Thanksgiving just passed and you had to say no to your first degree cousin's dinner invitation...
Your niece just invited you to her son's first birthday party. You're contemplating on going.
Christmas is coming soon. You dread getting an invite notification from your parents for the annual big Christmas family dinner and reunion with your other relatives...
You can't choose your family. But you can choose to talk to them or cut them off.
But if families are supposed to be forever, why do we need to cut them off or be estranged with them?
We all live busy lives but making time for family is important. But sometimes, it is best to keep yourself busy and shy away from all these unnecessary chit chat that sometimes escalate to arguments making the reunion a big fail.
I do my best to be a good cousin, niece or aunt to my family but sometimes being good is not good enough to keep the relationship going... There are some aunts whom you haven't seen forever and the first thing they say is how fat you look or why are you still single or why did you let go of a good partner, now you will be doomed single forever.
Or some cousins who expect you to be at their beck and call. They invite you at their convenience or when they are bored and have nothing better to do but call you up to do something. They really don't miss you but you are the last person they call when they have nobody else to bother...
Or you sit at the dining table around your big family with their successful partners and they scrutinize you with questions of details of your marriage with your current partner or if you already are, they ask about your plans with having kids... Family dinners are supposed to be light and happy not grilling you with questions of why you still renting a one bedroom apartment instead of actually owning a real house in the suburbs.
Family gatherings are supposed to be memories to be created and plastered on a family album for you to look back one day with your child. But if the memories are filled with ridicule, never ending drama, regrets and sadness, it is best to create your own by just slowly fading away from these parties and spend it with people who actually love you for who and what you are.
I am guilty of this. I just stopped replying to my cousins' emails, calls and texts. The more I associate myself with them, the more I feel suffocated with their phony love and fake affection. I am always there for them but they never are there for me. Just because we are related by blood that I cannot walk away from them using me. I have friends who are more blood than them. Family is just a term sometimes.
That is why it is okay to shy away from family gatherings.
If your family truly love you, they will be sensitive to your feelings and embrace your flaws and all.
But if it brings more pain than joy to you, love yourself. Say no.
Thanks for the time reading.
Xo_Pinay Ako
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