In the past year, I have ended two relationships with two very good friends. One was a toxic relationship. The other was made worse by my friends alcohol abuse and a huge argument that we got into because of his lack of respect towards others.
My therapist said everyone grows as human beings and over time we outgrow relationships. I think ever childhood we are conditioned to believe that friendship is forever and is something that we all need in life.
Out of the two friendships breakups I've had, one of these friend breakups hurt more than the other. This was my breakup with Alicia. We had been good friends for several years. That's not her actual name but for the sake of this my take, I'm calling her that. Alicia and I met at work, we both work at a hospital. She and I grew very close because the nature of our jobs is stressful and so it's common for coworkers to bond. I so very much admired her because I saw her as an intelligent, strong woman. Since I am majoring in nursing, she was also a big help in helping me grow confidence and helping me to finish my pre-reqs. I even did a speech on her in my college speech class. In the middle of my speech on her, I completely blanked and decided to speak from the heart. I still got a good grade because my professor admired how my speech had raw emotion.
To make a long story short, Alicia has a problem with lying. She even says it's one thing she just can't control. One big lie ended our friendship because in the process of covering up her lie, she threw an innocent friend of mine under the bus. She hasn't once apologized about lying and acts as though happened. I tried to be friends with her but she their came a point when she would involve me in her lies. My other friends cut her off before I did. They never once tried to get me to cut her off. They assured me that I won't lose them if I decided to be friends with her.
I also talked to another friend about confronting Alicia because she will randomly treat and make people feel like crap. She hasn't done that to me but I wanted to ask why she felt the need to treat others like that. Luckily I talked to a friend about this first and she assured me not to. She said she understood why I want closure but if I go asking her for that, I won't get it and Alicia will likely lash out at me.
First step is to be aware. The first step anyone should take is to be aware of what's happening and how this is affecting everything. You also have to know it's possible that you may never reconnect.
You have to find peace within yourself. There isn't always an answer for everything and that's okay.
Realize you deserve better. You deserve better than someone who doesn't answer half of your calls or texts, someone you have one sided conversations with, or even someone who talks badly about you.
BFF breakups are brutal. People don't typically enter in a platonic relationship knowing it could end like in romantic relationships. Unlike with romantic relationships where you can vent to your best friend over your favorite alcohol and movies.
If you do seek closure, let it come naturally and when you are both feeling level-headed. You have to keep in mind you may not get closure and it's best to have a clean break from someone who is toxic.
Give yourself something to look forward to. Spend time with family and friends, try a new exercise routine, going outside, or trying a new coffee shop. Booking your schedule will keep you busy and distracted.
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