A family secret is one in which certain members of the family decide that either others cannot handle the truth, or they feel like they are protecting the family name by not disclosing information, and/or they want to keep the truth about themselves or other members of the family hidden to keep up appearances or avoid potential scorn or ridicule from the public eye.
Some examples would be that a grandfather was a Nazi, a family is in massive debt, an aunt was actually a child's mother, a parent has a mental disorder, a child was actually adopted, a brother is a child molester, a cousin has a serious drug problem, and a husband has another family.
There is often so much shame, negative emotion, or this idea that by lying or covering up something, you're protecting the family, but much like a bottle of water with a small hole, eventually these things have a tendency of eventually leaking out, and then what? Even if one claims they wouldn't want to know, just because you seek to ignore the truth doesn't change what's actually happening in your family, and you may be actually making it worse for yourself or others by you not wanting to hear the truth, and then at that point, the damage only grows rather than can it actually be dealt with in as healthy or as positive as a manner as possible for the benefit of yourself or your family.
These deep family secrets can destroy a family. The longer and deeper the lies and covering up are, the more they have a potential to end relationships rather then help them to grow stronger. The hardest thing to do in life is to tell the truth, or expose certain members of the family for what they are, or deal with issues like abuse, addiction, and mental health head on. The damage can extend to a point where keeping the lie actually does more damage to a person or persons then it would have, had you exposed it.
Even in regards to children and deciding whether to tell them certain things, you can tell them the truth in terms they can understand and without saying every nasty detail of a family secret. A parent telling a child that their father who has been dead for 3 months is still "on vacation," every time they ask where he is, is not going to help them or you to move forward in their lives and the longer that goes on, years, decades, they may assume that he abandoned the family or hated them or a lot of worse things.
There are a lot of people just holding everything in and not wanting to tell the most important people in their lives their secrets or their issues for fear of what may happen, but that heavy weight on the shoulders can lead one on a path to stress, health issues, and mental health issues. The truth can be hard to swallow and we don't often want to hear it, but hiding, lying, and deceiving others may end your relationships with people you care about altogether, so hard though it may be, not keeping secrets is best for the sake of yourself and your family.
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