Parenting coming from a barely 20-year-old sounds dumb, but here's the thing. Over the years, I've studied how my friends and even strangers act around other people, people they find attractive and their parents. So I'm here to explain why your parenting method could change their entire lives from a child's perspective.
But before I start, I would like to say I know parents are human beings too, however, as a human being I think you should understand your kid, maybe cause your parents never understood you.
I'll use 2 people as an example: 2 of my best friends as examples.
Best friend one: Her mother is a bit on the critical side, my best friend A is a bit shy. She has a small group of friends, and pretty much always does what she told. Why? Easy. Her mother makes her that way, and her father reinforces it. My friend is a straight-A student, but she lacks the social skills to really enjoy college life or try new things. She's almost 21, and she's actually never really done anything wrong, she's the poster child for perfect, but the problem with it as a teen it's important for you to do the rebellious, dumb things. At the same time, you're young, and the damage that it could have on your life is minium like going to a party late at night with a friend while in high school, that has fewer consequences than when you're in college drinking every day.
Now how is this something her parent could've fixed, let her have more friends, let her go to a party every once and while (she doesn't have to go all the time)? The reality of people who achieve great things in life but don't have social skills. They can't really function in work environments because even when you're in your 30s. You have a professional job, there are social aspects like staff meetings, lunch and if your in something competitive you're probably not going to get the big promotion because you lack the social skills to talk to your boss about it.
The other people my friend has are dating and self-esteem. My friend is beautiful. She's a hilarious down to earth kind of girl, but becuase her whole life, she's just listened to whatever her high unachievable expectations her mother asset for her. She doesn't feel like she's good enough for anyone ( which is completely is), but how could her parents have helped this again. Socialization and letting her own she's doing great. Sometimes, I wonder if some people are just allergic to being supportive of others, even their own kids. If not addressed, this problem could lead her to an abusive relationship, people who love control prey on people like these people who don't feel like they are good enough the way they are.
Parenting affects your love language: For example, if you were never told by your parents how amazing you are as a kid, then you grow up looking for and falling in with a person who is willing to tell you that all the time, which could be a good or bad thing depending on the personal nature and extensions.
Best friend two: If physical abuse triggers you, please don't read it and skip to the end
Best friend two had a bit of a more unstable upbringing than two best friend two, although in ways best friend one had her mother there, best friend two didn't. Her father left the country when she was about 2 years old (not becuase of divorce, but he just found a better job in a different country).
My friend told me that her grandma, who wasn't a big fan of her, her grandmother babysat her while her mother also worked two jobs. Her grandmother didn't speak a lot of English, so she apparently felt extremely lonely over the years; she got in trouble in school and didn't perform academically as a best friend. When best friend two got to about 9, her mother worked less and stayed home more with her kids.
However, her mother turned physically abusive well into this girl's late teens. She told me of different occasions where he had lost earrings becuase her mother hit her too hard. Now, best friend two's father is completely unaware of anything going on regarding all the violence against his child. He is an absent father. My best friend is now at university. She has developed a relationship with her father. She barely speaks to her mother even though they live in the same house. This girl has been in 2 or 3 abusive relationships, and she does fairly well in school enough to keep honours in a fairly hard program. She's at a healthy point in her life, but she experiences panic attacks, insomnia, and an eating disorder.
What did her parents do to cause this: Absent fathers do not help even if you are still married to the other person. Has a parent, you should still try and regularly talk to your children ( I know sometimes it's complexed). Talk to your children about their problems and listen to them. My friend told me her father was also abusive anytime he came back for the holidays to the point she doesn't like Christmas anymore becuase her mother told her father lies about her (her mom is literally my least favourite person on the planet). Her mother shouldn't have hit her in any way, especially when she acted out for her attention. She's doing fine now, but the reality is she's one of the luckier kids in the bunch.
I asked whether or not people thought it was okay to hit their children for this mytake. A lot of people said things like,
"Spanking is fine."
'I think physical discipline is appropriate, up to about age 12, provided that it is administered as discipline and not to vent the parent's anger or frustration, and if it does not cause any injury or significant bruising".
"Only for preventing them from doing something harmful."
Here is my answer to that if you have to touch your kid with any force, there's a problem because children learn from their parents, and a lot of the time, spanking doesn't work. It's a physical feeling that goes away. People love to say teens are obsessed with their phones, then if you want to discipline your child, talking away a positive thing is a way of teaching your kids, and it has longer effects on the child. If someone took away my phone until I did my essays, I would do them faster (better that's questionable).
The same works in the near opposite way add something unwanted like chores, you didn't come home on time, now you have to drive your sister to her dance class, pick her up then do the shopping for the week. You didn't have to hit your kid, and they'll learn their lesson bonus if you take away their phones while they do it, then they get it back when everything is done. And before I get the "YOu snowflakes Are So DaMn soft," do a little research on the topic from a child psychologist. They will tell you it doesn't work, and I think I'm gonna believe the person with the Ph.D. in child behaviour has to say about the child over what Nacy from brunch as to say when her kids don't even talk to her.
I also know I will get some people who will say, oh, it's a cultural thing. Most of my friends are the children of immigrants ( so we know culture); however, the number of them talking to their parents is a huge warning that not everything cultural means it'll work. Also, the people who will say it's religious, the bible talks about training your kids not hitting them. Not to mention you can't enjoy "your success" from your child if they never speak to you again (But that is a myTake for another day).
So yah if you raise your kids a certain way and don't be upset about the result
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” “All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.”Do you believe parents can traumatize their own children?