job,he was driving on suspended license with no insurance, and never paid a dime on the car my parents sold to him. Which later started to have problems. And lied about paying bills to go to a Nascar race. So he moved back home to his mom and dad 125 miles away. But, my sister isn't 100 percent innocent either. They both also like to lollygag around and leave the kid with the grandparents,aunt,uncle etc.. to watch. Last night it came to a head with a war of words between my sister and stepmom. Plus for joint custody its $675 plus mediation, possible parenting classes, court costs (if tried in court), child support,etc... Thats quite a lot of money and hassle. Needless to say I'd rather switch than fight.

This is my own decision. Not because I hate kids, but because I don't want to go through all the heartache, agony, and fights others have.

#Childfreebychoice

#Nothanks

[Unit1]

Welcome to our silent, little and hidden community.

Let me just tell you, that my decision to NOT have kids was when I was around 11 years old. My decision has not been changed for the same reasons as you have listed. I did not grow to deal with this kind of hassle.

My horrendous childhood experience with my parents have rapidly led me to that conclusion. Up to today my decision is only reinforcing. Kids are not for me.

Too bad, that there are just too few childfree women. Finding such women will be harder than finding a needle in a haystack.

At it's current state the childfree community seems like a peaceful and open minded one.

[vonasaurus]

well said, sir.

i am firmly planted in the childfree camp as well. when i was younger, i'd try and picture the future~ i'd see cats, and a boyfriend or husband, but no kids were ever present in that image. but, because of the pressure to have kids, i was always convinced i'd end up being a mother anyway... it was only in my early 20s that i finally said no, not for me.

someone down below mentioned the #nothanks hashtag, and i say it resonates with me too.

[smahala1991]

Some may think I hate kids, like I firmly stated above I don't I love them I worked in a preschool for 3 years so I wouldn't mind working with them. But having one and having cutsody battles etc... Yeah I know what they are going through so it's not for me

[vonasaurus]

precisely; i don't hate kids either. i have 6 nieces and nephews i love to bits, plus my friends' kids all call me auntie von... it would appear that, though you and i both like kids, we like our freedom too. and that's fine. :)

since you mentioned custody battles etc., i come from a family that's rife with messy divorces, so i wouldn't doubt that had something to do with my choice as well.

[smahala1991]

I was reading something yesterday about the Mickey Mouse characters about Mickey has nephews and Donald Duck does too, but Goofy is the only one with a son out of all of them. Although I do think later they gave Minnie a niece too.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

You make good points. My own reasons are slightly different.

My now-ex wife had three kids. So I've gotten a taste of parenting. Her monsters were bad. Really, really bad. I blame her more than anything, but by the time you're 14 you should be able to pull your head out of your ass and not be a shitheel even if your single mother 'parent' was worthless as a parent. It was during my marriage that I got a vasectomy, since I didn't want any more of the little monsters I was dealing with on a daily basis.

After divorcing her, I learned just how much power over me a child would give a woman and the System. I could basically be imprisoned and/or robbed at any time, for any reason or no reason whatsoever, and there's absolutely fuckall I could do about it. Since I'm a man, I have ZERO rights when it comes to anything that might possibly go through 'Family' court. Obligations aplenty, but no rights. I refuse to play a game that's rigged that badly against me, especially when if I win all I get to do is maintain the status quo. This is a large part of why I won't get married, either. Any kind of family entanglement means a lot of risk, responsibility, and obligation, with little to no reward or benefit.

Being childfree has allowed me to live my life on my terms, doing what I want to do when I want to do it, take the jobs I want without having to worry about picking someone up from school, taking them to their activities, getting pulled away from work because they're sick at school, etc. My job involves a lot of travel. Sometimes I work at home, but not often. Generally I'm gone 5 nights per week, and there have been times I've been gone a month to six weeks. I enjoy it but I wouldn't be able to do that if I had a kid. The guys I work with that have kids and wives are rushing home on Friday so they can get there at oh-dark-thirty on Saturday and spend the day doing kid stuff or the unending lists of shit their wife dreams up all week long. And I'm going shooting, or just hanging out, or going fishing, or going to the gym, whatever. I. want.

My days of existing merely for the convenience and service of other people are over.

I don't hate kids, most of the time (yeah, there are times...). And I won't lie, there are times that I really hate the people and entities (. orgs, . gov, etc) that have made things the way they are. But there's nothing I can do about it, except adapt and overcome. So that's what I do.

[JudgmentDay]

@smahala1991 I usually don't bother with this as a reason:
2. Kids consume a lot of time and money

Most people think and judge that if somebody is merely trying to avoid responsibility and investing time and money into children would only meant the person are merely avoiding children just because they are either selfish or cheap. Although I really don't care, but I avoid this since i have an EVEN STRONGER ARGUMENT as to WHY TO NOT HAVE KIDS IF YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO HAVE 'EM.

Instead I'd argue it strongly in the existential arguments because of the risks involved and that not everyone is willing to face the possible tragic and horrible realities that come with this world and life altogether.

I mean think about it, people are dying from horrible illnesses, accidents, natural disasters, suicides from depression, or from drugs and alcohol abuse, and then to make it worse, people are violent and can hurt and kill each other. There's always a kidnapping, a rape, a murder or various other possible forms of violence that someone is exposed to merely for just simply existing and becoming part of this world. Essentially by being part of this reality and world and being brought into existence and born into this world, you become a possible victim to all the possible random tragic things that can happen that you cannot have any full control over to ensure that they won't happen to you or your own children, etc. I mean I know they say people shouldn't think that way, but I think optimists are deluded especially if one day they are parents to their own child that had suffered and died horribly from many of those possible tragic outcomes and then they finally wake up and understand why not everybody had agreed with playing Existential Russian Roulette with bringing somebody into existence to this world, as they can't see it positively that things are going to be just fine for their children, and that they don't want to face the possibility of facing a tragedy, having to face the reality that they'll have to bury their own children, that their own children would die before they become old and elderly and become grandparents.

Thus by preventing tragedy and suffering, you're NOT SELFISH, but RATHER SELFLESS and CONSIDERATE.

by the way, welcome to the club bro!

[Unit1]

@JudgmentDay I fear that one day this community grows in numbers so much until it reaches the size of MGTOW today and starts hating on parents and people wanting to have kids. When the time comes to it, then I'd abandon it.
It may not be today, I'm not even sure if it will reach such a point but MGTOW started similar.

Still as long as everything is peaceful, it's all good. The natalist freaks can't be taken seriously at all. Just lets make sure, that we won't reach a state where we are the equivalent opposite of those natalist freaks.

[vishna]

Plus, half of American pregnancies are accidents-people are silly af. Get some of that birth control, have some self control, or you're going to be paying big time for the next 18 years, and the most important person in your life will be someone you are legally obligated to care for.
-and I really want kids, but it's done so reckless here.

[Indian-African]

Troll.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

They're not accidents. Women have something like 20 or 22 forms of contraception available, all of which are more than 99% effective if used correctly. And that's not counting Plan B or abortion.

BC pills don't work very well when they're dumped down the sink instead of swallowed. Those 'accidental' pregnancies you speak of are almost always the woman thinking she's going to trap the man by getting pregnant. And if she's NOT on BC, then she knows that there's at least an even chance of her getting pregnant if she has sex, so again, it's not an accident.

[1truekhaleesi]

Agreed. The childfree revolution is a silent one, but it's there.

[smahala1991]

I agree, but it is growing. I hope people understand my decision is not out of hatred for kidsbut rather for greater good.

[smahala1991]

Thanks for also being an influence in my decision which I have read your mytakes on this subject before

[1truekhaleesi]

No problem! The childfree community look out for their own.

[ΉOMO_乇尺乇CTU丂]

Whoa there's childfree movement? I just can't afford kids

[smahala1991]

yes there is

[WalterRadio]

So why do poor people have more kids than rich people?

[MarkRet]

You have some valid points, but on the other hand, we need generations to follow us. I had two daughters, and yes, they are time consuming and expensive, but those two daughters are the future, whether they have any kids or not.

[JudgmentDay]

@MarkRet He's not implying that nobody should have any children. Even the future generation as you speak aren't gonna be guaranteed to outlast us, they aren't guaranteed to still be around by the time the previous and prior generations are old and dying and tragic things can happen to anybody unexpectedly randomly. They can die young and earlier before their previous and prior generations. For those that really want children and can overlook the possible tragic outcomes and feel the good outweigh the bad it's understandable, but not everybody sees it in the same way. Not everybody would want to face the possible reality some day that they might have to bury their own children, or want to face the possible reality that they will have to face the loss of their own children from any possible situations.

[redeyemindtricks]

"Had" not "have" 2 daughters? Are they no longer a part of yr life?

[MarkRet]

@redeyemindtricks - I still 'have' them, it's just that they're grown up now, and they moved away.

[redeyemindtricks]

Gotcha tx

[redeyemindtricks]

And srry if that question was a bit untoward

[oddwaffle]

I agree with you.

I would rather not have a kid than just have a kid on a whim. These are kids, not pets in a store. You can just buy them on impulses and neglect them.

250k cost is about right for a kid.

[Rosewanda]

Not everybody wants to have children. Children are a lot of responsibility. I don't want have any.

[smahala1991]

Its more of a money racket either way

[JudgmentDay]

@Rosewanda You can also lose your child if you had any, keep that in mind. If your child had suffered from horrible illness, an accident, a natural disaster, or had been kidnapped or killed all for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, then can you face that kind of reality? Because it would be a terrifying nightmare you can't escape from once it has happened. You'd only end up bury your child. So without a doubt you're right about the responsibility part.

Or they could be the perpetrator and caused the atrocities, horrors and suffering to other people, because you can never know for certain what they'll turn out to be.

[PrincessPie]

They're all fair enough points :) no one has to have kids.

[JudgmentDay]

EXACTLY! nobody has to have kids, but some people just don't see it that way nor get it. They see and think that if you don't think like they do and choose to not have kids, they think there is something wrong with you.

[Cccgala]

Your reasons resonate with mine.
I love the #Nothanks hashtag ☺

[Hidden_P]

Sorry the fact you say "future custody battle" are you saying you have children? And this myrake is basically how you are saying fuck you to them?

[smahala1991]

no its my sisters kid I hve no kids

[StainedClass]

Awesome, I'd never do it but hopefully a lot of people do and the population increase gets slightly lower.

[GirlThatDraws]

PREACH.
I actually dont like kids. I feel uncomfortable around them.

[Nyx_85]

Question. Pushing all of those reasons aside... would you want kids?

[smahala1991]

I would probably never be ableto have any of my own

[Nyx_85]

Why not? Medical reasons?

[smahala1991]

id rather not discuss sorry

[Nyx_85]

That's cool. Just wondering because I see lots of people saying they don't want kids but then they go on to state all of these reasons like the cost, custody, child support, etc when they actually would like them if all of that wasn't an issue.

I don't want kids. But that's because I actually don't want them. Period.

[smahala1991]

I did at one time, but after this whole oreal it seems more trouble than anything

[Nyx_85]

The ordeal with your sister? Were they together for long before she got pregnant?

[smahala1991]

no about 6 months.

[Nyx_85]

Wow yeah. That is WAY too soon. You still barely even know each other at that point. I would not consider their experience to be the be-all-end-all.

[smahala1991]

my stepmom got pregnant by my dad at 4 months but after 25 years they are still together

[Nyx_85]

Well that can happen though I'd say they were lucky to find someone they were compatible with and were probably both mature enough to handle the situation. In a lot of situations that wouldn't be a good idea. Because you can grow apart so easily. Also if one of them had an addiction, mental illness, anger issues, etc they could have hid it in the first couple of months.

[Nyx_85]

Kind of sounds like your sister got involved too fast with her boyfriend before she knew about his issues (suspended license? There is a good reason for that), or she just ignored them.

[smahala1991]

She didn't even know about that until just before they broke up. so it had been suspended for almost 1.5-2 years but wasn't for dui it was for unpaid ticket and missed court date

[Nyx_85]

Aah k. Not paying bills and lying definitely wasn't in good form though.

[smahala1991]

plus he lied about being fired when he quit

[Nyx_85]

Sounds like a stand up guy.

[JudgmentDay]

@Nyx_85 You should check my question topic as to why I rather never have them:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2402514-if-you-really-want-children-but-don-t-have-any-yet-then-can-you-deal

Of course, I do not expect everyone to feel or think about it in the same way, just tryin' to see if anybody does feel and think similarly to how I do on the subject matter.

[abundantlyrich]

You aren't just existing here on earth so you can breed like horses

[JudgmentDay]

You said it LOL

[ADFSDF1996]

I personally do want to have sons and daughters eventually but I want to enjoy my remaining years of youth (21-30) first.

[TonnyStryder]

See i can't agree with any of your points cause i love kids and can't wait to have some of my own.

[TheUsername27]

4 - You can't find a wife.

[Blitzkrieger]

Thats pretty sad you know.

[smahala1991]

what is?

[COCOCHANEL]

i understand it