13 Struggles of Growing Up in a Strict Home

[txdiie_]

Don't even get me started on that friend who just invited me somewhere last minute.....

Hey guys it's Tadie back at it again with a Mytake. I know it's been a while but I just haven't had a spark of inspiration. I thought of writing one about growing up black but I realised not too many people would relate but if I expanded the title more to strict parents maybe more people would relate. So feel free to relate, laugh, hate it, love it, smile, cry, feel angry, not relate or whatever....just constructive criticism. As always thanks for love and support <3

1. Friends & Going out

Growing up with strict parents means choosing your friends wisely. Unless my parents knew the person's family I wouldn't be going anywhere most of the time. Speaking of going anywhere, there is always this last minute planner friend who thinks it's a good idea to do something last minute. But that's not how it worked in our house. You needed to tell me a week in advance and then my dad would know, think about it, talk to the parent and then maybe I'd be going. But let's say I didn't clean my room one day in the week because I was rushing to school....then as a punishment...I wouldn't be allowed to go wherever I was planning to go.

2. Cleaning

My mum is a clean freak. Well not in that sense. Just like she always likes a clean home and if you convince her it's clean she'll calm down. My mum on holidays makes us vacuum everyday because we're home and sometimes I'd test the waters and just plug in the vacuum cleaner for a few minutes and then pretend I vacuumed. It works 80% of the time.

3. Holidays

Holidays for me were always forever boring. I barely got to do anything and my parents are to this day convinced holidays are invented so we can go ahead with school work.....but then why is it called a holiday???? And if I complain I'm in for a long lecture.

4. Lectures

"When I was younger I was top student and what did you bring home....78%"
"How could you be tired??? When I was young I woke up at 4 and walked to the water pump and pumped water for me and my 11 siblings and boiled the water, made the whole family porridge, cleaned the house, fed the chickens and cows, watered the maize field and cleaned the house then walked 4 kms to school with no shoes and no proper uniform....and what....you can't get up at 6am on a Saturday?"

5. Curfews

You're curfews are usually generally early and not following them could lead to serious punishments.

6. Grades

Your grades are expected to be nothing but the best

7. Over protectiveness

No social media!
No youtube!
No gaming!

What am I supposed to do then??? I'm a teen in the 21st century.

8. An Asking Time

You knew exactly when to ask your parents for permission and they’d say yes. You waited, hours, maybe even days, for your parents to be in a good mood before you asked for what you wanted.

9. You Had To Get Really Good At Lying

You know if you mentioned a boy's name at that party you wouldn't be going.

10. Dating

There are always strict dating rules. When you date...who you date...what you're expected to do and not to do when dating. (I'm allowed to date when I'm 21, an Zimbabwean boy only). I don't think even having feelings for anyone like a normal teenager is allowed in strict households.

11. Clothing

No short clothing or revealing clothing. No mid drifts.
(I'm not even allowed to wear leggings because apparently my butt is to 'big' so i can't wear them).

12. Missing school

Unless you're dying or something....you aren't just gonna miss school.

13. Punishments

Punishments were always the worst. Some of us were grounded for a really long time and some experienced corporal punishment. Some...like me...experienced both.

<3 But in all seriousness, strict parents aren't entirely a bad thing. They help you with your academics and only want the best for you. A lot of them have been through a lot. So love and thank your parents. Thank you for reading this MyTake and answer these questions below <3

🖤 What where your strict parents like?

🖤 Did I miss anything on the list?

🖤When are/were you allowed to date?

🖤Are your parents strict?

🖤How were your parents over protective (etc...internet....clothes...?)

🖤Did your parents ever loosen up?

#metoo

#hardlife

[Anonymous]

I know too much about it
No allowance at all
No B'day parties to invite friends
Much criticism about any friend (male or female) Thus I NEVER invited a friend or a date.
My younger brothers were allowed all of the above.

[CHARismatic110]

I grew up with strict parents. We didn't celebrate holidays. We weren't allowed to date. We had to be in before the streetlights came on. All that good stuff.

[txdiie_]

STREETLIGHTS I GETCHU
and holidays... why not?

[CHARismatic110]

Dad was a Jehovah's Witness.

[BaileyisDarcy]

I coulnt go anywhere if my stepmother didn't know the friends parents. I couodnt take anyone home from school with me, because THEIR parents might worry and we dont want to do that (if they came home from school with me, do you really think they did ot to cause their parents worry? No. If anyone was going to do that it would have been me because fuck you)

Cleaning up couodnt wait until people had left like most kids can do. The friend would have to stand and watch as i picked shit up for ten minutes (they werent allowed to help cause they were the guest)

Grades werent a big deal, i never really tried cause nobody actually challenged me in class, but i always came home with Bs and Cs and the fairly common A. I just learned never to ask for help because id either get yelled at for not understanding or id be given the wrong answer and itd turn out i was right in the first place. Not a good lesson to learn, i struggle to ask for help now and suffered for it my final year.

Home at 5.30. Daylight savings? 5

Friends never stayed at my house. I honestly dont know if they would have been allowed to. I just hated being home and especially hated having my friends at home. I was always conscious of being the happy friend... I was not happy at home.

Dad brought ducks home. Stepmum gave them to a farm two weeks later when he went on a fishing trip. No pets. Not even one thatll save us money on eggs. Bastard woman. Not even ones wed already fallen in love with. Im getting fucking ducks when I've got my own place. Im gonna get a black and white one and call them salt and pepper. Then im gonna teach them to shit on carpet and go visit, taking them with me.

Shed pull out clothes two weeks before i needed them, then get upset when the 6 year old had thought it had been two weeks already and was wearing the good clothes on the motorbike. (I was legitimately afraid she was going to kill me after i spilled oil on them. I had other adults watching me freak out and NOT CLUEING IN THAT THERE WAS A REASON)

She wasn't the strictist of poeple admittedly. She ruled us through the mind and an open fist. Im not talking just smacking either.

So even if i was allowed to do things, i still didn't because i was afraid of asking.

[txdiie_]

awww the poor ducks

[BaileyisDarcy]

I know! If it's any consolation it was a mates farm. They *probably* weren't going to be eaten.

[sovetskii13]

I grew up in Russia and the USA. My childhood and teen years were close to the opposite. Interesting.
#1: I have always been a loner. Not into going out. My parents thought it was weird and bad for me to be this way so they were pushing me to go out with friends at least.
#2: Everyday? We cleaned once eveey 3-4 weeks. How many people did you grow up with? Everyday is definitely not necessary unless your house has no roof or something.
#3: I always treat holidays as a normal day to relax while my parents want to set up a table with candles and all kinds of food. Not my thing.
#4: Getting up at 4am? 6am? Damn. And I thought 6:45am for high school was torture. I slept until at least 10am when there was no school. I was never close to top of the class but my family and I believe that grades don't mean much in real life. You will never use all the crazy stuff they teach in math for example. Need to learn things that everyone will experience in life.
#5: Since I rarely went out I almost never experienced the curfew thing. However, when I was in my early 20's I moved in with my grandparents, and they would call me every 15 minutes after 8pm asking me where I am and what I'm doing. "I'm in my early 20's! I ain't no idiot!". I guess grandparents care more than parents.
#6: Same as #4.
#7: Oh that sounds bad. I'm on social media for like 1/3 of the day. Can't live without it. So much to read, so much to watch.
#8: Never applied to me.
#9: Dad says "Gonna meet some friends? Girls there? Be sure to talk to some". Ugh! Forget it dad, I don't care anymore.
#10: My entire family says "Come on dude, get a girlfriend already. Have sex, start a family". Maybe I lost hope? Maybe I don't want to? It's my life, my choice.
#11: Pretty standard. Just wear something that's not dirty and ripped.
#12: Better to be safe than sorry. Stay home and recover or things might get worse.
#13: It was usually something like standing in the corner for half an hour, no tv or computer, chores. Nothing out of the ordinary.
There need to be boundaries on both sides. Think of the pros and cons to find a decent level of strictness. You want your kids to learn that the real world is not always easy. But at the same time you should not prevent them from experiencing the real world or else they will never learn how to put their knowledge to the test. Yiu can't master just by reading a book. Takes practice using your own hands.

[Jen1406]

In my opinion, I grew up with strict rules. Mom and dad wasn't scared to give a good punishment. Sometimes a few on the bum and sometimes being grounded. I do have to say, looking back on my life today I am mostly glad about it. It gave me respect, not just to others but to my self. I have a strong self esteem and I learned to take responsibility for my actions. One of the negative things that could have come from it, I push my self to the limits every day although my life path was a pretty uphill path and I don't think I would have made it to where I am without that pushing to the limits. It also makes me stronger but there is this shame of crying cause it's a sign of weakness and that isn't totally true. There is nothing wrong with crying.
For that same reason I try very hard not to take that "military" discipline as I put it to my child but I do however wish for her to be responsible and be a better person. Looking at some of the youth today in my country, I am rather glad for the way I grew up.

[NatashaJ]

One thing I hat e about strict parents is that most of the time they never met their kid friends and just make up shit about them for example one of my Indian friends brother try to say she shouldn't hang out with me because I am white and I more likely try to change her and make her want to date boys. Like? you barely talk to me dude so how is it my fault if she does her thing? this is why I don't want a lot of brown friends anymore tired of the racist bullshit their families pull and they never EVER try to defend you or call their families out on their racism. I can't anymore.

[txdiie_]

i totally understand... my parents are totally like that

[NatashaJ]

Exactly and I am almost 20 in a few days so I am too old for this tomfoolery I rather be friends with someone who has nice parents because to be honest if your parents are like that to people I feel like most likely they are not nice.

[txdiie_]

yeah they aren't ad then claim that white people are racist

[NatashaJ]

I know it's a oxymoron they be racist as fuck to white people but want white people to "respect them" like how do you expect to get respect if your racist yourself?

[Anonymous]

I agree with most of the items on the list. #7 didn't really apply to me too much. My step father (who I lived with for as long as I can remember) was born and raised in Georgia and manners are a huge thing in the South. I would be damned if my mom called my name and I said "What?" It was ALWAYS "Yes ma'am. No ma'am. Yes sir. No sir." My dad was also the kind of an who took "corporal punishment" a tad too far in some cases (like the time he slammed my head into a desk because I didn't do something right away. I needed stitches for that one). It wasn't until my dad boiled over and just left us when things got a bit better. I still refer to my mother as ma'am to this day however.

[KiaTate]

My mom was/is the more strict parent, my dad is kinda chill about stuff...

I don't think you missed anything on the list.

I didn't show an interest in dating when I was younger.. or now so I wouldn't know what their opinions on me dating. But when I first went to hangout with a friend my mom wants to know who they are, where I met them, when I met them, who their family is, where they live, and their phone number... And if I don't answer my phone or text she'll call the cops or say I'm being disrespectful.

My mom hasn't really loosened up on being "protective" I just don't pay her any attention because I'm 22 and she wants to control what I do.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to number 4,5,6,7,9,10,11,12
I have this experience for number 12. When i was in my senior year in senior high, i was very ill (i thought i was dying), well i caught fever actually. But my mom said i should went to school because it was my senior year and i can't get sick. So i went to school with bike because it was very far from home. And maybe because i feel sick and i got massive headache i caught in road incident. So i got hit by motorcycle, and had to stay in hospital for a month 😂.
My mom was very sorry tho.

[Jmcmanning]

I had strict parents, wasn't allowed to date until I was 18.
I was not even allowed to go to friends or family's houses, parents always had to be there. Was not allowed to go to school functions. When it came to the cleaning, if it was not done correctly, it was messed/dirty up again and you had to redo till it was done right. I had a lot of restrictions. There were no curfews in my home, I was not allowed to go out.

[sexcrazy123]

you got it all, only thing is, here in South Africa we were only introduced to cell phones when i was of an age that i was looking after myself. therefore social media and you tube and gaming was not really much of an issue... the rest, well, just as you said.
they eased up a touch as they got older and i was fending for myself though.
i will say that if they knew what i did behind their back i would have been almost dead.

[txdiie_]

oh i lived in south africa too but that was ages ago

[sexcrazy123]

how long ago would that be? i have been here all of my 43 years :-)

[txdiie_]

um i moved when i was 4 until i was 9 i moved

[sexcrazy123]

okay. cool.

[Logorithim]

Dang, I thought my mom was strict...

You have to be strict about some things, though. For me as a parent, if my kids are getting good grades and have friends who are good kids, they'll have more latitude in other areas.

[Anonymous]

I still think it's better to have parents who care if you're home and safe by X time than parents who won't even notice when you've been gone until morning, don't go home for days, don't eat properly, etc.

Good grades are good for you and your future, not your parents'.

[Gedaria]

I can see you had a problem. It may not what you want to hear but they had your best interests at heart. Tel you it's not funny when your daughter comes home to announce she is pregnant. Or she had been raped coming out a night club or is in hospital having her stomach pumped for taking drugs or booze or both!!!

[Juxtapose]

I had divorced parents and shared custody between them. My dad was very strict while my mom was very lenient so it really led to me favoring my mother much more than my father.

I am definitely more of a type B person myself, life is too short to stress out and worry about stupid shit.

The best thing a parent can do is let their child self-determinate as much as possible while also teaching the child to judge the world based on evidence and reason rather than on emotion and faith.

[Plumy]

For me it is a bit different but they are still strict in some ways, reading this take gave me headache @.@

But it is interesting!

[SirRexington]

Its harmful to the child. Causes them to be fearful and suppress their emotions and drive when they get older. Also they are more likely to allow themselves to get walked on.

[SuperNovaRoyalty]

We basically share the same experiences
Eish there is no rest for the tired is there

[Lovemycountryboy7778]

Yes I agree
My step brothers and I grew up in a strict home
I Was the oldest.
We got abused neglect and etc
I basically was a slave

[Tomblebee]

Kinda. More into principles than being strict. And intent on not justifying decisions.

[EdenParadise]

My mom made sure to check that I wasn't fully gay. She's fine with me being Bi though.

Guess I'm staying in the closet forever!

[martsa]

My parents were strict to me because of my diabetes and my sister... First sleep over was when I turned 18.. So I really can identify with this.