Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother


Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

I'll like to say that just because I am grateful for the mother I had at the end of the day. I am in NO Way condoning the abusive behavior or dismissing her actions or anyone who does things like this. I'm merely showing the 5 upsides that came out of all the things she did to me as a child. Guess I'm trying to challenge myself to find some good outcomes from it.

That being said, as always enjoy, or not. Both are welcomed.

1. She Taught Me How To Have "Thick Skin."

My mother was very aggressive growing up. Often times when I upset her in any way she'd go off on these "Rampages." Stuff like this, but way worse.

Which is basically where she'd call me a bunch of stuff like "Stupid, Bitch, Heifer, Raggedy, Dirty, and etc." Come up with these outrageous accusations that I was plotting against her, and mistreating her. She's a narcissist so everything was always about her and her own well being.

One of her words and I quote is "Fuck you, bitch! I love me way more than I love you. And I won't let you kill me with your bullshit. (Similar to Blac Chyna's mom) I don't give a damn what society says, you gonna end up just like your daddy."

My father is in prison, and that was her reaction to me calling the cops for her trying to shoot my aunt who was trying to save me from her.
My father is in prison, and that was her reaction to me calling the cops for her trying to shoot my aunt who was trying to save me from her.

My point is, all that taught me how to deal with bullshit out in the real world. A lot of words don't affect me too much. I've been called pretty much everything by now so I'm numb to it.

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

But it did give me the thick skin I needed to handle leadership. Which is big since I'm becoming a director and a future officer in the military.

2. She Taught Me How I Don't Want To Be Loved; Thus She Taught Me How To Love

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

My mother always told me, (Ironically) "Just because someone loves you doesn't mean it's the love you deserve. There are many ways to love someone, and sometimes the love someone has to offer you isn't what you need or should allow. " And eh....for once, I agree with her.

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

She showed me that her way of loving me was toxic and I didn't deserve that. Nobody did, and I wouldn't allow myself to let someone treat me any kind of way and I wouldn't do it to those around me.

The love I want builds and helps people grow stronger through empathy, understanding, respect and etc. Not fear, pain, and delusional views of "tough love."

3. She Built Me Up To Be Resilient

Her always beating me and putting me in situations where I had to choose death/the hospital or submitting to her demands caused me to develop the ability to not only pick my fights but take the pain and fight for myself. To defend me and speak my peace even if that meant ending up in a puddle of my own blood, sweat, and tears.

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

That ability to take keep going despite everything being tossed my way also helped me to learn how to use it in my love life. It how me how to be there for my partner in the hardest times, and stick it through fearlessly when some days I couldn't see anything but darkness.

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

I had been there many times before and knowing everything is temporary allowed me never give up.

4. She Taught Me How To Be An "Ideal Woman"

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

One thing about my mother was despite her approaches to family and loved ones. She is a fanatic when it comes to representation and or presentation. One of her biggest things was making sure I represented her in a good light when it came to strangers.

She made me in her image that way.

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

Even now, I still have her habits here. I put a lot into my appearance when I go out into any public domain. I have to have perfect etiquette and posture. When I speak, I had to do so clearly or else she'd make me repeat myself till I got it right. She made a contract for all the things I had to perfect before I left her house at 18.

Her List:




*Being On Time, Always.

*Fiances & Budgeting



*How To Please A Man

* Etiquette/Manners

*At Least One Talent To Turn Into A Career

The rest were ground rules for when I was living in her house. Overall her attempt was to make me this "perfect" woman. So that I'd be independent and desirable. And some wealthy man would wife me.

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

It of course failed, but all that did stick with me. And honestly it's helped me a lot in life so I am a bit grateful for it despite the process being torture; literally.

5. Due To Her Lacking Empathy, I Became An Empath.

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

Okay, so I know this sort of contradicts my very first reason why I'm grateful, but let me explain. Even though I'm numb many peoples words about me. I still can "mirror" emotions. Which means, whatever I think someone else is feeling I naturally feel it too. I think I explained this in my mental disorder myTake. I'm normally really good at predicting because I subconsciously study/record human emotional and logical thinking patterns in my mind.

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

And if there is any emotion or experience I simply can't mirror well enough I can develop a simulation where it puts me through that situation so I can feel it. I can control that though. It's just really exhausting and can be damaging because it's not a thought or dream

My mind really convinces itself it's going through a certain experience for that time being till it ends. It's complicated, but eh I'll do a different myTake on it if you're interested in that more.

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

This allows me to not focus on peoples words in particular but what their intentions and mental/emotional state are so that I can empathize and help them somehow by understanding their pain.

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother

It's what helped me actually help a ton of other people with issues going on in life and almost made me take on psychology as a profession. BUT I don't like to do it, so I block it out as much as I can. It's still a plus, but it has its cons.

And yeah those are my five reasons I'm grateful my mom was the way she was, otherwise she and other people totally fucked me up as a kid. I forgive her, but I mean I could have learned this stuff a better, healthier, way in my opinion lol.

Anyhow, I think this song is pretty motivational and mellow, so feel free to listen if you like.

Love you GAG, have a good one. Expecting some sort of backlash for this one honestly, but we'll see lol.

Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother
Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother
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Most Helpful Guys

  • TheBigSoftie
    The end of number 4 kinda reminded me on how my mother acts (she's very sensitive about her appearance in public [99% of the time] tho doesn't care too much about how I look, just as long as I wear decent shorts and shirt and comb my hair, and tells me to lower my voice whenever we talk] OH CRAP MY MOTHER'S A NARCISSIST
    NOW I SEE OMFG! <:'(
    Seriously, all joking aside, this is a very interesting Take you posted. Once in a while I tend to think that the abuse I recieved from my parents helped me to be respectful and polite in every situation, tho the accusations and getting smacked for it have still left a very damaging scar on me, tho most of the time I only either tend to think of the negative or think nothing at all.
    But this was a fascinating read and Take. Nice to know that your torture has made you stronger. I am so happy for you. :D
    Best of luck for you!
    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • Dead lol. And I totally understand, I'm glad you came out strong as well. I'm sorry your childhood was so hard and left scars.

    • I really don't know if I came out strong, but I think I came out with respect and more common sense than most people my age.

  • AdmiralBailey
    Hmm... She definitely has some disorder but there were good qualities to her as well. My mother lacked any kind of maturity at all and was still mentally/sexually/physically abusive. She had the maturity of an 10 year old but presented like she was this great mom to the world.
    Like 1 Person
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Most Helpful Girls

  • vishna
    It's good that you came out of this stronger and able to see her mistakes so you won't make them yourself.

    I have a relative whose mother was verbally and physically abusive. She called her a bitch, worthless, ugly, and hit her.

    Now all she dates are drug dealers and thugs who beat her, cheat on her, and treat her like crap. And she doesn't deserve that but she won't break the cycle and it breaks my heart. Maybe if her mom would have uplifted her and treated her right she wouldn't let those men treat her like trash.

    I will never forget the words of the John Mayer song Daughters
    Like 1 Person
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  • 4everalone
    Wow. Beautifully written take! I’m glad you’re able to find the positives in all that turmoil. It keeps you strong.

    To some extent I can relate to you as my mom is bipolar. It wasn’t as bad as your situation but it was tough sometimes.

    Anyways, you sound like a powerhouse. I wish you the very best 💕
    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • Thank you, and it's okay to relate even if your mother wasn't exactly like mine. I agree with you that can still be very hard and I'm glad you came out as kind as you are. You sound like a powerhouse as well. I wish you well too.

    • 4everalone

      Thank you

    • 4everalone

      Awe, thank you for MHO.
      I hope you keep writing and let us know how you're doing.
      Take care!

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Curmudgeon
    "Expecting some sort of backlash for this one honestly, but we'll see lol."

    No backlash here. If she was that awful, i can't blame you at all. I am glad you learned what NOT to do from her, rather than repeat her abuse.

    Oddly enough, "Her List" of skills to learn are all great skills to have. Imagine if she had taught those positively rather than negatively.
    Like 1 Person
    • I know, she was quite different in that way. I honestly don't think she meant to hurt me growing up. Getting to know her helped me understand that. She did what she did out of fear and the projection of her own childhood abuse. When all that went away she did have some good intents and life skills she wanted me to have. So I'll always give her that.

    • And I just expected backlash like "Wow, this is so dumb. You are condoning her abuse if you say some good things came out of it." Stuff like that really.

  • JDavid25
    Good take!.. Although I think the wordin could have been that you are grateful that you got the strength you needed out of that ordeal, that you survived yo childhood, and you came out stronger because of it.. But yo story kina reminds me of my momma's.. Her mother was/is schizophrenic, and so she had to be an adult and take care of her mother at a young age..
    Like 1 Person
    • Very true, that would have been better wording. And I'm sorry to hear that about your mom and her mother. It seems so many peoples parents had it hard. It's really sad :(

    • JDavid25

      Of course.. 8).. But, yeah it's fine.. Like you she's a strong woman, and came out gracefully.. I used to see her like she was superwoman when I was younger.. Like she was invincible.. But, yeah it is sad..

  • Nik1hil
    " Love you GAG, have a good one. Expecting some sort of backlash for this one honestly, but we'll see lol "

    No backlashes for truth dear..
    my grandma made a snide comment that i was not my fathers child.. and that my mom hooked up..
    and my mom was already psychologically snapping..
    so my whole childhood she wanted to kill me..
    daily dose of Physical and Verbal abuse..

    but like Kelly Clarkson said -- What does not kills you makes you stronger..
    i now know how valuable was my idea... of just to stay calm and keep breathing.. and knowing i will someday make through..
    only point i came in issue was ,
    i could not breath.. mom threw Grinder Jar and broke my nose..
    blood clotted in throat... i coughed blood and keep breathing with mouth..
    and after her snapping moment was over.. she saw me bleeding and took me to hospital for stitches.. with father..
    i think that was the day she begin to realize her mistakes.. and with time and support of her kids.. she is healed up.. and walking with my insight to be a better mom everyday..
    she is 47 and still learning.. good thing is she is willing to learn.. in her own stupid way..
    and i am glad about it.. because it makes her reasonable..
    Like 1 Person
  • Kaneki05
    I thought wtf when i saw the title then saw it was your mytake and thought less wtf then you explained it and now i am like yep this made sense, great take.
    Like 2 People
    • Thank you, and it's alright haha. I figured most people would come confused by the title lol

  • Aguysopinion4799
    Title was kind of odd but I wanted to look more in depth and I can kind of understand,
    I didn't/ don't have abusive family members but I have had and do have some abusive people in my life and it does make you more emotionally "Shielded" I guess, because you have been through that shit before so you aren't as emotionally fragile <3

    Great take ;)
    Like 1 Person
  • mishanw_1071
    so when i first saw this, i genuinely thought you were kinda whack... but reading it, i understand, but can i clarify that you are grateful for experiencing the things you had to experience, and not grateful for her being abusive? would me saying that be correct?
    Like 1 Person
  • Bluedream13
    oh my gawd... have you seen a therapist? What you have done here may have enabled you to cope with it but this is not healthy... what's healthy is to hate that bitch
    LikeDisagree 2 People
    • Yes, I've seen many.

    • ctillis

      My mom was this way to me while I was growing up, and now I'm giving it back to the bitch in spades. Karma and payback is a total bitch. You always get yours in the end. I', also sorry you went through that, Cherry.

    • Qwerty_0

      @Skali9119Liska Yikes, detecting real hate there. You ok? Need a therapist? Blue probably knows one.

    • Show All
  • clampfan101
    Some of the best people become the way they are from overcoming terrible childhoods. (No excuse for parents to be bad ones, of course.)
    Like 3 People
    • I agree, and very true. Thank you for such a delightful comment.

    • Bluemax

      You know, this whole "But they came from abusive households" as an excuse to be evil doesn't sit well with me. Yeah, it's true that Charles Manson and Adolph Hitler had abusive dads... but so did Beethoven and Brian Wilson.

      Nevertheless, we can't deny the correlations we draw from our jails being filled with people who were at one point abused.

    • @Bluemax This isn’t about about everyone with terrible parents. This is about people who were able to overcome it. Not letting the weight keep them down. Not giving up on trying to be happy and kind people. This is also true for any terrible impact in a childhood like loved ones dying or having a disease. Kids that can manage to keep their chin up and shake things off despite those sorts of things can easily be great people. Childhood is like a challenge. People like Hitler failed and took all the fury they couldn’t shake off on others.

  • ShesAmerican
    I’m glad you got something good out of it.

    My dad isn’t.. the best lmfao. He’s an ass and likes to drink. But I hope that I find something useful out of it I guess.

    There’s a saying which goes like, “You will never meet a strong person with an easy past”. And I think it’s true. I guess I’m glad that I’m not poisoned by the things my dad has done and I don't know if i learned anything from it, but I guess I’m strong and learn how to be very kind. Not sure if it’s from the abuse.
    Like 1 Person
  • azzntittiz
    You are a great woman because of you, not her. Many people don't grow from bad experiences, they use it as an excuse to be a product of their environment, but kudos to you for seeking the positive in a bad situation.
    Like 1 Person
  • Gedaria
    I like your slant , learning from experience , sometimes a bad one can make you realise not to follow there example...
    Like 2 People
  • alinakhanx0x
    Wow. Your mytake really struck a cord In me. And i do have to tell u that u r really brave. Bcz its not easy to turn all that negativity into positivity. And as for the fifth point , now i understand this whole empath situation
    So thank u for this take.
    Like 2 People
  • Mr_Mystery
    I haven't pay much attention on my psychology classes but i think the teacher was once mentioning that victims sometimes start to actually fell in love and start identifying with bully. It was something like hostages situations but i think you can make the case its similiar if you are realy bullied and not once of these nowdays spoiled American kids that call the police when parents start yelling at them.
    Like 2 People
  • SketchForger
    They say the ones who are most understanding have endured the most pain.
    Like 2 People
    • They do, and I agree. It's kind of hard not to understand when you've been there before in your own way.

    • My mother was in a situation where her parents basically caused her to be homeless, and sacrificed her freedom for drug use time and time again.

      So my mom is one of the most pure and understanding human beings I know.

    • Damn, I've seen some people who went through that. I'm really really sorry she went through that. She does sound like she has a pure and understanding hear after surviving that. It really sucks, it seems everyone's parents on here so far has gone through some really hard times in their childhood. It's kind of sad really.

  • TrixiePooch
    The abuse must have fucked your brain up. what the fuck?Why I'm Actually Grateful I Had An Abusive Mother
    Like 1 Person
  • Intraluminal
    My daughter's mother abused her to the point that I was awarded custody. I'd like to think that my daughter got something positive out if the relationship, so I hope you're right.
    Like 1 Person
  • johnnyonaquest
    " I forgive her, but I mean I could have learned this stuff a better, healthier, way in my opinion lol."

    To be accurate, you learned forgiveness from a mother who stood in stark contrast to it. Religous considerations notwithstanding, your gratitude is owed to no one but yourself and what you do with it going forward. Boasted gratitude is not genuine, it's petty and unbecoming.
  • JimRSmith
    I think you came out the other side of this, because you are a strong person.

    However, others wouldn't have done.
    Like 1 Person
    • TomasLyy

      No, granted she has made the best of a worse scenario but it doesn't make her strong, nor does it make you weak if you don't share the same stance on having an abusive parent

  • kojikurac
    Its hard, but it's good that you look at it from positive angle👍
    Like 1 Person
  • FinalVow
    seeing the positives is a good attitude. you can get to this without needing an abusive parent... I think I don't have any proof to back it up as my birth parents were drugs addicts and alcoholics and I should have died on at least 4 separate occasions before age 4. I do know that what my birth dad did was wrong though I have had to spend years and years to break the responses that I picked up as a baby. example: someone says no beat the shit out of them until they say yes. that kind of garbage. One of the things stuck with me and still is present in my life. I find it so foreign for people to like me that when someone does I genuinely doubt there sincerity and/or have to ask what/why they like (about) me. not as much as it used to be a few years ago though finally starting to dissipate from my life. maybe it is the kids who go through hell that turn out to be the people who know how to treat others. or maybe we just got lucky as it were.
    Like 1 Person
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