You act as if you care about your children when we are in public, you buy us ice cream and hug us good bye as we head to school. But at home you are completely different. You are cold and condescending, ignore us as you sit on your computer and neglect to feed us dinner. You later call your friends and family to complain about us and tell them that we are demons – that we are ruining your life. Why is it that when we are in public you shower me with affection but at home, I can't even hold your attention for a second? You hoard material items – the entire living room is filled with boxes of stuff and I know that you will never love me as much as you love your things. You spend more time looking at your clothing, jewellery and piles of things you will never need than you ever spend with me. You are fraudulent and create bank accounts in the name of your own children. You cash the cheques that Grandma sends for our birthdays and spend the money on clothing for yourself to add to the piles of things you already have. You claim to care about my education but not enough to give me paper to print my homework or enough to pick me up on time after school so I can do my homework. I sit in the library for 4 hours after school because you forgot about me. Its crazy that you are a stay at home mom, yet the busiest person I know since you never have time for me. I never know what mood you will be in when you come home – I would do anything to make you smile, even if it kills my spirit. But when I eventually break and don't know how to handle it, I call your sister and beg for help. She visits the home to act as a mediator and suddenly you change when she's around.You become attentive and affectionate and deny all my claims and allegations against you. My aunt thinks I am a liar, that her sister loves me and that I am looking for attention, but we both know the truth. The cycle repeats and I let you walk all over me until I cannot handle it anymore. My sisters have learned and know better than to trust you. They avoid you and don't believe a word you say.But I can't help but fall for the same mistakes because the 2 minutes that you listen to me are worth the rest of the time I spend crying myself to sleep. Until it won't be, and I finally acknowledge that my mother is a narcissist.
I know you love me and my sisters very dearly. You always buy us gifts, ask us about our days and congratulate us on our achievements. But your fatal flaw is that you are a coward. You see our mother abuse us and you don’t say a word. You turn a blind eye when we cry to you about all that she does and says to us. You seem to think that if you don’t acknowledge what she does then it isn’t real. But it is real, and it is our reality. You have seen her abuse and never confront her. Even you can’t stand her, you have been sleeping on the couch for 2 years. You have heard her lie about us, that she “fears for her life” when she is near us, and while you don’t confirm what she says, you don’t deny it either. You are unable to stick up for your own kids. You swore that you would protect us from anything, yet you won’t protect us from our own mother. You say its out of your hands, there’s nothing you can do, yet you can. It is hard to tell what is worst – being the abuser, or the one that watched it happen.