How Friends Often Destroy Your Relationship

[Careless_Whisper]

There are many reasons why relationships don't work out. But it has become apparent to me that a common cause is due to friends, and even family members, interfering and meddling in other people's relationships. When a man finds a beautiful woman and they both seem happy together, there will be evil forces at working trying to split them up. Whether it's the media, friends, family, or just people in general. And the sad thing is that people tend to make their decisions based on other people's approval. I often see questions on GAG such as, "Should I leave him?" or "Should I text him back?" What ever happened to thinking for yourself? Have we become a nation of zombies where we cannot use our own brains to make our own decisions?

So what often happens is that a couple will have a petty argument. The next day the woman will talk about the argument with her friends. And some of her friends will be telling her to leave him, that he's no good, and that she can do better etc. I remember some years ago a married couple moved away to the city. The wife got a new job and worked with many female work colleagues. She said that some of these women would plant seeds of doubt in her mind about her husband, telling her things she could do to spite him or get back at him. And for no good reason. These women had been married and divorced, and it seemed like they couldn't tolerate anybody else having a happy, successful marriage.

Another common thing is polls and articles for women. They have titles such as, "10 signs your boyfriend is cheating," or "10 signs your boyfriend is an abuser." What's funny is that about half of these "signs" could be applied to nice men who would never cheat and never abuse a woman. But so many women absorb this garbage like a sponge. So when they see their kind, decent boyfriend acting in a way that is mentioned in one of the 10 signs, it causes women to be suspicious and insecure. Don't get me wrong, sometimes there are genuine signs that women should pay attention to, but most of these "signs" could also be applied to good, decent men who would never cheat on or abuse a woman. And besides, most of these polls and articles tend to be written by feminists. Go figure.

Now maybe it's just my imagination, but has anybody else noticed that it's mostly women who receive the most pressure to leave their boyfriend or husband? It seems to me that the mainstream media messes around with women's heads more than mens. Always trying to get women to doubt their boyfriends or husbands. I remember many years ago when I was in a relationship. So many arguments were caused by her family interferring and planting poisonous seeds in her mind. When we were on holiday together, away from everybody else, we were so much better. But when we were back at home, around friends and family, that's when the arguments started again.

Has anybody else noticed this?

[Anonymous]

I've noticed it too. And it's true - in a way.
But here's the silver lining to this situation. And I'm not just talking, this is the result of one of my greatest experiences in life, and a very expensive one too. Because I've been married for 8 years now, and very much love my husband, but other people have always been trying to get in the way of our happiness (yes it happens with men too), and we're in couples therapy now, despite the fact that if we were stranded alone on a desert island, just the two of us, we would have been pretty happy.
Regardless of who does this to who, it's a very painful thing, and can destroy lives.

All of these kinds of problems come from ONE false core belief: That relationships, or marriage, are a PERSONAL matter.
IT IS WRONG!
Nothing is more public than your relationship/marriage. Because the person you love didn't just land on Earth from an isolated planet. If you love them, you have to be able to love them in their CONTEXT! Which is their community, their city, their country, the family they grew up with, the friends that HE/SHE picked BECAUSE he/she believed in them in the first place and approved of their lifestyle and ideas BEFORE you came into the picture. We expect too much from love. We expect that if we love someone enough, it will make up for tearing them out of the web and network of their social circle, when you really can't expect a person to be able to survive and be themselves - the same person you fell in love with in the first place - if you cut off their main support system, their oxygen supply. It's what makes them, them and gives them some of those very same qualities that attracted you in the first place.
So, bottom line: if you think you are interested in someone, make sure you are interested in their social circle too. It all comes in a package. You don't get to pick and choose.
In the case of women, just because they are usually more social and dependant emotionally on their relationships, this problem might show up more severely. But it's not as uncommon with men as you might think either.

Next time you meet someone interesting, if you haven't crushed on them already which probably means that it's too late already, take it slow. START by meeting and getting to know their friends and family. Not after you've had enough sex to satisfy 5 honeymoons, and the hormones are raging already. It's also a good idea to talk about your places in life. Do you want to have...

[Opinion Owner]

... a career? Do you want to study? How far do you intend to help financially support your future family (even if you do not want to even think about marriage. But what if 5 years down the road you decide that he/she is the one, you are in love, and want a life together? Won't it be too late to decide that?) What do you think about kids? Religion? Race? Culture?

[yunggRooster007]

Yuuuup... my x her friends would always b in our relationship like wtf... like they care for hur but all they did was break us apart :( jst cuz ttheyr ugly n ones fat.. sgupid bitches i hate them

[Careless_Whisper]

Yes, but the thing is, your ex girlfriend shouldn't have allowed them to break you apart. If she truly cared for you she wouldn't have allowed it.

[yunggRooster007]

She didn't i cheated n thn broke up with her..

[somebodysaycheese]

Women receive pressure to leave because a lot of women will stay in a relationship that is abusive emotionally or physically. And they will often times stay with a cheater. But this can go for guys too. Your not getting sex, your wife has gained weight , youve had maritial problems in general and your male friends are wanting to take you out to the club or meet girls. Its really the same thing.

[Careless_Whisper]

But very often women are encouraged to leave good men. It works both ways.

[somebodysaycheese]

No doubt it works both ways, I've never heard of women being encouraged to leave good men but i guess it also depends on your definition of a "good man".

[Careless_Whisper]

I mentioned it in the myTake, where a married woman was happily married, but when she switched jobs her female work colleagues started putting poisonous seeds in her mind about her husband and kept telling her things she could do to spite him. These women had been married and divorced, and it was like they hated other women being in a happy marriage. My point was that many people, especially women, often make the decision to leave their partner because of their friends disapproval.

[somebodysaycheese]

i have literally never heard of this. Maybe this has happened to you. And im sorry but i weak mind is a weak mind. If you really love someone no amount of issh talking from friends or encouragement to cheat will make you step out of your character.

[somebodysaycheese]

its them doing what they had always thought about and in a way needed someone to plant seeds to give them the courage to do it

[Careless_Whisper]

I disagree. I think a lot of people make the wrong choices based on other people planting seeds of doubt in their mind or pressuring them.

[DaniaMQ]

I really like this.. And its so true.. Thats why its better not to talk about your relationship with other people... The less you talk and go into details the better... And about those women.. Thats true unfortunately.. And the sad part, like you said is that we actually listen to other people and we block our own thoughts.. Its like people get to decide what we do instead of US deciding it..

[Careless_Whisper]

" Its like people get to decide what we do instead of US deciding it.."

lol so so true. It's like peopleno longer trust their own instincts or own judgement anymore.

[DaniaMQ]

Exactly!!!

[Sara413]

I'd be interested to hear what common "signs your boyfriend is an abuser" could be applied to decent dudes?

I get what you're saying about people who let their friends have too much influence but on the other hand, I've always felt that if your partner doesn't get on with your friends they're probably not the right partner for you... you are, after all, the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.

[Careless_Whisper]

Why does your partner have to get on with your friends? What if your friends are jealous or spiteful? Why do women tend to put friends before boyfriends? No wonder people's relationships don't work out.

[Sara413]

If your friends are jealous or spiteful they're not real friends. Why would you even date someone whose friends were like that? Again, a person is the spiteful um of the five people they spend the most time with...

[Sara413]

**sum of

[Careless_Whisper]

A lot of women do have friends who are jealous and spiteful. Why would you pick them over your boyfriend? You have every right to do so, but if this is a common thing with women then no wonder so many relationships don't work out.

[Sara413]

Sounds like you're meeting the wrong women lol

I know there are women like that but honestly I don't think they're the majority...

[Amanda2]

That is why I firmly believe that there are no rules to relationships, and to follow your gut. A little incentive from someone else is good at time, but the individual has to know who they are entrusting their situation to. My relationship don't work out most of the times, in the past it was due to friends and family. I also used their opinions to select the men I date.

[Careless_Whisper]

Why did you allow it?

[Amanda2]

I have this weird thing where I tried to please them, I use to be ashamed of my boyfriend. When I date interracial, they tend to discount the men I date. To this day I still look for professional men to date. I have dated a lawyer, two doctors and medical student ( I am in the medical field), so that these men could seem more acceptable to my family. However, I have found out that it didn't matter, the last guy I dated my dad still found a problem with who he was, and that's when I realised I have got to do me.

[Careless_Whisper]

I've been doing quite a lot of research on this, how most people live their life based on other people's wishes. It's like most people are living in an invisible prison. I no longer live that way. I live to please myself as long as I'm not harming anybody else. I'm sick and tired of living in a bubble where I'm not living the life I want just because other people don't approve.

[Amanda2]

That's great, the best way to live is in your truth