In my early life, I thought my parents were superheroes. They always seemed to do everything with ease, they were always smiling, and they always got me everything I needed and all I could ever want. Looking back now I realize I was wrong, even when I was a little girl my dad suffered from terrible back issues, such as collapsing and corroding disks, however, he was always able to fake it in front of my older brothers and me. That too changed.
When I was about seven years old my mother became pregnant with my first younger brother. I remember wanting a little brother or sister so badly. I also remember my mom wanting to give him away. She told my dad that we couldn't give him as good of a life as he would get with someone else. My dad refused that to be true so we kept him. During his formative years, my two older brothers fought almost 24/7. They would scream, cuss, and hit each other. My parents tried their best to stop them but they just wouldn't. My younger brother was cussing at age three, he was violent and volatile. And then my mom was pregnant again.
Once again arguments began. My mom and oldest brother wanted to give up the soon to be baby boy for adoption. Everyone else was against the idea and wanted to keep him. I remember my mom in tears telling my dad, "We can't, we don't have it in us." He promised otherwise, he told her they did. He was wrong. We were all wrong.
Flash forward to right now: my younger brothers are now 10 and 6. My dad is set to have a back surgery within the next year, and more to come after that. He has tried many medicines. Some have caused outbursts of anger or sadness, sometimes so intense that it has led my parents to the brink of divorce. He has turned to alcohol in the past which led him to verbally assaulting others. It gets bad sometimes.
Then there are my brothers on top of that. They never stop. They are always fighting with each other or going out of their way to annoy somebody. My youngest brother will walk through the house screaming every bad word he can think up just to make my mom sad. My mm feels trapped by them. None of us ever leave the house because we can't take them anywhere. Even outside they cuss as loud as they can and will run off in opposite directions. My parents can't chase them they are getting too old and are in constant pain.
We've tried everything to get them to stop, everything. They just won't. My parents sometimes break down in tears and beg them, and all they do is laugh. Yesterday my dad actually cried because he was in so much pain. I've never seen him cry because of pain before, he usually can keep it together better. I'm pretty sure my dad is depressed too. He never really smiles anymore, it always just seems so fake. I know he hates not being able to provide for us. I can see how bad it gets to him.
Sometimes seeing all they go through makes me feel like a terrible daughter. I feel completely helpless in the situation. Anything I do makes little to no difference. I can't make them younger.
I can't take their pain away. And I can't make my brothers behave. The feeling of helplessness has actually led me to self-harm. It's hard to see the people you care about break. It's even harder to have two other people you care about to be the ones to break them. 
Most Helpful Opinions