Does Sparing the Rod Really Spoil the Child? (Page 2)
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We all got battered fuck out of growing up. I've had belt buckles off my back, slippers, hit woth brush poles the lot. My pals dad used to beat him up like he would another guy who's spilled his pint in the pub, headbutt, punches the lot. Another pals dad used to kick his head in with cowboy boots on. They fuckin things were solid too. We all ended up hard bastards when we got older. Half of my pals ended up in jail for violence, attempted murder, murder that's sorta thing. The biggest gangsters in town were 2 brothers, absolute psychos and their dad used to make them fight each other every weekend so him and his mates could gamble on them. You know the one thing we all had in common as grown men? We never lay a finger on our own kids
Here's the way my father used to do it. It worked for me.
The first time an offense was committed, he'ds sit us down, explain what specific behavior was the problem, in terms he thought we could understand, and that would be the end of it.
The second time, he'd repeat step one, and there would be a quiz. He'd TEST our understanding, in ways that didn't allow parroting to work. And he'd work at it until we passed.
The THIRD time always started with the spiel. "Ned, you either don't recall, or don't consider our previous talks important. You're not taking this on board. I'm going to correct that. Pain will help fix it in your memory. This is NOT punishment. That will come later. This is me helping you to remember that this is important." And I'd get one to three swats. As I grew older, he upped the game to a belt, but always one to three swats. And then, he'd repeat step two; the lecture, and the quiz.
Well. As much as it is important to discipline a child, as much as it is as well to know what to discipline a child with.
Children are different for each other. You might beat a child with many stroke, that doesn't mean the child will change if he doesn't want to.
You might just simply talk to a child and there you, the child will change.
Another mistake parent do make is beating a child when they are just supposed to have more word to the child. Or having a word when they are supposed to give the child some stokes.
Lastly, as you discipline a child, always pray for him/her. That should go along with it.
whats the situation your talking about in which you are 'Supposed' to hit a little kid?
@bubblybex , a child should be beating when it required. Although parent should not beat a child to the extent that the child loses a part of his/her body. That would be so wrong.
but when is it 'required', like what is an example?
@bubblybex , some strokes of cain on the buttock, punishments like kneeling down and the rest, I won't even recommend slapping.
No i mean what can a child do thatt would require that lol
I was beaten regularly as a child and up until recently thought it was the only way that kept me in line. But in hindsight my parents were emotionally immature and unable to communicate effectively.
My dad barely spoke to me as a child and was only there to distribute the beatings at my mothers command we were never given the opportunity to say why we had done what we had we just got hit!
I don't beat my kids and fall to the why tactic. When someone has done something purely out of meanness and you ask them why you face them with the reality of the pointlessness of their actions and call into question their character.
Every study they ever do shows that corporal punishment, and excessive punishments of any type, cause trauma to children, which actually makes their behavior and obedience worse than if non-corporal, non-combative discipline is used. The harsher you are, the more you destroy your child's trust in you and the rest of the world.
My daughter was never spanked or even threatened, and she is one of the best behaved, most honest, loving and well-adjusted people I know, despite the fact that her bio-Mom was an insane, neglectful drug addict and alcoholic who died of Hep C. We taught her reason, self-control, helped her understand how her actions could cause a problem (like, breaking a lamp or hurting someone's feelings). Children are not stupid. They will learn the values you teach them. No where else is it ok to solve problems by hitting, so why would we teach children it's ok?
Can you people stop saying "beat your kid". It's spank your kid on the bottom. Not like the parents roll their fist up and punch them. .. I'm sorry but some kids need spankings. I got spanked, belted and paddle on the bum. I was a little jerk and deserved it. I did not fear my parents. But I did fear getting caught doing bad thing's and get spanked. If anything it made me tougher, and though me manners. Now every little jerk kid is a snowflake. And gets their way, you think they will fear being talked too lol. Oh no , if I do bad things I'll get a talking too lol.
This is debatable. Here in Sweden it has been illegal to spank children for one generation now. We are basically at the time here where the 'generation without spanking' has now reached adult hood. (http://edition. cnn.(. com)/2011/11/09/world/sweden-punishment-ban/index. html)
Honestly, our youth are considered to be very polite and mannered with great work ethic. Our crime rates for children is very low also. It seems like when you actually listen to your children and actually explain yourself to them rather than simply resorting 'because I said so' and hitting them, it actually works. Here children are treated with respect and are given great independence at a young age. It hasn't collapsed our society yet.
Like most things in life, it's all about execution.
You cannot and should not use spanking as the default discipline tool. Spanking should be the solitary confinement of your Justice system in your home. It should be the last place you go when the kid does something very bad/dangerous purposefully, or they are outright & to unapologetically defiant/disrespectful of the parents' authority.
Kids need to know that your bark has a bite. And if they are
I agree
The data on spanking is quite clear and it's not good -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONNRfflggBgIf you're ignorant of just how bad this is for children then educate yourself before you look after any children, it's extremely important that you know the effects of your actions.
this is great information, thanks for sharing it!
Both my parents spanked and (moderately) beat me when I was growing up. My dad apologized to me a few years ago (I wasn't that upset about it) but mom believes she never did any wrong. I was the oldest so I got the brunt of the punishment.
Despite all this liberal bullshit, I still think it's okay to hit your kids WITHIN REASON. I'm talking about open handed slaps ONLY. Never punch or kick your kid (my dad did) . There is a fine line between discipline and abuse. I think that's what parents need to understand.
i totally agree! i see people yelling and slapping their kids all the time, but they dont even tell their children why, when they could just sit down and talk to them about it, because despite what people say, it actually does work, plus the people who say that are the ones who think theyre so much smarter than everyone for hitting a baby, that they won't even try or be bothered to talk to their kids
I don’t like spanking, because my sister in law who was an adult at the time use to spank me from when I was aged 10-14, she would literally put me over her knee, pull me trousers and pants down then spank me, I got tired of it and one day I punched her in the face, yes I was a little shit but she had no right to touch me like that.
Neah, a child can be spoiled even if the parents sometimes hit them. I don't think the 2 are interconnected. And he can be very well raised without ever being hit. In my opinion, parents hit the child when they can't control themselves - and yes, children can be nightmares, but in the end once we decide to have them, we should assume some responsibility.
"sparing the rod" just refers to any sort of punishment in general. and of course not punishing your child would spoil them. You've got to remember, a parent isn't raising a kid, they're raising the adult that the kid's going to grow up to be. and what sort of person do you think I kid who was never taught that they can't always get their way will grow up to be?
We already have that. They're currently calling themselves Antifa.
when she says 'sparing the rod' she made it pretty obvious she means hitting/ using violence to make the kid do what you want and that things like grounding and taking away their things was an alternative punishment
@bubblybex and in doing so she was reading it too literally. It's a freaking idiom.
so what, everyone else understood
I grew up getting spanked and in no way, shape or form am i disturbed or hate my parents. I was a very mischievous kid and asked for it most times. There's no problem in disciplining your children. Child abuse is something way different and people need to stop confusing these words and throwing them around so loosely. I will discipline my kids if necessary sometimes sending them to the room just doesn't work.
There is a difference between abuse and a firm spanking. Children often don't hear rebuke. What really gets to them is a spanking.
I can guarantee a bunch of criminals and mass shooter were never or hardly spank when they acted like devils as children. Now they sitting in jail for it.
Not sure about that. I was a bitter at a very early age (I was 4 then). I bit another toddler my age, mother swatted me a couple times. It didn't work. I did it again. Mom swatted me a couple other times. Didn't work.
I was placed alone with no kids and told there would be no family reunions. No gummy candies nor any Burger King for me. That worked suddenly and I stopped bitting.
So what if the kid is like me that spanking doesn't work the first couple times?
according to my mother, I didn't even cry and instead laughed after getting swatted
@Danielle93: You needed to be spanked a little harder.
I wasn't a crier as a toddler; mild-moderate physical pain wouldn't work on me. Here is another example:
I hit myself hard on the ground when I was beginning to walk, blood was dripping from my mouth and (according to all my family members), I got up right away. Off course I was taken to the doctor but they were amazed I didn't cry at all.
i would say so, i mean if your trying to discipline your children and keep them on a roughly right path go for it.
I mean your giving them a little smack or such is not big deal i used to get it when i was younger. different if your going overboard and beating the crap out of them though
If you have to beat your kid to control it YOU are the failure, not the child. I can't beat adults when they don't do as they are told or misbehave so why should beating a child be acceptable.
I agree wholeheartedly with your Take.
Well when we were first domesticated as a human population we got beaten as well. Then the leaders realised we weren't creative.
So they gave us freedom.
I think same applies to the domesticated human children.
Spanking never works it just teaches the child to be secretive and scared... The things that works most is when you give a choice of punishment, as long as the choice is reasonable for the thing the child did wrong.
All spanking does is teach the child Violence.
Who knows, when they're adults they could become violent people with anger Issues.
My brother and I both got spanked. I got spanked even more because I was a little jerk at times. I never started fights, if anything I took beats from bullies. It made me tougher able to take beatings from bullies. I have respect and manners, I don't use hard drugs, never been to jail. And there's a difference in spanking on the butt than punching and kicking...