Use this music during your reading please :) Credit to the channel Ethereal Nightcore
I won't lie, this Mytake is both going to be hurtful but will be good for me to share it, I have to open up more and be less reserved...
*Deep sigh. . . . . . . .*
Okay...Let's do this.
I want to start off by saying that this is NOT going to be happy, so if you are looking for happiness or entertainment or are emotionally fragile, please don't continue </3
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Okay, you continued so let's begin.
In my middle school, yes, I had three separate schools,
1st school
Middle school
High school
and now College
2018 College (Age 18)
2017 College (Age 17)
2016 High School (Age 16)
2015 High School (Age 15)
1014 High School (Age 14)
2013 High School (Age 13)
2012 High School (Age 12)
2011 Middle School (Age 11)
2010 Middle School (Age 10)
???? First School (Age ?)
???? First School (Age ?)
In my middle school, I made friends with a boy, I only had him because I was not accepted by others because of my personality and medical situation.
I had terrible anger problems that were caused my people not understanding me and they didn't understand me because I didn't understand them because I had vacancies during conversations and class teachings...It was later noticed that I also had ADHD, this showed that I had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder... It only made it worse for my growing up and even though I wanted friends, understanding others was hard when you have the following-
Severe Epilepsy- (This caused me to miss out on words and therefore made me confused easily)
ADHD- (This meant that even when not having vacancies, I found it hard to focus and was rather fidgety)
To be honest, life was already proving hard there, but then I was diagnosed with Autism... Unfair Right? I therefore found understanding the things that I DID hear to be difficult, so basically-
A) I didn't hear a lot of what people said
B) What I did hear, I mistook for meaning something else
C) I found it hard to focus on what people where doing and saying
So now with this issue, I was even worse off... Finally, during 1st school I was also diagnosed with mild to heavy anger issues, I was easily irritable and didn't know how to deal with it, obviously I won't make an excuse but when you are basically an young child, if you throw all these conditions, obviously you couldn't expect them to be mentally capable of staying calm right??
Anyways.. This boy, he had autism and ADHD too, he did not have epilepsy but he was so great and we went everywhere together. When I had melt downs or got angry and ran out the classroom, I would run to the fields and climb the pine trees, I would then see him through the branches, running over the field to me and he would climb the tree next to me and we would stay there till I calmed down, we would also throw pine cones down at students who were shouting at us or acting like teachers.
After about 3 months of meeting him, I proposed that we were ready to go one step further and make a seal with each other because I was afraid that he may get tired of me or was acting kind, I won't lie that I was sceptical of his kindness.
The proposal was that I wanted him to make a blood pact with me...Ya know... literally right after proposing those words, I already doubted he would... But I got so shocked when he walked out the classroom, leaving me alone... I felt like I was right but I also felt sad.
About 5 minutes later, he came back , with a staple.. He jabbed that staples end into his thumb and then he passed the clean end of the staple to me and I was in so much shock that when I put it in my thumb, I felt nothing because I was still in shock that he was doing it.
We pressed our thumbs together and made a pact, that pact was "Through memory, Through distance, Through joy and through pain, I will stay by your side no matter your condition" and we did...
Until the next year when his parents changed our paths, being children, we obviously had no power to change that said fate...
In the next year, I remember it so well... We were learning about hieroglyphics and how Egyptians used them. After the lesson, he had ran off and I followed him to ask what the issue was.. He told me "My parents are getting divorced Jack, what's going to happen?" and I had no idea what to say, I was sorry for him, I was worried about what to do, I didn't know what I could do that would keep him with me...
Later on, he ran to my house barefoot and told me that he ran away from home because his parents were fighting in the kitchen, I took him in obviously and we had hot chocolate, we watched tv and laughed. Even though I know we were both trying to mask our current depression and that we didn't want to show how upset we both were... We looked at each other with forced smiles but we both knew each other so well that we knew we were both faking it, we basically hugged for a time so long it felt like eternity.
... *Really deep breath and holding self together*
After the holiday... I never saw him again...
I asked my mum what happened and she said that after his parents divorce, they moved to Australia and he was no longer the same boy because the parents had put him on a medicine that deals with Autism... He really wasn't the same, I saw him ONCE during school while he was on it but he was so empty, he showed no signs of emotion and was like a empty casing...
So when he left for Australia, don't think I gave up!
I messaged his mum online, I asked if I could talk with him online but she never replied even when she was on and even if it said she had read it.
I didn't give up there!
I continued by messaging his brother and asking what was going on and if I could speak with him, got no reply from him either...
I continued to do this for the following 5 years... He left for Australia in 2011 and I continued to message his family members and him up till 2016... But then my mum said that his mother had been in contact with her and told my mum that she wanted me to stop contacting her because she was trying to distance me from him, she didn't want to hurt me but felt like since they were on the other side of the world, keeping contact would apparently only be hurtful for me.
I still hurt about it even after 7 years, knowing my best friend is never coming back and also that some of my blood is over in Australia :'( But I will stay to the pact, I have his blood and he has mine, therefore we are always by each others side no matter the distance..
Later on... (New music track for this, credit to Nightcore Kayuna)
High School
You have NO IDEA how hard it was to even CONSIDER making friends after that happened, everywhere I looked was just FEAR and ANXIETY!
I looked at everyone as not a friend but the potential of another loss and I didn't want that pain.. I went a whole 3 years without a single friend, people would talk to me but I kept my distance and refused to join friend groups out of fear of the same shit happening again..
In high school, I was approached by a girl who refused to leave me alone, she attempted to get me in the friend group once, I refused and walked off rather fast but the next day and the next day, week and week again, she would not give up and finally I snapped and said "FINE!" but instead of being upset or annoyed at my manners, she smiled and walked me over to the group..
I was so damn scared of being in the group, everywhere I looked, people smiled and they were introducing themselves to me, they then asked me about myself but I refused to open up, they knew my name, that was enough, hell, they didn't even know my middle name or what I liked.
It took a lot longer before I started opening up, but after a while, I slowly began to be more open with giving info regarding myself, but guess what happened? I fell in love with the girl who had invited me to the group...
I, after a while, told her but then she said that she was into girls, she said that she would go straight for me if she liked guys but sadly she wasn't, I took it better than expected and we are friends to this day. After we left school, we split ways and barely EVER saw each other, I was basically considering it to be a little bit sad but I had worse in my past so I wasn't hurting as bad.
College
In college, I saw some people I liked, we became friends, hung out and celebrated new years together at one of their houses with alcohol and food.
It came to the next year and I got closer with them, but this time I found a guy who I was interested in from last year but he was with the popular group so I was afraid of talking to him, this year his group had left and it was just him. After a little while, I approached him in the most embarrassing way I could think of for a first discussion, I was walking to class and asked him "So, um, what assignment are you working on at the moment?" Yeah, that was my first conversation with him, I was asking if he wanted help on a assignment for the first time I ever saw him!
He obviously laughed quite a bit and promptly said "Dude, you've gone rather red, you okay?!" and I got the nickname "Strawberry" and we hung out. I started to invite him to the cafeteria and we ate, after a while he suggested that I get a Sausage Panini, he said they are great and I thought "Well, if he likes them, I guess I'll try it" and so I bought one and tried it, it was great and now I buy them and the pepperoni ones for my lunches :)
After a much, MUCH longer time later, I started to have emotional feelings for him, I felt like it was definitely the first guy that I had ever felt this way for before, I had found guys attractive before but with him, it was a different story, I felt safe, comfortable, happy, I felt needed as well, everything was there and I believe it took me about 7 months before I finally told him, he knew I was bi and we were super casual with each other now, I didn't want to ruin the relationship we had but I didn't want him not to know, so I said to him "Hey, I want to tell you something but I am worried you might not like me if you know" and you know what his reply was? He said "Mate, stop being so paranoid, I've stuck with you this long, what does that tell you? Stop being a sop and say it already" and he laughed so hard. I felt kind of relieved and so I just broke the ice and didn't beat around the bush, I just said "I love you, I've loved you for more than a 5 months now, I was just scared what you would say" and there was a bit of a pause... I thought what I said was a mistake and asked him to forget it but instead he replied with a giggle "So I was right? I knew it!" this bastard literally said he had his suspicions of me having a crush on him for so long because I was being clingy and close, he started to suspect it!!
So we both laughed it off, he then replied with "Well, I'm not into guys but I will take it as a compliment, thanks for telling me! Don't worry, you're not getting rid of me with something that small!" and just continued to treat me the same!
We would often get the Royal Pythons out while in college and talk to each other while we say to one another why we love snakes so much and what our favourite snake is, I said that although I love the Royal Pythons, I really love the Ball Pythons because of their size and how they are a perfect size, he said that he likes Royal Pythons but apparently he finds Corn snakes to be nice too :)
When we left college this year, he said he won't be coming back and that we can still chat online and meet up in town but I won't see him in college, I took it rather badly but I slowly accepted it but what made it worse is that my other mate, he says he won't be in college and he is going into employment so meeting could become difficult...
I both love and hate relationships because they have been wonderful but they have always had a ending and it hurts me, remember that this post was NOT going to be a entertainment or happy post, but I have to open up or I will never become better at being honest about myself.
I am sorry for all the writing, this is probably the longest Mytake I have written and ironically the saddest..
If you managed to read it all, I am surprised and grateful.
If you used the music, I hope you liked the audio, I personally like it but everyone to their own <3
Right, that's it, thanks and stay cool..
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