How to Better Understand Your Kids, and How to Raise Them so They Gain a Better Sense of Themselves

[maddog19]

I'm a Mom-to-be so it may not seem like I have any experience in kids. Why listen to my tips? I've babysat for 10 years, minored in psychology, and learned the lifespan development of the brain.

Here are my top tips into raising kids the right way, and ways you should avoid...

Remember kids are only human...think age and their experience. Make it a learning experience.

Sometimes we forget how young our kids brains are, because we are human and we all make mistakes. Say your kid accidently spills their drink. Instead of scolding them for making a mess or making a big fuss, approach the problem calmly. I expect my daughter to make mistakes, messes, and not make the right decisions from time to time. When she spills her drink I would look at her and tell her it's okay. " Here, come help mommy get some paper towels, I'll teach you how to clean it up." After she helps me clean it up I'd tell her, "you are only human, you are going to make mistakes and messes. You just have to be a little more careful, and clean up when you make a mess." Avoid...avoid scolding, because what will that do? Your child will try to hide mistakes from you and lose that sense of comfort talking to you about situations they will be put into later in life that they may need help with or guidance.

"You just don't understand...", or, "I feel like you just don't listen to me."

Even if we know they are wrong, make them know their opinion counts. A way to become closer to your child is to respond the right way. Instead of, "I'm right, you're wrong". Sit down with them and ask them what they think is right and what they think is wrong. That way they know they have a voice, you are listening, meaning they have someone to go to, and they have to think instead of being shut down. Building up their confidence by knowing that they have you to go to can ultimately change their life for the better. They have you to go to when they are put in a peer pressure situation that could ruin their life.

Never Blame your child...

This is a BIG tip! Don't make them believe you think they are a bad kid. When we think blaming your child we imagine finger pointing while telling them you did this and you did that! Example, your eight your old daughter hit your ten year old son (you are told, not seeing what really happened). Instead of yelling at them telling her "you hit your brother! you don't do that" "you did this, you did that". Instead sit her down and calmly reassure her it's okay to talk and ask her, "You know you can talk to me and your dad right? Now is something bothering you?" She then feels as though she can be open to you. "Now do you think what you did was right? or wrong?" this allows her to think about what she has done. Then ask, "What do you think you can do differently next time when he makes you mad?" Now if you decided to yell and point out all that she did wrong instead of asking her what she could do differently they put in their mind "I'm a bad person". Words stick, so she may stereotype herself later down the road that she is a bad person, so she begins to act it.

Those are just a few tips! Ask me questions or post topics on my next blogs about parenting.

[magicalmaster25]

I don't even have kids or have ever babysat at all in my 22 years alive and if a kid makes a mess, in accidental form be calm with them but DON'T clean it for them. Simply tell them get some material and clean it up. Teach responsibility this way. Now if it is on purpose, yes of course acts of little higher discipline are in order. Be firm with initial warning looking them in the eye and telling them if they do that again they will lose this privileged for so long, but you don't let that one time go necessarily. Sit them in timeout for a good short while and tell them to think about what they did, then come back after they calm down from the expected tantrum from the consequence and explain why what they did was wrong. Then each time they do it again, progressively make the punishment a little higher. Taking toys away for longer and replacing that with house chores and such. Let good behavior throughout be slightly rewarding. They do this method with prison inmates, people who have engaged in so much worse acts than throwing a lego at their brother. If they behave in their sentence, it is rewarded with an early release, little more freedom in the facility like serving lunch trays and doing laundry. Basically it shows them good things come to good people. Of course there are the pretty bad apples occasionally that refuse to learn, but those are the ones who are serving life sentences aren't they?

[Djaaay]

Completely disagree... Sheltering and indoctrinating is everything except disapline. Discipline is what creates respect.

[maddog19]

I didn't say shelter your kid. I said teach them without abuse. Without yelling in their faces that they are wrong. Other ways around teaching your kids without abuse. But I believe in the old school way. Yes, if my child did something wrong they will learn not to do it again by being disciplined without being beat across the face. Violence and kids is not the answer. Discipline yes it does create respect. I just don't believe that you should mentally or physically abuse your child. An ass whooping is fine but I'm talking about the very beginning stages where they learn right from wrong and how to handle situations. Kids aren't born knowing right from wrong they spend a few years not understanding bc their brain isn't developed the way ours are yet. I was however not stating you should shelter or anything to do with indoctrinating your kids. Sheltering will make them fear everything life has to offer

[Djaaay]

We'll , you sure underestimated me. I'm from a different culture than you first of all , so we might discipline differently. I've always disciplined without any said abuses. Secondly , Im a martial arts instructor , and a humbled discipline is extremely important , not only for children of all ages , but also for adults as well. Completely disagreeing , isn't completely the opposite. Just differently implemented. A child's better sence is acknowledged through self identity first , respect for authority above them and to be encouraged to forward themselfs with accomplishments and achievements of their own choosing. Personally , I always praise them for every thing they do good. When they don't here that praise coming their way... guess what...

[FakeName123]

#4 - Don't treat them like retards.

#5 - Affection and authority aren't mutually exclusive.

[TheFlak38]

How many kids do you have?

[maddog19]

one on the way but I've babysat for 10 years I was his main caretaker. He came out a humble gentleman, who sticks up for himself and doesn't swear, always polite. I didn't have to mentally or physically abuse him to get to that point. But read my reply to the one comment above.