Family & Friends

How NOT To Give Advice To Friends And Family

How NOT To Give Advice To Friends And Family

Sometimes giving unsolicited advice is not the best thing in the world to do when a friend or family member has a problem. Sometimes that advice comes from a hypocritical place; we tell them to do the same exact thing we are not doing in our own lives. Sometimes, we just want to hear ourselves talk and not really listen to what our friends are really saying or explaining to us. Other times we are looking out for ourselves and our own best interests if we are going to some how be affected by what our friend or family is doing, so we tailor that advice to fit our own needs, rather than giving fair and unbiased opinions. So what should you do the next time a friend approaches you with something they need to tell you?

How NOT To Give Advice To Friends And Family

Open your ears, not your mouth

Just let your friend talk to you and don't butt in with everything you feel you need to say at every juncture. So many times, even the best of us will just yammer on and never let the other person have a say in their own issue. If they are all talked out and they are asking you for advice, then by all means, but try just to really listen and support them in anyway you can without telling them what they "have to do. "

Try being empathetic and supportive

If your friend is going through some rough stuff, be empathetic first and foremost. Don't jump in and invalidate their experiences by saying "someone else has it worse," or "that's nothing, I went through that." No one wants to hear that when they are dealing with their own situation. They want to at least hear initially that you get it and understand to the best of your ability, what they are going through without making their situation, all about you. The support comes in the form of being there for them as they are working through their situation. You can listen first, you can empathize, but then back it up by being there.

Lend a helping hand

Help your friend or family in any way you can. Think of ways you can help ease a bit of their burden like cooking them a hot meal or showing up with one, or offering to babysit for the night, or walking their dog, or offering to go pick up their stuff from an ex so they don't have to.

How NOT To Give Advice To Friends And Family

Help them reach their own conclusion

Rather than just give your friend or family a solution to their problem, help them find their way to their own conclusion. Ask them what they've tried to do to help themselves. Did it work? If not, what other ideas have they come up with to try and fix their own problem? If they haven't thought of any other ideas, help them do that. Sit there and brainstorm ways with them to help themselves deal with their issues.

Help expand upon what they are thinking/saying

Let's say your friend is having issues with his step dad being rude to him. He's tried talking to his mom about it, but that hasn't worked. Expand on that. "yes, you've tried talking to your mom, and that was a great first step, but do you think you can try talking to your mom and step dad together?" This way you're not telling them what to do. You're also making it clear you heard what they said and what they tried before, but are in turn offering up a way to expand on their own first way of dealing with their problem.

How NOT To Give Advice To Friends And Family
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