Friend break ups are the worst

In the past year, I have ended two relationships with two very good friends. One was a toxic relationship. The other was made worse by my friends alcohol abuse and a huge argument that we got into because of his lack of respect towards others.

Friend break ups are the worst

My therapist said everyone grows as human beings and over time we outgrow relationships. I think ever childhood we are conditioned to believe that friendship is forever and is something that we all need in life.

Out of the two friendships breakups I've had, one of these friend breakups hurt more than the other. This was my breakup with Alicia. We had been good friends for several years. That's not her actual name but for the sake of this my take, I'm calling her that. Alicia and I met at work, we both work at a hospital. She and I grew very close because the nature of our jobs is stressful and so it's common for coworkers to bond. I so very much admired her because I saw her as an intelligent, strong woman. Since I am majoring in nursing, she was also a big help in helping me grow confidence and helping me to finish my pre-reqs. I even did a speech on her in my college speech class. In the middle of my speech on her, I completely blanked and decided to speak from the heart. I still got a good grade because my professor admired how my speech had raw emotion.

Friend break ups are the worst

To make a long story short, Alicia has a problem with lying. She even says it's one thing she just can't control. One big lie ended our friendship because in the process of covering up her lie, she threw an innocent friend of mine under the bus. She hasn't once apologized about lying and acts as though happened. I tried to be friends with her but she their came a point when she would involve me in her lies. My other friends cut her off before I did. They never once tried to get me to cut her off. They assured me that I won't lose them if I decided to be friends with her.

I also talked to another friend about confronting Alicia because she will randomly treat and make people feel like crap. She hasn't done that to me but I wanted to ask why she felt the need to treat others like that. Luckily I talked to a friend about this first and she assured me not to. She said she understood why I want closure but if I go asking her for that, I won't get it and Alicia will likely lash out at me.

Friend break ups are the worst

First step is to be aware. The first step anyone should take is to be aware of what's happening and how this is affecting everything. You also have to know it's possible that you may never reconnect.

You have to find peace within yourself. There isn't always an answer for everything and that's okay.

Realize you deserve better. You deserve better than someone who doesn't answer half of your calls or texts, someone you have one sided conversations with, or even someone who talks badly about you.

Friend break ups are the worst

BFF breakups are brutal. People don't typically enter in a platonic relationship knowing it could end like in romantic relationships. Unlike with romantic relationships where you can vent to your best friend over your favorite alcohol and movies.

If you do seek closure, let it come naturally and when you are both feeling level-headed. You have to keep in mind you may not get closure and it's best to have a clean break from someone who is toxic.

Give yourself something to look forward to. Spend time with family and friends, try a new exercise routine, going outside, or trying a new coffee shop. Booking your schedule will keep you busy and distracted.

Friend break ups are the worst
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Most Helpful Guys

  • HopelessRomantic2119

    Maybe men are different, but I’ve never had a “break up” with a friend. I have friendships where we grew apart, but there was never an interaction where the friendship ended. As life goes on, I think it’s only natural to grow apart from some people and conversely grow closer to others.
    If a friendship is toxic, then it’s best to drift from that person, but I don’t deem it necessary to have a “we’re no longer friends” type of conversation. However, I think what’s also important is realizing that we all have flaws and that our true friends accept us for our flaws and try to help us improve. If a person doesn’t do that, I don’t think they’re really a friend. That’s not meant to criticize you, surely if a friend is lying about your other friends it’s only a matter of time before they lie about you.

    One last thing, I think we often label people friends too quickly, when they actually fit different labels— coworker, acquaintance, etc. Maybe it’s because it’s just easier to call someone a friend? Perhaps “person we are friendly with” would be a better label? Haha.

    Personally, someone I call a friend is what many might term as a best friend or true friend— someone where even if it’s been years since we saw each other we can meet up and it’s not awkward. Someone where I could text them right now and they wouldn’t think “this is random...”

    There are people we are friendly with (coworkers, acquaintances) and then there are our friends!

    Best of luck, if these people were true friends, I’m sure it feels like a loss!

    Is this still revelant?
  • Mohit_55

    In the past year, I have ended two relationships with two very good friends. One was a toxic relationship. The other was made worse by my friends alcohol abuse and a huge argument that we got into because of his lack of respect towards others.

    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Asia2Europe

    Friendship break up hurts the most. Especially when its someone who you have been friends with for such a long time. My childhood friend since kindergarden who I ended up cutting ties with hurt the most... its not like you wanted to deliberatly end it... but its the things they do e. g stab you in the back. The feeling of emptiness is surreal, especially when your number one best friend is no longer in your life. In the process I have learned to enjoy my own company just as much as I enjoy time with people... I have also become quite selective with who I let in my inner circle. I think the best thing is to always guard our heart... in the end we are not immune to failed friendship so guiding our heart with each relationship we enter while knowing that we might get hurt is quite important.

    Is this still revelant?
    • I didn't want to end that relationship. Sometimes I found myself making excuses for her because I was in denial. I found out just deep her lies went even to me, and I just laid in my bed in a fetal position. I talked to a friend and I felt better after that.

    • It is painful indeed. But the thing is that you have to choose your mental health first. All this will just drain you even more than ever before. I appluad you for taking the first initial step and ending it. Think about this... you won't have a toxic person in your life anymore... it does take time to heal from it but with time all will be history.

What Girls & Guys Said

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  • mckatowitz

    Friend breakups are very hard regardless of why. I've found unlike when you break up with a significant other there's no real moment where you sit down with each other and discuss why it's happened. It seems more the case of one friend becoming fed up, growing past a friend, being in a different state of life. It's painful for both people, but in my experience there always seems to be one friend who is blindsided by the break up.
    Unfortunately changing friends happens. I have one friend from childhood who I'm still close to all the others I've drifted away from. I think the pain of losing a friend increases with age as often finding new friends as you age can be difficult. But that doesn't mean you should stay friends with anyone who affects your life negatively.
    I've had friends break up with me. It sucked by maturity has taught me they had their reasons and I try to respect them. Over time I've had to separate myself from friends which is difficult as well. They only plus is that as I get older the drama over these break ups decreases. It seems with age both parties realize it happens.

  • Pistolpete90

    It gets easier as time goes by. Once the initial shock wears off, you start realising that you miss the idea of them rather than the actual friendship.
    Eventually you'll look past the major thing that made you end the friendship and start to realise that there were a lot of other, little things that you either ignored or made excuses for.

    At least that's what happened with me.

  • GoodEnoughThen

    Sometimes we have to find closure on breakups, make piece with it, without the participation of the other party. Closure with the other person is not really necessary; it's just something that if you get makes you feel validated for the breakup, and makes you feel less guilty about doing so.

  • Gottabsavagee

    I mean you’ve done right. You can’t be friends with a liar. You never know when they’re telling truth or not.

    Tbh I had a similar experience. I’ve never had as good friend as this girl. She was there for me at any time of the day, she was ride or die. If I needed something, if I wanted to meet she would include me even if she already had plans with others. First time we broke up was because I asked her to give me notes for an exam but she didn’t give me all of it even though she claimed that’s all. I went on an exam I failed, all questions I saw had nothing to do with notes she claimed were all. How come she passed and got a great grade from the same notes? Bullshit. I was always one of the best students there soo that really didn’t add up. She came to me several times that day saying she didn’t do it, she sent me everything and if I really wanna cut her off. I felt bad but I can’t be friends with a liar. I was ready to forgive her if she told me hey I didn’t send you everything I’m sorry... but lying and saying she did when it’s obvious she didn’t that’s a no. Ok so we haven’t heard from each other for probably a year... we didn’t delete each other though. During special holidays she would wish me merry Christmas, happy v day etc. I’d say it back because overall she was a really awesome person. Ok after a year we somehow started talking again and we met. I said to myself who cares what happened before if she is going to act right this time.. ok we were friends for few months. She was again ride or die person. I was happy.. then out of sudden she deleted me on every social media without a reason. I was disappointed as she could of at least said what the reason was but she hasn’t so I let it be. We haven’t talked since but she will forever remain best friend I ever had until AND IF I find someone like her.

  • StephenCF

    I’ve suffered this 2 or 3 times throughout my youth, and it continues to break me to this day 😭💔 These friendships lasted for years & years, but every proper friend I’ve made since them have never surpassed a year 😖

  • aWes0MeNeSs

    Honestly, I think losing friendships has hurt as badly as breaking up with my past boyfriends. My first was both my childhood friend and boyfriend, and when we broke up we didn't speak for months, and that hurt badly.

  • winterfox10

    Strangers, to friends, to lovers, to strangers again. Shit hurts. I recently lost a female friend of mine who was definitely something more than a friend (even though she denied it), and I'm fairly certain something has died inside me because of her.

  • Adi95

    I broke up with my best female friend. 2 years after I can not move on. We were friends last 7 years. I am not sure for her but 2 years after I still suffer, a lot.

  • Waffles731

    Yeah, I had a falling out with a friend this past year myself

  • Arielbubble

    Ah mate, i feel for you hun. So sorry for you. Cheer up sweetie

  • Shamalien

    In a span of three months I did this threefold, 3 toxic long time friends from 10+ to 5 years friendships ended.

    Best thing I ever did

  • I agree with you.

    Friendship break ups are always painfully unexpected.

  • Jackjohnson89

    Try dating a friend then breaking up and it killing the friendship

    • Been there. I'm talking about the end to a platonic relationship. It was harder than any romantic relationship I've had.

    • Sorry to hear that... I mostly just missed the friendship. myself we omly. dated 10 month.

  • Very true but sometimes very necessary.

  • Stacy6ft92

    Toxicity people aren’t friends.

  • lovelyboy85

    oh im sorry

  • Anonymous

    I’ve grown out of touch with many of my long time friends too. Mostly because they have moved, gotten married and/or had kids.

    But also have less patience and sadly some old differences/grudges/disappointments seemed to fester. It sucks, really sucks.

    It’s part of getting older. But I know women are more likely to keep friendships over the years vs men. This is actually a leading contributor to middle aged guys committing suicide.

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